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Laid...! Hottie From the Bar Says "Here's My Snapchat"....CHALLENGE ACCEPTED (Text Game)

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Anonymous

Been meaning to post up some lay reports on dis bitch but writing them takes hours cause I like to describe everything in excruciating detail. Even the anal pains...

What.

ANYWHO

Long story short, HB9 w an ass lookin tasty as a toaster stroodle gives me her snapchat instead of her number at a bar. Hohohoho. Doesn't even matter. Check it you pissy pussy thots :)

(Note: Just the txt side of lay report. Goes from snapchat, to number, to her place :D WEEEEEE)

FIrst of all, I completely disregard the fact that I have her snap and am using the msg feature as if its texting. Honestly, whatever contact details she gives you, if it was a msg feature...you can get laid. No question about it. I don't even mess with sending her photos if I dont have to. I'm awesome enough. I mean come on, check out my terrorist lookin poochie avatar pic? Kewl riighhttt. The hoes luv it.

Me: Sup sparkles, its your favorite abused cruise worker.

Me: (pug pic)

Me: Oh almost forgot, my twin >>> yours :P

*Next Morning

Her: Hahahahahaha this is great

Me: I just woke up and my eyes hurt like a butt. Girl..! What did u do to me?!

Me: Now i cant show off my sexiness in public...

Her: Hahahaha whaatttt

Me: Im so tired idontevenknow what i just said lol

Her: Hahahaha hungover?

Me: I didnt even drink last night tho..so weird

Her: U didnt?!

Her: Daaang

Me: Shit is terrible for your body. Not super into it anymore

Me: I used to be the sloppiest girl at the party tho ;P

Her: Hahahahahaha noooo thats not good at all

Me: Wut isnt..sloppy or being sexy sober lol

Her: Sloppy lol

Me: Oh duh :P

Me: So what do u do besides being hawt

Her: Hahaha ur way too much :) :P

Me: Hm weird, i usually hear that during climax

Me: Lol jk ;)

Me: Rlly tho, you're cute but do u have any interests

Her: Haha i dont even rmr what i said. Uhh i dunno i have a little guy he's almost 15mo.

Me: Damn babe, you're in good shape for all that work. Turn on...

Me: Where do ya workout

Me: I'd be a fat mess eating icecream on the couch by now lol

*No response. Ya I figured. Been meaning to do a post about re-engagement game. Sharing some of my txts that KILL it. Only MW knows what I'm talkin about...dont know if I should share yet :P

Me: *Re-engagement pug pic

Her: Hahahahahaha planet fitness XDXD

Me: U go there? I was told it was a pizza place..

Her: Pizzaplace lolololol they do have pizza the first mon. of every month i think it is

Me: Lol u like that place? Sounds like a diabetes factory

Her: Hahaha i like it year i dont go on pizza nights cus its weird pizza XDXDXD

Me: Riiiighht ;)

Me: U dont have to hide it babe, Embrace that fat girl spirit

Her: oh nooo i'll embrace it ;P

Me: We're never doing pizza. you'd devour that shit in 2 bites u animal

Me: But we'd look totes adorbs in fat suits with pints of icecream. Everyone wud b pb&jealous

Her: Hahahahaha thats hilarious

Me: Just dont steal my pint or i'll spank you and push you down a hill

Her: As long as i have my own i'll be good XD :D

Her: Hahahahaa i wouldnt dare

Me: Hey lets txt. Snap is killing my battery and lame. Shoot me yer num or txt me (num)

Her: *num

YAY. Txty timmeee

Me: Gawd im so done w this while 'stopping' at red lights thing. Im just gonna start running em. Let the cops come idgaf

Me: Hows your day going babycakes

My personal vers. of MW's re-engagement txt ^ - Didn't have to re-engage but used it instead as a convo builder.

Her: Hahaha ur hilarious

Her: Its good just finished lunch with my family

Her: hows urs?

Me: Not bad got a lot of freetime on sundays so ust been chillin like a villain

Me: What're ya up to later

Her: Im at grandparents rn but those r my only plans as of rn

Me: Man i luv old people. They have no problems cursing u out when u fuck up. So wise lol.

Her: Hahaha they really dont

Me: I work at a nursing home and they always yell at me tellin me to cut my hair

Me: Pff no WAY! 

Her: Lol my poppie always tells me to get my little guy's hair cut

Me: Lol funny

Me: When r y a free later and not hearing stories from WWII lets grab icecramm and then u can organize my utility bills

Her: Icecream where ya thinkin

Her: I'll be free at like 7?

Me: 7s kewl i dig *this place* is that near u?

