Grow my sack back: a comprehensive strategy guide for taking back your balls addressing both symptoms & Root causes
A little background on how I got myself in this predicament.
I had finished coaching with MW the past fall and was in the absolute peak of my game. My charisma is effortless, I have sex oozing from every pore. And wherever I go girls are just blaring me with fuck me eyes before I’d even open my mouth. This is the first time ever that I am in my prime. Game is flowing so naturally that I'd forgotten any terminology or theory that I had spent years studying. For all intents and purposes I am a natural. Any girls around me are on their best behaviour. Take no shit, do no harm.
And boom, for the first time in my life. I fall in love. Not a clingy kind of love. This girl is awesome, she treats me like a king and is an adorable little bundle of joy, being around her just feels…right. And she is awesome in her own right driven, beautiful, studying for medical school, published for cancer research multiple times, sucks dick like a pro…oh and did I mention she treats me like a king.
Pretty Awesome huh?
Well..6 months pass…and as it turns out, soon as I made it into an official relationship the programming in my head had a computing error and rebooted all the old chode conditioning that I had uninstalled years back. My girl is acting pompous, bitchy, fights me on everything and will NOT let me lead.
Now most chodes I see, or even society would dictate that this is the natural order of shit, I refused to believe that.
I had given away all my power. And not by choice, but because of years of growing up being fed this societal bullshit that told me you act a certain way when you’re single but when you commit to a woman it’s time to lock your balls away so they can gather dust while you turn into a castrated shell of yourself. LOL..NAH. I’m exaggerating of course but that was the situation I had found myself in and only realized it after it was set in stone. I knew that though I got myself into this situation and I could dump this girl and get a new one, chances are the same shit would repeat. So I set out to reverse engineer the same outlook I had when I was single and free and apply those principles to this relationship so my girl would stop acting like an arrogant brat and could relax in the presence of a real man again. This would take time and inner work as well as working on her expectations because I had conditioned her to await certain responses from me. There was a period of turbulence as she would shit test me every single step of the way.
This article is specifically for alpha dudes who have found themselves slipping into old beta-male conditioning or otherwise chode patterns. The most important point here is that none of the following guidelines will have the kind of impact you want if you’re in scarcity. This means, the following rules will help you get your relationship back in shape however they won’t fix being a chode. They are simply a great way to slowly restore balance into your relationship where the girl has a preconceived notion of you in her head.
Without that, implementing these will be incongruent and uncalibrated which IS the MOST important part.
1) Purpose: you must always be striving for your own direction in life, essentially retaining the independence you had while single. Your purpose must also be of greater gravity to YOU than your girl’s purpose.
2) Full expression: I shall not filter myself or my opinion, jokes, or controversial statements around my woman in fear of an adverse reaction.
3) Do not logically address her emotions: logically telling her not to be upset, this is coming out of fear to adverse reaction or sacrificing the relationship. Instead allow her, her emotions and ignore what you don’t like through being centered. Ride out her emotional wave. You are the rock, change her mood not her mind.
4) Space is good: spending time together driven by no purpose other than boredom or routine will depolarize both parties and corrode romance. Only talk when there is a purpose, but do NOT rationalize building stronger bond as a reason to talk, let her chase you. Mastering this natural ebb and flow and remaining unreactive to it is essential for maintaining a relationship. If you are spending all your time together for the first few months and then she starts to get cold on you, this shouldn’t be a bad thing. You now have time to spend on yourself and keep yourself strong. Think of it as inhaling and exhaling.
The point of space is not to show her you’re not needy, it’s to find yourself. If you’re interacting with her as a beta and then ignore her, she won’t care.
5) I AM THE PRIZE: my pleasure comes first. What I want to do, where I want to go, how I want to spend time. I take what I want without fear of conflict or repercussion. I do NOT bend to her will out of fear of losing her. She should be chasing me. I am an appreciating asset, I know my value, and my mission to keep improving myself and what I offer. I will never question that.
6) Do or Don’t do but don’t worry: take action or don’t but never become paralyzed or stifled. Do not worry about the state of your relationship, only take calculated action when the appropriate time comes.
7) NEVER take action motivated by losing the relationship: plain and simple, never get caught in the fear of losing your woman. Know you can replace her (it might be hard, you might be sad, but you have the ability to get a woman of equal or greater value if something goes wrong) This will allow you not only to take actions that are best for yourself, but also the best for her.
8) Challenge her : never get complacent. You are an appreciating asset and as such always challenge her to be better and keep up. My stock will keep rising as I age, I don’t want to get stuck in a relationship where either one of us has stopped growing. If you have a high-value female, know she will never stop shit-testing you. You in return should keep challenging her to grow. In this way you grow together.
9) she follows your lead: I am the direction, I set the frame, I am the leader, she follows. Any relationship dynamic is a result of what you have shown her. She is the mirror not to your words, rather your actions. If she’s disrespecting you, that’s actually your doing.
10) Throw a wrench in the plans: introduce elements of chaos, you should enjoy throwing her into reaction and giving her emotional spikes here and there, especially when it comes to handling shit tests.
