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Joined: 12/26/2013

I made a big connection recently, it happened when my therapist asked me to describe my ideal self my image of myself when I complete my self-improvement and as I began to list out all these general terms, from books and videos that vie read. I came across a realization that bite me. It was that  my “goal” or “ideal” was illusionary. It will never be real. Furthermore, my subconscious is using this imaginary goal image of myself as a way to say to me that when I become his person , I will give you the confidence to be free. Which is a subtle way of it holding me back and putting me down by telling me that I am not good right now. 

 

Then there is the constant negative emotions that you feel. It’s like the subconscious must constantly drag you down , quickly into a state of anxious or helplessness or feeling down, , because it somehow “disables” you , makes you inactive. Makes you weak and powerless.  IT replays images or experiences from the past that were very painful like a breakup or something else to get you into that emotional state. 

 

Then there is the self-criticize, that you accept willingly from your subconscious telling you aren’t going fast enough, you aren’t becoming this enough or that enough and that the beating down only serves to make you feel “down” . 

 

When you put the pieces of all these together you begin to see what the subconscious is trying to do. It’s trying to keep you down, keep you out, keep you from getting what you want in life, it wants you to delay and hide and it’s trying to sabotage me because it believes , CHANGE is bad. That I need to kept on brakes right away. 

Breaking out of these old patterns is virtually impossible because the subconscious knows what you will agree with, and knows that these are comfortable patterns for you. Change equals discomfort and that is very bad for it. 

 

When I ask myself what’s really holding me back, I get answers like “my apartment is not clean”, “my finances” are not set right now.  The only thing I can tell you is that those are just my anxiety speaking thru. Maybe I’ll make a list of things to do before I actually “start”, but when I actually examine the list , it’s all bullshit things to do . that the real priority in my life is somewhere else in getting confidence and when that is at a dire need, my subconscious will distract me with “things to do”, because it ultimately knows that once I lose my focus or have too much on my plate – I will eventually fail. 

Subconscious is operating under beliefs craved out of fear that I led my life with :

 

I am a failure, I will fail because I don’t know something. Bc I have some deficiency in me as a person.

I am not ready . 

I cannot accept myself as I am right now.

Something is wrong with me. 

So what is ultimately holding me back, nothing, its all bullshit constructs in my own head that I created to keep me down. There is nothing but bullshit in my own way.  What does this have to do with ? simple I want to go out there and just be social and begin talking to women on the street or bars or begin any sort of dating life but the fear there is that I know have enough “something” yet or “knowledge” or confidence etc. 

 

The solution is that I have to act despite how I feel , and I have to self-talk myself and change my thoughts so that they are eventually in line with the person I want to be and for me not to be so afraid all of the time. I expect to fail a lot and I have to be willing to accept that failure does not equal death. 

 

 You see, for as long as I can remember back in my last 30 years, I have used these patterns of ‘having’ an ideal version of myself and telling myself I am not good because I am not that. Or criticizing myself excessively. Or feeling that state of anxiousness and worry and doubt and being frozen by that.  Now that I see it consciously – I know – my biggest enemy was always hijacking me. All this has damaged my self esteem . 

Infinity's picture
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Joined: 09/18/2013
Vince, having an adequate

Vince, having an adequate self-image, desiring to be a better person, and building a better you is not necessarily egotistical, wrong, or bullshit. It all depends on where you are coming from. Are you coming from a place where you are doing it because you are attached to how you would like other people perceive you? Or are you expressing your true self?

You would probably benefit HUGELY from reading a book called Psycho-cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. Actually The New Psycho-cybernetics on audiobook is even better, as it's an updated version. The original was published in the 1960's.

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Joined: 03/27/2013
Infinity wrote: Vince, having

Infinity wrote:
Vince, having an adequate self-image, desiring to be a better person, and building a better you is not necessarily egotistical, wrong, or bullshit. It all depends on where you are coming from. Are you coming from a place where you are doing it because you are attached to how you would like other people perceive you? Or are you expressing your true self?

You would probably benefit HUGELY from reading a book called Psycho-cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. Actually The New Psycho-cybernetics on audiobook is even better, as it's an updated version. The original was published in the 1960's.

What I've got from reading Tolle is that there is nothing wrong with having an ideal self image and desire to improve, as long as it doesn't become a mental movie that takes over the moment.