I feel like I haven't suffered enough to deserve abundance/presence/self-awesomeness
This a major thought pattern I've picked up on lately, and it's obviously complete insanity. Wondering if anyone else can relate?
I've grown up in a upper middle class household and never worried much about money. I've never had to deal with divorce, death, or extreme sickness of any immediate family members. I have been treated with true unconditional love from my mother throughout my life. I am attending college with finacial help from my parents. However, I am definitely not a punk rich kid, I've been disciplined heavily through sports, school work, and making my own money and it has always been self motivated. I've suffered in my own ways though, and I will not deny myself of that.
I hang around a lot of people that have suffered 100x more than me through alcoholic parents, arrests, drugs, death, etc. and I can't help but feel like a dick sometimes. I get along well with these people surprisingly, even though I am pretty up front about not being a tough guy/thug. Maybe it is refreshing to have someone around that isn't reinforcing the whole "i've seen some shit" mentality. I just don't feel as deserving as some of these people, because I feel like the only reason I am outwardly successful is because I've always had a strong support system through my parents. I feel like the more I grow as a person the more hate I will get for just being some fortunate rich kid. The last thing I want to be is some fratty scum bag stereotype. This actually has been forced upon me through my own father for years, because his circumstances were far worse as teen, but he recently has stopped projecting this upon me after I figured everything out with college got some great merit scholarships all on my own.
So what is my path as a man that makes me deserve abundance? I'm not really sure yet. I am persuing a healthcare career because I am passionate about helping people through a healthy lifestyle. I'm coming to the conclusion that the only way I can have abundance is if I feel like I have met my own standards of deserving it. Number one, not spreading pain, suffering, and judgement in any form. Next, I need to switch jobs to something that I feel is humbling to myself and beneficial to others like working at a hospital. Third, being grateful for my support system around me and being of support to others by bringing them into the party of awesomeness I have to offer. Finally, having a superiority complex is complete poison for me.
Bro linking success to suffering is like shooting yourself in the dick. Personally I think the concept of "deservedness" is major bawls and the universe doesn't care, as what you were born into is different to what you make of it. Karma Baby
Abundance is our BIRTH-RIGHT dude. Just what the guy above said. Deservedness is complete nonsense.
what you say points at loads of good introspection. it's definitely great that you realize that but it's also complete bullshit to limit yourself by that thinking. be grateful for what you've got. i too sometimes wonder how my life would be if i wasn't lucky in certain things but it's more of a philosophical thinking than feeling that i don't deserve what i have. you can actually reframe it - take it as a motivation to work harder - you had better starting conditions therefore you have better chance of becoming someone great that people look up to.
Dayuuuuuum great advice everyone