En route for sexy time with old friend from high school

I came home from school early this week and went out to a party with a bunch of old buddies from highschool. I started chatting with this really sweet girl that I used to be good friends with. We always had a great time together but she dated a friend of mine for a while, and banged another so the romance factor was never there. I really never thought about to it to be honest, despite her being pretty dayuum sexy.

We started chatting and the interaction had a nice freshness to it, its been a few years since we have seen each other. We start talking about school, I ask her if she is dating anyone at school. I ask in a way that puts a degree of pressure on her, a bit of a sexual disqualification because I'm almost positive she was not with anyone. She starts trying to explain herself about how she does not even have time to meet dudes, she's too busy yada yada yada. I really tried to express that "quizzical" look that MW speaks about and it works beautifully. I never did this before but the sub coms literally gave me a boner lol. I make a brief comment about her getting no sex, but it wasn't that straightforward (not sure WHAT I said). I tease her about not partying, needing to have a fun time etc. I bounce and talk to some peeps.

I have to head out early in the night but on my way out shes cleaning something (somebody spilled a drink I think), I give her a weird look and she jokingly tells me she threw up. I told her that I "wasn't surpised because she hasn't partied in 7 years." She gets up and grab my face like she is going to kiss me then pulls away. I probably could have just kissed her but I really did not see that coming lol I should get used to stuff like that! I peace out and she makes a big scene about partying with me again.

Started texting her today:

Me: (name) is this your number?

Me: or some fat video game nerd :)

Her: yesss (name) it is haha

Me: thank gawd I wasnt sure

Me: So much for this white christmas huh Santa better not fuck up the presents!

Her: nah dude you reached the (stripper girl we went to hs with) hotline

Me: lol ewww I have to behave during the holidays

Me: I missed you last night. I thought we were going to drink some seltzer together but I never made it it (name) house

Her: dude I got my wisdom teeth out so im getting after the perks

Me: yes (name) told me she got hers out too

Me: thats trippy mang

Me: how you feelin

Her: shits do wonders let me tell you

Me: Merry christmas to you! all you need now is some wine

Her: Yo (name) what are you doing for new years

Me: (name) house pumpkin

Me: what bout chu

Her: oh shit idk yet cause like (names) are gonna be gone

Me: damn dude come to (name)

Me: we will dance the night away

Her: I might just end up there me and (name) will be hanging out

Me: yes do that I wanna party wit you gals

Her: well shit were gonna have to (name)

Me: :)

Me: are you partying before new years or is your mouth not in partying condition

Her: well whenever im done with my pills alcohol will be replacing it

Me: haha (name) your a smart girl

Me: you need to party before your a homework robot again

Her: oh trust me i will be so miserable doing work there

Me: woah your missing out on all of the dirnking drama

Me: im watching this old lady she is SO cranky

Her: for your job?

Me: yes her name is (name) :)

Her: ohh damn haha im at work too about to go guzzle bleach in the bathroom this job is miserable

Me: bleach and pain pills!

Me: you DO know how to party

Me: tell the old homies I said WHAT UP     <---starting to feel like myself again the rhythm Ive been looking for

Her: I fucking hate this place I took some pills before so its a little more tolerable

Me: (meme "life expectancy in us drops for the first time in decades....finally some good news in 2016)

Me: ohhh shit to do you memes on your 1980s phone

Her: oh fuck ya just not videos

Her: why the hell is the life expectancy

Her: why the hell is the life expectancy dropping

Me:haha! no clue but I find it amusing anytime im having a bad day

Me: I just ate so much chinese food! Merry fuckin christmas (tree emoji)      <--- It was at this moment I realized what Ive been doing wrong. This is funny but it makes no sense here. Its not smooth, and not a sequence of statements I would make out loud. Also, I'm too "wordy" compared to her responses. Its overwhelming. It OK for her because she knows me, but not for online game.

Her: did you share with (name)

Her: and I dont get emojis damnit

Me: nah, (brother) and I were stuffing our faces with it lol

Me:... I guess youll neva know what emoji it was then :D

Her: holy shit how old is (name) now

Me: 16

Her: shit seems like yesterday me you (names) were hanging out

Me: lol awkward times

Me: you guys had some CRAZY sex

Her: seriously though hahahah huge joke

Me: yah whatver you say (name)

Me: nothing wrong with some weird sex

Her: yeah def didnt happen

Me: ohh I forgots you only bang (mutual friend she dated 4 years ago) ://

Me: do you hang with (name) and school LOL (weird sex offender kid that jerks it in public)

Her:  absolutely not hahaaha

Me: thats good he will jerk it in your textbooks when your not looking lol