Creation not Competition
So in random news- I just got called in by HR for being a slut.... haters gun hate
For a while now, I've been becoming more and more conscious of my own subtle tendencies towards competition. It's entirely reactionary, and the more I focus on it, the more I am notciing how it manifests itself in my responses, and the more I see it in more and more subtle ways.
It's reactionary, and I notice it's often accompanied by subtle anger... subtle feelings that I need to "prove" myself. It also stems from a mistaken understanding of reality. It stems from a false perception of reality that there can only be one person on top. The mistaken belief that there is a winner and a loser.
It goes pretty deep, but like I've actually uncovered some insecurities I didn't know I had.
Probably the most interesting thing that's come up is this, like, subtle fear of women. It's a fear that they will "beat me".... I can't describe it. I can feel it, and I can observe it, but I can't really describe it. It's an energy that's been bundled up for a lil while.
This energy is interesting because it has the power, left unchecked, to completely destroy interactions. It's complete poision to relationships, no matter how short or long.
Competition is poison in the world of male//female dynamics
So, what I started to realize was more powerful, and a more "Successful" way of interacting with women, and people in general, is team-work.
Instead of competing for a single reality, we need to be creating a joint reality.
And this is actually a very deep realization. It's a massive shift in perspective. It's an indicator of an internal shift from "Feeling Less Than" to "Being Independent From".... Now the reason I say this, is because it's not a shift from less than to better than.... It's a shift in understanding that no matter what happens with someone else, has no bearing on my own standing.
We are less dependent on others. We are less reactionary in our responses. Because we no longer fear being "Less Than", we are free to create joint worlds with other people, unhindered by the anxiety and fears of inadequency.
EIther in business or relationships, a creation mindset will always give you the upper hand, good post. If we aimed to create those worlds it eliminates any competitiveness and any neediness. (like you said by avoiding the fears that inadequency creates).
you can't be needy over a client or a girl when your trying to create a win-win situation, cause you will either both be on the same page or have no sense of self tied up in something that isn't "working"
"The purpose of life is to grow into our perfection. Once we call on our higher-power, everything that could possibly anger us is on the way. Why?
Because the places where we go into anger instead of love, are our walls. Any situation that pushes our buttons is a situation where we don't yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving. It's our and our higher powers responsibiliity to draw our attention to these areas, and help us move beyond these points"
The point here is that we must make a point to stop and oberve these "walls". They are opportuinities for growth. And I know that "Love" may be a little too "feminine" of language, but it simply means a lack of fear. We address our fears, and as those fears dissolve, love naturally takes its place.
Love isn't necessarily anything "mushy"- it's simply that place we're in, when we feel centered and at peace with ourselvse and where we are. it's interacting with a woman and feeling that positive energy literally eminate from within us.
Yeah man- I think one of the the single best examples of this I've seen is in Manwhore's texting ebook..... he really nails it. You see it in his texting style just from the way he helps guys. Like if you notice, you're never bringing the girl down, it's always playful and fun
Also- when you come from this mindset, being "non-reactive" is pretty much automatic. Same with "frame control" if you even want to call it that. Like if you are truly centered in the belief that you're a team, and building energy together, then everything that's said will naturally fit that interpretation of reality.
Just like if you think everything is a competition, and that there are winners and losers in everything.... if you come from that mind-set, then all your interactions and life sitautions will begin to automatically conform to that
Damn, this really hits home right now. Good post.
Living at home righ now and working al the time. So whenever I am out, not only am I adhering to this competition mindset, it's also fucking up my game. I always wanna be the selector in a sense although what manifests is the girl losing interest. Thanks for bringing this up.
Yeah, I guess part of the epiphany, for me, is that life is a completely blank canvas, onto which our thoughts are projected.
The idea here is basically just that reality is, in many respects simply a choice we make. There is no inherent meaning to a given situation. A given interaction isn't "inherently" competitive... the canvas will support whatever it is that we are choosing to project onto it.
