Girl I met in the Summer
I met her 6 months ago. I want to see her this weekend and I haven't been able to get a feel for how to go about it. When we met we went out a few times together and hooked up but no sex. She told me she hadn't had sex in a year and I believe her (she gave herself lots of opportunities to cockblock herself). She told me she avoided sex can't handle casual sex bc she gets too emotionally invested after sex (she let me know her vibrator was a good friend so at least she's not asexual). I share this bc I think it's a relevant factor in the situation, it's been 6 months since I last saw her but between her busy schedule and her cockblocking herself and the contrast between how I was and most guys are I think I stick out in her mind. Basically after we met I'm pretty sure it became more and more apparent the difference between myself and everyone else she came in contact with which is why I think she's interested.
In hindsight what I was doing was essentially Tight Rope game though I thought I was just being authentic with her (basically cross the line/drama handle her reaction by being icy bc it's not really a big deal to me and semi-oblivious as to why she would respond that way) but went a little over and didn't callibrate it properly (civilian speak: I should have apologized and changed the subject). She said it shouldn't be so hard between us and so we probably weren't a good match. But that she wanted to hang out because she thought I was really interesting. I take this to mean she is obviously attracted but wants me to tweak it a bit bc I had crossed a boundary with her. I was in an anti-game phase at the time so I asked her if she meant she really wanted to hook up but wanted me to change my behavior. It's been 6 months though so I don't know how relevant it's going to be at this point in feeling she needs to be consistent with "no I really meant it". I shot her a few social invites after. I shot her a question on Thanksgiving and a New Years message I blasted to a bunch of people.
I included a backstory at the bottom because I think this explains why she's still interested even though I met her so long ago. I also think it will also be valuable for the forum to go in more detail because I find when I read other guy's reports it almost helps recallibrate my energy/vibe/mindset.
2 week ago:
Me: Hey I'm in the city checking out houses, what are you up to? Tea on me if you're free. Cheers.
Me: (6 mins) And I know it's out of the blue haven't been out much since the surgery (she has no idea what it is) which was around the same time I last saw you. Hope all is good.
Her: (10mins) In the middle of getting a UN security clearance certification. talk soon?
Me: (22 mins) Sure. Good luck on your exams Miss Bond
2 weeks later
Me: Hey I'm going out w friends tonight and want to see you beforehand. What are you doing around 9, we can grab tea or something to drink. Hope all is good.
Her: (1hr 3mins) I have a bunch of work to do, but I'm going out tonight with my roommates when I'm finished. Where are you headed?
Me:(23 mins) Area 1, Area 2 maybe (club where I met her) don't want to pay to hear a shity DJ though
Me: (35 mins) Where are you guys going tonight maybe I'll swing by
Her (1 min, 6:30pm) ___ hotel I think
Me: ( 12:38 AM) Where you at (I should have said, "How's the scene over there"_
No response. I call her the next day leave a voicemail so she can hear in my tone I'm not emotional and I'm casual about it "Hey it's ClosingIsAHabit just calling to see if you're alright I didn't hear back from you last night. Hope all is good, take care." I do this because she's guarded and suspicious of guy's intentions so this will make her see 1. I'm cool with her not responding 2. I'm persistent (aka maybe he's emotionally invested in me so it makes me feel safer/less vulnerable) and because it shows confidence especially because when I met her I set the frame of "I call it how I see it" making myself open to being rejected because of my emotional indifferent to rejection, basically no game game.
She calls me 2 days later in the afternoon, her tone is very girly and friendly, tells me she lost her phone that night. I'm in the middle of shoveling so I walk into my house. Guys living downstairs comes and asks me to help him with some paperwork (in Spanish, which she understands) I tell him okay shortly. I walk up to my room, ask her how her weekend was. She tells me it was interesting (in a 'did she hook up with someone because she got so drunk' tone, at least that's the meaning I gave it). To be honest I was beginning to feel a bit nervous and wasn't clear on what my intention was in having this conversation with her so I told her I had to help someone and that I'd call her back. I called her back 2 days later (which was 2 days ago).
I hope that was precise enough. What do you guys think I should do from here?
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Backstory:
When I met her I was in this space where my mind was very still and I took action/escalated from the frame of I take action/escalate to discover if there's mutually interest without attaching significance to my ego if it went one way or another. I was also boldly transparent and icy again because there was no ego attachment. I was completely sober that night when I met her. I was doing what essentially was Tight Rope game where basically I say/do a lot of 'crossing the line'type things and deal with her reaction by being icy and like what I'm doing is normal or I'm oblivious to it being over the line.
