Skip to Content
-->

How to fuck up an interaction and ensuing text-game

14 replies [Last post]
Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015

Hey again guys.
 
So this time I fuck up with a girl called Linn, HB-9. This is also a bit long, so a big thank you to anyone who reads it. I'd love any and all comments, please be as brutal as you want because this is a pattern I see again and again - and I need to exorcise that shit.

Also a warning - couldn't get the texts to format properly (with colors and shit) without sending off the Cloudflare warning.

 
I meet her at a party on New Years Eve. It's a small thing, with only eight people, and her and I are the only two single people there. I talk to her a bit, but also the other guests. When we talk I focus on good vocal projection and maintaining eye contact, and I can sense that there is something there. However there are many party games and whatever (quizzes and so on), so we never really get to talk much before the fireworks.
 
When we go out to see the fireworks I make sure I'm with her (and another couple), but she seems a bit standoffish at the point when the rocks and shit go off so all I get is a hug. We stay there talking with the other couple at the party and then go back to the apartment where we stayed. We play drinking games and have a good time until about 6 AM. I take on a leading social role during all this and good times are had by all. I talk to Linn whenever I can, but since we're such a small group (eight people) we're constantly in a ring of at least 3 or 4 people talking simultanously.
 
I, Linn, and two of our friends take the train back to Oslo at about 6:17 AM and only she and I get off at our stop. I take her arm and say that I'm leading the way, and she takes it gladly (she'd been sleeping on my shoulder on the train as well). As we walk she keeps trying to take the lead (she'd been a bit bossy all night), but I call her out on it and tell her to calm down and that she's walking with me. She even walks ahead a couple of times, but I chill back and she always comes back to me. I fuck with her telling her she's an ice queen since she's so bossy the whole time and she laughs a lot.
 
I try to get her back to my place, but it's 7 AM and we're both dead tired. Because of this I didn't think to be persistant and instead just went for the makeout and phone number. Finally I got home and collapsed on my bed.
 
So, takeaways:
 
1 - I never managed to islolate her, and so I never felt comfortable with sexualizing the interaction. I'm still too stifled to do it around my friends in such an intimate social situation (8 people at a small party)
2 - No intent shown. Because I never managed to pique her interest and sexualize the interaction I never showed any intent. I never showed that I actually have a dick (both literally and in the sub communications)
 
Can't think of any more right now because I'm dead tired (about 1AM here now). Might add more in an edit. 
 
And now for the ensuing text-game fuckup:
 
 
(Starts on Facebook on Januar 2nd)
 
Me: Whadup ice queen
Me: Did you find your way home by yourself or did you end up sleeping on the street
Her: 25 mins later: Haha. You're full of compliments :D I tumbled my way home dragging my feet behind me. I can still feel the effects of New Years Eve. No Ice-Queen but I was super sleepy as I'm sure you could tell. ;) You got home okay?
Me: 40 mins later: Haha, oh yeah - As you noticed I'm extremely charming
Me: Tumbled home myself and was in a coma all of yesterday. Stayed in my bed forever wondering whether or not I'd survive the journey out into the living room
 
She never responded.
 
I'm off to Berlin the next day and don't come back until a week later.
 
(Text this time)
Me: Omg that's right I got your number. Completely forgot
Me: Couldn't understand who'd called me at 7:15AM on New Years DAy
Her: 10 mins later: Haha. Du called a certain Ice-Queen. You gotta remember that ;) You practically begged me about the number so I had to give it to you.. :)
Me: 10 mins later: Omg Can't believe I didn't store you as ice queen. 
Me: Begged, pfft. You got super excited when I asked, lit up like a christmas tree
Her: 30 mins later ;) Haha. Ja I was green at least :D (she wore a green dress)
Me: 30 mins later: ;)
Me: What are you doing now
Her: 1 hour later: Just finished refurbishing for today, just chilling on the couch. You?
Me: 30 mins later: Haha, boxing and refurbishing. Had no idea you were so literally handy
Me: I just crawled in from the cold with my dinner, fuck it's freezing out. Expected to see polar bears (was about 11 F)
 
- No response -
 
Me: Next day: Omg I can't believe you stopped the conversation there
Her: 6 hours later: Think it was the polar bear... strange!
Me: 30 mins later: I can't believe that you of all people don't like polar bears
Me: Think we should discuss this over beers next week (pretty desparate at this point, so I just go for it)
 
- No response -
 
Me: Next day: Picture of Elsa from Frost (Ice Queen, whatever)
Her: 5 hours later: Picture of her and skis
Her: Skiing is great
 
At this point I was thinking "okay fuck it, I'm just gonna go all in" so I call her. She immediately hangs up, but it turns out this was because she was in another call.
 
