BU girl
I got this girl number during nightgame. Good interaction, strong vibe man to woman vibe. Date setup was fine, but I wanna practicing txting liking rogan(ala MW) was telling me to txt. Vaguely sexual, and maintaing the man and woman roles. Here's the convo so far.
Her: XXX:)
Me: Hey, xxx, hope you get home safe. Try not to dream of mint chip w low mein.
Her: Lol that sounds absolutely disgusting! I hope you got home ok:)
Next day
Me: I'm busy tomorrow studying :( but I can do wed night ice cream. Ben & jerrys on park plaza. Does that work? Btw, you're limited to only 1 flavor chocolate.
Next day
Her: Haha that's not fair! Wednesay is actually no good for me. would early Friday after work be ok?
Me: Friday might work, but I have an exam on monday. Lets plan for fruday at 5. I'll see where I am thursday night w work and txt you. Sound good?
Her: Sounds good. And I at least want some chocolate chips in my chocolate.
Me:Nah beb, you dont get them until you make that 6th steak dinner(joke from intitial interaction)
Her: Lol I dont know how to cook steak, so you should probably find another lady :P
I dont think there is much wrong with this, shes just being flirty. I just want to see what you guys think of my ideas on how to respond and what my response should convey. I possibly don't even need to respond.
However, here are my thoughts on responses:
Me: Well then, you better like blondes cause there will be a third joining us.
Me: Well then, you'll just have to devour to my home-made steak then.
I would have followed a different dynamic for this conversation from the start progecting a fun playful vibe. Instead of the:
'Me: Hey, xxx, hope you get home safe. Try not to dream of mint chip w low mein'
I would have said ' Hey xxx. Watch out for alley cats on the way home. They are attracted to the smell of mint chip w low mein.'
This would get her to respond with something more playful and will make setting up the date down the track easier.
Then I would do a few back and forths that night and ending with her sending the last text (so she falls asleep thinking about you writing back)
Then the next day instead of setting up the date on the first text which is what you did with: 'I'm busy tomorrow studying :( but I can do wed night ice cream. Ben & jerrys on park plaza. Does that work? Btw, you're limited to only 1 flavor chocolate.' I would start a fun conversation (to which she would be like ' Few, the fun attractive guy is texting me again.. he must of just fallen asleep') and then smoothly insert the hang out into it. Make it seem more casual. For example start it with a fun statement like:
'Jenny. You know you've had a big night when you wake up with lego in your fridge!'
or something along those lines.
She would write back something funny, get the conversation two or three texts in then say something like 'right, what's your week look like. Me and you are getting ice-cream'
Notice how you are telling her what you guys are doing instead of asking her. Plus you don't have to do the whole dodgy back and forth of finding out when your free and when she's busy cause she's about to tell you what day's good for her.
But I digress because this advice is for your next girl seeing as you already have a coversation going with this one.
You should now say something like: ' Well I may have too, we'll see how you handle the ice-cream. Any sign of brainfreeze and i'm outta there '
Try and insert different conversation topics into the text convo so you have different things to talk about that make her excited about hanging out with you. When she replies to the brain freeze comment which will probably something along the lines of 'I never get brainfreeze, i'm way to tuff for that :P' you can then tell her your going to arm wrestle her and call her bluff.. ect, just keep the playfulness going.
Notice how you are now thinking two moves ahead and LEADING the convo. Always have direction with your texts, even if it's the wrong direction at least you are going somewhere, instead of just thinking one text at a time. This is how you become a chess master of texting ;)
Couple things I notice.
