How do I deal with self hatred when I fail?
I'm used to getting what I want with
girls but when I don't get it I fall into a horrible spiral of self hate.
Yeah I know, man up, toughen up and all that but lately it's been like bro is it really my looks?
Its starting to kind of sink in that maybe my looks got me the success and also the failure. If I was better looking then I wouldn't fail.
Its sad too because I'm such a big believer in game and now my faith in it
is kind of shaky. What if it really is looks?
I really hate to be on about this but yo I'm really mad at myself about failing last night. Tinder stunner came out with me and I guess I looked maybe 5% different and I think that's why she wouldn't allow me to escalate beyond very small touching and a bit of physical teasing but no make out no sex in isolation. I feel like a total fucking loser for not making it happen.
Anyway, other than "go kill yourself" or "get more girls" how do I deal with this horrible feeling of failure? Thanks.
Looks are an afterthought to a true seducer, because looks are more a consequence of game, rather than a cause. I have known many men and trained many men who were true seducers, and it was the aliveness in their face that made their looks captivating to women. But most robotic sheep motherfuckers would never see this, and consider them ugly.
I checked the email you used to register for the forum and used it to look you up on Facebook. You have no game. Lol
As far as negative feelings, understand their purpose, what they're there to do, which is to motivate you to take action..
And don't allow them to encroach on anything past that.
You have far to go, young man. Game and life is about the action you take. That is what women are truly looking for. Eyebrows and a jawline are child's play
I was on vacay in Jamaica with my ex-recently...one night out drinking she starts reminiscing about the time we met.
I was curious what it was like from her perspective so I asked her to describe why she fell for me
Her answer other than just "something feeling right" was that
1) I wore my heart on my sleeve (girl talk for congruence)
Couple that with the fact that the skype coaching should be it's own T.V. show with Jon playing the role of Xzibit and instead of yo' ride what's getting pimped is yo' voicebox
and I'm left with a very strong seduction toolkit that outguns my looks/fashion sense everytime
I wouldn't say I completely lack game, as I've had my fair share of girls above my league. I would say I'm high intermediate.
You got that I have no game from my Facebook? I only use that to fuck around not get girls lol. Help me understand what made you think I have no game from that?
And as far as action, I somehow bought into the notion that I was "doing too much" in my game and thus for a while I've stopped being a total beast because I started to slowly get up to the hotter girls (8s and up) and what worked on 6's stopped working at those levels, so it became less about physical beasting and more about push pull.
I personally think I shouldn't have physically escalated last night, but I've totally fucked up chances with hot girls by NOT escalating so I escalated lol.
Yeah I have a long way to go but I've been in this shit for way too long to suck so bad lol. 10+ years and I'm JUST getting to the hotter girls. But it's better than to never have gotten there at all.
Here's the mistake I see most guys making when they're learning game
both things you mentioned (physical escalation, push/pull) are tools in your belt.
You use them when appropriate as necessary.
Having the tool is step 1 which most guys get stuck on.
Step 2 is putting it to practice when the time is right.
You can't chalk up you not getting laid to you "physically escalating" or not. In your whole interaction yesterday there was probably a time to do it, a time not to.
Same with push/pull and any other game technique jargon you want to bring into the mix.
The point is. Are you present with the girl seeing what she needs and responding to it from a place of non-reactivity (and I'm not talking about chodey-passiveness. I'm talking CONGRUENCE)
Are you doing what's necessary, what you have to do to get what you ultimately want...or are you protecting your ego and staying in your comfort zone
You might have been "doing too much" or you might not be doing enough. It's contextual to you, the girl, the environment, what you want.
Making a conclusion like that is like having a screwdriver not work on a nail and then refusing to ever work with a screwdriver again because "one time it didn't work"
I escalated more out of an inner promoting which told me "If you don't do this then you'll be placed in the provider category" so I did it so as not to have my time wasted long term.
In my final analysis, I think that the girl being a stunner with access to many high status guys who give her the world was simply shit testing me to the
fullest, if I failed or not is another matter. I didn't get mad then but I definitely went home very pissed off with myself like never before lol.
I guess the ego part is like "You sucker, you validated her and if you were someone else she wouldn't fuck you around like this"
So in the end, it seems that my ego is fucking with me bad, because in my mind my best wasn't enough and I ended up validating her.
Im sure she'll text me somewhere down the line and I'll just keep my hands off of her, probably just chill as friends and use her to get into clubs.
I mean maximize your looks, but do it because you want to, not for girls. This is something that's shifting in me since MW's training.
I'm on a roll right now, and I promise you it is not looks. That is NOT the determining factor in my recent success. Matter a fact, I have a write up to do for this week where me and my wing stole two girls from male models lol. 6'3 jacked male models... I'm 5'10-5'11 not jacked at all and me and my boy full sent it to the bank.
Wanna know what the girls told us after those guys blew themselves out?
"You two are SO much more FUN than those other two guys."
