Txting a pole dancing hunnay. What's missing?

Todays Pick-up story is brought to you by caffeine, stepped-on cake, the letter L and childrens crushing honesty.

This women, Ogre, is a stunning, mocha skinned, pole dancing, super honey. She looks straight as hell, and i love that. No, wait... hell is full of gays. hmm, nevermind. At least it's warm down there.

My first interaction with her was 2 months ago over FB. we've never met before, but I've just posted an advertisment in a lesbiand (yes, it's spelt with a silent 'd', because i don't make mistakes and lesbainds just don't talk about 'the d'. and i am henceforth calling lesbians who talk a lot, "lesbiandthens") FB group for my city, inviting women to join my indoor soccer team. Of course I have the purest of intentions ;). I check out the FB member list and scope out the cute ones and send them a pm.

I PM Ogre.

me: Hey Ogre, it's me, the captain and fb sniper recruiter for the [soccer team] indoor soccer team for gay ladies. we're starting up a team to play on wednesday nights and we've still got spaces open. it's kind of awesome on it's own but if you're down for somethign like this, get back to me. [link the thread]

(then i wonder if i've been too arrogant/unfriendly seeming, so i soften it with:)

me: we dont bite :)

i don't remember who sends the friend invite but we become fb friends.

her: hey there, thanks for the offer! :) i'm interested but i already have commitments on wednesday nights. darn. by the way have we ever met?

me: maybe, but i picked you because i love penguins and you're a cute one. don't get a big head on me now though ;).

am i dickhead or wut lol. i'd begrudgingly still date myself, though. maybe.

me: what else would a lesbian be doing on a wednesday? i have too much free time haha. it's a danger to society.

for the record, I've been so busy I haven't sat down since august. jk.

1 hr later

her: i didnt realise i was a penguin! but ha. I already have gym classes on wednesday nights... pretty much every night! hope you get enough numbers for the team though :)

then i promptly forget about her lol and go on with my cluttered life. Well, not forget, because i see her 'like' plently off teh things i post on fb, but whatevs, bishes.

2 months later/ last weekend.

I'm at the only lesbian ladies night my city will ever hold in a year. A sexy lookin friend from soccer sees me and pulls me out onto the dance floor. I previously tried to bang her, but she shot me down and it turns out she's got a girl friend - shoot! She introduces me to Ogre, as the captain/organiser/whatever. Orge's like, "omg shikorah!? i'm ogre!!"
i jokingly pretend to hear her name as Vulgar and laugh it off arrogantly because i'm a tosser that not even my mother loves. Fortunatley, my verbal game is on fire that night. I had three pretty good key sets that i went in and out of, including ogre. Mostly she's chasing my friend and her group around, it's cute. I'm physical with her, touching her, pulling her, putting her hands around my neck, speaking really close to her face, she's super receptive and just flows with me. we do the macareana together. then i get caught up in doing the nut bush and she disappears for the night, so i didn't get to interact with her a whole lot or try and close.

next morning:

me: OOOGREEEEE. don't tell anyone that i did the nutbush. it's a secret between you and me. and 50 other people...
me: how'd you like last night, tiger?
her: hey you. i won't. it's just between us. and the rest of the [my city] lesbiand community. ;) if i were you, i'd stick to soccer... kidding! you did well. it was fun, a bit crazy at times but good ... you?!
and then i start trying too hard because she's so attractive. i notice that i look to lines from the forum n such more, when it's the hotter girls. and i think i don't always do it the right way, making the conversation weird. i need to relax more.
me: well i've got my audition to be justin beibers back up dancer this afternnon. i'm going to nutbush until he cant take it anymore and security has to tazer me.
me: but i really cant be stopped
me: but you're goign to have to take me out for ice cream afterwards if they beat me up.

30 min later

her: you dont have to get beat up just for me to take you to ice cream!! haha. send biebs my best though. xP

the following night (derp)

me: well you might be a noisy ice cream eater ;-P i'm not sure yet.
me: you thought about our love babies while you were pole dancing dancing tonight, right?

