Another Online girrl texting before meetup

Do you mean too friendly in terms of creating asd/lmr later? 

Yup- that's exactly what I mean

I'm cool with being friednly, I just don't want to cross the line where all of a sudden some switch is flipped and she's no longer thinking quick sex- even if attraction is there.... I feel like a lot of times there is this weird zone where you're not a "friend" but I'm just not quite the "quick sex" guy.... and it happens the most on dates.... same night shit I'm much better at

That's another issue entirely. That just means your escalation isn't up to par and if you get too comfy and conversational with a girl it puts you in a zone apparently where you have a hard time [verb I can't remember] back to sex 

I'm being totally serious here- but that's oddly comforting to hear. I can totally change this around. If it's just my escalatiuon, that's really just fear and lack of eperience- so here we go

It's weird- thinking about what the difference is.... I'm really not sure. When I go out at nigh, and am focused on same night lays, my escalation happens automatically- like literally without thinking about it, I'm escalating with everything and everyone. By the time we're talking about space travel and buddhism, she's sitting on my lap lol that kinda shit

But then, historically, on dates- it's a complete 180...I gotta break down, internally, what's going on here. It's almost like I'm giving into some sort of external pressure, as well as my own shit.  

Cause I know I'm not in the "friend" zone... I mean most girls will just flat-out say they don't see me as a friend, so I'm not so much concerned about that- but yeah it's more about the escalation being off, cause it's specifically something to do with girls i go on dates with, and specifcally somethin to do with sex- almost every girl ive 

Like last date I went on- went out for a drink, bounced back to my spot, chilled in the kitchen, then kicked it in my bedroom for literally like 2 hours and I go to pull her to the bed and she like totally throws up the breaks... cool with me messin around with her body, but as soon as I go to pull towards the bed- flags went up....

Like, "date" flowers and "non-date" flowers, are two completely different people. Incongruence.... clearly somethin is goin on internally here

I feel this, the last date I went on I was in a totally different headspace to usual, pretty much the same thing happened as what you described. 

I'm not sure what exactly is happening, but I'm personally less challenging and obnoxious on dates - it could be setting the tone that I'm taking her a little more seriously than I should be. 

I know my self-talk is way different when I'm walking to meet a date than when I'm walking to the club, maybe we're changing our behaviour due to social expectations?

Yeah dude, so i'm gonna list out a couple things that are happening, that I notice, just to play off what you already mentioned- I think we're coming from a similar spot

1. Less challenging//obnoxious- SO true- My thoughts on this are that it has something to do with letting myself tacitly accept the artificial confines of what "a date" is, and in turn, this creates an isolated case of scarcity, while im on the date, resulting in me "playingg not to lose" as opposed to "playing to win".  Like if I'm out at night, and I'm super obnoxious and loud and ignoring some girls while consiously employing jealousy plotliens.... it's all  "allowed" because nobody is on a "date"- I still have plausible deniability (and maybe that's part of my issue- the need I feel to have this plausible deniability, as opposed to just owning my actions)- ..... but it's like, how do you do that shit on a date.... like I wouldn't even know HOW to do, on a date, half the shit I do on a typical night out

1a: I've done it a couple times, where I made the date seem like a night out and it worked just the same (actually the last girl I dated, in ny, was from this exact situation)-the issue is that I don't have enoug reference experience... so I don't know what it is that I even did to make it happen lol

2. Self talk- again, so so so true- there is less energy when i go on a date.... eh, i think "energy" is the wrong word... but there's less "motivation?" .... I think the self talk is just a consequence of buying into the general concept of a "date" in the first place

3. Escalation just doesnt happen as quickly//instinctually - for example, when I'm out at night- escalation starts the sewcond I see tthe girl- with a date, even if I go in for a big hug and give a kiss on the cheek, after that, it's like I just don't escalate... I start it off fine but then I just stop.... or i OVER escalate from the get-go and like am touching her way too much for where we're at..... it's an issue with not "feeling" that it's appropriate to escalate on a "date" so everything becomes mechanical

Also - one thing I noticed about my most recent date- there were moments, when we were in the room, where I "felt" more sexual and we were gropin but i didnt go for it because i didnt think it was "time".... and then when I did end up goin for it, it was only cause she was bout to leave... so this is something else- just more experience and less of a fear of losing the girl, so that when I'm feeling it, I just go for it, as opposed to waiting for some arbitrary moment in time

Dude No.1 got it BANG ON for me, seriously - stuff has just made a lot of sense.

