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Entered into my first exclusive relationship.. Already having doubts.

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Joined: 04/20/2012
Came here because you guys have the best level headed consistent advice and thoughts. I got my game not to instructor level game but I could comfortably meet and date woman and had a fair amount of abundance. I've been working on self-improvement for a while, been into rsd for a while and was actively working on my gaming for about a year and a half to get to that point. I recently made a post about a girl I was seeing and I've entered into an exclusive relationship with her about three months ago and started fucking her about six months ago, the night we met. Starting that relationship was a great decision. The game I had was the baseline and entering into a relationship was giving me more growth and presence than gaming was at that time. I had several other fuck buddies at that time but this girl made me want to end it with them.

Everything is going great in person. And the growth I'm getting out of it, personally and with my knowledge of woman is something I've never experienced before. Its one thing for me to approach randoms at clubs and keep a rotation going but it requires a different level of "game" to have a girl your fucking meet your family and get really close to someone. Enough emphasis on how much I like this relationship and that I don't regret it so far. But..

My gut is telling me one thing when my head is telling me something else.

She was with this guy for three years on and off and then broke up with him for good six months before meeting me. She kept in contact with him for a while. Just before meeting me he got realllyyy needy and harassed her a bit. She would realize that it was gay but still kept in contact with him every so often. After I started dating her she would keep in contact with him but slowed it down and he went to the point of harassment. After a few weeks of being exclusive with me (its almost been three months now, six months of us seeing each other) she sat him down when he showed up at her door and explained that it wasn't ever happening, not to contact her again until he's grown up or got over her, why it wasn't happening again and that she was now with me. They deleted each other off most social media and he didn't try to contact her for a while aside from a merry christmas text. She told her parents after the fact about the harassment and they are ready to step in with legal action should it have persisted.

As far as I know it was completely no contact for that and he understood and moved on.

I noticed she liked one of his things on a social media thing the other day so I just asked her calmly if they were talking again. She said no, he hadn't tried to talk to her since the merry Christmas text, is involved in some other girl and if she saw him again she would jump into bushes to avoid him. I just told her then to be careful liking his shit or he is going to get ahead of himself and he might think he has a chance with her again or start the harassment again. She agreed and that was it.

Now one of my friends said he just saw her interacting with him on another social media site that I don't have. I checked it out. He followed her on it and she did the same. She liked or re-posted a few of his posts. Including one that says "Sometimes people need to fall apart to find out how much they need to fall back together" if it were anyone else I wouldn't think twice about it but reposting that from your ex is a little suspicious to me. She posted one that said "you cheated on me in a dream and im not over it!" he liked and posted "yup!" on it. She also posted one just after following him that said "I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, thats the trouble. I wanted to kiss you goodnight and theres a lot of difference." He liked that one. She posted just after following him "I just want to talk to you like old times" and he liked that one too. She re-posted a song that is about "But something good, oh something good, oh something good Oh something tonight will make me forget about you for now"



One side of me is just thinking its silly social media and she doesn't even know what shes doing. Or if she does know she just is being a girl and doesn't like him or is cheating on me emotionally or will ever leave me for this guy again. BUT then there is my gut feeling. I feel she is attracted to him still. Even though I'm positive she won't leave me for him I am not really cool with being in a relationship where the chick is singing heart-broken songs and reminiscing about her ex. Its cool if she misses the memories and shit but their is a line.

I have some options:

-Forget about it and carry on with her as usual. In person I smell nothing fishing going on and our relationship is as strong as ever.

-Just bring it up casually. "Hey my friend said he saw you talking to your ex over xx media site." Then either ask her to see it and/or ask if she is talking to him again, or very casually just ask if she is interested in him or even misses him.

- Bring it up with force and either distance myself or break up with her. "Hey I saw you were interacting with you ex in a way that isn't appropriate. I'm not cool with that" then either distance myself or end it that way.

- Just break up with her without much reason.

My gut is feeling weird about this one but I don't know if its normal to miss a guy you dated for three years even if he was a weirdo after being with someone else for only three months. I wonder if I choose the first option he'll just fade into the background as we grow or she'll always have him in the back of her mind.