When we project poisin, the canvas will shrivel and die. When we project teamwork, cooperation and compassion, the canvas will come to life.
I guess I just never really saw this as clearly as I see it now. We aren't forced to see any particular situation in any particular way.
For Example: A table obviously has legs and a top, but by simple virtue of the object itself, we aren't forced to use it for any sort of intended purpose. We aren't forced to see it as a "table". Even something as subtle as that, is a choice we are making. Certain choices are easier left automated, and maybe dont need that much examinatino (automatically interpreting a table as a table, is provbably one of those- although it def. does serve a purpose here as an example for what I'm trying to say).
But in the same way as we aren't ever forced to see a table as a table, we also aren't ever forced to see our interactions with others in any partiular light. We aren't forced to see unfolding events as holding any particularly meaning. Moreso even than the table example, we have an active choice in these situations as to what meaning we attribute to a given situation. However we choose to interpret reality, we will find that events unfold in such a way as to validate that interpretation.
Yeah really really good discussion to have. When you start shaping your reality to whatever you want it to be, you start realizing why people have the lives they have, and the experiences they have with other people. When you're no longer faking the "positive reframes" of shit tests, but actually seeing them as harmless, you realize they were the ENTIRE TIME. I made a video on this and then scrapped it maybe I should rerecord it. But basically we all have default reactions to things, and we start to realize that our belief systems have changed and we need to reexamine these behaviors in place and change them to fit our new reality.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Yeah this is really awesome and something I've given a lot of thought to.
The whole world could benefit form the idea of co-operation rather than competition. Would be really cool If you posted a video talking about this Jon
woah this brings me back to a course I took on cognitive psychology and the concept of affordances. Something from the wiki:
(Gibson) defined affordances as all "action possibilities" latent in the environment, objectively measurable and independent of the individual's ability to recognize them, but always in relation to agents and therefore dependent on their capabilities. For instance, a set of steps which rises four feet high does not afford the act of climbing if the actor is a crawling infant. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affordance)
I really like the part that situations offer different possibilities to take action, which in turn are dependent on your own capabilities for those actions.
"the canvas will support whatever it is that we are choosing to project onto it."
Now we just have to cultivate our ability to choose and to execute that choice even against our potential resistance to do so. For me personally I like to incorporate daily routines/habits to help me develop that muscle to choose and execute.
Yeah really really good discussion to have. When you start shaping your reality to whatever you want it to be, you start realizing why people have the lives they have, and the experiences they have with other people. When you're no longer faking the "positive reframes" of shit tests, but actually seeing them as harmless, you realize they were the ENTIRE TIME. I made a video on this and then scrapped it maybe I should rerecord it. But basically we all have default reactions to things, and we start to realize that our belief systems have changed and we need to reexamine these behaviors in place and change them to fit our new reality.
Yeah, I hear ya on the automatic responses. I think for me, a lot of it had to do with stuff that I was raised to believe from the time I was a child. I think it's that way with a lot of people. We're basically raised to believe certaint hings, and it all gets engrained into us.
So those "Default reactions" are basically just like the combination of stuff we were sorta "force-fed" growing up. As we grow older, some of us separate from that stuff, and we develop our own value system. It's at that point that that we start to re-examine this stuff.
Like until we separate from what we were taught to believe was true, when we were kids, we'll continue to live in a world where it seems like we lack choice, and things are constantly happening to us.
Yeah the victim mindset is definitely a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe one of the most dangerous ones. People literally go through their entire life with no control or self worth, attributing situations as "always happening to them" instead of realizing they ultimately have an unlimited array of choices and paths they can take in life. These are the type of people that never leave their home state, never change careers, self sabotage relationships, etc.
Obviously this stuff can be force fed to you when you're young and susceptible to ideas but ultimately you make the unconscious decision to accept YOUR reality. Once you can break away from that, you can consciously start veering away from all of that nonsense and see that being proactive and making moves is massively rewarding. The fact that all of us found a forum like this, that advocates self improvement and teamwork, is in and of itself a huge paradigm shift.