In a new interview for the for the February issue of Harper's Baazar, Miranda Kerr waxes rhapsodic about dating and how she does it, managing to make the most mundane dating advice sound next-level bizarre.

Kerr broke up with husband William Turner, son of "Bootstrap Bill" Turner, in 2013. Her advice, at first, appears quite simple: She says that it's a good idea to wear sexy underwear even if you don't think you're going to get laid just to give you "that extra boost of confidence." She thinks you should make sure you're not giving too much in relationships and you're getting enough in return. Cool, cool.

And then:

Next, should a girl ever call a guy? "I don't believe in that. I believe in the man chasing the girl, but that's just me personally." Texting? "I think a woman should respond but not reach out."

Okay! I mean people believe that. Some people. I've heard that before. Sounds pretty normal. A little archaic but normal.

But then:

"Men don't want to be disrespected, and women feel the best when they feel cherished," she says. "So if a woman is feeling cherished, she will respect a man, and if a man's feeling respected, he will cherish a woman. It doesn't need to be complicated."

...What?

And then:

To the issues: How to prepare for a date? "What really works is to spend 15 minutes and focus on feelings and moments that have made you feel really good. Remember those moments so you can build up a positive force field around you."

Ah yes, the positive force field! Works every time. Okay, she's got me back with her.

And lastly:

Which brings us to the timeless question of sex on the first date. Out comes the notepad. "My philosophy is that until you get to know them it's better not to, because energetically as a woman you get attached. So you're better off to go on a few dates and see if you want to get attached or not."

"Energetically." All this talk of energies might get a little confusing, until you remember that at the top of the article we learn that Kerr sleeps with a "healing crystal" every night. As Laura Brown explains:

Instead of sounding like a hippie, though, when Kerr talks about her crystalline ways she comes off as rather practical. Her Australian accent doesn't hurt. When she talks about "clearing energy," she makes it sound like going to buy milk. "It's rose quartz," she says brightly. "And then I clear it with the energy of the sun or the moon every three days." She waves it in front of me like an instructional.

Practical? No. Worrisome? Yes. Someone take that crystal away from Kerr and stat, before she hurts someone with it – or before she bursts into flames because of all her excess energy.