30 min later

her: hmm hate to disapping but i was thinking more about not falling off lol
me: gravity is just a rumor
her: did you have soccer tonight
me: nien. that's wednesdays, when the moon goes red and one team gets shunned from town. i was at social tennis tonight. i dont get that sport lol
her: oh really how was it?! i like tennis but i suck at it... it's a love hate relationship
me: you and tennis might be the next rom com
me: long story short
me: i ate shit
me: lol
me: like a boss, tho.
her: bahahahaha!!!
her: i hope not literally coz no one will want to kiss you
her: ;P
her: i'm sure you did fine, it's kind of like soccer?!
her: because they both involve balls?!
her: i'm going to sleep now, night lady
me: no, there will be poo poo kisses everywhere, i'm too quick. night, pandamuffin.
me: i'm still out robbing petrol stations. so just think of me while you're warm in bed
her: ;-P

3 days later 7pm

me: it's pretty boring where i am right now lol. text me something funneh.
me: i'm warming up my hammies for the bush dance on saturday. maybe there is a pole of column there that you could use.
her: why, dare i ask where you are?
her: bahaha umm let's hope so ;P
me: my haus. i'm not running around causing mischeif in the dark unlike SOME people, Ogre...

(gawd that's lame)

me: ;-P
her: what's teh supposed to mean?? ;P
me: [i send her a cartoon pic of a fairy princess]
me: i'm pretty sure i saw a police chase on the news. it said they were chasing a woman looking like this.
me: i thought it was you
her: smarty pants!!
her: ;-P
me: *smoochies*
me: i figured you were a trouble maker
me: are you good at pole? is it a hobby or a calling?
her: sure. um i guess it depends on who's watching. lol.
me: wellll... what if it's the oppma loompas. you have your own oompa loompas, right?
her: and my own chocolate factory
her: that sounded kinda creepy weird
her: i want a damn chocolate foundatain
me: lol!
her: epic size, we can do chocolate wrestling at the next women's dance ;P
me: that's light years away, don't you know the [my city] lesbian scene gets mistake for the second ice age.

i should have definately responded to her last text in a more rewarding way, but i wanted to keep tension and not jump on it like a starving dog. any suggestions?

me: i'm pretty good on top with wrestling
me: just saying
her: i bet haha
her: XP
me: i just love doing whatever i want. i hope you don't mind coming second ;) i dont know if i'm comfortable with the oompa loompas watching
me: you're not a loud choclit fountain slurper are you? it's a thing
her: ewwww!!
her: that's awful
her: i hope not lol
me: hahaha
her: I ate too much dinner and now I can't move :'(
me: yer cute. i dont know if i should kiss you or spank you.
me: aw
me: do you have a housemate who can roll you to your bed
her: i am on my bed lol haha
me: I didn't eat dinner, but i went for a jog in the rain. fine, you win this round..
her: do i get a prize?! ;P
me: yes, it's a spanking and a $12 gift voucher for mcdonalds
her: what if i just want the voucher haha
me: hmmm, well we will split the happy meal
me? then we are going to put a trampoline inside a jumping castle and try to bounce to the moon
her: as long as there's chocolate on the moon, I can be okay with that idea
me: i heard it's actually one big sugary space cookie.
her: i'm in.
me: dry clean your space suit, we're going on a mission. you're going to be my navigator but i heard that lesbians are bad with maps
her: or in my case, direction general ;)
me: hmm, well you're already part of the space crew already, so i'll have to figure out what else i can do with you
me: we're wearing rainbow glitter jump suits
me: for camouflage
me: i'm thinking about how busy my weekend is. urgh. whatre you up to on fri, sat, sun. I count friday night as weekend territory
me: you fell asleep on me didn't you? ;P
her: lol no... omg im just thinking about my weekend too. what weekend -_-
her: i want a rainbow jumpsuit
her: but i'll settle for rainbow undies.
her: what are your weekend plans
me: those undies better sparkle like the 80s
her: sparkly rainbow pole shorts
her: going to ask Santa for them ;P
me: mmm, so many places i could take that
her: i dare you haha

I had a lot of thoughts about to respond here but my thinking was that i needed to show that i can step up to that and i'm scared to take it sexual and show my intent, but not too take it too far or to stay cool at the same time, or something, i can't clearly remember. i didn't respond for a few minutes because i was writing and re-writing.

me: you'll find out after i body pin you for being so wriggley, chipmunk ;). i have some free time on sunday, you? I need to book you in so i can take your soul. but otherwise i'm out all night/day.

THAT WAS SO SHITE. that is not a logistical close. ever. what weak sauce. i was leading up to one, i guess.

her: don't know.. this weekend is a bit crazy. rain check?? i'll see you at bushdance, yes? :)
me: you might, i'm pretty ninja. i'm going to sleep now. catcha later, skater.

she wasn't at the bushdance, from what i could see.

i've hit her back up

me: ya, don't ask me about my weekend, it's fine ;-P
her: well...? :)

i need disqualification, right? I've been studying it but i'm still getting my bearings with it.