She gives guys a ton of shit to keep them away. I later found out she basically does this as a way to deter herself from casual sex because she says she becomes really emotionally invested in a guy after sex and casual sex makes her feel all whacked out emotionally.
I see her in a club sitting by herself. We start talking, "I thought you were very attracted and wanted to meet you". She's skeptical and starts giving me a lot of shit. She tells me she hates going to clubs because guys feel entitled to touch her and the environment encourages people to be pretentious. She says she prefers dive bars because they're more casual. She's really attractive, redhead, big boobs, going to school for her Masters. And she's giving me a lot of shit, aparently she gave the last 5 guys right before me a lot of shit too because they all left after buying her a drink or trying to stay in the conversation. She's skeptical/defensive, says I'm just a guy at a club trying to sleep with her. "Well of course, why wouldn't I want to sleep with you. You're beautiful, very well read and we get along, why wouldn't I want to sleep with you."
Her: You think you're so smooth don't you
Me: Am I? (Neutral, not egoically invested either way, icy)
Her: No you aren't, but you THINK you are don't you. (watching for my reaction)
Me: Oh. (again no ego reaction, neutral). No I have no intention in trying to be smooth, I'm just being honest with whatever I'm thinking.
Her: You know what you are though? You're very bold, I'll give you that.
We talk for a while. Towards the end I tell her she's being skeptical of everything I say even though I'm just being transparent but that it's cool. She says I'm full of shit. I tell her okay if you want to think that.
Her: Okay, then what's my name?
Me: Uh......what's my name? (jokingly, but I didn't remember her name)
Her: ClosingIsAHabit. And I NEVER remember guy's names!
She gets all pissed (later she tells me she was just giving me shit to fuck with me, but she seemed pretty upset) tells me she has to go to the bathroom, I tell her nonchalantly that I have to go too and I'll come with her. She says she has to go see her friends actually. lol this girl is something else. Like 10 minutes later I see her walking out of the club with her friends. I walk right up to her, she sees me, keeps looking ahead and ignores me when I go to talk to her. I act like it's part of the plan and walk comfortably behind her and talk to her friend. "I like your friend and would like to see her again. Do you mind stopping for a moment so I can get her number" (Said in a neutral tone not permission/question tone).
Her: Maybe if you had remembered her name that would be possible!
lmao. I walk outside with them and the girl is standing outside with all her friends. I walk slowly up to her looking her straight in the eyes. I can see her friends all grilling me out of my peripheral like 'who the fuck is this guy!'
I walk up to her, very calm, relaxed. I look into her eyes...
Me: I like you and I want to see you again
Guy get's all aggressive, puts arm around her, "Hey buddy she's with me I think you should step back"
Me: (icy, casual, social) Cool, nice to meet you, what's your name man (shake his hand). How do you guys know each other
Him: (I can feel his vibe, he's full of shit. I get bored, turn back to my girl and ignore him)
Me: What are you doing tomorrow, I want to see you
Her: (gets all girly) I'm free tomorrow
I get her number we hang out next day all day. I try to escalate but she resiste the fuck out of it. We hang out like 2-3 more times. Last time I saw her I slept at her place making out feeling her tits. She didn't want me touching her pussy though tried! She acts bitchy in the morning when she has to go. She later apologizes via text we over text and she misinterprets what I mean blah blah and it ends how I mentioned above.
Cliffnotes?
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Met a girl 6 months ago. Prude. Hooked up, no sex. She's into me though re-engaged.
2 week ago:
Me: Hey I'm in the city checking out houses, what are you up to? Tea on me if you're free. Cheers.
Me: (6 mins) And I know it's out of the blue haven't been out much since the surgery (she has no idea what it is) which was around the same time I last saw you. Hope all is good.
Her: (10mins) In the middle of getting a UN security clearance certification. talk soon?
Me: (22 mins) Sure. Good luck on your exams Miss Bond
2 weeks later
Me: Hey I'm going out w friends tonight and want to see you beforehand. What are you doing around 9, we can grab tea or something to drink. Hope all is good.
Her: (1hr 3mins) I have a bunch of work to do, but I'm going out tonight with my roommates when I'm finished. Where are you headed?
