Horrible backlash stemmed from using petnames
Short:
my best friend had a friend in town he introduced me to. We fucked the same night we met and it was awesome. I texted her here and there over the days and then got her out for ice cream. I accompanied her home but didn’t do anything or try to come up because she was sickish. I text her a bit more over the days. Then last night we go out with a group of mutual friends. She pretty much ignores me the whole night and I’m thinking it’s fucked up so eventually I pull her aside and confront her about it. Turns out she thinks I just wanted to fuck her because I continued to use petnames out of the bedroom and didn’t want to be used. Why did this happen?
texts are here:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ws6NXVZXqpzA5Um9Dkp9KOMD8RdA6S7u
very long:
So the night I met her my friend brought his two friends over to my work to pregame for this concert we were gonna go to. We hang out, chill, and have a good time. Eventually deciding not to go to the concert and just chill at my work, drink, smoke, and blast music. She’s hot and we’re definitely clicking.
As the night is coming to a close we’re sitting on this couch and she’s got her legs over me and I’m just kinda running my fingers up and down them while we chill. Eventually we start to leave, but her phone is dying so I go into another room to grab the portable charger and yell for her to come grab it for me and the other two dudes are using the bathroom and waiting for us by the front door.
When she comes in she gabs it, says thanks, and kind of lingers there a moment looking at me. I felt the vibe and pull her in for a make out, which we proceed to do like animals. I feel her ass, tits, and kiss her neck. She smiles and goes “you’re wild” and I say “beb you’ve got no idea”. We walk to the other guys and I smack her as and she loves it.
She says that I can’t come over tonight, She’s got work and on her period, I say that’s fine, we’ll just make out a bit (something similar to that) and I’ll leave, she smiles and says ok you can come over :)
We all leave to grab food from this place by her place. As we walk I text my friend to be a bro and leave with the other guy pretty quickly because he’s known for talking too much. He agrees. Little did I know that the chick was also texting him and asking the same thing
fuck my phone didn't post the whole thing. one sec guys.
Short:
my best friend had a friend in town he introduced me to. We fucked the same night we met and it was awesome. I texted her here and there over the days and then got her out for ice cream. I accompanied her home but didn’t do anything or try to come up because she was sickish. I text her a bit more over the days. Then last night we go out with a group of mutual friends. She pretty much ignores me the whole night and I’m thinking it’s fucked up so eventually I pull her aside and confront her about it. Turns out she thinks I just wanted to fuck her because I continued to use petnames out of the bedroom and didn’t want to be used. Why did this happen?
texts are here:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ws6NXVZXqpzA5Um9Dkp9KOMD8RdA6S7u
very long:
So the night I met her my friend brought his two friends over to my work to pregame for this concert we were gonna go to. We hang out, chill, and have a good time. Eventually deciding not to go to the concert and just chill at my work, drink, smoke, and blast music. She’s hot and we’re definitely clicking.
As the night is coming to a close we’re sitting on this couch and she’s got her legs over me and I’m just kinda running my fingers up and down them while we chill. Eventually we start to leave, but her phone is dying so I go into another room to grab the portable charger and yell for her to come grab it for me and the other two dudes are using the bathroom and waiting for us by the front door.
When she comes in she gabs it, says thanks, and kind of lingers there a moment looking at me. I felt the vibe and pull her in for a make out, which we proceed to do like animals. I feel her ass, tits, and kiss her neck. She smiles and goes “you’re wild” and I say “beb you’ve got no idea”. We walk to the other guys and I smack her as and she loves it.
She says that I can’t come over tonight, She’s got work and on her period, I say that’s fine, we’ll just make out a bit (something similar to that) and I’ll leave, she smiles and says ok you can come over :)
We all leave to grab food from this place by her place. As we walk I text my friend to be a bro and leave with the other guy pretty quickly because he’s known for talking too much. He agrees. Little did I know that the chick was also texting him and asking the same thing haha!
They bail, we go to her place, drink some water, talk a sec. Then I say come over her and sit with me on your favorite couch (she just told me it was) she comes over and a pull her onto my lap and we make out pretty hard. Things start to escalate and she tells me that she doesn't have condoms. I say no prob bebI can run downstairs to the store and get some. There were no open stores nearby so I end up getting some delivered using postmates. After I order it she says let's go to the bedroom so I pick her up, carry her to the room, and throw her on the bed. She squeals in delight and I get on top of her and we start making out. My shirt comes off and her pants come off and she's wearing this weird jumpsuit shirt that's basically a one piece swimsuit. We make out more then the condoms come. I get up and say I'll go grab those you be sexy, naked, and ready when I come back.
