I hit rock bottom and it was good for me
About a month ago I started to feel super shitty. It was the worst exhaustion I've ever felt, rash all over my chest down to my balls, pain everywhere. I actually experience little sicknesses every 6 months or so, but this one felt like it was here to stay.
I went to a Naturopathic Doctor to get things sorted out, because my normal doctor had no idea what was going on. Turns out I had a systematic bacterial yeast overgrowth in my body. This is the first step to an autoimmune disorder like Crohns. It is a result of not taking care of myself. My diet and exercise have always been great, but this was a result of stress.
I got on a very strict diet: no gluten, no lactose, no sugar. On top of that I was taking 20+ pills a day of superdosed vitamins. Most importantly, I was told I had to meditate every morning for 20-40 min. This really sucked. I couldn't party and drink, had to get on a good sleep schedule, was eating nothing but veggies and meat all day, and my body itched like hell. The toughest part was making all of this work in a college enviroment, this was far from the college life. I was not having fun.
At first I was going fucking crazy. I was jumping through hoops just to make stay true to what I had to get done. It shocked me into the present moment. The only way to do this right was to take it day by day, minute by minute. Any social pressures were insignificant, it was about doing my fucking thing. Once I was honest and straightforward with people, they were on board with what was going on with me.
I was so busy making things happen that I was cut off from all those short terms pleasures: drinking, junk food, etc. I started to find my pleasure in just doing what I was doing. I did not have shit to look forward too, so I stopped looking forward. I had a rash on my fuckin balls, no chicks are goin near that!
I tried to learn as much as a could, its a pretty interesting illness. The type of illness that sticks around for years for some people. I came to the conclusion that my life habits were not all that bad. I eat better than 90% of the kids around me and always stay in good shape. It is was my internal state that was fucked. This was a wake up up call, I was not living my life right. I had to change my ways to get better, that was very clear to me.
I thought I knew what presence was, but I learned that I was far from the truth. I took the time to actually learn how to meditate, and experienced first hand the healing associated with being in the body. My neck pain that I had experienced for a year started to dissappear. I realized that I was unconciously walking up around tensed up like crazy. I started to catch on to negatitivity that I did not know existed in me.
I let go and trusted that I was healing myself. I felt better and better everyday. Trust was a big thing I was lacking in most of my life. I've now learned how important it is to just trust in my abilities and trust in my life. I found that in my case of healing I had to do what I had to do on an outer level, and trust on an inner level. Anything more was bullshit.
I started to feel a lot better very quickly and I am doing good now. I feel better than I ever had before, energy levels like I was a little kid. It actually remind me a lot of the way I used to live when I was younger, and how I managed to fuck all that natural blissful state up. Totally gonna start getting back on my skateboard, skiing, etc.
This whole thing put my priorities in check. My health and presence is #1, i'm confident that everything else will sort itself out.
I've had little episodes of illness like this before but this was by far the worst. It is pretty clear to me now that these were always signs telling me to slow the fuck down and enjoy life. Autoimmune type stuff runs in my family and it is crazy to see first hand how much these illnesses mirror an overactive mind. I am looking to work in healthcare and I now understand how powerful presence can be when working with disease.
I am nowhere close to being an expert at presence, but I can say I have experienced some of the most peaceful states of being in my entire life within the last few weeks. I totally feel like I am at a good place to make lots of great things happen.
Awesome dude!!! Pain and suffering while maintaining focus and diligence creates massive amounts of masculine polarity and seasoning. Happy for you, even if the health aspect of it blows a bit.
Great job man. Check out the Presence Process by Michael Brown. He went through a very similar experience to having medical issues that were teaching him to be more present, which ultimately resulted in the process he created and healing his medical issues. Really dope book on increasing presence through alchemy. Explains how it works, the benefits, etc. I've seen a lot of what he talks about through my own personal experience and through taking a lot of people through processes that have similar effects.
Will do bro thanks
Pretty crazy how this stuff works. I'll have a day with heightened stress and it manifests physically, and I'll tell myself it is because of some external factor (diet, etc.) but DEEP down I know it was just the underlying anxiety fuckin shit up.
Totally a familiar pattern in gaming women as well :P
Good shit, man. You're pretty much on your way back to the top. Best part about rock bottom is the bottom in my opinion. You're at ground zero and the sky is literally the limit. Bounce back even better from all this, bro.