It's an isolated case of scarcity because we're putting too much of our attention on the girl, or 'playing to not lose'. Last date I had we were chilling in my bed, and I thought 'I could probably kiss her now'. My immediate next thought was 'fuck, why did I just hesitate?'. On a night out there is no time to hestitate, when I kiss a girl it's a blur, there's is only enjoyment, the concept of a 'right time' doesn't exist. It just flows from me naturally, it's like it's not even me escalating. 

Whereas on that date my mind was one step ahead of my actions, because even before you meet her there's a predetermined narrative of what might happen, you both know you'll probably kiss at some point. So it becomes an event, something important. Time is more prominent, and hesitation creeps in. 

We need to redefine what a 'date' is to our subconcious. I hope this resonantes with you as well 

Yes yes and yes. I have a lot to say//ask you but im going out right now. 

Excellent excellent discussion here, dickbots. Keep going you've uncovered everything

Got a 'date' with this girl in a couple hours - I'm just going to treat it like a daft adventure where I have no responsibility to even stay and entertain her. Anything that happens between us I'm going to enjoy 100%, it's gonna be for me

But run some game in there. Sprinkle it in 

Part of the reason, for me, that it becomes different is that there is this completely arbitrary and copmletely FALSE thing going on in my head, where since I now "know" the girl- and again this is all bullshit, but im just conveying the bullshit as it is.... But basically when im on a "date" it's like my mind is saying, "oh well since you know her you have to now treat this differently than you would if you were just now approaching her"

Also - I reallly connected with what you said about escalation and your mind being one step ahead of your actions 

What Manwhore said about sprinkling in game- THAT is how it is on a night out....and I get how that would be... like your not running "game for most of it... you're just chiln and then when you instinctually see those momments that require just a little game- you sprinkle it in..... but I think that when we are acting from a place of scarcity- we actually tend to GAME MORE- we overgame and it becomes mechanical..... 

How'd your date go thoguh dude.... curious if any of this made an impact this quickly, or like if there were any issues that came up

I had a girl over the other night and we just watched a movie. I just wasn't "feeling it".

it was pretty interesting though. Almost no physical contact, great conversation, but she's been texting me a lot after the date. Either she wants to fuck or wants a new best friend lol.

on that note, do you guys have girl friends that you just kick it with? Nothing sexual at all. That's something that's always been lacking for me because I just don't make it a priority. 

Happy thanksgiving you semen turkeys... (gobble gobble gobble) I've been drinkin with the family lol. I think you're way overthinkin this shit

A little arrogance goes a long way... As a matter of procedure for "dates" I show up early and if possible, start a conversation with another girl (bartender or watevs) and keep it up until she shows. Women are very egotistical little critters. When she shows and sees me talking to another girl, there's no fuckin way in HEYULL she's gonna let it be a bad date and let another girl butt in and ruin her date lol. That would be a gawdamn self-esteem smackdown catastrophe in girl world.

^ Nice. Yeah arrogance goes a long way just sprinkled in every one in awhile.

Ah that's a fair point, I have a lot of female friends and quite a few 'friends' I get pretty sexual with - like last night we were chilling near the bar in a packed club and her hands end up down my pants haha.