I run downstairs, grab the goods, high five the doorman, and run back up. When I get there she's naked and looking oh so sexy.
I undress, start playing with her pussy and fingering her a bit. Get a little bit of a blow job and fuck her like an animal. It's how and sweaty and we move the bed from the wall to the middle of the room. I'm talking dirty talking and she doesn't really say much other than "oh fuck me!". I fuck her, she cums, it took longer than expected but she blows me till I cum in her mouth and she swallows. We lay there and she becomes all cuddly. We almost fall asleep and I would've stayed ther but her roommates have a "no guys overnight rule"
I leave, grab some dunkin doughnuts from downstairs and head home.
I text her the next few days, just bullshitting around about food and friends and stuff. She invites me out with the friends but I had plans and couldn't go. We text on and off the next few days and I end up getting her out for ice cream even though she's slightly sick or something. She mentioned that she asked our mutual friend to join us, but he couldn't make it because he was working. (Maybe that was my cue she wasn't comfortable hanging alone?)
We walk to the ice cream shop, just talking about her school and what I missed the other weekend, blah blah. We get to the ice cream shop, and then walk around with our ice cream. She's telling me stories about her family and I'm telling some about mine. We finish up and walk around a bit more.
I suggest we take an uber back down because it's cheap since we're not going to far, quick, and has ac. She wants to take the train though so I'm like "sure beb, probably smarter to save the money anyhow". . Plus she forgot her glasses at work and was slightly blind so I wanted to make sure she got home ok. When we got to the station she hugged me like I was leaving, but her train was the same direction I was going. She's new to the city so I guess she thought I was going to take a differen't one.
We ride the train back and talk about karaoke and bullshit around. I walk her to her door and as we get there I'm like "alright so what happened last time can't happen again" and she say "yeah, no, you're not coming up" I laugh and say "get your mind outta the gutter girl, you're sickly (like with the flu). I'm talking about not getting dunkin doughnuts again haha" we hug, and have a small kiss (glad I didn't get sick).
We text the next few days or couple weeks. Nothing crazy, just talking.
So then last night I get invited to this place by my buddy where they know the djs and they're gonna party. I bring th friend I'm hanging with and meet them at the pr3egame bar. She's there, I say hi to her and the other friends there. Tell her I like her haircut and asked why she did it. She just says because it's summer and it's hot.
We all hang, drink and talk. This girl isn't really saying anything to me, mostly talking to the other friends and I'm like ok, whatever and keep bullshitting with the other guys.
We walk to the venue, still no words between us. We get there and it's one of those place that's big but has people packed like sardines where you gotta elbow people out of the way. I hate these places, it's too loud (I forgout my earplugs), there's no room to actually dance, and everybody is always knocking into you.
We dance and drink as a group a bit, but I'm starting to get edgy so I go outside to decompress and I share a cig with a couple of the buddies there.
We go back in and dance a bit more till I get edgy again and go back outside. I run into the chick and our mutual friend and we chat, and share a cig. I end up telling them I think I'm gonna bounce because it's a lot for me in there. We group hug, then individually hug. They go back in and I hang out outside because I'm not ready to go home.
The group ends up coming outside after about 30 min because one of them got kicked out so they were heading to another place. They see me. They say "I thought you left" I say I was gonna but I really wanted to hang with them because it's fun and they're my friends so I was centering myself to go back in. They say well then come along to the next place!
We walk a couple blocks to the next place and I chat with the fellas. I hear the girl saying this comedian she wanted to fuck wasn't replying and she really thought she was gonna get laid tonight, realy thought she was gonna get laid. This pisses me off a bit but I brush it off and we get to the next bar. This chick has still not said a word to me.
My buddy and I go to the deli next door to grab some cash and he asks me "what's wrong?" I say "it's nothing" at first because I don't wanna be a little bitch about this chick not giving me the light of day, but eventually I tell him I'm upset because she's ignoring me, it was rude, and I'm mad because I thought we were chill and this comes from nowhere. He says dude, I know her, just go talk to her if you're feeling like that.