First off your texts are really lengthy - you're minimum text has been 2 sentences. If you're going to write 2 sentences..send the first one and follow it immediately with whatever else you're going to say. It looks better for some reason. Also when you start writing these long essay sentences it disrupts the flow of a text convo. You should always look for ways to shorten what you're saying. Less is better in text conversations - it looks like you put less effort into the text..which is the impression you're trying to give off. It's like you read what she said and you quickly responded - that doesn't mean respond as soon as you get the text..you want to mimic her texting interval, but it's always best to give the appearance that you put little effort into what you were saying. (BTW mimicing texting interval is a nooby rule..I abide by it usually but I always tweak it slightly during texting to be unpredictable)
To piggyback off of the last point - you're really rushing the meetup. I'm all for going for the meetup quickly but only when the girl is showing investment. In texting - investment is when she starts texting you in shorter intervals. You don't get to that point until you show the girl that you're just having fun and texting her random shit - don't be afraid to just say stupid shit to them. When they recognize that you're just having fun...they'll loosen up and start having fun too. Remember this is just basic social dynamics...if you're comfortable and just messing around the girl will let their guard down too and have fun as well. This is the dynamic you're trying to achieve. Once you get a banty dynamic running and she's shooting texts back at you in frequent intervals - go for the meetup.
If you go for a meetup and she doesn't give you a positive that's ok. If you go for several meetups and she's always busy..than you've probably lost her (there are occasional exceptions but most girls interested in you wont give you the run around like this crap). If that's the case don't be afraid to just text her as a hobby..and don't expect shit from it. Sometimes you can get her out if you just play it cool like this.
I think the biggest thing I'm taking away from your texting is that you're not truly comfortable as a texter. I'm seeing a trend..it's predictable. If you were just having fun and seeing where you could go with it - you're texting would be entertaining and funny. Read Manwhore's texts - his shit is hilarious. Why? Because he's shooting from the hip..whatever the fuck comes to his mind ends up coming through the other side. The one thing you have got to learn about texting is that it's experimental and a learning process. Don't be afraid to make mistakes...when you start playing it safe you fuck it up - just like in an actual interaction in person. Just express your sense of humor and let the chips fall where they may. If she digs it..which most girls that give you their number will..than you'll be on a date in no time. In the meantime, keeping posting your texts on the forum and we will continue to analyze them.
Some quick notes on what I would've done different
Your second text to her...you lead with "Im busy studying...". Why did you bring this up? Don't lead into the date..make it a surprise. I would've just said "You like ice cream?" That's like a duh question..everyone likes fucking ice cream. Next I'd just say "I'm taking you". Than you're immediately going to text either "What days work best for you this week?" or "Meet me at x at y on z day". But again..you gotta get more compliance over text if you want that to be rock solid.
Both of your thought out responses lead with "well then..." Leave that shit out..it's extra, unnecessary rambling. "You better like blondes cause there will be a third joining us" sound 100% better. In fact..just say "Hope you like blondes" - that'll beg the question and get her to text back..don't give her all the answers, make her ask for them. Bottom line, adding that crap at the beginning of your sentence makes it sound thought out - like it was out of a book. Just type your thought and leave out the extra garbage.
One last thing - your plan is super shotty. Lets plan to meet on Friday at 5 - Where are you meeting? You need to have more definite plans - the worst thing that can happen is that she flakes at the last minute - and she will. Again.."meet me at x(time) at y(place) on z(day)". You should have it so literal that you don't even have to talk to her again and she could meet you there. Than, as an extra precaution, just shoot out a feeler text on the day of the date so she can opt out if she wants. She will opt out anyways if she wants..but when it comes to me, the most annoying thing is when you get a last minute flake and your expectation has been shattered and you have nothing to do for the night.
..but when it comes to me, the most annoying thing is when you get a last minute flake and your expectation has been shattered and you have nothing to do for the night.
Fuck you.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
@rogan
Good post. Somewhere in there you tell him to stop having a permission seeking vibe which is communicated through asking a lot of questions and sending well though out responses on a consistent basis among other things. Later in the post you suggest he texts something like: "What days work best for you?"
Is this bending the rules a bit? Because it means:
You're seeking permission
Not leading
Being passive in a sense
....And in some cases it may well be interpreted as Her time is more valuable than yours and you can tweak things a bit to make the meetup possible
C7
The rules only teach you how to be a good texter...they don't make you a good texter. Knowing how to text is understanding when to follow a rule and when to break them. You're right you don't want a permission seeking vibe..but you're not asking permission when you ask what days work best - probably better to phrase it "what days are you free this week?" If you've developed the right vibe in the texting conversation asking a single question like that won't matter since you're just gathering information which is pertinent to the situation. And it is still leading...what you don't want to get into is where you say lets meet at x time, y place, on z date and she says no because she really has something going on. Now you have to guess another day..which she maybe busy on as well. Pretty soon you're going to get into that 'no' ladder..where she just gets accustomed to saying no to you (which is bad for setting up dates, but even more damaging since it'll permeate into comfort and seduction).
