FR: Penelope Cruz's Twin, Appreciating Progress, Sexual Intent
Sun, 03/15/2015 - 20:20
Last night was a really cool experience. I’m becoming even more aware of how different my level of consciousness is now compared to when I first got started with this. I also escalated really quickly (like 20-30 seconds) with a girl who looked like a 20 year old Penelope Cruz. This interaction got me seeing that I’ve got conflicting thoughts and feelings about getting sexual that have been running in the background. My focus is on those things rather than on the kind of things that would make sexual expression and intent a natural outflow. Don’t know what that would be though, feedback on that would be appreciated.
Enjoying The Moment, Appreciating Rejection, Seeing How Far I had Come:
I enjoyed this night so much. Felt very peaceful, present, really enjoying the music, people’s vibes, the cooling breeze that moved through the club, just an overall sense of well-being. I also went out with friends who have no hesitation approaching and gaming while sober and met some other guys who were similar. It’s a lot of fun going out with guys who add to the fun and are social. I could feel it so palpably that the whole venue was so much fun and super friendly.
Even girls who were like “uh no, no thanks” right when I approached them I was thankful. I didn’t feel any or much emotional pain so I didn't experience it as personal. I actually felt happy and grateful about it. It was like I know nothing about this girl except she’s cute. I don’t know what her mood is, he sexual desire, her sexual availability, how well she knows herself and the type of guys she knows she clicks well with. Thanks for having the clarity and being able to make that decision really quick and easy for me. I think it also helped that I know I have a lot of really attractive girls who are into me right off the bat that it doesn’t bother me, I can’t be for everybody.
It wasn’t always like this though and I felt very appreciative of having come so far. When I first got started I would project my self-judgements onto other people and so they seemed unfriendly, uninviting and they became self-fulfilling prophecies. Now it’s so different, it felt like I was on a drug last night just hanging out enjoying the moment and it had me think about wow this is so different from years ago when I started going out. Also, this is probably kind of what it’s like for women going out enjoying everything, presuming people will be super friendly and welcoming to you for no reason then you just show up. I’m seeing how so much of my experience before was more a reflection of my own thoughts/feelings than the people I was meeting.
I open this girl, looks like a 20 year old version of Penelope Cruz, she’s also from Spain just like the actress. I lean in to hear what she’s saying and I can feel her energy she’s wanting me to kiss her so I do. I have her hand in mine, her hand on her lower back. We start making out. She lives in the area, she’s alone at the club. I’m like cool come meet my friends. My energy was off though. It was scattered. She picked up a rushed type of energy, like I was rushing too much based on her response. She went from being into me to like uhh no it’s okay not going with you, tried to dial it back and say I come meet my friend who's walking in front of us but it was too late. I could feel fear, hesitation and lack of clarity (okay what do I do next) when I kissed her, this was definitely a huge part of it I’m sure and with that she probably wouldn’t feel she could trust I would lead her comfortably into sex. Psychologically, emotionally, intentionality wise I wasn’t in the right space to take that and move it to a close.
South African Girl:
My friend I met a couple weekends ago texts me that’s he just got there. Dude has a lot of swag, goes out solo, looks like he’s a professional soccer player who’s off season, doesn’t give a fuck and is chilled out and friendly, I call him Venezuela. Half the time I can’t make out what he’s saying, this guy's awesome, dude's the shit. He introduces me to these two girls he had approached. Both Classy, sexy, elegant. One’s from London, the other from South Africa. We each go on either side of the girls who are sitting next to each other, I’m talking to South Africa. She’s very friendly and receptive. My friend pulls me aside “Hey these girls are ready. Let’s get them a drink and pull them back to my place I live super close to here.” I was like uhh you sure about that? They're drinking water now, these girls aren’t ready, my girl isn’t in a sexual mood. This was also a reflection of myself really.
I keep talking the girl’s into me but I can just feel I’m hesitating, not sure how to move it forward. I can tell she loses engagement in the interaction, probably because I didn't escalate the vibe to more sexual. I noticed this in particular when I touched her bracelet and made a comment and she instead talked to the bartender. Her energy was much more receptive in the beginning. I go talk to my friend, while I do that this boss alpha male Asian dude comes up to her. Starts being super aggressive physically. I hear her getting mad like “Why are you so rude”, dude’s unphased, smiling, her body’s complying, she’s getting turned on and becoming more receptive and reciprocal with her touch. He’s super aggressive, his friend looks like a skinny Asian gangster, cool as a cucumber, doesn’t give a fuck either like it’s a normal thing while his friend is cavemaning the South African chick.
Her friend next to her isn’t doing anything at all to stop this the whole time. Seeing that dynamic had me see that my friend was probably right, they both were down to fuck. I had a feeling this guy was being too aggressive though, she wanted the D but if he didn’t give her space she’d feel too much like a slut and would blow him out. I came back later like 20 minutes and the girls were still there but the guys were gone. Still it made me see I gotta work on my inner game around sexual intent. Not quite sure what is going on there but there’s a lot to accomplish out of that.
Thanks for any feedback guys, appreciate it.
Sun, 03/15/2015 - 22:25#1