We walk back to the bar and I go inside, order a beer, and wait for her to come in so I can pull her aside and we can talk. She never comes in and at this point I'm tired, pissed, drunk, and want to get this over with so I can leave.
I finish my beer and go outside to find her. She's macking on some dude, pull her away from the dide by making up a lame excuse about something on my phone she needed to see, She saw through it but played along because she knew what was coming. Apparently the rest of the group knew what was going on.
We walk away from the bar a bit and sit down and the conversation goes kinda like this
Her: What's up?
Me: What's up? You haven't looked at me, been chill, or said a word to me all night. Why are you ignoring me?
Her: I'm not ignoring you
Me: You are and it's kinda fucked up. So again, why are you ignoring me.
Her: Alright I was ignoring you. I feel like you have some sort of expectation of me to fuck you and I've been figuring out how to tell you this all night and I'm telling you right now that was a one time thing and we're just friends.
Me: Expecting you to fuck me? I have zero expectations of you, I just wanted to hang and have a good time with everyone tonight, including you. Why do you think that?
Her: Of course you have that expectation.
Me: What no, why do you think that?
Her: You've been calling me all these petnames I think you're too extra for me
Me: I call everyone petnames, why does that mean anything?
Her: You called me them in the bedroom when we fucked and you've been texting me with them, moving that dynamic out of the bedroom and making it sem like you're trying to fuck me again. Don't you get it?
Me: No I don't get that because I give everyone nicknames. It's fucked up you think just because I talk that way to you, you assume I expect you to fuck me.
Her: I hated the nicknames it made me uncomfortable because of the dynamic. You had that expectation when we went for ice cream and you followed me home too, you made that joke about coming up. I only went to get ice cream with you that day because I thought he was coming
Me: I told you I was talking about the doughnuts, I needed to watch my figure and you made it about coming up. I wasn't following you home either. That was on my way and it's in my southern nature to walk people, especially women home.
Her: *scoffs*
^(true story, not bullshit)
Me: See another assumption, that's fucked up. Why didn't you tell me that instead of behaving like a child and ignoring me. Had you said anything this situation could've been avoided and I would've stopped. That's all it would've took.
Her: I couldn't figure out how to do it.
Me: Well you should've, I felt bad, like I couldn't figure out what had happened. I just wanted--
Her: look this always happens and I'm normally on the other side of it, but I'm telling you, what we did was a one time thing-
Me: Are you gonna let me finish? We need to fix this so I can leave
Her: I am trying to fix this, I'm sitting and talking here aren't I? I couldn't do this sober, that's why I've been avoiding you.
Me: You would've kept avoiding me if I hadn't pulled you over here
Her: Look I respect you, and I respect Ali (our friend) he's like a brother to me. And I can tell you respect him too,, I can tell you respect him as much as I do and I respect that.
Me: Then out of respect for our friend we should be civil and be friends if we hang out again
Her: Of course we'll hang out again, and we will be. That's extreme
Me: It's not extreme because I'm pissed that you have these assumptions and handled this the way you did
Her: Well tell me, how do you feel wait--
*she get's distracted by our friend. All of us have been trying to make sure he and this other girl don't bang, she wants his dick, but long story short he can't fuck her even though he wants to* back to the convo
Her: tell me how you feel
Me: I'm mad this happened the way it did--
Her: I told you I couldn't figure out how to tell you--
Me: Are you gonna let me tell you or are you going to keep interrupting me?
Her: I am
Me: No you're not if you keep jumping in with something to say. Let me get this out so I can leave and we can agree to be civil when/if we have to
Her: we will, see each other again, that's so extra and extreme just say it
Me: I'm mad this happened the way it did, you should've just said something. Look, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable and made you feel like I was using you. I have zero expectations of you I just wanted us to be friends
Her: We were being friends, you told me about your dad and I told you about mine and that was me opening up to you because I was trying-
Me: there you go interrupting me again, we're not going to be able to do this
Her: *starts crying*
Me: Oh shit hey, no, why are you crying, I didn't mean to do that *I reached out my hand to touch and comfort her*
Her: Don't touch me please
Me: ok I won't, I'm sorry, why are you crying
Her: I just don't want you to think that I'm a bad person. I don't usually do this, usually it's the other way around. I'm not a bad person I just didn't know what to do.
Me: hey hey, I don't think you're a bad person, not one bit. I just think you should've told me all this and not made assumptions. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I'm sorry I made you cry. *reaches out to comfort her*
Her: Just please don't touch me *cries*
We sit there in silence for a sec and she gets up saying she'll be right back and that she's gonna check on our friend but never comes back.
