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Joined: 06/09/2019

Before I try asking for some advice, I’d like to point out the fact that I am currently taking action:
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I do my drills an hour a day
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So far, I’ve approached 157 women. I also motivate myself to do more based on approach milestones (like 1000 in a year)
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I also try to be social in general by trying to say “hello” to strangers everyday in hopes of making casual friends (like saying hi to people in class, food court)

So, I am taking action, but for some reason, I just can’t seem to take the conversation anywhere. The longest conversation I have ever had with a woman was like 2 minutes maximum. I also don’t have any friends (it’s been like 6 years), and I don’t have anyone to talk to. Whenever I am in a group of people, I try my fucking best to utter a single word to be in the conversation, but then I end up being the fucking loser who ends up not talking, which is humiliating; I find it hard to relate to others. Furthermore, I do not fit in any group of friends despite joining multiple clubs on campus and still not being able to make any friends.

Whenever I approach a woman, I open her, then immediately I just run out of things to say. Literally, I know that I am supposed to observe something based off of the environment (and observe things about her), but it’s so fucking hard and impossible for me to do in real life and turn it into an actual human-to-human interaction. For example, one time I made an observation about the weather and how it keeps fluctuating from where I live, and she was like, “yeah… (*feels awkward*)”. Other times when I can’t think of an observation, I would ask her about what she’s doing for the weekend or what she’s doing right now, and I still can’t take the conversation anywhere after she gives me her answer. To put it simply, I just don’t know how people talk despite working so hard to figure it out.

So, my question is: does anyone have any advice on how someone with zero social skills can further the interaction, and what can I do differently?

Dopamine's picture
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Joined: 07/18/2018
Dude, first thing I'll tell

Dude, first thing I'll tell you is not to worry. you're in good hands.

How long have you been training for? The reason I ask is because some of your statements are coming from paradigms that either Jon will help you deal with, or you'll shatter on your own with the help of sensei Tolle.

"Whenever I am in a group of people, I try my fucking best to utter a single word to be in the conversation, but then I end up being the fucking loser who ends up not talking, which is humiliating; I find it hard to relate to others."

This one in particular sticks out like a sore thumb. You'll get drills to deal with this, and as you learn mental/emotional control the cobwebs will start falling away.

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"Whenever I approach a woman, I open her, then immediately I just run out of things to say. Literally, I know that I am supposed to observe something based off of the environment (and observe things about her), but it’s so fucking hard and impossible for me to do in real life and turn it into an actual human-to-human interaction"

Conversational skill gets more nuanced and intricate as you learn it more. From what I'm gauging your current level, I'd work on lowering the bar. Don't have an agenda, to try to impress someone or think that you need to come off perfect. Energy and how we feel about ourselves speaks much better than individual sentences. I say retarted shit ALL the time (especially when I was learning to self amuse) I'd have many awkward situations...J is smooth as shit and I betcha even he has moments (or not ;p). It doesn't last forever and you gotta say dumb shit sometimes to see how the other person responds (even if they respond badly, you'll live) but more importantly to see how you feel. Sometimes I say off the wall, inappropriate, absurd shit, but I'm laughing and when the other person sees I'm free from their judgement, they usually end up relaxing themselves.

Dopamine's picture
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Joined: 07/18/2018
Lastly dude, salute your work

Lastly dude, salute your work ethic, keep going!

*I do my drills an hour a day

*
So far, I’ve approached 157 women. I also motivate myself to do more based on approach milestones (like 1000 in a year)

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Joined: 06/09/2019
Hey man, I really appreciate

Hey man, I really appreciate the advice. How long? I have trained with him for about 3 months.

Now, for as far as talking off the cuff and simply trying to express myself W/o judgement, I seem to practice that quite well during the drills. However, it's completely different for me whenever I am trying to socialize with people or "just say anything" for that matter. It's just not the same for me. I should be worried. You'd think with everything I have done in the past, I would get a little better. Idk what's wrong with me.

I'd definitely like to thank you for your advice though. I'll still keep that in mind and try to focus more on my energy. But, it's still painfully difficult to do that when you can barely pass the opener.

