Avoiding Manipulative People - FR with some thoughts I've had.

I met this girl in class a while back. I found her attractive. I soon found out she was not the type of person I would want to be intimate with and we remained friends. I have never met anyone like her. Let me explain.

I come from comfortable middle-class. My friends did too. This 22-year-old comes from a family that bought her a condo where she could live during her studies abroad. She has never taken the bus in her entire life, and she admits she doesn't know how. She is a "good student" and takes her academics "seriously". What else could she do, when her family has shielded her from everything else?

We were eating sushi yesterday and she told me she "loved" this guy in our class. I then had to endure half an hour of juvenile rambling on the topic. A woman sitting at the booth next to ours met my gaze, we understood each other. I felt empathy and sympathy from her. Or maybe she wanted to be the one talking to me. Probably both.

I tried to help my friend. I told her she should make a plan on how she will learn to be more independent, and learn usefull social skills that her family's overprotection made impossible for her to learn. She agrees, yet it seems like she prefers solely talking about it then doing something. I didn't insist - you can't change people who don't want to change, and I am not responsible for anyone's future.

We pay the bill and I am eager to leave her presence. Here is when it becomes interesting.

She tells me she has abandonment issues, and that she's had many friends abandon her. She asks me to promise I won't. I respond that I never intend to be hurtful to anyone. We keep walking. She asks what I'm doing this summer and if I'd like to travel with her. She says she'd pay for it, no strings attached. She just likes to spoil her friends(hips.) I refuse politely. We keep walking and she starts touching my shoulders, complimenting me, even comparing me to the other guy. At this point I've had enough and I make up an excuse and she gets into an uber.

I can tell that pursuing this friendship with this person is a terrible idea. I cannot even imagine what it would be like if we were fucking as well. While I don't blame her for how she behaves, I cannot in good conscience continue seeing her. I feel drained when I'm with her. These types of people are parasites in disguise. Unfortunately they often never find out how much their behaviour repels quality people from associating with them.

Next time I'll read the signs earlier.

If I seem to be judging her or occupying higher moral ground, I'm not. Having this experience reminded me of times when I'd do similar things, times when I'd try to get validation or acceptance out of women, times when I'd say certain things to ellicit positive reactions. Meeting this woman was a gift and a lesson, a reconfirmation of the right path to take, and the many paths to avoid. My friendship is not for sale, it is given to those I deem worthy. I discussed the topic of love with Jon in one of our sessions and it is appropriate to mention the content of that talk here. Love is about giving without any expectation. It is the definition of "no strings attached." You do not give to receive, you are not attempting to bribe, coerce or manipulate someone into a situation they do not want to be in. You give because it is the most authentic expression of how you feel about a person. After having that talk and looking back at my life I have not yet said "I love you" to someone and meant it in that fashion.

The more you learn the more you can look back at words you said and notice how their meaning was not fully realized. Like a child mimicking his parents' behaviour but not fully understanding what it means. We act out concepts before being able to articulate them, it is a peculiar way of learning in reverse. I digress.

Back to our little princess.

To guys who have had similar proposals, refuse them. Trust you gut. People who appear to act like victims are usually manipulative. Learn to see that in yourself and get rid of it. Learning game is about learning how to attract the RIGHT kind of woman, not just any woman you meet.

To guys who act like this woman, who try to buy affection, take some god damn training :P