What are your guys thoughts? Any other options I have?
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Joined: 05/22/2012
I'd say don't even think
I'd say don't even think about that stuff

at first I thought she probably liked his shit for sympathy, cuz she 'feels bad', but now I'm thinking she just likes the little bit of emotional high she gets off it

you're thinking and acting like you can't replace her, you can't maintain what you can't replace
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Joined: 04/20/2012
Nahh. Your probably only half
edit: ^^ I'm damn sure I can replace her. I logically and emotionally understand that. I mean.. Our connection and similar values are rare but if she is pulling this shit, its not hard to replace. Abundance isn't the issue

Nahh. Your probably only half right.

I figured this stuff out over my work shift with tolle in my ears. That mother fucking ego is at it again. I'll post more tomm but yeah.. I figured it out
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Joined: 01/18/2012
The first part started out
The first part started out with something that could be dealt with using some "drama" type relationship game, but after reading the whole thing it's pretty obvious there's still a relationship between those two. I mean.. you understand they took it as FAR as it could go through "social media". That is some advanced type shit they were sending each other. I know what that stuff is, I do it myself with girls.

You should have handled it with a firm hand back in the beginning now it's escalated to a point where this girl no longer deserves "exclusivity" status. You need to put this bitch in check and put her on massive chase mode.

"I just am not going to deal with a girl that is that needy for attention that she chases after some little out of control freak that has to be threatened by the cops. If that's what you're looking for, then you should go for that." Put your hands up facing out like you're separating yourself from the weird creepiness. This will freak her the fuck out, she will run from being stigmatized as being in the same category as this assbag. If you cannot project this onto her without her freaking out and projecting onto you, then you will know that you were never in control in the first place.
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Joined: 01/31/2012
Give this chick the boot. No
Give this chick the boot. No excuse for bullshit like that.
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Joined: 04/20/2012
Manwhore wrote:The first part
Manwhore wrote:
The first part started out with something that could be dealt with using some "drama" type relationship game, but after reading the whole thing it's pretty obvious there's still a relationship between those two. I mean.. you understand they took it as FAR as it could go through "social media". That is some advanced type shit they were sending each other. I know what that stuff is, I do it myself with girls.

You should have handled it with a firm hand back in the beginning now it's escalated to a point where this girl no longer deserves "exclusivity" status. You need to put this bitch in check and put her on massive chase mode.

"I just am not going to deal with a girl that is that needy for attention that she chases after some little out of control freak that has to be threatened by the cops. If that's what you're looking for, then you should go for that." Put your hands up facing out like you're separating yourself from the weird creepiness. This will freak her the fuck out, she will run from being stigmatized as being in the same category as this assbag. If you cannot project this onto her without her freaking out and projecting onto you, then you will know that you were never in control in the first place.



Thanks a ton for your reply MW, such a good perspective. The "first part" being the little contact she had at the beginning of our relationship? And yes, there are still feelings.. I think this social media crap is as far as it's gone in terms of their relationship but the next step is texting/calling/emailing. How would I have handled it earlier with a backhand? I thought I dealt with it enough when she sat him down and told him its over, shes with me and no contact. That put an end to everything for a while.. until a few days ago. Either way your right, she doesn't deserve exclusivity.


Your advice of what to do is.. fuck.. it's amazing. I was thinking of just telling her what I saw and heard and seeing her reaction. She would guaranteed try to project I'm either overacting/jealous OR that she doesn't still have strong feelings for him and try to reassure me of her love so I'd stick around despite this bs. I'm calculating my moves based of her reactions which isn't cool but I'm sure it'd be one of those two. Then I was planning on basically ending it until she gets her shit together... But I'm thinking now I don't necessarily have to end it depending on how strong her feelings are and where she wants to take it with both of us. But I don't see how I would be able to carry on a relationship with having that in the back of mind.. Always wondering if she is going to talk to him behind my back. Either way she needs to be taken down a notch.

I'm sure I can project that shit onto her. I've done it before in many ways, sometimes subtle that illicit big reactions from her. Funnily enough a few hours after seeing that shit and posting this thread she texts me saying she was really sad tonight for the first time in a while. Feeling overwhelmed, insecure, lonely.. All things she said she felt in the past but thought she was over. Well no shit sherlock. The start of that social media crap was five days ago. The a few of the heavier ones were from today.. Right before she said she felt like crap. Needs to get control of her emotions.