Me: Omg can't believe you didn't pick up
Her: 5 mins later: Omg I was in the phone. Thought you hung up?
 
So, I try to call again five minutes later. No response
 
Me: Omg again
 
- No response -
 
Now I have already seriously fucked up, but I don't really quit until I know for sure a ship has sailed. So I sent her the following message:
 
Me: Haha, I don't get you (No idea what I was thinking when I sent this)
Me: Just got back after three hours in the opera. Think the good guys won but I couldn’t understand what the hell anyone was saying
 
Which she hasn't responded to.
 
MW asked me to think about what frame I need to present to her and I'm thinking it's the frame that I'm not some man-child that allows people to walk the fuck over me, and that isn't afraid of taking what he wants. 
 
If you've read all that - thank you very much. If you have insights to give, please do. I really want to fucking learn.

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
Lol. Don't be such a

Lol. Don't be such a defeatist. 

Now let's see this text convo ;) 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
The hangover drunken

The hangover drunken stumbling not surviving the day text.. makes you come off like a real winner. PFF. Yes bro a text like that is really going to inspire a woman to let you put your penis inside of her. DURR 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
You see how your shitty

You see how your shitty mentality breeds itself into your texts? Fucking stop that shit. You crawled in from the cold with your dinner? Cool bro. You sound like a real fucking winner 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015
I've been using that

I've been using that self-deprecating humor for ages so it's become a habit. I can see now that it's stupid to write shit like that to a girl, I should be going in the opposite direction (arrogant, cocky). Thanks for pointing that out.

As for the defeatist attutide I've realized that it's a defence mechanism. I'm hiding behind a sarcastic "well, I fucked up again lol" attitude to avoid being vulnerable by stepping up. 

Been looking at a "that's not cool, but still leave a way back into the fold" text, and this is what I've come up with.

"If you're just going to be like this then I won't bother. Thought you'd be more interesting."

"Okay, fuck this. Thought you might be more interesting, guess not"

"Fuck this, I'm not gonna bother talking to someone who obviously doesn't give a shit. Too bad"

Does that sound butthurt or is it near acceptable? 

Not sure if I should add humour in the mix either. If so, maybe something like this:

"If you're just going to be like this then I won't bother. If I wanted to talk to someone that didn't give a shit I'd talk to my cat."

Update: Just got a text from her:

Her: "Haha, sorry - I'm a bit sick today so things are going slooow.... What did you see in the opera? Are you trying to understand me? Sweet ;)"

So apparently all hope isn't lost.

Meow's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/27/2013
Me: Omg that's right I got

Me: Omg that's right I got your number. Completely forgot

Don't send texts like that, it's an obvious lie and is very try hard. It automatically brings down your value. It's actually lazy when you really think about it.

Meow's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/27/2013
Good post I think your pretty

Good post I think your pretty creative just not using the right energy like MW said, never looked at it that way. I think you can still recover from this.

Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015
Cheers Meow, appreciate the

Cheers Meow, appreciate the insights man.

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
Aight. Now go cocky/funny and

Aight. Now go cocky/funny and start seeding the meetup. Use the opera context and whatever else she gave you. Yes you can be a bit admonishing right now as well. She needs to know her texting/calling habits aren't going to work. 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015
Okay, gonna throw up some

Okay, gonna throw up some shit I came up with.

“yeah, but you’re impossible. It was way easier to try to understand the fat dudes at the opera than you over text”

"yeah, but listening to fat dudes sing for 3 hours was easier to tolerate than your texting."

"yeah, but you're impossible. The fat dudes singing at the opera made more sense than your texting. And they had fuckin weird ass costumes on."