I head home
-----------------------------
So as y'all can see, shit got real, real quick. I don't even know what the fuck happened. I have no idea how I made her feel that way. Especially after checking my messages with her, like wtf?
I never got a bad vibe about what I was doing and was never doing what she said or had any idea about that.
Taking her one on the train after ice cream was a mistake, I should've just left. I've went with girls back home a couple times here in nyc and I've had to break the habit of dong that or asking about it because it comes off as creepy, even if we were going in the same direction. I just wanted to make sure she got home since she's not from here, didn't have her classis, it was the same way for me to go, and I thought I didn't have to worry about that with here because we had friendly rapport from what's a mutual best friend to each of us. I thought she knew and trusted me, but I guess I was wrong since she brought it up.
I want to apologize to her for something but I feel like the only thing I should do is apologize for the talk outside the bar, I was drunk and mad so I wasn't thinking straight and could've handled that situation infinitely better. That was a huge fuck up on my part, I was way to aggro and less understanding. I should've asked her why she felt the way that she did and comforted her that that wasn't the case instead of attacking her. I feel bad about the way it went down.
I want to make things better with this chick, just friends, since we have that mutual close friend, but I've probably made it impossible.
I'm not sure what to do guys, but any thoughts? Where did I go wrong? Was I putting some expectation on her with the nicknames, or was it all in her head? Any thoughts on how to make it better? I've never had something go so wrong and I don't want it to happen again even though I feel like it's a fluke.
Thanks y'all
Hey man. Quite the long but interesting read. Im gonna start out by saying im not by any means the most experienced person on here so dont take everything i say as fact. Im not a pro.
From what i read you didnt do anything alarmingly wrong. Even the part where you sat down with her and she started crying.
I did think the amount of pet names and the variety of them was odd but she seemed to enjoy the pumpkin butt one a bit which contradicts her whole arguement with you.
Personally and i mean no offense but i think she used you. I think she enjoyed the banter but had no real attachment to the outcome. Which was evident when she would let you over hear that she was trying to fuck someone else.
What i would like to know is why were you so quick to give up on trying to fuck her again? When you sat down with her and talked? i feel like you basically agreed you guys should only be friends but you were upset in the first place because of that very reason. Can you explain that to me?
Also what would you have said to her if you had not been drunk and upset? What exactly would you have said?
I hope you reply cuz id like to try to help and also learn from this situation. Either way good luck man!
^No man. You're way off there. This is an old thread but I guess it needs revisiting.
Dannerton really gave a poor representation of himself post-fuck and all the way to this argument that should've never happened. The chick he banged was just looking for a one-time fling and for whatever reason didn't seem him as more than that. He clearly pushed it with the icecream date, missed some cues, and tried to fuck her again but she wasn't interested. To the point she's trying to distance herself any way she can cause girls are fickle and poor at confrontation lol. He goes on to get a little touchy at the bars cause she isnt' reciprocating attention/affection. Icing on the cake is that he confronted her about it and made her cry instead of letting the foot off the gas pedal and slowing it down, letting his natural charisma come out throughout the night and showcase a side of him that she can be welcomed into again. They can fuck, it can be cool and not weird after, and they can do it all over again baby - Even as friends ;)
Tl;dr.
Hey DaddyJihad1 id like to thank you for the quick reply first off. Please forgive my lack of knowledge and understanding on all of this. I am trying to process and learn.
I am afraid i dont see how he gave off a poor representation of himself post fuck? Can you explain? He seemed like he was giving her some fun conversation. (Again i am awful at reading more into these texts). He did seem to be giving her a wanting to be a buddy vibe and then seems confused when she doesnt want to fuck him.
Also when she says she is sick she still agrees to meet with him when he was basically giving her an out when he said "rain check". She could have just blown it off and not met with him. So i dont understand why she would do that is she wasnt down to meet. Maybe being nice? A friend?
I dont see any of the "cues" that youre talking about. Could you elaborate on that.
I get that he was too on the attack in the confrontation. But what would have been a better approach? She was beating around the bush and not giving him the info he was wanting.
Again i am clueless on these things so any light you can shed on my questions would be awesome. I really enjoy reading peoples experinences and I would like to learn and also be able to give better feedback.
Thanks again Jihad!