Beargrizz's journey back to himself
I've decided to come out of my cave a live again fully. I was in a huge emotional funk like the past two years dealing with alot of unresolved issues that were heavily suppressed that resulted in basicaly chaos in my mind and emotions. And after a couple years of just WAITING as tolle describes, I am choosing to live again. I am going to be following a strict schedule and regimen to balance this whole thing out and get my social juices flowing, becuase honestly I'm somewhat socially retarded at the moment. Basically have just been living in fear. So I'm not waiting anymore until I "Feel Better" to turn this ship around.
Basically my diet will be conisting of fruits, whole grain bread, and almond butter in the morning. Salad with ton of nuts and seeds for lunch. And a salad with a baked potato at night. Guna be looking lean.
Mentally my diet will consist of me no longer bashing myself for having a pretty out of control ego and having tons of compassion towards myself and just slowing down. No longer looking for answers in my meditations, but learning to once again, be here and now, which for some reason I have been avoiding. Also, in order to turn this ship around, ignore any and all negative thinking and just take a fucking risk and see things through a positive glass even though I may not feel it yet and might not for a few months, what I have been doing the past few fucking years certainly is going the wrong direction.
Socially, I will be going out at least 3 nights a week and approaching 4-5 chicks. I am literaly going to treating myself like a beginner. To be honest, I'm not really into going out all the much anyway but this is purely to regain my social awareness to just let loose and get the fuck out of my analytical prison mind. MW what drills should I work with, I haven't done shit for three months BTW. I had a kind of girlfriend that gave me sex but I was all over the place there too....so geezus.
Work wise, I have chosen my profession and am going for it, no more dicking around with it. Again, my body is used to hopelessness, depression, and negativity. So I do NOT expect myself to feel "good" for the short period of time. I will however, be fully committing myslef to this process regardless of my feelings, emotions, and thoughts!
I need to get the fuck out of my mom's house lol. I got this dog now who is a boss and am looking forward to having his company around.
And finally...THIS TOO SHALL PASS. That's my mantra going forward.