A Primer on Relationships - FWB, Open & Exclusive
I've been holding off on this because I've been trying to make it perfect. I want it to read crisp like a bag of lays chips but it really just procrastinated the fuck out of this so this is gonna be on the raw.
Oh ya, last opening thoughts,,,this is a primer. Nothing on the nuances or deep dish dynamics of a relationship but on the beginning stages before you're knee deep in the trenches. Honestly, it's the perfect place to start writing from and for all of you who are interested to learn from this place.
This is the shit I wish I knew before I got into mine so thank me later.
More often than not, how you start something is exactly what's gonna determine how you end it or what you accomplish from it. It's shooting yourself in the foot. It's not having a plan of action or a clear direction of where you want to go. . This girl didn't have to do much in the time allotted to garner me giving up all my other girls to "settle" down with her. Think about that for a second.
What was I telegraphing...
I was easy.
I can't think of anyother way to put it best, then from my **own mouth. After we had finished a steamy hot sexytime session, we were having one of those deep relationship talks, in it she said, "Yeah, as soon as I first met you, I wanted to lock you down. But I knew you weren't that type of guy, so I never pushed. Honestly, no wait, I really thought you were totally out of my league and that you'd never settle for a girl like me, so I never bothered to try. I wanted it but you were so far out of my reach. When you did finally make me your girlfriend as we were fucking, I was shocked. I was super happy but I was more confused than anything. I thought it was a joke. No WAY, is this guy doing this right now. I carried that thought with me for the first couple months into the relationship."
And my emotions got the better of me. I became needy and showed her a past-self that isn't true to who I am today. I didn't set the precedent from the onset. I wanted to control her, to own her sole validation and body for myself. I got too eager, and grabbed at the cookie when it was never going anywhere in the first place.
I say this because this is the 1st Rule before going down any path of exclusivity or seriousness in intimacy between you and a girl.
1)She must CHASE you into it - A girl will always go down this route when she's dealing with a guy who really catches her eye. Its in a woman's biology to lock down a man fit for her and her offsprings' survival. She's supposed to get needy, she's supposed to go batshit crazy for you, she's supposed to get jealous. This is because it's this intensity she has for you that builds upon the foundations of the relationship. It's this desire that gives you the power so that you can craft a relationship of your choosing. So that you can utilize her compliance to make sure things fly smoothly. If there's any shift in the power dynamic, she'll start to tear down the ship because it's what women do best lol. Sorry ladies ;)
In a way, this is a man's own shit test to see if a girl is right for him or not. How far is she willing to go? Is she loyal? What does she bring to the table? Are we compatible? If shit hit the fan, is she going to trust me and can i trust her? All this requires you as a man to be the selector and the ever guardian of this space. For a woman, it's all about surrender. This isn't bad, they WANT this. They want to feel complete this way. Women are constantly searching for a man who can fill that void of masculinity. Some chicks try hair dyes, tattoos, art, philosophy, travel and the like to fill it. They really just need a good dicking.
If you're the one getting needy and chasing her, you need to check yourself. Those are vestigial behaviors from your past that don't belong my friend. There's nothing wrong with being gung ho for a girl, but without her putting her chips in to the pool? Nah son. You're much more valuable than that.
You're on the right track when she's constantly working for your attention. My routinely asked me what clothes and makeup she should put on so that she could be sexier to me. When she was at the store she would call me and ask if wearing a certain clothing piece would make me harder so that I would fuck her on the spot if I ever saw her in it lol. I would mention losing something or needing a particular clothing item and she would come over a week later having bought it for me so that I wouldn't have to find it. That's on top of being on her best behavior in public, never missing a beat when it came to impressing my friends, and being my gorgeous little cum dumpster. (She initiated that nickname, not me ;)
Not bragging here, just saying. Girls will always start off with subtle little hints and signs that show they're trying to go down this route. Most give empty validation. It's all really fitness tests. They might leave a toothbrush in your bathroom, start praising you till no end that you're the best guy ever, or asking for more lovey dovey esque actions. Cool, just remember, that isn't enough to take you down. They really need to push hard for it for you to even acknowledge it and start to consider it.
That's all I want to talk about for now. There's a whole nother subset of points that go along with this one and so many things in general but I'm tired lol. Please fire away your questions homedawgs! I probably missed a bunch of stuff cause this all came down as one incoherent thought I tried to string together.
Great post, thanks for sharing man
Solid. Good to have you back.
GREAT fugging post, mang. Can't wait to read more.
Interesting point of view there. Will be waiting for your next update!
Great post man.
I really liked that you posted that (inner) convo of her.
This post got me thinking of situations when girls tell me that guys don't wanna settle and are not serious. In some cases it may be just them not getting after it enough... men don't want to lock themselves voluntarily (at least the ones girls want). But it doesn't mean they are not ready to 'be more committed' when a girl 'earns' it.
Lol Bonobo I think I've told you this before but just want to say it again.. "You can't be rejected if you're not trying to be accepted." is a quote by de_Harsant / the_Log from Rsdn.
Ya, you said he worded it differently, so I kept your version in. There were too many quotes there, anyways.
Ahh man. You took it down? I loved that quote.
That tea party quote is something I said to Sasha Daygame years ago. Was pretty funny and ironic at the time. I just don't necessarily like being associated with these "hornball" maxims with no deeper meaning lol.
Yeah, it's a great one.
loool I just put up a bunch of quotes from you - they are way out of context but I think they're fun. Could delete the ones you dislike thou