Why don't I treat girls on dates with this same carefree attitude? hmm

As for the date, I had to flake on her for a house viewing lol 

See that's what I don't have. I don't have chick friends who randomly touch my dick. That sounds super fun though... How'd ya manage that

I'd like to say it's some radiating masculine charm I have, but I'm pretty sure it's because the girls I'm friends with are just awesome lol. I've learned so much from them about self expression. Then again I think I'm one of the only guys they can be like this with, so I think it's just because I'm carefree about sex and it's obvious I take nothing seriously. But this is a part of me that's evolving on a daily basis so it's hard to talk about

Don't discount your own ability to be so carefree about sex- that's an amazing quality.... like remember when I said I didn't think I was as comfortable with my sexuality as you.... this is what I was talking about. Your ability to be so carefree and chill about it, to the point where your girlfriends just are down to be expressive about it as well.... I don't know man, I haven't grown into that yet... and I think it's cool 

nice. That's what I mean. Like, I have girls who are just friends but they expect flirting, touching, etc. And of course I've banged some of them. It's just normal. 

I was talking about completely platonic shit. That's what I don't have. Whenever a girl comes over there is always that possibility of having sex. It's tricky because I've met very few girls who I find really interesting that I dot want to bang. Because honestly intelligence and similar interests are extremely sexy to me.

Yeah, I have that- Like I have some AMAZING friends who just like are obese haha but cool as fuckin shit- never gonna touch them sexually.... ehh maybe I would like as a birthday present or somethin, iono, but yeahh

Lol I don't have too many friends who are also sexually avilable..... Infact, for me, friends and sexuality... it's kinda separated in some weird way in my head- it's somethin goin on internally but yeah- it's why im so friggin curious about this. Like I'm genuinely interested in how this plays out- like can you just explain it a little more- I'm down for whatever you got 

ok. I'll try to break it down for you. 

Whenever I start talking to a girl who I find attractive sexually for whatever reason, I always flirt with them and try to use man-woman communication throughout the interaction. This is first and foremost. This ends up going three different ways, considering she is attracted to me too. 

1. She is into and we hook up. 

2. She's into it and we can't hook up for whatever reason, usually logistics.

3.  She's into it and we plan to meet up for the day 2 and actually meet up. 

Now, no matter what happens (outlined above) there can always be something that deters me from seeing his girl sexually again. So, these are deal breakers for me when hooking up but I'll still talk to the girl ad occasionally hang out. Couple examples of huge turn offs are religious nuts, immaturity, generally crazy behavior (think serial texting/calling), etc. Again, I feel like I could hook up with these girls if I wanted to but I just don't because of my values. Obviously, I'm not perfect and I've slipped up a couple times with hotties but no one is perfect. 

My problem (if you can call it that) is that I don't ever meet a girl and think "Wow. This girl is an amazing conversationalist. I enjoy her urbane vernacular and wittiness. We should hag out and talk." Lol. I would rather be kicking it with my guy friends or girls I can bang/have banged. I'm sure this will eventually change down the line but if not, meh worse things have happened. 

I think it comes down to how you enjoy interacting with people. If I'm talking to a female friend at my local bar I'm not going to be like "how was your day, I hope your work is going well" and all that bullshit. We've both had that conversation all day, what doesn't happen often is the chance for her to flirt with a guy and not have any social repercussions - people know we're 'just friends', and she knows even if I'm being pretty sexual verbally I'm not taking it seriously. 

It's more out of respect for our time than any sexual intent, and if the girl warms up to it and takes things further herself that's usually how it ends up happening with my female friends. They say stuff like "you're such a slut, but we love you for it", that's probably the best way I can articulate the vibe we have going on.

There's quite a few friends I've never got sexual with or even kissed, but even then I'm encouraging her to have fun, fuck guys, and I always talk with a general flirtatiousness. It's just more fun, it's easy for me because it just seems so natural to enjoy talking in this way. Dude there's some stuff you've wrote where I'm like "WOW this is cool as fuck" and you'd probably have a hard time explaining because it seems natural for you too

Yeah this is actually exactly how I picked up the "Manwhore" moniker back in college. Bunch of hot female friends we'd hang out and hook up with strangers. We'd get pretty feisty with each other too sometimes "by accident", but generally we kept those boundaries. It was really fun one of the best periods of my life. When I'm once again back in that kind of abundant environment I will do the same.