"Pfft, it's too fuckin hard. You just stop responding outta nowhere and never pickup the phone. It was easier to understand the fat dudes at the opera than you tbh"

And then seed the meetup with:

“I think we should do this face to face instead beb”

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
Naw I don't even start trying

Naw I don't even start trying to understand a woman till I hang out with her a bit ;). Otherwise just gonna assume she's at least half crazy

The opera? I saw a bitch get murdered for not returning texts. So sad I know.. but I laughed ;)

I'm being a bit theatrical with these but these are some directions to think about. Go with either of them if you want. They're a bit strong but for a girl you've beef'd so hard with it's one of the only ways to gain some credibility back with her. 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
Honestly you didn't

Honestly you didn't beef that hard with her.. for normal standards. But for "I'm a guy that bangs girls" standards, you sucked. ;) 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015
Thanks for all the help

Thanks for all the help dudes, really appreciate it.

yeah ah man but don't have any kind of defeatist mindset. Focus on all the shit you learned and all the positive. Bad shit happens? Find out all the THINGS you can learn from it. It'll just make you a happier more self-confident dude. 

That's gold, Kim - gonna take that shit to heart.

I ended up sending the topmost text, but of course she didn't reply, lol. I've got some other dates set up the coming days so I'm not really bothered, but I'm wondering whether it's best to act now or wait a couple of days to reengage her? Thinking of using the haircut line. 

"pfft, that's fine. didn't like your haircut anway"

And if that doesn't get a reply then I'll just cut her out for a while.

Online
Joined: 01/18/2012
Yeah send it now. "That's

Yeah send it now. "That's fine. I didn't like your haircut anyway"

She may not respond immediately, but she'll be tickled pink. When she does respond you'll probably want to ignore her the first time. Then hit her up again in a couple days like nothing happened.

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Offline
Joined: 10/09/2015
Thanks for all the help

Thanks for all the help dudes!

So I sent the message, and this is what followed:

Me: That's fine I didn't like your haircut anyway

Her: 1 min laterSorry ninjakale but I'm feeling ill and haven't been well enough to answer lately.. Well, thanks for the compliment

I panic a bit here and think "whoa, okay - guess I should be nice about it"

Really wish I'd seen MW's post about ignoring her first reply. Goddamn it.

Me: 10 mins later: Ah, that sucks :/ Feelin better now? (ugh)

Me: If it's any comfort I just spent a week in a hotel room in Berlin with a crazy fever. Saw pink elephants and clowns n shit all day

Her: 5 mins later: Thank you, that helps. Yeah, I'm better now ;) Clowns are fun... :D

Me: 1 hour later (didn't see her text): Hah, well I'm glad my suffering is giving you joy. Whatchu doing now?

Her: 1 hour later: Gonna go buy some alcohol for tonight. Good medicine I guess...?

Me: 20 mins later: Hah yeah, real smart

Me: I'm assuming you're buying ratzeputs (really awful liquor we drank on New Years)

-- No response --

Next day

Me: Picture of Pinocchio lying face down in a river

Me: Is this you today?

Her: 5 hours later: Nooo :) It was a quiet night! No ratzeputz. How are you feeling?

At this point I'm thinking "fuck, this girl will just stop responding whenever she damn feels like it so I'm just gonna go for it (again) )

Me: 1 hour later: Oh well, can't stay up until 7AM each time

Me: What are you doing next week? I'm gonna sneak you out before you forget to respond again

Her: 2 hours later: True that. I'm gonna train a lot after work this week, I've got a skiing race coming up ;) Do you like to ski?

(I was on a date at this point so I didn't see her text until the next morning.)

Next Day

Me: Yeah, skiing's the shit! I'm guessing you're a bit more competetive than me since you're racing and shit, but we'll have fun (lol, I just assumed she was asking me to go skiing with her)

Me: What day did you have in mind?

-- No response --

Next day

Me: Omg focus Linn! We talked about this

-- No response --

Next day

Her: Omg Ninjakale. You're a bit aggressive.. I'm not really sure what you're trying to achieve here, but I'm pretty busy these days. I hope everything's good :)

So I'm thinking that's basically her telling me to fuck off at this point, but as I said earlier I don't give up until all bridges are burnt. So I was thinking of sending something like:

"lol I'm just trying to meet up with you because I think we'll have fun, but you're making it hella hard for some reason"

and maybe throw in something like

"wait, are you a nun or something"

Other takeaways:

I should've pulled the trigger during that first text exchange following the "haircut" line since I had gotten some compliance and momentum. At this point I'm just banging my head against the wall.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for reading guys, really appreciate it.