It's more finesse to just get the information up front...plus it allows you to still pick the day you see each other. If she says I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday - you have the choice and as a bonus you save value because when you pick the day she'll think you're busy on the other days. The other route she knows you have nothing going on (lowers value) because you said you could meet up with her. Back in the day buddhagames was a big proponent of this style of 'going for the date' over text and it works very well..when used properly.
Here's the rest of this convo. Somehow I found I way to change the dynamic and start chasing her...fuck me. I really need to stop shooting myself in the foot as these txt interactions get longer.
Her: Lol I dont know how, to cook steak so you should probably find another lady :p
Next day
Me: Hope you like blondes
Her: Lol
Next day
Me: Hey beb, cant do tmrw the naked chef cancelled…
Me: But seriously im too swamped w work. Sry. How’s your Tuesday?
Her: That’s ok. My Thursday was busy. And your?
Me: Lots of lectures and info I will forget
Me: its sad cause I was gonna give you 2 flavors…
Her: Lol. Darn!
Me: But could you handle it? Any sign of brainfreeze and im out
Her: Haha I’m an expert ice cream eater; no brainfreeze for me!
Me: Haha, I’m betting money against you. Man, this isn’t the usual way I make money taking out women.
Her: Lol
Me: Perhaps an armwrestle instead. Definite winning.
Her: You never know, I am pretty buff! Haha
Me: I am so taking you down. Don’t enjoy it too much ;)
Next day
Me: Head is numb, too much studying!!!!
Her: ;)
Next day
Me: Finished exam!!! Now, off to a deep, beautiful slumber…
Her: How did you do?!
Next day
Me: test: passed( I think), post-test nap: A+
Her: Lol I know that feeling! What was the test in?
Me: Pathology and physiology. Btw, I see something pretty amazing in your future….
Her: Interesting! What do you mean?
Me: I see choco chips, ice cream and your “buff” arms, arm wrestling ;)
Her: Haha ok
Me: When are you free this wk?
Her: I’m a busy girl so I pan ahead. Completely booked this wekk. I can do next Wednesday night if they are open late ;)
Me: Sounds good. How late?
Me: Hwvr, my bedtime is 8 so if its late you have to tuck me in w fresh baked cookies. No oatmeal raisin junk!!!!( too much, I should've bare bones txted here)
Her: Haha I haven’t been baking recently so I guess we’ll have to do another night ;p
Me: Girl, you shut yo tongue. Im dragging you out n then putting you in timeout.
Me: What time do you get out from knitting class?
Her: Haha class ends at 8
Me: Perfect. Lets meet at 9, Same place.
Me: Ohh, and I want a Christmas sweater from yo class( again too much, didnt need to keep bantering annoying while setting up the meetup)
Her: ??
Tried to call her to clarify and she didn’t respond
Her: What’s up?
Me: Can u talk?
Me: Cant txt cause my hands will freeze
Her: I’m out with friends right now. What’s up
Next day
Me: Couldn’t get back to you cz I was getting my beauty REMS. Where’s yall go out?
Her: That’s ok ;) I did a wine tasting at Sonsie then had Ethiopian food and then went to BBSC. I’m jealous you got some shut-eye though.
Me: Haha, you prob got them bags under your eyes. Lets not cross paths today, I might not wanna get drinks w you afterall, ;)
Her: Lol
Me: I heard ethopian food is the shit…literally.
No response
Critique away. I think the problems are IN BOLD
You did it TWICE!
It's like you have an evil cockblock fairy that just pops in and changes the subject to distract her right when she's about to do it HAHAHAHA
You're too high value to be blasting away at a girl the way you are. Relax and just let things happen. It's almost like you're trying to "win" in the text battle before the date happens. I call this "Playing to win, but forgetting what winning is." Ease off dude. Just let the date happen
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male