Awesome Dating Tips from Russell Brand

1. Offer an alternative: "Seduction is all about offering an alternative to the quotidian. All of us are trying to escape the tedium. Women want adventure. That's my No.1 assumption. You're schooled in certain ideas; you read poetry, see paintings, listen to music and ideas of romance and intrigue are reinforced in your mind. If you can appear to be those things, there's been a global marketing campaign since the dawn of time supporting the very things you're saying."

2. Know your brand identity: "Be in tune with your USP. Look at yourself as a product. For me, the idea of a slightly gauche philandering adventurer seems to work quite well. I have the hair of a gauche philandering adventurer and offer gauche philandering adventures. The brand is consistent."

3. Avoid singles' bars and clubs: "Places where your attendance shows an admission of failure as a human being cannot be good. In a club there's an expectancy of seduction and people are on their guard. It's better to strike in the street or at the bus stop, or perhaps near a hedge."

4. Never be too blunt: "Never mention sex at first. Seduction is an incremental war of attrition. To go up to a girl and say, 'Would you like an orgasm?' is the Hiroshima of seduction. What you need first of all is, at most, a Falklands."

5. Be postmodern: "This is the postmodern era and everyone knows what's going on, so say things like, "I'd like to flirt with you, I'd like to chat you up. I'm chatting you up right now. The chatting-up has commenced. Are you enjoying this chatting-up that's been happening?" Reference the process itself. To try and mask such a well-trodden ritual is disingenuous."

6. Confidence trick: "Be confident, know what you are and what you want. See the beauty in other people. It is alluring for women that their beauty is being appreciated. But don't be afraid of their beauty. We're all just lumps of nature wandering around waiting to die."