“babe…were there any girls at the party?” “human females? Yes there were..” “you better not have flirted with anyone” “oh no honey I didn’t, but I did fuck Stephanie in the closet”
This joke is an extreme example but you understand the kind of emotional spike your girl might get. Shock and awe, anger, and then a slap on your arm once she ques off of you that is clearly a joke and you guide it back to a bubble of love
10) Don’t be an asshole: be a balanced man, praise your girl when she does good by you.
11) Give without expecting anything in return: when you do something for her it is a gift. Don’t wait for something in return. Give and love for free. If she’s disrespecting you either fix it or leave, never sit around and complain.
This guide is specifically for guys who have become BETA and the girl has become the man. After all of these are implemented and the relationship is back where it needs to be, or rather you’re back in control of yo goddamn self, do not feel the need to keep upping the dominance like some sort of tyrant. If your girl has stuck with you through all these changes and is now treating you as the king you are, reward her. The whole point is to reach a point of mutual respect and after that empowerment, but it’ll only matter to her coming from her alpha.
great post man!
I kind felt for the same scheme this year...took me another girl to hit me up from the blue and get back on that train to see that i lost my cojones :))
This reminds me of 50 cent's Get in my car song:
Committment for me, uhh, nah not likely
Went out Vivica, I thought I was onto somethin'
But then the next week, nah, man it was nothin'.
right holmes, just want to clarify this is about getting your shit together and keeping it there when you like a girl
it's super easy to get lost in your emotions, especially your first time around
so to make a good thing sustainable for longer term you gotta keep yourself in order
Thanks for sharing man
thanks for sharing this with us Niv!
Interesting, when I think about it I always had my shit together the most when I had gfs. Probably the inner mindset 'I'm enough' had a stronger presence and it just mirrored in my life.
10a was often 'forgotten' thou, definitely good point.
I remember my last gf complimenting me directly once when I did sth. similar. Unexpected little spike from the otherwise purposeful, rational man.
I like that one: She is the mirror not to your words, rather your actions. If she’s disrespecting you, that’s actually your doing.
thanks bruv :)
definitley fun to just throw some ridiculous shit out there and watch her flip out. Trolling her but doing it in a respectful way, I never do it in front of other people or in a way that might actually hurt her
Can we get a version of this for dogs? My vet told my sugar momma to neuter me
Give your life to Jesus, bruv, 'cuz the doc's got your balls
Space is good: spending time together driven by no purpose other than boredom or routine will depolarize both parties and corrode romance. Only talk when there is a purpose, but do NOT rationalize building stronger bond as a reason to talk, let her chase you.
Wrong. Same fucking bullshit I've been trying to get you off of for a long time now. This is so backwards.
Another pathetic, shallow rationalization for remaining prey. And for not having to make a potential show of the skewed balance.
So how does this look in execution? You leave all the time? Or you're just awkwardly silent around her all the time?
What have you done that mirrors this girl's accomplishments? She's been published numerous times for cancer research? Clearly in medical school? Where you at in all that.
So you're right. I wrote this post over a month ago and did not articulate this point exactly how I meant because it wasn't clear in my head at the time either.
I miscommunicated what I'm saying and yes the way I described it is reactive.
No in execution that's not all how it looks
I know what you're getting at. It looks like the way I described it I'm purposefully injecting space to make her miss me.
I'll change it. Space is good: Take time to keep doing the awesome activities that keep you on point instead of just aimlessly spending time with her because it feels good and is easy.
So to clarify where this point is coming from. When my girl and I got together we spent everyday for 3 months with absolutely no time apart. Fucking multiple times a day. What happened is that I slowly stopped following up on the routines/activities/habits that made me awesome and kept me in a good space. I was in a weakened state and yes at that point taking space was for ME to get my shit straight and regain some clarity.
This is a pattern that I personally am watching out for falling into for the time being. Injecting space wouldn't work as a tactic if I am interacting with her from a reactive place anyway. From a place of self authority though I could spend all day with her and be okay without space. I wrote this guide specifically for guys who find themselves in that weakened state.
Not implying injecting space as a habit. Rather trying to communicate that it's good to say no to spending time together when there's more pressing matters at hand. When spending time with your girl is easy and feels amazing, not to mention constant sex it's easy to slide down the slope of mediocrity. Again, me saying that is not whatseover making an excuse for it happening, it's easy but it's wrong.
Also want to clarify that there is a time and place to build a stronger bond, just NOT to use that as a rationalization to spend more time together.
By purpose I mean genuinely wanting to talk to your girl for no other reason that to talk to her is fine. If guys ever rationalize boredom as a reason to talk to their girl that is what I am describing as having no purpose to engage her.
To clarify, none of this seems like her fault. Yet somehow it's sounding like punishment even predation the way you're shaping subtle machinations on her with your time and energy and attention. Your pleasure comes first, you are the man you are the alpha, blah fucking blah, you reward her (ooh la la!) if she sticks by you while you get your shit straight.. by what? Giving her more attention? LOL
So for three months she was pursuing her purpose, but you were not?
I just don't like the message being hijacked for male chauvinism when all that was happening was you got lazy and hung out with your girlfriend every day and didn't get any shit done.
yep. you're right