Issue with Girls from High School
I'm about 6 years removed from HS now. Me and my buddies have had this group of girls from HS that we'd hang with and drink with and we've pretty much kept in touch since HS like we'd get together on holidays when people we're home and what not.
So a few weeks back on Halloween one of them has a party in her new apartment in the city. I was just getting back into the MW life aroudn this time...During the party I was alone with one of them in this room. She's a very small girlie. We were kneeling down looking at her phone she was showing me funny stuff on snapchat. Then I guess sort of randomly, but I just felt this urge to do it, I picked her up and like launched her onto the big bed that was right there.
I think my mistake here was that I did not continue to escalate, just tried to keep it light, but after a few seconds I saw her emotions turn. She left the room and i saw her go tell the girls apartment who it was what happened. That girl just made like a neutral facial expression towards me and nothing happened after that. Everything was fine. I even saw the girl who's apartment it was a few weeks after that at my buddies place and we were chatting like the whole night, it never came up.
Anyways so this week the girl that I threw is having a NYE party and inviting that whole group of friends over but I had no idea about it. One of my boys in the group calls me up, he is sort of a chode with girls, but loyal as hes the only one who tells me...He says that he's going there for new years. He tells me that he was with a few of the girls and they said they didn't want me coming because of what happened halloween. And the girl whose apartment it was said that I got into confrontations with her roomates, which didn't happen.
(Now I mean I guess I am not 100% innocent I do have a history of being relatively more rowdy than this group of people and maybe this makes them uncomfortable, but we've been friends like 10 years now)
The guy who called me up said I should probalby apologize blah blah. At first I told him to just apologize for me, but then I txted him back and told him not to bother if he hasn't already. Now I am planning on just staying in NYE, hanging with my sister. Guys good with social situations like this, what are your advice/opinions?
Should I apologize?
Your pal,
Wolverine
I was thinking about this in the shower, I had a similar experience; I was close with a girl and at some point (I dont even remember what happened) our intereactions were awkward and she would avoid me.
I saw her one day with her boyfriend, and I walked to her and told her I was sorry about what ever I did, and that we had good times, and that "it was nice knowing you" - then I left abruptly (she later hit me up again)
I think approaching her she was taken aback, and speaking so relaxed about an issue that haunted us with awkward - that also unexpected to her. In my attitude I showed genuine appreciation for the good times, and then aknowledging that I fucked up, and then being genuine before I left "it was nice knowing you" (not condecending or sarcastic).
I think that attitude shows some balls (what makes people awkward does not affect you), it shows you and her older shared experiences in a positive light (if you can genuinely appreciate your shared past as you tell her this, she will see that projection in your eyes), it will make you seem mature as fuck, to aknowledge you fucked up (so long as you are not overly apologetic), and lastly the "it was nice knowing you" is non-needy, leaves the door open for her to change her mind. Even if she decides not to be involved with you, this would be a way to have tried and leave on your own terms.
If you apologize, feel free to use anything you can use from here
let me know if you try this, Im curious what happens
I was thinking about this in the shower, I had a similar experience; I was close with a girl and at some point (I dont even remember what happened) our intereactions were awkward and she would avoid me.I saw her one day with her boyfriend, and I walked to her and told her I was sorry about what ever I did, and that we had good times, and that "it was nice knowing you" - then I left abruptly (she later hit me up again)
I think approaching her she was taken aback, and speaking so relaxed about an issue that haunted us with awkward - that also unexpected to her. In my attitude I showed genuine appreciation for the good times, and then aknowledging that I fucked up, and then being genuine before I left "it was nice knowing you" (not condecending or sarcastic).
I think that attitude shows some balls (what makes people awkward does not affect you), it shows you and her older shared experiences in a positive light (if you can genuinely appreciate your shared past as you tell her this, she will see that projection in your eyes), it will make you seem mature as fuck, to aknowledge you fucked up (so long as you are not overly apologetic), and lastly the "it was nice knowing you" is non-needy, leaves the door open for her to change her mind. Even if she decides not to be involved with you, this would be a way to have tried and leave on your own terms.
If you apologize, feel free to use anything you can use from here
let me know if you try this, Im curious what happens
Yep good stuff. Shows a strength that 95% of people just don't have. But you can't be needy about it or expect a response. Completely closed off to the need, you're doing it because it's the right thing to do.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Thing about this is that I probably won't be seeing her in person before this party. And me apologizing probably still won't get me invited to the party so I'm not sure I am in any rush to do so. However, I will likely see her after the party at other events and things will likely smooth over on their own.
So, if I want to do this before the party it'd have to be over text and I really don't see a non-needy way to go about it but...
Me: Hey, listen (her name). I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I thought that I was placing you onto a little saftey net of protection. It has been nice knowing you.
Anyone else have anything to say about the fact that it's kind of fucked up all my friends are invited to this party and I am not? Should I not be pissed at this girl? Honestly part of me wants to tear her a new one. I'm not so sure that I did anything wrong here...Gawd dam this predicament, just want to deal with it correctly ya know?
You want to aim more for bucking the shit talking going on. In your mind nothing happened you were having fun she had an issue with it you don't understand. But the fact that they apparently called you out and this never happened? That's a scapegoat job going down I would step up to that.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
You don't have to be adversarial in how you do this. You can be super warm with it. But yeah you want to correct it
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Can you explain a bit more about what you mean?
First I will want to be more clear....
1. I did actually throw her onto the bed.
2. The confrontations with roomates the other girl was complaining of is definitely made up/blown out of proportion.
When you said I want to aim more for "bucking the shit talking" are you refferring to the text I was going to send. Also I'm not really sure what that expression means. Should I communicate to her that I my mind I was having fun and she just had an issue that I didn't understand?