Help/Guidance (body language issues)
I am having a problem, its a very disgusting habit but it just wont go away.
Everytime I sit down my right shoulder contracts inwards and I glue my arm to my body (contracting position), it happens inadvertently, then I realise I am doing it and snap out of it, and boom I am back at it again. Secondly, moving my legs when sitting down, non stop like a rabbit having sex. I know for a fact this is some kind of lagging indicator of being anxious and not being present and content, but simply telling myself I will stop has not worked. I need some kind of exercise. The weird thing is, this only started in February, I have never had this before.
Also, university has started, I am having massive concentration problems. Even during meditation, i am meant to be focusing on my breathing and sensation,s in certain body parts, but I will be thinking about some other irrelevant thoughts that just go on and on and on. Fidgeting with my smart phone as well. This all bites when I am in set, since I made a few approaches at college, and they were all blow outs. Like just pathetic shit, I know I am better than this.
I had a great month in January, I was immersed in game and pulled 5 times that month. But now partly because of my degree, which finishes this year, I fucking hate it. I like nothing about my lifestyle right now. (22 yrs old). I feel as If i am being pulled back into the mainstream matrix. Especially being around people at college, I am no longer surrounded with people who live and breathe self development and game. As a result I have lost some of the awesome habits I developed 1.5 months back and now thoughts of doubt creep in, it goes away very very quickly.
I actually have a skinny frame and not very tall (I have been weight lifting, getting shredded but getting the calories in is difficult, taking containers of meat and rice on buses I have to catch for uni is tedious at times).
So having a presence or aura is something I want to achieve (more than fucking women tbh) - Any tips on how to really acquire that presence. MW has mentioned about how you walk into a room, and people can feel your vibe. How can that be achieved ?
This always happens when I am back at college and living with parents again. When I'm on holidays or break, its not like this at all.
ps: I am considering starting martial arts to really get physical, I think this may help me.
Everytime I sit down my right shoulder contracts inwards and I glue my arm to my body (contracting position), it happens inadvertently, then I realise I am doing it and snap out of it, and boom I am back at it again.
Decide what you'll do instead and consciously drill it. So you can replace that habit with putting both arms down on the table in front of you instead. Do that 21x in a row, notice any inclindation to want to do the pattern. Do it over and over again. It's basically just training your autopilot response with something new. There's a super old book I read about this, said something like 21x or maybe it was 40x either way there was a certain amount of times you would need to do something to begin recording a new reflexive response in situations.
The shaking leg thing, is that only when people are around?
I would do the same thing. Sit down, notice the desire to shake your leg and replace it with something else, like taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.
One perspective that's helped me is understanding that my mind/body is designed with an emotional immune system. So fear/anxiety/etc is often a sign of being out of my comfort zone. And the only way it will expand is just by spending more time with it and getting exposure. Not with figuring it out, analyzing it, etc but rather just being with it, allowing it to be there and spending enough time with it. Once that happens your body/mind finds ways to cope with it automatically if you let it do its thing and go to the next level.
There's a good book on the subject matter "Clarity" by Jamie Smart. Solid book, highly recommend it.
You got the process. Just keep bringing awareness to what you're doing unconsciously. The more you notice, the more you break the old habits.
Keep observing yourself over and over again. Don't judge yourself. Just bring awareness to it and be grateful when you notice yourself doing something you don't like.
Continue with this and it will stop --- old habits can take awhile to break though.
Becoming Present is the same process. Just keep noticing when you are thinking unconsciously, and then stop. Just look and just listen for awhile.
Ask yourself often throughout the day: "Am I present now?" "I wonder what my next thought is going to be?" Over and over again.
i think that its a little more complicated than what you're saying. bad body language often comes from your mindset - how you subconciously think of yourself. you can force it but it'll still look off, and you'll get back to your usual posture as soon as you stop thinking about it. i believe that you need to sort out underlying causes first. maverick: moving your legs fast points at nervouseness, find it's sources first, and get rid of them.
As a kid I used to have a shit ton of nervous ticks from abuse/trauma/whatever. Plus OCD that for the most part I'd "solved" as a kid but still maintained in these "flinches", etc. Ticks and flinches are unconscious physiological tension. They're from a lack of "presence".
It's obvious you haven't taken the time to download and listen to Practicing the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.. over and over again. All the guys on here that stupidly think they can just get the information he's presenting by osmosis just by hanging out on the forum or reading posts on it are acting dumb as rocks. You cannot escape this.. to advance in life past faggot chode weakness you MUST learn to immerse yourself in presence. Get on it