Skip to Content
Pickup Coaching

Texting - Congruence, Personality and Persistence

No replies
AP_Grappler's picture
Joined: 07/22/2014

For a few buds that have been asking. I think this could help clear some things up. A lot of this stuff MW has said already but I thought I'd throw in my take on it all. Hopefully it helps some of you guys out.

Feel free to comment/provide feedback below. Been a while since I've written anything so this will be good in terms of knocking off some rust. Better write ups to come, fellas.

Part 1 - Congruence

I find that I can get away with a lot of things I say and do because of the way I present myself to these girls when I first meet them. I don't come in super serious then all of a sudden start texting them with outrageously random, joking text messages. Especially if I haven't spent much time with them, because if I have, I often find that changes things because I have had a chance to demonstrate a full range of emotions and different sides to me. I see guys constantly badgering girls with texts after texts of just pointless re-engagement type shit and she just isn't replying. Your value drops significantly and you become needy in her eyes. It's a huge turnoff for anyone experiencing this type of never ending neediness. It comes off as creepy in most cases when you intertwine the persistence with incongruent game. After making these mistakes, you really end up no where with the girl and you'll usually wreck it with a few other girls because you feel like shit and didn't have that much abundance to begin with. You're essentially lost at sea. 

If you have 2-5 minutes to interact with a girl you're into and just meeting, your best bet is to be yourself and be congruent with that when you text her later on if you number close. You can't just switch into something completely random and expect it all to be fine and dandy. It can creep her out. For example, if you're a fun guy and you love to joke around, then do so if that's the frame you initially had when you met her. This is crucial in my opinion if you had a short interaction. You want to do what feels normal and fun for you. Especially if you don't have that much reference experience to begin with. 

I remember when I first started doing cold approach, I would try to emulate someone else, it was great for that interaction and I definitely closed... but when I would text her as myself, the girl would often go "Wtf? .. " (not literally, but the vibe) and I of course would lose the girl. There was other factors that contributed to this as well, but that's another topic entirely. 

This is where inner game comes into play. Knowing who you are as a person is crucial. If you don't know who you are, how can you be yourself when interacting with people in general? Forget girls for a second here because this is bigger than that. If you have no sense of identity, how can you present yourself in a job interview? Make new friends? You get the point, I hope. 

What you want to do is find out who you are, what you're about, your values, interests, boundaries. These need to be established. Then once you have that knowledge, you use it. You can be who you are when you interact with anyone. It becomes natural. It's congruent. After you've done this, you can now go up to a girl and interact with her as the best version of yourself. Then, when you have the opportunity to text her, you can now display more of that frame in text. In text, you want to push towards a day 2 where you will now have an even better opportunity to show her more sides of you, give her a whirlwind of emotions and seal the deal.

After you have had longer interactions with the girl you're interested in, you can then start to introduce new dynamics to your texting. It works much better this way when you want to display many different frames/sides to you (such as being serious, funny, playful, commanding, etc.). I find this method to be extremely effective for me. Little to no resistence in terms of meeting up, compliance and investment. 

There are of course times that it just doesn't work, but that's where abundance comes in. You just aren't going to get every single girl you want.


Will update with part 2 in the near future.


"Veni, vidi, vici." - Julius Caesar