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Joined: 06/09/2019
Actually, I am just going to

Actually, I am just going to approach 1000 women, and use that goal to commit myself to improving. Hopefully, that would be enough to improve or at least score my first date. I also said that my longest conversation was 2 minutes, so my next goal within the next 100 will be 3 minutes!

My reasoning is that I was already trying all the right things. I just need to force these retarded internal blocks out of me by endless approaching.

Dopamine's picture
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Joined: 07/18/2018
Not to dissuade your

Not to dissuade your enthusiasm but...there are supplementary habits that can/will help you develop faster. The intention is correct (getting rid of mental/emotional blocks) but I would use a modified approach rather than just pick up en-masse.

How old are you? Have you been meditating/listening to Tolle consistently? Have you been continuing your discipline with LR/FRs or even just a journal? 

Check this vid: 

/>

 

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Joined: 08/15/2016
Reading this gave me a

Reading this gave me a massive headache. Are you afraid to speak your mind? You've been doing drills an hour a day for 3 months and you're still stuck at this level? You gotta tell us the full-story man and don't leave out any details. What's going on in your life cause clearly something's not right. 

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Joined: 06/09/2019
I am 20 years old. Yes, I

I am 20 years old. Yes, I have been listening to Tolle consistently, but it has been a month since school ended. However, I will be starting again today, and I will be sure I listen every day. Also, for the Tolle meditations, I wrote them all in my journal, so I am going to cycle through them once a day to keep up with them. As for the journaling, honestly, it’s actually been awhile since I have written something down. But, now that you mention it, I will def get back to it today. I will also include 3 goals to do every day, week, month to make sure I am getting better results rather than just writing down FRs and things that I have done; keeping track of progress.

Also, that video was great! I wonder how I missed that one when I was looking through his YouTube channel. I will def. start implementing that one promptly. Thanks.

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Joined: 06/09/2019
What’s going on in my life?

What’s going on in my life?

Your Question: Yes, I am actually afraid to speak my mind. I know it is def. a mental thing bc even if I try texting people, I still can’t be myself. So, it’s not just a when I am speaking. Tolle has def. helped me, but sometimes when I am feeling present, I will say some cool things for a short time… but then I will still struggle when it comes to having a longer conversation and knowing where to actually take it. I may sound like I am pretty stupid for saying this, but even though I am very good at doing the drills by myself and talking off the cuff there, it’s when I go out in the field I struggle with knowing how to use the drills. I think it might have something to do with my social intelligence/awareness, but I am pretty dumb when it comes to implementing them. Does that make me sound a little retarded? I am smart when it comes to making straight-As, but when it comes to knowing social queues and working with people, my head starts to LITERALLY feel lighter like I am losing 50 IQ points!

My Background: Right now, I am on summer break from college. I am back home, but I don’t have any friends either from high school or college. During college, I would study, drills, Tolle, go to clubs at school and try to make friends. Then, on the weekend, I would go out to practice at night clubs. I even tried making friends during class, but every time I tried talking, it felt too formal and I couldn’t even get past small talk. Again, I would try implementing the drills into real life, but I don’t how to do it. I would try to at least casually point out something, but the conversation still dies right away. Right now, I am at home, and I am going to the mall to talk to women. But, whether I am at college or home, I never have anyone to hang out with despite trying to just casually talk to people as well. I have always lacked general social skills, and I also have a difficult time knowing what’s appropriate in social interactions, which helps me become even more awkward.

Again, I feel pretty stupid for still not figuring the basic stuff down, but that’s what I currently believe is one of my main problems.

Let me know if you need more info on something. Thanks for your question though!

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Joined: 11/20/2018
Rules of the Game

Rules of the Game https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007MB5SCK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_FLPcDb9KY4ENH

I started with that. May the force be with you.

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Joined: 06/09/2019
Thanks

Thanks

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Joined: 11/20/2018
As a newbie. I wouldn't

As a newbie. I wouldn't recommend practicing at your college either. You'll ruin your reputation. Try bars somewhere.

