Authenticity, Keeping it real w/o being a pussy
Not sure hope to handle this one. I want to be real with her, avoid games, avoid a me vs her dynamic. What do you guys think.
So I started seeing this woman a couple weeks ago. It was the most effortless thing, we connected on so many things, she said it felt like I was in her head because everything I was saying was how she felt. What I really dug about her was her authenticity. No games, just felt like the most natural thing for us to hook up.
She's 37 and initiating a divorce with a rich CEO guy of a pharma company. He was away for a few more days, vacation w the kids he decided to have after she had sat down with him and told him she had finally had enough and there was no other option any more besides a divorce. She told me her whole back story basically some fucked up shit happened to her and her husband didn't have her back and since then it killed the relationship and now it's been 4 years since they've had sex and are basically roommates.
She told me she had an affair with a younger guy year before, thought they had connected but the guy basically hated on her cause she was married. She said she felt terrible because it was a violation of her marriage, she hadn't completely decided to end the divorce back then so she felt she had broken her commitment even though her husband she knew was having an affair with his secretary. Besides that she said she hasn't been with anyone else.
Anyways I'm at her place the other day and after we fuck she says something to me in French. I have her repeat herself twice before she tells me it's French and I'm like uhh I don't speak French. I remember she had mentioned meeting another guy who was working the mall I work at who spoke Spanish and some French whom they had agreed she would teach French to in exchange for Spanish.
Instantly it clicks like oh so you've been hanging out with someone lately in an intimate way in your house whom also speaks Spanish like me but who also understands French and that isn't me. It caught me off guard cause she presented herself very differently and basically left me in the space of "wait how much of anything you've told me is true?" Because my main attraction to her was her authenticity. I playfully called her out on it to show it didn't bother me and it made her a little red in the face. She goes into saying that her mutual friend had told her that when she had given him her number he told her friend he basically thought it was to hook up instead of being friendly. Didn't quite buy it, maybe they didn't sleep together but it showed me that the dynamic between them is more like the dynamic of sexual tension and in her mind she put us in the same category for her to confuse us.
Not sure how to deal with this. I feel like women in this situation instantly put you into this category that you're jealous and it turns them off and/or it makes them feel you're below the guy they perceive you as jealous over. But it's not jealousy, I mean obviously I'm like 99% of guys where Id rather have her only fucking me because I'm so awesome and doesnt want to deal with anyone else and is cool w me seeing other girls which is what I thought we had going on lol. I have nothing against the guy and if she had been straightup with me about whatever she's got going on I would deal with it but it bothers me because it feels like she's being fake with me and that's not cool with me. Not sure if I want to see her more or in what capacity. I also want to have an authentic conversation with her and get some type of clarity but where it doesn't degrade info her just putting me in the frame that this is about jealousy vs her being inauthentic with me about who/how she is. Or degrading into me vs her dynamics.
I'm already seeing another girl and I have a few more in the pipeline. For me it's more of a violation in my trust in her word. I was attracted to her bc unlike most women she seemed really authentic and open. But now I'm like yo we had several conversations where you painted yourself in a way that flies in the face of this and you were really convincing, like consciously deceiving me into thinking you were something else. What else are you fucking lying about. My attraction to her was her authenticity mostly now I'm thinking she's just a horny housewife going through a midlife crisis who's on a cougar spree. But I don't quite buy that, that seems so basic.
It's kind of weird, I feel an element of grief. It feels like she died or something because her body's still here but it feels like that person I knew will never come back and I really liked that person.
I know how I could play this gamewise but I enjoyed the authenticity and don't want to contribute to the demise of that dynamic by getting into games instead I would like to deal with this in an authentic manner. It might also mean the end of us talking too or just hooking up, just more purely physical. But that option is a turnoff except maybr a hate fuck but I also want to avoid fucked up dynamics that I've gotten involved with before. I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this since it tends to be mostly about banging hos and keeping it light but I also know from some of the other posts on texting dynamics that Manwhore has a strong frame of me and you instead of me vs her which I really dig and makes a big difference in dynamics of the interaction. This is what I liked about our dynamic and why I don't want to go into games/inauthenticity and go into me vs you type dynamics. Thanks in advance.