Me: (23 mins) Area 1, Area 2 maybe (club where I met her) don't want to pay to hear a shity DJ though
Me: (35 mins) Where are you guys going tonight maybe I'll swing by
Her (1 min, 6:30pm) ___ hotel I think
Me: ( 12:38 AM) Where you at (I should have said, "How's the scene over there"_
No response. I call her the next day leave a voicemail so she can hear in my tone I'm not emotional and I'm casual about it "Hey it's ClosingIsAHabit just calling to see if you're alright I didn't hear back from you last night. Hope all is good, take care." I do this because she's guarded and suspicious of guy's intentions so this will make her see 1. I'm cool with her not responding 2. I'm persistent (aka maybe he's emotionally invested in me so it makes me feel safer/less vulnerable) and because it shows confidence especially because when I met her I set the frame of "I call it how I see it" making myself open to being rejected because of my emotional indifferent to rejection, basically no game game.
She calls me 2 days later in the afternoon, her tone is very girly and friendly, tells me she lost her phone that night. I'm in the middle of shoveling so I walk into my house. Guys living downstairs comes and asks me to help him with some paperwork (in Spanish, which she understands) I tell him okay shortly. I walk up to my room, ask her how her weekend was. She tells me it was interesting (in a 'did she hook up with someone because she got so drunk' tone, at least that's the meaning I gave it). To be honest I was beginning to feel a bit nervous and wasn't clear on what my intention was in having this conversation with her so I told her I had to help someone and that I'd call her back. I called her back 2 days later (which was 2 days ago).
I hope that was precise enough. What do you guys think I should do from here? I want to see her this weekend.
Hm this is interesting. Is she overall just sort of unenthusiastic about things? She's invested but it almost seems like she's handling this like she does everything else.. very professionally, lol.
I'd just set up a date with her like it's an actual appointment. Are you trying to spice things up with her through texting so that it makes her want to hang out with you more before you ask? I'm not sure that's needed, this seems like the kind of girl that's either available or not. I'd just ask her what time she can hang out either Sat or Sun. "Hey sunshine what time you available to hang out this Sat or Sun? Just keep in mind the batmobile is in the shop so I can't get too crazy"
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
She's a feisty redhead. And a sex camel. I met her in August and she hadn't had sex since September.
I think she's just very clear on what she wants (she crafted her life plan at 12, colleges picked out and everything) and has a very busy school schedule (has a lot of self-control/self-discipline), she's getting her master's at a very good university on a scholarship.
She gave me so much shit when I met her, she screens a lot bc she wants to scare away guys who are only interested in casual sex prob out of self-preservation, she said she feels too emotionally invested with guys after sex for just casual sex.
Here's what I sent her. Haven't heard back yet.
Me: I'm gonna go see my friend in ____ tonight, what are you doing later?
Me: (24 mins) He tells me Kate Upton will be there. I am highly suspicious of the veracity of said statement
Me: (1 min) Dubious at best
Edit: Just realized asking her what she's doing later probably sounded like post going out booty calls. Might text her laughing about it or just hit her up after. Thoughts?
Hit up a ONS from like fucking two years ago. My buddy slept w her girlfriend that night.
Me: I'm in the city tonight let's meet for questionable life choices over hot chocolate. Let's do this.
Me: (Her gf) can join too but only if she gives a hand (a joke, I jumped in bed next morning after we hooked up, touched her friend's pussy trying to get a threesome started)
But she already had plans w a friend for yoga. Made a joke about being an off the books yoga teacher with 10+ years experience and that I could teach her at home. She said she couldn't because of her friend.
Me: I mean she can join if she's cute (if she gives a hand)
Me: Or just tell her you have an impending yoga emergency at home that needs tending to.
No response lmao.
I want to sleep with her tonight. What do you guys recommend?
Tonight:
Me: Hope yoga class wasn't too strenuous. What are you doing tonight
Her: I am still at work :(
Me: Slave labor
Her: Yep
Me: (4 min) I heard staying in with good company and red wine is a good way to destress. When are you out
Her: (3 min) Lol I bet. I can't today thou. Just let me know earlier next time so can plan accordingly.
Me: (3 min) I said destress not worry about if your place is a mess or not.
Me: I mean if you're saying you want me to wear a blindfold at some point you can just ask. I might say yes you never know.
Her: (2 min) Haha
Me: (13 min) Wow the whole time? That's kinky (her name), I like it. Just don't try putting anything in my bum though.
Her: (7 min) U r funny
Me: (3 min) Are saying it's funny bc it's not a choice. Wow listen your place being messy really was n ever a big deal but this butt thing is quickly becoming an issue. (I just thought it was funny, no game value here)
Sometimes I feel like I can walk on water, raise people from the dead and get away with sending lame text messages to girls because the aura of awesomeness that surrounds me makes me impervious to the laws of the universe. Now that I'm no longer in the Jesus mode and reread this I think wow this is just absolutely terrible, in what fucking right mind did I convince myself it wouldn't look lame hahaha.
