Interesting Recent Observation I've Had

Recently, I've been feeling this odd, "pulling" sensation. It's this experience, as if I'm starting to notice the things/people/ideas/thoughts etc. that I am attached to or that are attached to me and am slowly, very slowly, de-sticking from them. 

Like I realized just how dedicated to the "rat race" I am and that I'm allowing myself to stay in it out of fear. Like I just haven't allowed myself to take any major "leaps" yet and just do what I actually want to do. I'm so concerned with what my parents and others might think. 

There's this overarching sense of fear I have and I'm starting to actually see/feel it for the first time - it's this fear that holds me back from just making really aggressive moves and doing what I want. It holds me in check and attaches me to the "standard play"- highschool, college, work, job, better job, money, apartment, better apartment etc. etc. 

I also notice how a lot of my thoughts aren't even mine - I'm noticing all these thoughts that are pulling on me but they aren't originally mine, they are thoughts that are derived from others- whether it's shit that was instilled in me when I was young, or something a friend said or someone on the forums, or my sister etc. It's like I'm noticing so many thoughts/feelings that aren't even mine and yet they appear to be coming from inside of me. 

Finding the line between what I geninuely want and what others project onto me isn't easy and up until now I haven't even seen it. But now at least I'm starting to see/feel a very very vauge outline of these projections and my own attachments to them. It feels super uncomfortable and I hate this feeling of being like basically "stuck" in one place because I'm too afraid to make the moves that I actually want to make. 

I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression here- what I'm feeling is so incredibly feint that most people probaably wouldn't even pick up on it- this isn't like some major thing where I'm having a breakdown over here lol.... I'm just picking up on some very feint signals that up until now had been completely invisible and I'm starting to pay very close attention to them. 

I'm starting to see patters in my own life, stuff that is a complete result of my childhood and seeing how I have to make active choices, as an adult male, to be my own person, as opposed to being a carbon copy that is simply composed of the impressions I got when I was younger. 

Really, I'm not sure what this is but it is something I've never felt before and it's like this slow process where I'm very slowly just starting to unstick from a lot of these attachments that are just sort of holding me in place. There's this HUGE part of me that just wants to fucking EXPLODE out of here but all these attachments are pulling on me and it's so weird just cause I've never seen or felt this before in my life. 

I see this as really great progress- I think part of it is simply a matter of me maturing and beginning to think for myself and become increasingly independent. Anyway- just wanted to throw this up