Amazingly Hot Body Fb Girl - Where are My Fuckups? (Text Game)

So i friend request this hottie for the sole purpose of cold messaging so that I may enter her later... :D

Me: *Cough cough..im sick and need to be nursed back to health *cough cough

Me: Preferably by a cute brunette with toned delts *cough

Her: Lol i dunno if i would be much help

Me: Ah its easy, backrubs and froyo fix me up just right! ;P lol

Me: Saw X college and thought you were training to b a nurse, so what are you then..?

Her: Surgical technology

Me: Ouch!

Me: Just fell down the stairs

Me: I definitely need some surgical care as well

Me: Isnt this just the weirdest illness?

Her: So weird XD

Me: Hows your day goin pumpkinbutt

Me: A buddy and i played mall cop, easiest way to get free shit ever lol

Her: Lol what

Her: How

This is my first screw up by taking the sillynsincere too far

Me: Well first u need a sexy beard like me

Me: Then

Me: Bust out a nice stripper move and watch the wallets come out lol

Ya...lol. If i left out the beard part and just talked about stripping and toned it down, wouldve gone better

*No response.

*Next morning - I pulled an excuse that it was me sleeping as the reason the convo died. HEHE

Me: Yo watcha doin pumpkin, i fell asleep :P

Me: And im up super early! Wow god loves me lol

Ugh if the 2nd text was more awesome and less gay it probably would've worked. I was trying to take it down a notch from the craziness of the mall cop shit but ended up going the gay route instead.

*Few hours later

Me: Gawd im so done w this whole "stopping" at stop lights thig. im just gonna start runnin em

Me: Let the cops come idgaf

*Reads it. Doesnt respond. Word. 

*8hours later

Me: Its fine, i didnt like your haircut anyways

*Within seconds..

Her: Lmao ouch

Me: You're cute but so r a lot of girls, if u didnt interest me i wouldnt be talking to you rn

Me: U have any passions aside from pumping iron and taking selfies lol

Every photo of her is of a selfie in gym clothes...had to qualify and challenge her on this because every guy on her fb page is giving her tons of validation for it. I'm not against it but after a few of my fuckups, I needed to play this out instead of immediately reverting back just because she texted me fast.

Her: lol what's wrong with my hair

This becomes a serious trend. She takes every tease sorta srsly and sidesteps my questions a lot.

Me: U just ignored my question missy

Me: and im batman for cryin out loud

Me: I should tie u up w my batrope for the disrespect

She doesn't want to invest and doesn't respond.

*Hour later

Me: Maybe i'll tell u if u make me a sammich

Her: Are you trying to flirt or something

Her: I dont get it

Me: Obviously babe, but ur not giving me anything so i have to b awesome bymyself lol

Her: You're just confusing me

Me: How so?

*No response. Doesn't want to invest

Me: U must not get out much lol

Me: There's a world outside the squatrack yknow ;)

Me: Here's the least confusing way possible:

Me: yes i think ur cute and im trying to get to know u but u msg like a kindergartener lol

Had to hit her for her lack of engaging msgs and shape this somehow.

Her: How do i message like a kindergartener?

Me: Your msgs dont engage me. I'd prefer atleast a 3rd grade lvl of txting lol

Her: Dang

Now it was time to bring her back instead of harping on her.

Me: Babe im only teasing. You're so adorable i can't help but comment on your Rapunsel hair and little girl texting

Me: And i luv rapunsel. Tangled is my favorite disney movie lol

Her: lol its not little girl texting. I'm just usually busy and dont put much thought into petty conversations on social media

Me: Hey thats cool i can respect that. Lets not b petty then

Me: Let down your number rapunsel so we can have an actual convo lol ;) (my num)

*no response.

I definitely jumped the gun here but in the moment I thought it was prime time because she opened up about her lack of engagement. I just offered a solution to it but no biggie.

Me: Ah got it, you and your number are locked in a tower

Me: Does the witch have any weaknesses?

Her: Now im a witch? :/

She definitely has low self-esteem. Was going through her fb page and one of her posts was about how she struggled with body image issues in high school cause she wasn't hot then...now she's bangin. 

Me: No silly have u even seen the movie??

Her: Probably

Me: Well the badass prince saves the lil princess from the witch but the princess doesn't like to engage on social media so the prince is all like "pff"

Me: Then he goes gets some hoes

Me: Lol hows your day going pumpkinbutt

Her: Why do you keep calling me that lol

Sidesteps any action I take to build rapport so its basically been this whole back and forth I can't break out of. I know i'm teasing a lot, prizing a lot, and overall breaking rapport a lot but that's cause I'm not sure where to take it. I'm running around in circles. I want to get real but there's no opportunity to.

My next text is something weird...ya im sorry. I dont know what i was thinking.

Me: Cuz i eat both first date ;D

Me: lol u dont like it...? Its a cute petname babe

*No resposne.

I managed to catch her on fb messenger while i was on so I said fuck it and called her. Obviously she didnt pick up but i left a minute long voicemail that she hasn't gotten to yet but we'll see what happens.

My voice was smooth as fuck.

It went like: 

"Hey you whats up...ah hold on gimme a sec i'm driving.....anyways, on my way to the gym right now and figured I'd give you a call since you're such a bad texter hahah. But ya..just wanted to see what you were up to, see whats going on...and ya, now im about to run over this squirrel. Oh shit. Phew! Man these things are so fucking annoying they just come out in the middle of the road, stay there, and expect me not to hit em. 

Its all good, the little squirrel is still alive so we're all good. But ya, gimme a call or shoot me a text. I'll talk to you later. Bayye"

It could've been better in the enthusastic department and I could've said "gimme a call or shoot me a text" with more certainty but listening to it now..it plays an arrogant and aloof vibe pretty well. Makes sense cause I'm also sick right now and not feeling super high energy.

Thoughts?