"I don't want to get sentimental but .... we had fun the other nights but this is by FAR the most fun night we've had here :)"
You're at the right place though. Understand and appreciate this frustration/anger, and use it to catapult yourself and full send it the next time. Do not loathe and swim in it without taking right action. That does you no good. If you need someone to chat to further about this, we can chat mangs.
This is one of about # or # pics I used to form my judgment dude. Lol tell me what's wrong with this picture and the other ones where you're trying to mean mug the camera like you're some sort of hood backstreet boy.
I'll take this down just wanted to show what I meant.
I'll take a shot at it.
My Tinder photos are more recent, as I use a different Facebook for that one and I haven't accessed the one I used for this log in a while. Since then I've lost weight and made a conscious effort to look more alive, dress better (im aware I have a dead look to me sometimes, and it's going away the more I try to keep it off). I have actually been rejected on Facebook by some girls who were hot and told me some version of "Sounds fun but you look like a killer/creep etc etc"
When I went on the tinder date I showed up with 10 extra pounds from the holidays, I got a little self conscious and went into a mode where I got slightly insecure about my appearance and kept looking in the mirror, I also joked with her that if she would be ashamed to be seen in public with me, she really didn't think that was funny and said "why are you being so self conscious" that and I believe at the point of escalation I LOST the light in my eyes again because I wasn't escalating from a place of genuine desire (although I wanted to fuck the girl) but more so because I kind of mindlessly and robotically went through the motions of doing so, just to ensure that I wouldn't get friend zoned. One of the times she ALMOST went for it and that was when I cut the autopilot crap and went present. It was like magic how she changed her tune but of course I went back to the ego lol. I couldn't relax and let it happen, I had to make sure she wasn't going to friend zone me through escalating.
So all in all, I would say that what's wrong with the picture is what's wrong with my game now. It's been 1-2 years and while I've grown a lot I have that inner ego of being cut off and insecure that turns the hotter girls off. Im not PRESENT in those photos is what's wrong with the damn photos.
I couldn't relax and let it happen, I had to make sure she wasn't going to friend zone me through escalating.
You're not supposed to be friend zoned because of escalation. Ever pulled a girl home from a bar or club you did not know previously and fuck her?
Dude I'm saying that I escalated to ensure I wasn't placed in the friend zone. I escalate all the time and I think this time it was to my detriment. I didn't have enough game to make her escalate ON ME, which is what I think she wanted but I wasn't psychologically advanced enough/patient enough to do.
Instead I did the horny teenager thing and came off like a peasant. Not that I don't like or respect physical escalation , it's just that I find it doesn't always work.
Cool that's all pretty right on. My question?
Dozens of times with 5's, 6's and some 7's and a like two 4's thrown in there
Yeah the problem with "looks" is they become a self-fulfilling paradigm. 10 extra lbs is NOTHING, lol. I got a buddy who's a fucking fat ass who had a fivesome with four smoking bitches. Game, son
You need to get on the Tolle, bro. Practicing the Power of Now. Listen to it 3 times then report back. That'll cure a ton of your emotional/mental control problems. I'm having a guy in my program do a write-up on it as well so be on the lookout for that.
Lmao is it luke
Y'all know Luke used to be a skinny ass savage back in the day, right? Or was that all before your guys' time lol
Damn i fucking hate Tolle but what must be done must be done.
Haha I remember I approached one of Luke's sets back in the day, he had 15 girls with him and he was the only guy, the alpha female of the group loved me and bought me drinks all night until I went all Julien and called her a "dog" lmfaooo smh
Yeah, definitely needed the Tolle then and definitely need him now hahaha
I got the following from Tolle:
1. The New Age type of presentation is not really resonating with me. I go out and it's alcohol, drug, sluts and competition so really I don't find relatability in his words to my lifestyle at all lol.
2. That said, the message is loud and clear to me and I've been using presence to deal with not only emotional but physical pain as well. I basically see presence now as being there with the pain rather than trying to hide. It's more of just letting it be without thinking about why or how, just experiencing it and letting it process. Same with fucked up thoughts, let them process. Then your mind becomes free to actually game properly, you'll know the correct play more often because you're actually there to see what's going on rather than in your head.
3. Presence is related to being comfortable with yourself. This alone leveled my game up and now I'm a stronger player for it since such a big part of game is making the girl comfortable with you and if you're not comfortable in your thoughts it comes out as insecurity and being uncomfortable in yourself. I went out and noticed myself forming bonds with people and gaining respect much easier.
4. I now see exactly where I went wrong that night with this sharpened awareness after going out more present. Id had nothing to do with looks and everything to do with being insecure, due to the fact that I didn't feel like I was enough to just let things chill and ease up and playfully push pull her and stimulate emotions to bring her to me, I tired to rush to a result so that I don't "lose the girl" since don't you know, my company isn't enough to make her want me (smh). She spent 6 hours with me, totally engaged and enjoying it but I was too insecure to notice the obvious. (What was actually going on). I could have done so many things differently.
All in all, I hate how Tolle says things but the message I took from it is don't be a pussy, stop running from the pain, face it, don't judge it, let it process, apply game.