I'll have no problem getting her to see that frame. I'm already congruent with it. The question I'm thinking now is what to do after the fact. My gut is telling me to dump her but that's what I did a few months into my last relationship three years ago. Dumped her when she did something dumb. I don't want to get into a cycle of ending things the second they get out of line. My gut says end it but I'm wondering if a relationship can be continued now or if she is still emotionally unavailable
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Joined: 04/20/2012
Aequitas wrote:Give this
Aequitas wrote:
Give this chick the boot. No excuse for bullshit like that.


Like MW said, she doesn't deserve exclusivity. Like I mentioned at the end of my last post.. I'm wondering if after I do what MW said I have to end things completely or what to do next. What would be best for us, me and her.
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Joined: 01/18/2012
No you've got to appreciate
No you've got to appreciate the intricacies of what that projects onto her, it paints talking to him as disgusting, while giving her a way out, pleading with you that that's not what's happening.
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 04/20/2012
Manwhore wrote:No you've got
Manwhore wrote:
No you've got to appreciate the intricacies of what that projects onto her, it paints talking to him as disgusting, while giving her a way out, pleading with you that that's not what's happening.



I re-read it and played it out in my head. Completely new frame. There is no way she can't talk all ^^ that shit on. I'm positive she was ever thinking of leaving me for him.. I am better in literally every way. Now and compared to when they were dating. But she was with him from 17-19. Prime years. She of course has emotions tied to and invested in him. Projecting that frame onto her does as you say.. Paints him as a disgusting needy troll. She'll plead that's not whats going on cause she doesn't want to be seem as having the same retardation as him. How does it give her a way out? A way out of our relationship by saying I don't want that behavior.. And she'll thereby decide to herself that she wants our relationship and chooses me over missing and being in contact with her ex.
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Joined: 04/20/2012
I just told her I wanted to
I just told her I wanted to talk and it looks like tomm night is our next opportunity to get together. Funnily enough past night just before I told her that she was texting me shit like how sad she was last night. Since this is a text forum:

"I need to sleep bc I have a test in the morning. But I feel sad. overwhelmed, especially lonely, hurt, insecure., a lot of different things. I feel like that I've put those away for a while but I can only be strong for so long. I don't know what sparked it thou, I felt okay, then I got home from the gym and meltdown mode ensued.
Right now Im a migrane way"
"But I'm slightly relieved, things always look better in the morning
I talked it out a little with xgaybestfriendx. I'm just missing some family and friends and it gets to me some nights. Last night especially. I find I'm okay for a long time, feeling strong and independent ..and then suddenly I can't keep that up and I get overwhelmingly sad"
"I'm just lacking quality time with family and friends. There's only so much me time I can have before my brain starts opening up things that I've put to rest."

Just like I thought. She doesn't want that ass clown back but because of school she's only had one night with other people (I went out with her and some friends) and she lives alone. 30 mins from her family. Understandably she's sad and lonely but doesn't excuse her reaching out like that to her ex.

I guess I'll meet with her tomm night. I'd rather do it in person over the phone or Skype since it carries more weight.

I just said she had some quality time with me and others aside from the past few days where's she been working straight. An she just just replied:

"Lots? The only night I've spent with people in almost two weeks is last Thursday. Other then that I've been working/by myself. I want to go home.."

Just going to not dive too deep into it until I can see her next
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Joined: 04/20/2012
I just said I wanted to wait
I just said I wanted to wait until we met up to talk.

Her: It's fine I don't need to talk about it anymore. *Her sadness the past little bit* And can you just generally tell me what you want to talk about, I don't like feeling like I've maybe done something wrong

Not sure how to respond. It'll be at least till tomm night until I can see her. In person I know her needs to be done but I'm not sure how to proceed till then. Anything I can think of will open up a can of worms. How should I frame this until tomm
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Joined: 01/18/2012
Dude it's pretty simple. You
Dude it's pretty simple. You need to stay firm and on top of your shit. The fact that made you waver is highly questionable. I am being nice right now.
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Joined: 04/20/2012
Can you reply to that last
Can you reply to that last one without the niceness?
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Joined: 01/18/2012
If just that made you waver
If just that made you waver you have about as strong a frame as your typical chode. It is no wonder she is flirting with other guys.
__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 04/20/2012
Word up. I've been
Word up. I've been surprisingly calm and cool when I first saw all that shit. Aside from a slight knot in my stomach my emotions and thoughts were just "oh this is happening."

