Critique my new headspace
So after having a pretty long plateau in game (and in life, really), I've working on adopting an attitude and perspective that is probably a lot less flashy and more mechanical and dry. I'm wondering if anyone has perspective with it.
Before, I had an attitude of "Yeah everything is great I'm a crazy superstar fun awesome pimp who is gonna make everyone laugh and bang mad bitches just for fun!" This would lead to some spectacular results, but a lot of inconsistency. My game was a roller coaster, some nights I would be so in it's ridiculous, some nights my AA would be crippling. Some nights, I'd burn it to the ground with mad results. Other nights, I'd be crazy in my head. A lot of nights, I'd start great, and just ride the smug, satisfied feeling I got, and before I knew it, I hadn't taken any action in an hour and I was crazy in my head and stifled. I didn't like the inconsistency.
Now, I try to take a more workman attitude. I show up like it's my job to approach, whether I want to or not. Indeed, at my job, I have to take care of my responsibilities and assignments regardless of whether I'm "in state" or havinga good time or enjoying myself. At work, there's no time to fantasize about how much everyone is going to love me, how enjoyable everything will be, etc. At work, no one cares how much self confidence I have or how much a pimp I am. They care about whether I'm doing a good job with no bullshit or psychological hangups, whether I'm contributing value. And that's all I care about. With game, this means that no one cares whether I have approach anxiety, no one cares whether I pulled yesterday or last week, no one cares how many girls I'm banging right now. No one cares how afraid I am to get blown out. No one cares about my state. No one cares about whether I'm a don juan, a n00b, or somewhere in the middle.
So, with game lately, I've just taken the attitude of "I'm here to do approaches. Not to feel great. Not to impress people. Not to impress myself. Not to amuse myself. Just to do approaches." It's made AA pretty irrelevant. I mean, the AA is still there, but it doesn't matter anymore, becuae my job is to approach. It's not my job to get good reactions, and it's not my job to get bad reactions. It's not my job to be creepy or to avoid being creepy. If I get the feeling that everyone thinks of me as a total creep at the bar I'm at because I'm approaching so much, I'll just pack up and go to the next bar. It's just my job to start conversations.
My results with this have been interesting. First, it seems like my nights have evened out A LOT. Things are so much more consistent now. It's not a big roller coaster with my emotions anymore. Sure, I still feel stifled and antisocial and in my head at times, and I stll feel elated at times, but if you look at the big picture, it's much more smooth. Also, I find that by the end of the night I've relaxed and loosened up. For me, just treating it like it's my job allows me to gradually relax, I think because my ego is out of it. But, I also notice that a lot of my sets are more boring. There's not the same level of expression and dynamism, not the center of attention, not the "oh wow this guy is the best!" reactions so often. The weird thing is, I can't tell if I'm being hard or polarizing. On the one hand, it just feels different to me, because it's so much less of a big deal. But on the other hand, I find viewing opening like it's my job makes me much more breaking rapport by default.
To be clear, I think my results are about the same, or are even better. I'm getting into a lot more sets, chatting with a lot more people, and being a lot less reactive. I'm also approaching hotter girls much more consistently, and having longer interactions with them.
Can anyone relate to this, and does anyone have any tips as I negotiate this new mindset? I'm sure I won't have this mindset forever, but it seems like a productive one to have for now. Maybe as I explore this mindset more, I'll start addin things to it. Like, rather than having an "approaching is my job" attitude, I'll have an "approaching and touching is my job." Nothing flashy, it's just what I'm there to do, so I'd better do it. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this new frame, but I like it and I want to play with it. But it's weird, because it seems like a much, much more different mindset than RSD typically suggests.
Constructive critiques and advice for this frame would be much appreciated.
I have a couple other ways I go about this. Try adopting the mentality that "Everybody's my friend!" ..and go from there. The issue I see with your post here is tho there might be more consistency, there's no solid motivation for glory. Your best side won't be coming out as much as it should be. I could be wrong, but that's why I elect to go with that mentality instead, it's more consistently coming from the right headspace and behavior-set.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Good stepping stone to the end result....but what is your end result?? I'm not sure you know what you want to get out of learning this. Better, healthier lifestyle? To end up with an amazing girlfriend or wife? To just bang as many girls as possible? To bang beautiful girls over toilets? Figure that out and be honest with yourself.
As for the process of starting conversations as a "job", this is good to do for a couple hours in a row, maybe a couple nights, but like you said yourself it is pretty flat not to mention a job. It can do good things for your approach anxiety but your gonna be the guy that is similar to a fucking dial tone. You really want to add life to your interactions good or bad just be livelier (spelling?). You also said a lot of your sets are boring. You wanna get out of that ASAP. Be the fun guy who says whatever he wants. Approach everyone at the beggining of the night and say whatever comes to mind.
