Emotional Awareness

I feel you dude. I think I still have some emotional shit I haven't dealt with that recently became uncovered and exposed. 

I lost my father when I was 11. It was the most devestating experience of my life, there was a ton of pain there but I got through it and released a lot of that. 

A couple years later, my mom started dating this new guy. I embraced him as my father quite quickly, he made life feel normal and enjoyable for once and I became very close with him. 

Five years later, I was 16 and I had just found out that my mom and him were breaking up. I was devestated, I felt a shit ton of pain inside me. But I closed myself off from it. I showed no hurt or emotion, I didn't even shed a tear. I think losing my father was so traumatic that it was almost like I was losing my father again. And the only thing I knew how to do was resist crying to hold back my emotions.  

To add more pain, my mom was diagnosed with MS. She completely changed overnight. 

What's fucked up is that I was so vulernable that I stopped seeing her as my mom. There was only friction and upset. i just saw her as this sick lady. The thought of losing her was so great and extreme that as a protective mechanism I became detached. 

I seemed completely normal on the surface. I viewed myself as relatively normal. I had very effectively stuffed all of these feeligns down to the point that I wasn't even aware of them. I also started getting health issues. I was having a lot of breathing/asthma issues. I've never really had any health issues my entire life. 

In chinnese medicine, the lungs are often connected to unresolved emotional grief. So it could have been manifesting on a physical level. 

Anyways. I the last year I've been able to accept my mom and beocme closer with her. She has also chilled out and her MS is in remission. 

But I think there's still a pain body living inside me. It's hard to really expose it and feel these supressed emotions because I am so cut off from them. 

This is some extremely personal stuff but I feel like some of you guys would have some solid feedback. 

Yes man thanks for sharing.   As kids we have no clue emotionally.  We are simply product of our environment because we have no personal will.

These experiences are in a way, exactly what we need to become conscious.   

I see how most guys in this circle of pickup, if not all, come from wounded backgrounds.  What happens is those wounds eventually fuck us up to a point where we need to change.   And when we do, we have such unlimited potential.  Whereas a natural dude, has less wounds, and therefore, less need to change.

I certainly had nothing that painful happen to me.   

I was just born into a family of constant drama.  People who could not take responsibility for their lives.  That fucked with me because as kids we can't understand why this shit fucking happens and then we assume that this is "normal."

I saw MW's post about emotions being a natural part of the human experience and yes what he says I am seeing is true.

Much of our mental chaos is a result of unresolved emotional issues...and in order to get over the emotional issue, we have to go in there and feel it completely.

What that means is in a way, you will actually feel that painful feeling you suppressed 12 years ago or whatever.  Those feelings never "go away."

That's why old people walk around all "bent of shape" and just look old.  The truth is that our bodies are meant to be basically fully functional until we die....only suppressed emotions stop that from happening.

What this all fucking comes down to is how much of REAL human we are willing to be.  Being REAL means that we experience life.  We must be OPEN to everything.  Shine the light on everything.

We do this over and over until we know deep down we no longer favor one emotion over another and at that point, the vibration of fear no longer exists in your life.....I'm just starting on this path and its pretty interesting. 

actually no, its not fucking interesting at all, in fact it is fucking annoying as hell because its literally pain to feel this shit, but It's what we must do. 

And there is always that sweet taste after going through the experience, its just my lazy bitch ass ego who wants to remain complacent with all its whiny pains and problems. 

Dude, love this! 

I was also very fortunate in a lot of ways. My father was an extraordinary person with one of the most productive mindsets I've ever seen. I have been looking up him long after his passing. He has instilled a strong level of self belief in me. I was also very financially fortunate adn grew up in a very postive and supprotive environemnt.

Funny enough, my Father and my uncle are completely polar opposite. My father was an absolute go getter that would do whatever it took to succeed. He made no excuses, and took all responsibility. The world was his Oyster. My uncle (his brother) is the polar oppossite haha. Very mind identified, victimizes himself all the time, blames everyone, creates excuses and nothing ever goes his way. 

But back on point, how exactly do you go about digging up these all emotions and allowing yourself to feel them, accept them and become free of them. 

The bioenergetic thing is one way.  That will work.

What needs to happen is to completely move away from anything mental and go directly into the body.   Tolle takls about this, but not so much in depth.

He says, "you need to stay present enough to watch the pain-body and feels its energy directly."   And he talks about "going into the body" and that the easiest way to enter the body is through the breath.

I am going through this thing caled "The Presence Process" as recommended by MW.   Check it out.  

Its actually very simple.  So simple in fact, that its hard to believe.  But of course our minds just make everything harder than it is.

Literally just sit down to meditate and breathe for 15 minutes straight without stopping.  This means make your in breath as long as your out breath and do not stop for anything.  Consistent breathing.  

Human beings are the only creatures with erratic breathing patterns.  The other animals all have a consistent breath.  Watch a cat or a dog and they always breathe consistently.   

Trust me, there will be discomfort and a struggle to stay focused even though its only 15 minutes but try it and tell me you don't feel alot of energy just because you breathed.   

Other than that talk to MW

But yes what you said is what we are doing, accepting, feeling, and freeing ourselves.   We are energetic beings and we either live consciously or unconsciously.  

Fuck I have to clean my house because my mom is mad at me and owe her

Awesome! I'm definitely going to check out the present process. Are you doing that breathing meditation twice per day?

Also would be interesting for MW to weigh in on this. This could make a great topic for one of the conference calls or even one of my coaching sessions. 

This discussion is real sweet. When shit used to go down when I was growing up and a teenager I would FULLY let myself feel my emotions. Scream at the top of my lungs, smash things, throw an axe at a tree, then lay in the grass all tired out. I ha a TON of pain inside me but I would embrace it. As I got older I started to get scared of my emotions. A lot of the shit I was dealing with had some uhh... Potentially very dangerous consequeces at the time. Avoiding the pain made me do some stupid things that caused more pain. I had to relive the emotions and remember the events. The exact same pain ran trough my body that I repressed, same memories. I didn't know to be fully present I had to sit through that shit. It was hard as fuck. But instead of dulling the pain or avoiding it I tried to breath deep and look myself in the eye and let the tears roll down. Doing that doesn't make the regret or shittyness go away.. But it allows you to soothe the pain body and come into the present

I might know something that might help.

Close your eyes and remember a time in your life when you thought damnn thats fucked up. As you replay this moment in time feel everything that happened to you. The same emotions, remember the same smell, see the same things in your mind, feel the moment as if it happened again. Replay this movie in your mind and at let yourself become the same person at that moment in time. Now imagine someone you respect. It can be anyone, a friend, movie star, or someone you never met. The only thing that matters is you respect this person highly. At the end of this troubling incident you are recalling in your mind, imagine the person you highly respect telling you the thing you needed to hear to get over and deal with this moment. And as he says it, repeat what he or she says out loud.

Wow. What an amazing post. I haven't had much time lately to be on the forum and I missed this post. But this is really why I love talking to you guys. You know what's up. We all are freakishly similar. I was physically abused as a child. My father is an angry man who saw abuse as "discipline."

My mom was in the army and she's an AMAZING woman. I've never seen her with her feathers ruffled. She came from some pretty horrible abuse as a child herself and was conscious enough not to pass it on. You seriously could not ask for a better mom.

My pain body manifests as anger and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble. On the other side of the coin, I used to think I had a really fucked up childhood. But looking at some other people's childhoods and the circumstances they grew up in, my childhood could've been much worse.