Inner Game Discussion: Exuberance vs. Annoyance

The best solution would be to finish your training. You didn't get very far and you were a terrible student at times. 

I think it's significant you're describing it as "protecting your self worth". That was one of the most frustrating things about you

Write that part out, a free flow of what it means to you, what triggers it, how it manifests, and some stories coinciding with it. 

I'm going to do my free flow writing right here for anyone that may benefit from it somehow. 

I would describe "protecting my self worth" as a fucked up behavior pattern where I try to project as if I have control over a situation by acting aloof because I am unsure about the emotions I am feeling inside of myself. Whether I am scared, ashamed, nervous, or clueless, these emotions sometimes really eat away at me. I've never been one to act out on my emotions, even the positive ones. I let these emotions paralyze me instead, and a facade arises where I appear aloof and arrogant. When I am aloof I feel like nobody can hurt me.

For example, I may be talking to a hottie and get a rise of anxiety because I feel her losing interest. Instead of controlling the situation, and gaining her interest back with pure awesomeness, I become more of a douchebag. Simply put, If I am going to fail and be rejected it is going to be on MY own terms, not hers. I would much rather get rejected because I am some "carefree douchebag" than open up, express myself with authenticity, and get shot down because she is not into me. Essentially, I start to troll girls too hard, and sometimes it is straight up self sabatoge on my part. Trolls do not get laid. Maybe some of my buddies witness the interaction, they think it is hilarious that I just trolled a super hot girl, but what they fail to realize is that I actually wanted to experience a romantic/sexual relationship with her, not just diss her and leave. I've had friends be like "dude, you really don't care about girls at all you don't give the time of day I wish I could be that carefree because i'm always so worried about girls." FUCK NO HAHA of course I worry about women what am I doing here.

 The same dynamic applies for when I trained with Manwhore, I would rather be that stubborn student that really doesn't give a fuck than that dude that was too much of a pussy to succeed. This is why I tried to act so cool like I had control over everything. This dynamic repeats itself in my aspects of my life, and as I train my verbals and overall authoritative character traits I just become more successful at the douchebag facade. The only thing that seperates me from your stereotypical frat dude is that some of those dudes probably have some bad intentions. I have tons of empathy and feel everything around me.

It takes sympathetic and emotionally intelligent people to look past my dickhead-ness. All my friends are either very very sweet people that do a good job at softening me, or share similar aloof characteristics that I posses and find me entertaining because we feed off of each other. Growing up one of my best friends was a straight up sociopath, and he pushed some pretty naraccistic qualities on me, BUT that was NEVER me it always bothered me so much. I watched this kid be the most stone cold douchebag around and get whatever he wanted throughout highschool. I never was emotionally numb enough to do this myself, but for a while I totally thought that being a dick was the key to get what I wanted. 

The last time I was completely free of this need to protect my self worth was probably my freshman year of highschool. Not too toot my own horn, but I had top notch girls all over me then. It has never been an issue of getting my life together, I am a good student, athlete, I have hobbies and talents, and I take care of myself. I have this overwhelming feeling that I am constantly stepping on my own toes and killing my potential. I was describe some of my earliest experiences where I felt the need to "protect my self worth" below:

•  Super hot girl whose a senior comes up to me as a little freshman in HS and tells that she heard a rumor that we made out at a party. I was sooo fuckin anxious about the entire situation that I acted on my fear and responded with something along the lines of "pfff with you?? I hope not I wouldn't want that." I failed to realize that she really digged me
• My sophmore year of HS i'm "dating" one of the hottest girls at the school. Not really because we didn't bang. Rumor had it she was a virgin and for some reason wanted ME to be her first. She looks at me at a crowded lunch table and says, "Omg I never realized how fuckin beautiful your eyes are..." I get nervous and reply with something along with lines of "pffff nice plain white t shirt did you just roll out of bed." Everyone around me laughs and I enjoy the attention, obviously shes fuckin crushed and humiliated. Of course I wanted to tell her she's a sweetheart and that she's unbelievably sexy herself, but I guess I was too scared to express myself
• My sophmore year I'm talking to yet again another sexy sexy sexy girl. We spent the night together at a school events or something and we don't have a very good time because I do not take control of the situation because I'm just aloof and don't care as usual. I text her later that night and make up some bullshit about us not having chemistry in order to try and make her chase me. Like any quality woman would, she never talks to me again. I've burned A LOT of relationships to the fuckin ground.

Those were some of my earliest memories, but they still bother me a lot. I think I started training with MW the end of my sophmore year, maybe a bit later. Training helped big time, but this "protecting my self worth" still lingers and it keeps me from reaching a high level of game. I do pretty well with other dudes, I don't think a lot of guys see me as an asshole but a lot of girls defintely do. I can be myself around very average-ish women because I do not feel anxious or scared so there is no need to put up my facade, if they hurt me it really doesn't make me feel bad about myself. Some of these girls are GREAT, i'm not trying to come across as a dick right now but I am in this to have AMAZING relationships with top shelf women. Sometimes I get attention from hot chicks but they are usually daddy issue types that like my negativity, and this never gets anywhere.