Your on the right track but don't make going out and approaching women a chore. Make it a fun great experience for yourself and the people you are interacting with. The "game" is supposed to be all about having fun, pushing the limits and learning along the way.
Thanks all for feedback.
Your responses, and some more thinking about it on my own, has helped me. To start with, I got this idea after reading "The War of Art," where the idea is that what separates a "professional" from an "amature" is that the professional takes what he's doing so seriously that he summons the strength of himseof to show up and decide, no matter what, to do things. I think a major problem I've had is being decisive, strong, and committing, and viewing things as a job—to me, at least—was a way to harness that decisiveness and commitment. Because that's what we do with our jobs: we commit to them strongly, no matter how we feel, and we get satisfaction out of a job well done.
MW, I like what you wrote here. I think there was a post you wrote a few years ago where you said something along the lines of, "Every night, I have a mission, whether it's hanging out with my boys or fliritng with girls, I have it very clear in my mind what I'm out to do." And having that in your mind helped you act with more authority. I actually tried that a bit today at a charity concert I went to: I decided I was there to meet people and learn enough about them that I would either learn sometihng from them (in which case I could say 'thank you' to them and leave them feeling happy that they offered value), or that they could learn something from me (in which case I could leave them feeling happy that they received value). I noticed that I was opening conversations very powerfully, decisively, and easily, and the conversations were very satisfying. It was more along the lines of command and challenge interview mode, which people seemed to like, and I know I did.
But I like the idea of assuming everyone is friendly, and I like the idea of getting y best self out there. The question is, how do I get myself to take more initiative and do it more decisively? Maybe the headspace should evolve from "It's my job to have interactions." I'm trying to get to a point where I'm not questioning myself, where I just have complete self trust. Maybe, "It's my mission to create a great experience for other people." But I worry that with that attitude, I might start to question my ability to give them a great experience. So there's something about the "It's my job" thing that's letting me cut off self doubt and be decisive, and I want to keep that.
Batehs, I like your questions, and I've been thinking abotu what I want to get out of it. Basically, I want to get complete self trust out of it, plus the confidence to interact with anyone. For me, this isn't really about girls, it's about my confidence and trust as a man. And ok, it's somewhat about banging bitches. And I should clarify, when I say they're more "boring," I mean that they are less dancing monkey, more normal. My rate of getting numbers and dates seems to be about the same. But, you're right, I am going to have to make a more deliiberate effort to reintroduce dynamism into my game. It's a good catch, and I hadn't thought about it.
So, if what I'm trying to get out of this is self trust and initiative, how could I improve the "This is my job" frame, especially along the line of "The War of Art" frames?
And just in case I haven't been clear, I have a lot of gratitude and respect for these responses and this forum. Thank you so much!
Also, new goal for myself:
Make my posts much, much shorter.
Great work you did the other night at the.. symphony? Whatever it was..
Now take that same idea, and give yourself other goals to complete. You will do wonders
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Yo dude,
Read through this and It's important to quickly say that different mindsets help people at different times. Personally, I switch my mindsets up depending on what my current sticking points are.
Here are the big pros of your mindset:
-You will approach unless you get FIRED! ;)
-Your giving your mind a way to ignore the validation seeking tendencies that you outlined.
-Your giving your mind a way out of attaching "creepy" reactions to your ego.
Personally, I have not used this mindset. I do however have a good buddy who was fucked by this mindset. He used to post here. Falc. He went about this approach for awhile and started to HATE game. The problem he observed was twofold. First it put more pressure on him. He felt like he had to do things. This resulted in sending out a bad vibe. Next up he had difficulties unlocking the "fun" part of his personality.
I think the "fun" part you may be able to relate to based off the end of your writeup.
I'm going to break down some specifics in my game that helped me handle "inconsistency."
The big one here for me was realizing I can pull and fuck girls out of state. I've tried forcing it when I'm in a shitty zone but it never works. To break it down further. I realized there was no one state I could be in forever. Nor was it consistent to try and force myself into a state. Although I can do this. Motion creates emotion. I found it unreliable without the mindset of "I can do this under any emotional state."
This reminds me of some film I shot a few weeks ago where I was stressed as FUCK and not in a happy place. I had just worked 13 hours and had some nonsense going on in the background. I went up to a girl saying "I feel physically destroyed today." After listening to the recording again it shows beautifully how the conversation just slides into fun sexy land. PM me if you want this. This goes the same for "in state" nights as well. I just roll with it. If I feel like a crazy high energy mofo I go with it.
If you realize you can attract and fuck women regardless of how you feel you won't be worried about "being in state." This makes everything you do smooth. This is consistency. You must be comfortable with yourself no matter the situation. I trust that I will unwind in the interaction no matter what happens.
I'm interesting in your "lack of expression" after the switch. I would wager to say if you master what I talked about above it would not be a problem. You express whatever state you are in. Another good key for this one is the mindset "This is all just fun."
Cheers,
Steve