I realize this was the same thing that caused issues between us which is why she put the brakes on it. I had pushed a little too hard and didn't callibrate properly but not in the looking like a chode department more the I want you to be a little more sensitive to my feelings.
To quote her "ClosingIsAHabit, it's like you like to set things on fire just to watch them burn down and then put it out just before it burns down completely".
I think the frame I set from the beginning ends up making me look more confident when I do whatever because it's unpredictable, not giving a fuck, bold etc. Basically emotionally indifferent to possibility of rejection. She's also into old movies and doesn't put out very easily so I pressume it hits on the old school movie archetype she prob likes but I'm not sure bc I've never watched them. I'm not normally like this but I met her when I was in this not giving a fuck phase so I can be like that more easily w her bc we have a track record of that.
btw MW I was hesitant to call her sunshine bc of the way it ended last time we talked and she was insulted when I called her baby because a baby was 'defenseless and incapable of taking care of themselves' or something like that. haha girl's something else man.
What do you think I should do?
I'm thinking just send her what I wrote at the beginning of this post but change "message girls" to "message you" and maybe throw in "So listen let's just cut the formalities. I haven't seen you in forever and I was thinking it'd be cool to give you a proper welcome to a real New England winter by getting snowed in, dinner, old movies and catching up with you, blizzard wife status (blizzard today here). But my dad had a heart attack recently so I don't want him shoveling and realistically I can't take off so much time and I suspect same w you. But I want to see you."
That might be too long/much and maybe it would be best to keep it lighter.
My intention is to just keep the channels of communication open for a meetup. I don't want to text too much with her, not at least until after we hook up. Don't want to have every text be about meeting up either.
How do you guys think I should I handle this?
Me: I'm gonna go see my friend in ____ tonight, what are you doing later?
Me: (24 mins) He tells me Kate Upton will be there. I am highly suspicious of the veracity of said statement
Me: (1 min) Dubious at best
Me: (3 hrs 3mins) Lol
Me: Just realized later prob sounded like booty call
Me: Nay
Me: Let me know what's up this weekend I was telling my friend oh that's the girl who's name I forgot (reference to first night I met her) He was out w me that night but never met you. Cheers
No response back
I've had a lot fo fun messing with this girl seeing how full retard I can go and still keep it going. And I like her too, cool girl.
That text above was two Fridays. That Sunday I sent her this text setting up the follow up call.
Me: Sometimes I feel like I can walk on water, raise ppl from the dead and get away w sending lame text msgs bc the aura of awesomeness that surrounds me makes me impervious to the laws of the universe. Now that I"m no longer in the Jus mode these txts look terrible. Or mb I love them and find them hilarious.
Me: Anyways expect a call soon once the general craziness wanes down. (It's been snowing like a mother fucker here). Welcome to your first proper New England winter, (Hername).
No response. (I think some girls just don't respond if the text doesn't call for an explicit response. I've noticed this with busy girl and it's also a test to see if you are going to make it mean anything that they dont'. If you do you don't get them, are overly sensitive, care too much etc.)
I called her yesterday. Left her a voicemail "Pfft. Seriously, you still use voicemail? It's 2015 (her name), it's 2015.
I recorded this little gem and sent it to her as a text.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/dkxd5llbe2jf6h6/Voicemessage.mp3?dl=0
She replied back today:
Her: (10:48AM) I have class from 6-9 most nights
Me: (11:57AM) You would. So much dork. And tonight?
Her: (12:00) Med school mixer
Me: (12:03) Wow riveting.
Her: (12:04) Free food and an open bar
Me: (12:05) Are they checking credentials or could someone theoretically pretend to be a med student for free drinks and h'orderves
Her: (12:34) No, you have to have ID
Me: (12:43) That had zero impact on my ability to crash the Canadian Press for sciences mixer. They even gave a me a beaker-mug
Me: (8:07pm) Anyways starting to remind me of this game Zzz, hmu after nerd superconference. Bring h'orderves. Bonus points if you can sneak out a bottle. Text me ahead of time I'm gonna be bouncing around the city. Cheers
lol we'll see what comes of this. She's cute and I like her a lot but I'm starting to get bored so if we don't meet up I'll prob just shoot her a text letting her know balls on her court and make her take the initiative.
