Buyer's Remorse / Guilt
'Sup fellas. Need some advice on this chica.
So I was out with one of my wings here while I was texting this girl from tinder. She's tipsy and I can see that we're going to meet up. We meet up at tacos el gordo, line is too long, so I decide that her and I are going to peppermint mill.
I order a chicken salad with my beer. Lol. Vibe is good. We're making out. We talked about politics, pet peeves, bad dates, etc.Then we go to the fire side portion of the place - she's starting to get tired and is like "OK ... so you can come back home with me on two conditions: (1) you understand that we're not going to have sex; and (2) we play with my dog." We promised each other we wouldn't have sex. Lol.
Play with the dog for a lil then go to her room. She sets the mood with some proper lighting and some really good music. Suck on her tits and she just kinda gets herself naked, I pull her panties off and eat her out -- it's at this point that she says "Aequitas .... can we just break the promise?" I kinda pause for a second to really think about it. (I really was okay with not having sex with her that night) "... Yeah, yeah we can break the promise"
The sex was unreal good - some of the best I've ever had. It was also super intimate. . She came pretty quickly and we passed out. She's a bit to my left, I wake her up and we go for another few rounds. It's after this that she starts judging herself and where I royally screwed up.
Her: "I can't believe we had sex .. ugh.. i'm so bad."
Me: Naw beb you're fine, i mean i am the one who ate you out - but for that, sex wouldn't have gone down lol.
She seemed pleased with that answer for the moment despite it not having the type of conviction required to make this my fault.
Then it comes up again and she's not really accepting my take on how to view these things now. She's pushing back on how she views it. I was too passive and weak. I didn't speak with enough conviction and blast past this.
I grab us an uber to her car and she drops me off home.
I send her a funny meme later that day. No response. Yep, I know this is on me for not handling her guilt right.
Monday morning:
Me: Hey there lovedoll, i loved our sexy lil tryst on Sat night. Fuck what anyone thinks.
Her:
Hi there.
It's not necessarily what anyone else thinks that I care about. It's, frankly, more about how I feel that's making me uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with you as obviously we're grown ups capable of making grown up decisions. I just didn't realize that I would feel kind of icky about hooking up with someone random and I think that's spoiled whatever fun we could have had moving forward. (1:15 PM)
Sorry if this is more direct than you'd prefer, but I felt like being honest is always the correct way to handle something like this.
Me: Nah don't apologize about being direct lol, it's all good.
Me: Let me know how you feel, honestly, I'm not one of those guys who's afraid of that. That would be just silly.
Me: That being said, there isn't any reason to feel icky, I don't think anything less of you and you shouldnt either. I still want to see you and do fun shit. In fact, I'm happy we did what we did. It just brought us closer in my eyes. I'm doing Dave n Busters this weekend and was JUST thinking about you in the morning to invite you lmao. Maybe I gave off the wrong impression Saturday night but nah babe, I had a great time. (8:30 PM)
So far she hasn't responded. I want to keep this girl around though. My initial thoughts was on reengaging with a meme and sending a phone call by tomorrow though.
I have a pretty good sense on where I fucked up. Any advice on how to move forward with this girl?
We dealt with this with another guy on the forum a few years back, pretty sure you were there for it. Think it was Dopamine. Was a good thread
So you're not really owning the situation. You're still making it a "me and you together, girl, they can't get us" And honestly that's a bit on the mediocre side plus it doesn't even open you up to the real possibilities. Namely that you own that shit out the door
So instead of:
Her: "I can't believe we had sex .. ugh.. i'm so bad."
Me: Naw beb you're fine, i mean i am the one who ate you out - but for that, sex wouldn't have gone down lol.
Just a simple, "I can." with a smug look should do it. Or if you want the full expression of it it'd be like, "Well I can. There's just no fucking way you wouldn't fall for me. Pff" And then just walk away cackling maniacally. ;)
But then of course you double down and make the same mistake again literally, "Me: Hey there lovedoll, blah blah, yada yada.. Fuck what anyone thinks."
That "Fuck what anyone thinks" speaks clearly to that mentality. Which she doesn't want to be a part of. You should be kicking even the thought of it in the face. "Me: Hey there lovedoll, i loved our sexy lil tryst on Sat night. Think I could get a million for the DIRTY SECKS tape easy."
So by the end of this you've basically completely given rise to what she's already demonstrated is a wild and unhelpful attitude about the experience. Without guidance from you she just ran with what she had, which clearly ain't beneficial for anyone.
And just to clarify I'm not describing "hookup culture" or girls immersed in the nightclub culture every night. I've dated accountants, bankers, neuroscientists, businesswomen of all kinds. There's absolutely no differentiation for "confidence"
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
You also made the mistake of inadvertently trivializing and thus neutralizing your intimacy with her. She's in a negative headspace, emotionally wrought, and you defend the situation in terms of eating her pussy? Wow that doesn't leave a good taste in her mouth, either.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Well. Fucked this one up.
Me: Oh. Fine then I’m not sharing the royalties on the dirty secks tape lol
Her: Welp, I don’t think that’s a very funny joke given my most recent message to you AND I’d hope that you’d draw some clues from my lack of response to your most recent message.
Her: I don’t love that not only did you initially ignore the intention of my first message by trying to pacify me even though I thought was pretty clear, but you then went and flipped that on it’s head by doing the exact opposite of the first thing and ripped wide open into what I, once again, said didn’t sit well with me.
Man that’s wack. Also, I’m going on a limb here.....but basically I think there’s only one thing left and that’s speak to the heart here.
Yep that was really dumb.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
I wouldn't worry about what she is saying here or get down about her accusing you of not being empathetic. This spirled down because you were too empathetic.
What you could've done better was while she is feeling bad instead of letting her blame you ( I'm guessing you thought that was a form of leading and you taking the blame would relieve her?) You should have treated like no big deal you have sex all the time and you are not judging her. By taking the blame your essentially admitting there is actually something to feel bad about.
Fuck what anyone thinks...it was probably already too late but again admitting that sex in the first place was wrong.