Boundaries/Free Will/Consciousness: The Ultimate Medibation Thread
Fri, 09/07/2012 - 07:09
I think so much of having boundaries simply has to do with detachment from outcome.
In my last post, I had commented on how you gotta be willing to be a dick so that you can actually be kind/loving wtvr else you may want to be... or you could just stick to being a dick, I mean, that works too.
I think the reason I have been afraid to be a dick or to draw boundaries with girls, in the past, is because I'm afraid of the girl distancing herself because of it. It's like, this process of being a dick to girls, if it's doing anything, is teaching me that having a girl blow you out, or having a girl walk away, in the middle of 30 minute conversation where you're already hugely invested.... isn't that big of a deal. Like it's okay. You're not going to die, you're not going to have a horrible night... she's going to walk away and you're going to go and approach the next girl that catches your eye. And I tihnk that I've been afraid to do what it actually takes to get laid by the hottest girls because I'm playing it safe.
It's like that shit that professional football teams do at the end of the game, where they always seem to manage to lose, because they go into that "prevent" defense crap. I feel like that's what I'm doing in a lot of my interactions, after a certain point...
Like, I'll go in playing to win, going hard, being loud, having super solid fundamentals... But then, as the conversation continues and I get more and more invested, I slowly become more and more complient, less willing to walk away, less willing to say anything that could "rock the boat" sotospeak. And as a result, when I do realize, "Oh shit, I'm playing it safe"... I say something that's like "Weirdly Incongruent". This is becuase, when you suddenly "snap out of it", most of the time, you've already trapped yourself into the "invested frame" and so when you suddenly come out of it, it's like you're taking the girl out of a scalding hot bath and placing her in an ice bath... It's gonna sting a bit
It's actually interesting because there was a thread on here a little bit ago about "Free Will" and, while it's not super important one way or the other... I think that a lot of "Having Good Game" comes down, to having, "Free Will"... Just in the sense that we don't have free will if we are "playing it safe", or even if we're, "Being a dick for the sake of being a dick"... really, when it comes down to it, we don't have free will if we are acting out of a place of "unsconsiousness". Which is why, for me, it's so important to develop solid boundaries, learn to be a dick (even if it means going to the extreme for a bit), and learn that not only is it okay if she walks away... but it's okay for me to walk away, even once I'm supposedly, "Invested"... It's almost like, the second you're "Invested" and attached to the outcome... You have lost your free will becuase you are automatically going to be coming from a place of lower consciousness. Think about it- if you are conscious and present to the moment, it's basically impossible to get trapped into being "Too Invested". It's only when you sink into unconsciousness that you are even capable of being, "Too Invested".
So, I guess, this post comes down to a few things:
1. It's super important to develop incredibly strict boundaries with girls
-In order to be able to do this, you have to be detached from the outcome
2. Being successful with women, means mantaining as much "Free Will" as is possible
-Simply Put: By remaining conscious and developing our "Free Will Muscle", we allow ourselves to make proactive decisions, rather than decisions which are simply reactions to our own feelings of attachment/fear of loss
3. Playing it safe is bullshit
4. Getting sucked into the "Investment Trap" is a biproduct of not being "present" to the interaction
5. Be equally willing to both walk away and accept that it's okay for her to walk away
Just some thoughts. Figured I'd throw them out there. Nothing new. Just my way of mulling it all over in my head, as I continue to go out and gain reference experiences that allow me to actually understand what the fuck you crackheads are talkin bout.
In my last post, I had commented on how you gotta be willing to be a dick so that you can actually be kind/loving wtvr else you may want to be... or you could just stick to being a dick, I mean, that works too.
I think the reason I have been afraid to be a dick or to draw boundaries with girls, in the past, is because I'm afraid of the girl distancing herself because of it. It's like, this process of being a dick to girls, if it's doing anything, is teaching me that having a girl blow you out, or having a girl walk away, in the middle of 30 minute conversation where you're already hugely invested.... isn't that big of a deal. Like it's okay. You're not going to die, you're not going to have a horrible night... she's going to walk away and you're going to go and approach the next girl that catches your eye. And I tihnk that I've been afraid to do what it actually takes to get laid by the hottest girls because I'm playing it safe.
It's like that shit that professional football teams do at the end of the game, where they always seem to manage to lose, because they go into that "prevent" defense crap. I feel like that's what I'm doing in a lot of my interactions, after a certain point...
Like, I'll go in playing to win, going hard, being loud, having super solid fundamentals... But then, as the conversation continues and I get more and more invested, I slowly become more and more complient, less willing to walk away, less willing to say anything that could "rock the boat" sotospeak. And as a result, when I do realize, "Oh shit, I'm playing it safe"... I say something that's like "Weirdly Incongruent". This is becuase, when you suddenly "snap out of it", most of the time, you've already trapped yourself into the "invested frame" and so when you suddenly come out of it, it's like you're taking the girl out of a scalding hot bath and placing her in an ice bath... It's gonna sting a bit
It's actually interesting because there was a thread on here a little bit ago about "Free Will" and, while it's not super important one way or the other... I think that a lot of "Having Good Game" comes down, to having, "Free Will"... Just in the sense that we don't have free will if we are "playing it safe", or even if we're, "Being a dick for the sake of being a dick"... really, when it comes down to it, we don't have free will if we are acting out of a place of "unsconsiousness". Which is why, for me, it's so important to develop solid boundaries, learn to be a dick (even if it means going to the extreme for a bit), and learn that not only is it okay if she walks away... but it's okay for me to walk away, even once I'm supposedly, "Invested"... It's almost like, the second you're "Invested" and attached to the outcome... You have lost your free will becuase you are automatically going to be coming from a place of lower consciousness. Think about it- if you are conscious and present to the moment, it's basically impossible to get trapped into being "Too Invested". It's only when you sink into unconsciousness that you are even capable of being, "Too Invested".
So, I guess, this post comes down to a few things:
1. It's super important to develop incredibly strict boundaries with girls
-In order to be able to do this, you have to be detached from the outcome
2. Being successful with women, means mantaining as much "Free Will" as is possible
-Simply Put: By remaining conscious and developing our "Free Will Muscle", we allow ourselves to make proactive decisions, rather than decisions which are simply reactions to our own feelings of attachment/fear of loss
3. Playing it safe is bullshit
4. Getting sucked into the "Investment Trap" is a biproduct of not being "present" to the interaction
5. Be equally willing to both walk away and accept that it's okay for her to walk away
Just some thoughts. Figured I'd throw them out there. Nothing new. Just my way of mulling it all over in my head, as I continue to go out and gain reference experiences that allow me to actually understand what the fuck you crackheads are talkin bout.