Your right though. I'm coming from the frame now that she can get on program or we're through. If its not strong enough we'll break up and ill become more centered without her. Not really worried about the outcome here, just want to do the best with what I got now.
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Joined: 01/18/2012
No I'm talking about the fact
No I'm talking about the fact she says she's having a bad day and just wants a quick breakdown over text and now you're trying to figure out what to do because that threw you off.
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 04/20/2012
Manwhore wrote:"I just am not
Manwhore wrote:
"I just am not going to deal with a girl that is that needy for attention that she chases after some little out of control freak that has to be threatened by the cops. If that's what you're looking for, then you should go for that." Put your hands up facing out like you're separating yourself from the weird creepiness.


At first when I read that I understood it to have a tonality that shows anger and break rapport to show that she crossed my boundary. Now I'm thinking it should be projected while a calm demeanor. Like shes not even worth my energy to have to dominate. Instead its more of.. you do what you what but that shit doesn't fly with me.
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Joined: 01/18/2012
Yes deathly calm demeanor.
Yes deathly calm demeanor. And she does what she has to do but if she does that it's disgusting to you.
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 04/20/2012
That's what I did
That's what I did instinctively. I heard after a long silence "I'm trying to read you but you have a blank face" I remembered your article about usually when you project no emotions it's because your hiding bad ones. But talking to her about that shit I felt a ton of inner calmness. Was good. And I think I projected what you said onto her pretty clearly... She was kicking herself that she could fuck us up over something so stupid. She is def over him but had the classic guilt that she caused someone that much pain since he hasn't moved on. At one point she was so overwhelmed at displeasing me she fainted. So yeah I guess I projected it fairly well

Just trying to think now of where I want to take it. If I let her keep her exclusivity she'll take a lot of care with it but I might be rewarding the bad behaviour.
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Joined: 01/18/2012
Damn son, looks like you
Damn son, looks like you handled it well. As far as the exclusivity thing, I don't know I'm generally not exclusive these days, but if I was I would probably say yes go bang a couple girls to keep things on an even footing. It will definitely be good for you and put her in perspective.

If that completely fucks with your "reason" for exclusivity then you've got to go read some rationalmale, buddy.
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 04/20/2012
Manwhore wrote:Damn son,
Manwhore wrote:
Damn son, looks like you handled it well. As far as the exclusivity thing, I don't know I'm generally not exclusive these days, but if I was I would probably say yes go bang a couple girls to keep things on an even footing. It will definitely be good for you and put her in perspective.

If that completely fucks with your "reason" for exclusivity then you've got to go read some rationalmale, buddy.



I posted this on another forum and there a few good responses but most of them are from butthurt fagholes. Your advice was damn solid. All I needed to do was re-centre myself and proceed with whatever I wanted. I started hitting up more girls again, if things do go south in the next little bit I'm going to ghost. A few years ago before I even knew about game I dumped a chick after three months of knowing her. We weren't even exclusive. But full juliens drama game. She was "psychotically" in love with me for a longgg time afterwards. Until I got tired of the late night phone calls so I cut her off completely. If this relationship goes south I'm not going to do that.. The lulz-energy ratio isn't worth it. It's interesting to think about though.. If I ended things with this girl would she subconsciously prefer me to stir up drama? Strong emotions to the max but it'll fuck her up hardcore as it did the last girl till I stopped.

And no it doesn't affect my reason of exclusivity. Although I read a thread on rsd and you made a comment about how some advanced guy could feel his emotions for a girl and just not become identified, and that he was lucky to not be jaded yet. After all this I think I'm jaded
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Joined: 01/18/2012
No you're not jaded and don't
No you're not jaded and don't take yourself so seriously. It's not going to fuck her up hardcore.
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Joined: 01/18/2012
I'm not saying that to bash
I'm not saying that to bash you in any way, that thinking is just plainly not good for you.
__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information