Dopamine's picture
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Joined: 07/18/2018
Electric hero, I've never

Electric hero, I've never considered Strauss to be one of the guys with good game. Mind sharing some of the takeaways you had from the book?

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Joined: 11/20/2018
Dopamine wrote:Electric

Dopamine wrote:
Electric hero, I've never considered Strauss to be one of the guys with good game. Mind sharing some of the takeaways you had from the book?

He used to be the number 1 pua in the world. The book is like a bootcamp on basic fundamentals. Like push pull, dhv stories, basic inner game, basic vocal lessons, etc.

The one thing it leaves out is basic physical escalation. Which is pretty mandatory to get laid. That wouldn't be very mainstream though.

It shows how to build a basic routine stack. Which Rsd Luke still recommends. I went to Luke's hotseat then pulled that night using what he taught me.

Strauss has done shit like pulled 3 women with his ex gf, etc.

I usually hear about people trash talking Straisd without actually spending 13 dollars and looking at it yourself. I've always been more of an action taker. I used the book back in the day to get a lot of dates.

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Joined: 11/20/2018
Practicing the Power of Now

Practicing the Power of Now audiobook sorts out a lot of shit in your head.

As well as the women and willpower video posted above.

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Joined: 11/20/2018
Also go light weights or do

Also go lift weights or do crossfit/mma/jiu jitsu. Sign up for a 5k or something and train for it. Working out helps too.

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Joined: 11/20/2018
Yeah social skills are a long

Yeah social skills are a long term thing. When you start approaching following the missions in the book. I would look at my progress 6 months from now rather than immediately. Putting yourself in social situations will improve your socisl skills.

Use dhv stories from your own life as well.

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Joined: 08/15/2016
Are you finished with

Are you finished with Manwhore's training or are you still doing weekly skype sessions?

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Disregard this guy. He was

Disregard this guy. He was caught during drilling attempting to artificially lead the conversation into self-incriminating territory. Trying to build a "red flag" case so to speak. He also demonstrated nuanced ability to complete the drills quite well, but about a month into training began to demonstrate more heavily pronounced neuromuscular impediments as well as other mental aberrations. The whole time he also claimed he was never able to put together more than a single sentence in public. It's why he's coming on here trying to build a narrative like somehow he can do one without the other.

This was all called to his attention, at which point he attempted to actually force a victim narrative, by calling himself names, saying he was the worst student ever, etc. all to exacerbate the situation and compel some sort of validation of his antics. Quite ridiculous. Good thing Uncle Sam's back in charge, not Uncle Sam I am. Remember kids.. you never go full retard. 

It's fine. It will all come out in the wash very soon

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Joined: 07/26/2017
I have had similar issues

I have had similar issues where no matter how much I practiced or meditated I was a heaping pile of anxiousness in public. One thing aside from what's been mentioned already was realizing that my brain and body where constantly inflamed for one reason or another. I feel like it's a lot common than we think and people don't even know they are inflamed. Do you deal with depression?

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Gotcha. Mojito you seem like

Gotcha. Mojito you seem like a nice guy but the borderline self-loathing and pity is ridiculous. Equivalent to smacking your head and saying "stupid, stupid, stupid" - You're not going to help yourself that way. If you're executing the drills that effectively it should be no problem to bring that out to people in real life. It all goes back to laziness and fear. Say "fuck it" next time and let loose. 

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But HOLY HELL is anyone

But HOLY HELL is anyone seeing the negative 5 likes on Manwhore's comment? What's gotten into yall?? Or did someone summon ex-machina bots from hell to downvote the comments. I had to like his just to balance out the darkness in the universe. 

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Also had a "student" send me

Also had a "student" try to send me home made porn, completely uninvited. It featured him and a girl, both exposed. And then, I found out later in passing from another "student" that the girl in question was underage. It wasnt explicitly stated, just a birth date slipped in. It wasn't supposed to be noticed.

Talk about entrapment. Pure evil

Thank God no actual crime was committed though, right daddyjihad?

Hmm funny you're responding on this thread, daddyjihad.

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

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