Now in college I still lack the emotional maturity to seriously persue super hotties without trying to "protect my self worth througout the entire interaction. These girls see right through my shit it is very clear. I think I still get some looks from  these girls because I live a pretty cool lifestyle and have my shit together but I fuck up the interaction. Even my college friends make remarks about how I should be bringing super sexy girls back to my place consantly and that I need to try harder. I'm a try hard that appears to not try I guess LOL.  I'm really not trying to say any of this too boost my own self worth here, I have some awesome friends that are every honest with me and I just never understand where I am going wrong. I do not even have the balls to tell them that I AM trying and failing. Sooo yet again i'm stuck behind a facade. I guess I have a lot of potential, when I open up I must be somewhat remotely charming becuase people are always telling me I have massive potential but I just don't let myself reach this potential because I need to "protect my self worth" insteading of allowing myself to fail a bit and come across as as a loser (at least I would be an authentic loser :p) for a while but ultimately hone in my social awesomeness.

It is clear that this is my biggest limiting factor and has been for a while. It crosses over into my text game as well, that's why I'm so quick to scold a girl. 

During my verbal drills today I tried to express my emotions very strongly, I wanted to come across as masculine flamboyant and open, even if it sounded borderline gay at times. I noticed that I feel far more exposed when I do this and it is flat out scary for me. Instead of speaking from my stomach region I can feel my expression coming from deep in my pelvis. It feels like more sexuality comes into play when I do this. will explore deeper.

I absotrly do not need to finish training I will look into when that would be possible.

^^Very humbling to read man. This read like a complete open book and came across very authentic

good luck to you!

A man is measured not on his thoughts or his "I meant to's", he's judged by his actions. It's very bad you have random women come up to you and you tool them. That's not good it means you're one of the bad guys. But the fact you betrayed your girlfriend publicly? The one girl that a man takes under his wing and protects. The one girl a guy should be able to protect.. and you go and fucking shit on her? And crush her? What the FUCK is wrong with you.

You betrayed yourself, you betrayed a woman! Do you think you even deserve them now? All you do is fucking hurt them! You KNOW this. You've sinned against women and you've been paying for it ever since. And you can't forgive yourself and move on because you keep doing it! 

The fact that you look to troll people, is awful. Your brain shouldn't be wired that. That's bad. 

Being good to people isn't even that difficult. It's not hard to be good to people, to make them feel better about things, not worse. This is all I have for you right now. This is very disappointing. 

I can kind of relate to this. Not the part about being anxious and being an asshole, but i tend to feel an urge to troll girls and to be aloof.

I just feel like many (party) girls have nothing interesting to offer apart from their looks and when they all act like they're the shit it makes me kind of arrogant until i get to know them better. It works but when i meet a girl that i always end up being too aloof. Probably similarly to what you call "protecting self worth".

So yeah basically i'm kind of bitter because i'm only pulling good looking but boring girls, but not the real high quality girls that i want. I've turned down a few girls recently because i thought i would waste my time with them and i felt some kind of neediness from their side
I think i need to change my attitude, be more positive, less judgemental and just start pulling more chicks.

Lol this was MUCH worse than what you're describing. I was being too mean to even pull, effectively cock blocking myself!

I wonder what MW has to say about what you're describing though.

Another good observation I've made is that I sometimes make things very complicated (verbally and over text) in terms of overgaming because I tend to try and "impress" instead of "express".

Like Jihad pointed out I was getting girl to agree to dates via text, but I was so focused on "impressing" to try and earn their affection I missed that they were actually into me, then I would becoming emotionally colder and colder feeling like I wasn't getting what I wanted.

First of all this doesn't really make sense. You're being "too aloof" yet managing to pull good looking but boring girls? How often. Twice? Lol

But no, this does not compare to the travesty's meow has pulled. 

Maybe cold is a better word, i don't know i'm not a native english speaker and i was really hungover when i wrote that post lol. What i mean is it probably comes across like i don't really care about the girls. Usually takes me a while to start appreciating chicks. Before i do, I tend to be kind of aloof and trolling them alot.

For example i was hanging with this chick who is good looking but not my type. She was chasing and i was like really aloof but still physical and . She then chased me harder and kind of forced me to go her place lol. If i really liked her personality i would probably have only been aloof and not shown any interest.

What i'm saying is when i meet a girl that really does have a nice personality i can become kind of needy in my head, and then in order to "preserv self worth" i become more aloof than usual, and then it doesn't work well. If she was just another good looking chick, the aloof thing wouldn't be a problem.

Yeah definitely different than being an asshole but i think the underlying problem is similar. I've definitely gone too far in trolling girls though.

Like what.. anything damaging to their psyche like Meow's done?