Dude look at yourself. This is why women don't say shit. Every little thing you're saying is just to backwards rationalize your emotions right now. Yes you're not the only guy she's seeing. Deal with it. Stop trying to project all kinds of negativity onto her
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Dude first time she made me come I had to imagine her lying to me about being pretty much completely celibate in 4 years by excluding things like her blowing a bunch if dudes in the interim as a way to technically not cheat. Like I had to play that scenario out in my head to make me come faster lol. But then she in her stories she chose to tell me would convey that that wasn't the case and she was like this and like that. She like female mystery method routine stacked me! Haha. I finally was like alright I guess my initial assessment was incorrect I guess she's like xyz and that's why she's done all these other things I see a connection in how she's very straightup and honest I dig that.
Like I just hate people lying to me, yesterday ran into a guy I had met the day before near my job site. Was running tight on time but in passing I saw he had a shirt from my company and was like "yo..you work for this company?" to which he said no. I saw him next day at training and I was like bro I just saw you yesterday and you told me you didn't work for us why'd you say that. Guy was like that wasn't me while wearing the exact same shirt with the same accent lol what a shitbag. I was like alright I mean whatever dude you even have the exact same accent and random shirt on as yesterday that's so weird man but if you just want to straightup lie about it I guess it must be really important to you and walked away with him feeling like an ass for getting called out. What bold motherfucker you could see in his face he legit thought I was gonna buy it and was surprised I called him out on it.
And this dude is a complete stranger I had met the day before lol. Instant assessment of this guy is that he's a shitbag salesman who has no problem regularly lying to people if he casually lies about things like that for no good reason. It's like people who are so used to lying all the time that they lie about inconsequential things cause honesty isn't a value for them in filtering what they say to people.
I feel like gamewise I'm supposed to not be affected by this if I want to keep fucking her and have her not lose attraction for me. I don't like how it's like a double bind..you're either a chode or you're okay with me being intentionally deceptive with you. I don't like how indirectly in game there's this implication that to be a man you have to be okay with people being intentionally deceptive with you as long as it's a woman and you're having sex with her.
Not motivated to talk to her right now, I might just call her out like I did that dude if I see her next week. We would talk about life, etc for hours but I would never be able to go back and care at all about these things if in the back of my mind there was this doubt that any of these stories were real or not. Like its pretty involved but this basically throws big holes into huge parts if her story that I had liked about her.
Alright I'm going to bed. I think I'm gonna be over this soon but I still wan't to know and what I'm mostly bothered by not having an answer for it is....how to be able to call out women and not have it basically convey you're a chode cause I feel kinda like I'm letting them win when if it was a guy I would just call them out for being full of shit no problem.
Hot girls.. are always seeing someone or something. They are ALWAYS seeing someone, man. The frame I've adopted to continue gaming against this is all from the help of MW.
Basically,
"I am the fucking shit, she can fuck around have fun with those chumps all she wants, because I'm having fun with whoever I want. If the time comes where I don't want just fun, I'll give her the opportunity to join me in something much bigger than that. If she declines, that's fine, kick rocks, on to the next."
Literally ooze abdundance, have a roster full of women who you love to be around and who love to be around you, try not to portray them as a specific "type" of girl as well. I used to do this stupid shit where if I met a "good girl", I'd assume you couldn't be sexual with her, she didn't hook up, no dirty stuff, etc. Fuck was I ever wrong. Those "good girls".. are fucking FREAKS in the bedroom. It's incredible. Try not to project your perfect girl characteristics and traits onto her. She might not even have those traits, you could just be wanting her to have them and you'll end up convincing yourself. That'll create a pretty shitty situation, if you know what I mean.
Like MW said, you're pushing all these negative emotions on to her, when you are doing the exact same thing that she is, bro. She's clearly worried about slut-shaming, her family life, etc. Which is why she's probably discrete about it in my opinion, where as you don't have that shit to worry about. That's probably something you gotta look at from a few different perspectives. I know it's hard to do that. Think about it though.
Thanks man. Yeah it's bringing up several things I'm seeing I need to work through. I've been coasting last 5 or so weeks in this effortless free state after working through lots of painful shit that had come up that I finally decided to work through. I suspect this is gonna be the next level. Thanks again man, I'll go to work on this.
Yeah man of course, I was constantly running into things like this but now I've moved on to different issues. I feel like you never really stop learning, your lessons just get more complex/specific to the situations at hand.
I always get kind of excited when I need help with something cause it's like you're about to learn some new shit and level up.
You're pushing all these negative emotions on to her, when you are doing the exact same thing that she is, bro. She's clearly worried about slut-shaming, her family life, etc. Which is why she's probably discrete about it in my opinion, where as you don't have that shit to worry about. That's probably something you gotta look at from a few different perspectives. I know it's hard to do that. Think about it though.
Awesome
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male