Cool. Listen to it another 3x. Report back
Johnny S. With the fivesome!!!
”Hi, I’m Johnny!” Lol
Read the link you sent and listened to Tolle 3 more times.
I learned this time around the pain will never really go away, but that's okay because I don't have to be a slave to it. Instead of trying to fight the pain or resist the pain I can shine the light of prensence on it and be with it. However, as long as I'm alive, pain, self destructive thoughts, tragedy, loss, defeat and likewise good states and victories and success will be a part of life, therefore, Its more healthy and much more effective to be with all this rather than just stuff it down or resist it. The pain (not all pain is just bad thoughts or memories, sometimes it's mammalian brain reactions) is gone only temporarily, but when it comes back just be present with it. Don't try to make it go away. Just be with it.
Instead of the ego (cognitive processes, scripts etc) using you, the ego is there to be used by you. It is your mind. The "spirit" beyond your mind is the real driver of the ship. You use your mind to survive in the world, that's what the ego is based on and serves you for, survival of the organism. However, left unchecked it can cause you to run scripts and processes that keep you trapped in a cycle that can ironically end your life (overuse of drugs, being killed, suicide, avoidable accidents, stress related illness etc). However, you can't live forever anyway, but why live the one life you have trapped in a predetermined or chosen cycle of excess pain and misery? Again, the pain never goes away but why magnify it and revel in it and let it stop you from doing greater things in life or at least from living, like really living, not just the same old hamster wheel?
Presence is about living, and knowing you can live on your terms, the caveat is that you can't eliminate pain or loss from your existence because those things are part of existence, without non existence there would be no existence and what I have been doing is living completely disconnected from presence and living through ego as an attempt to be dead before my time, because I just fucking hated life due to how fucked it up its sometimes, hated people, society and even myself for even being alive. I lived a life of taking stupid, unhealthy, dangerous and illegal risks as a portal into the now and as a possible gateway into death, I discovered that I legitimately have a death wish, not a suicidal thing where I'm running away from my problems but as a legit wish to not exist, to not be, I felt as if I shouldn't even be here on earth so to correct the wrong of my birth I went around seeking death, taking comfort in the finality of that permanent non-existence. When people told me I have a death wish many times it seemed so retarded, like how? Now I know how.
As I got into game I realized that I needed to bring more and more "aliveness" into the equation and the rush of doing bold maneuvers, sometimes getting really hot girls to give me attention (didn't bang anything above an 8 yet though but have gotten great attention and some compliance with legit stunners) and increased social influence gave me a feeling of control which I became very dependent on in some ways, I means what's the point of learning this shit if not for control? Control over your destiny and outcomes etc.
That's where the death wish thing comes in to its TRUE cause I believe, a need for control over my life, and if I could end my life doing something stupid it was in the realm of possibility and unconsciously I would be "in control" because I already knew I would die. That's why I disconnected emotionally also, so nobody else could control me through my emotions or through pain etc.
Ironically, life is already that way lol. It's already predetermined you're going to die. Throwing yourself into the now and being present is the best way to live because you'll more likely to do and say epic shit that will make your life better, and since you're less attached to your trappings you will die peacefully when God decides to make a joke out of your life and unplug you from the respirator just because he wanted a quick laugh. Just when you were having fun too lol.
No. This is all obnoxiously stupid mental meanderings of a kid too lazy to actually listen to the audio. Fuckin fail
I wouldn't waste my time or yours and NOT listen to the audio and then write down exactly what presence allows me too see that I didn't see before.
Hey man if you think it's stupid then you think it's stupid. Don't know what you expected to hear but I spent a considerable amount of time listening to the audio and trying my best to make sense of it. Just because I'm not saying the same exact things Tolle says or having the same exact experiences as other students doesn't mean I'm too lazy to listen to a fucking audio, that would be a next level laziness lmfaoooo.
But hey, whatever man if you feel I disrespected you or your time then I can't change your feelings, but proving something to you isn't the point. The point is if I learned something right? Or did I not learn what I was supposed to learn?
Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice
You have full control not of the world but how you view/experience it
Pretty much what I said but that's a much more succinct way of describing it. Thank you brother.
No you didn't learn shit.
Read this, fuckboy:
Damn that's how you feel lol. Yeah I read it.
And Im glad that's all the lesson really is.
To be honest when Shit really hits the fan I can be like this (emergencies and accidents) and I live through it and save the day lol but when it comes to hot pussy it's a little tougher. Especially when I can't depend on bold moves to put me "there" and I gotta be more patient.
Thank you Manwhore and the writer of the post.
Have to mediate more I suppose. Do you suggest I do EVERYTHING I do as a meditation? So I can be more in this present state?
Well actually there's more, Buttmunch. Slow your fucking horsies and confine the cardio to the track or the gym.
You think "understanding" this shit is the answer. No. It takes immersion, and you still don't have it yet.
Listening to the audio six times should have pushed you into a massive state of presence. Either you're an idiot, or you lied and didn't listen, which still makes you an idiot. So really you're just an idiot.
Suck a dick, fat boy.