Her: Lol thats close to me that works

Me: Sweet lets b crazy and get double scoops ;)

Her: haha

Me: i'll come pick u up round 7 in my lambo disguised as a highlander

Me: Wear something cute so we match lol

Her: Hahahaha what r u gonna be wearing XDXD

Me: U wanna know what im wearing...how kinky of you ;)

Her: Oh howd you guess XD :D ;P :)

Me: Lol i'll tell u but you have to send me a pic of what you'll be wearning :P

Her: Im still at the lake rn and i have to shower before seeing you lol so idk what time or maybe tomorrow?

Me: When do you get back babe

Her: As soon as pop comes back with the pizza ;) ;)

Me: Haha! you stinkin lil girly. If 7s too tight i can grab ya later

Her: Ok yeah let me just txt u when i get home haha im eating the pizza now

Me: Okie dokie artichokie

Her: I juuuuust got home haha

Me: Ooooook so all u gotta do now is your nails and take a selfie right..?

Me: Lol let me know when you're ready

Her: Hahahaha Ry just went to bed now im gonna shower

Me: Cool cool u live alone or w a roommate btw

Her: Parents wbu

Me: Parents rn, head back to my apt in May :P

Her: Which is where? I forgot most of the things you told me that night im so sorry :((

Her: And im not ready yet and im getting tired can we do it tomorrow evening?

Me: Girl ive been ready for like 30min..you're being a lazy butt lol. Its icecream silly. Leggings and a coat are fine

Her: But i have to put make up on XD :D :))

Me: O-M-G

Me: You're so right. Lets stop everything so miss cutiepatootie can get her foundation on lol

Me: Can u do it fast? Its ok i like clowns :)

Her: Ahhhhhhh boo tomorrow plsssss say tomorrow :)) stressing me out tryna get me to rush and the damn icecream is gonna close lol

Me: Ooook babe. Lets do tmmrw round 7. And you're gonna be extra nice

Her: Hahaha i'll be super nice :) u da best

Me: Im gonna have you make it up to me tho...i was looking soo hot the icecream was gonna melt :P

Her: Send me picture ;) :P

Me: Nuh uh boo you're sending me pics. im the one thinking how yummy you were gonna look..especially in leggings

Her: haha meannnnn

Her: I wanna have a pic of u and how hot u were looking

Me: (Pug pic)

Her: Hahahahaha stopp it XD

Me: Your turn lol

Her: Lol nope send me a real picture of u being fire

Me: thats lame

Me: :P

Me: You'll just have to wait and see tmrw in person ;)

Her: Haha ur lame hush

Me: Oh you're gonna get it now..im gon make yer booty hurt

Me: You're gonna need babypowder for your tushie

Her: Hahahahaha stopppppppiitttt XDXD

Me: Put you over my knee like the il girl you are. Give you a nice firm spanking...call me lame pfff lol

Her: Is this your way of easing me into ur freaky side? XDXD

Me: Could be

Me: Or a fun way of teacing that cute lil ass a lesson

Me: Who knows ;)

Me: My mom says girls have cooties

Her: Oh a lesson huh?

Her: We do. You should be careful

Me: Ya i dont wanna get a cold. Then i cant eat pizza and icecream

Me: Only soup :((

Her: You could def eat icecream still!

Me: You're a bad bad girl. Im a good boi who follows the rules

Her: hahahah im not bad :))

Me: Oh i like bad tho :P

Me: Adds some spice in my life lol

Her: Lol ya i bet so. I fell asleep sorry

Me: Mornin babe! I hate waking up tired ugh i need more sleep

Her: Good morning :)

Me: Watcha doinnn. im bout to hit the gym and destroy an pizza on my way lol

Her: Just hanging out with my little guy and my best friend and her little girl

Her: Have fun at the gymmmm

Me: We'll take over *icecream shop* round 7 sparkles

Me: Bring yo zebra

Her: My zebra hahahahaha whaaaaatt

Me: Its a new form of expression, know, bring your zebra. Its hip

Her: Lol oh im not with all the hip lingo

Me: Gym was dead

Me: I had the mirrors all to myself to check out my butt lol

Me: Icecream in t-minus 1hr sparkles lmk whatsup

Her: Im on the damn mtn rn we're going to the liquor store i'll send u an address later to come hang out ok?

Me: sounds good. u dont want to roll down to *icecreamshop* anymore?

Her: I do but another time when it isn't tryna snow lol

Me: OH shit didnt even see that LOL

Me: hm ok...so what are you gonna cook for me :P

Her: Hahaha french toast shots XDXD

Me: Lol whose all gonna be there

Me: Let me just make sure im good for later in ma sched

Her: Just me and the girl i was downtown with haha

This is the threesome shit I was talking about lol.

Me: The night we met?

Her: Yeah

Me: wait thats not your twin..

Her: Hahahaha she's my twin :P:P

Me: Like actual twin...or like OMG she's my bff girl twin

Her: XDXDXDXDXD

Her: Best friend XDXD

Me: ah damn u had me fooled

Her: Lol forgot we even said that XD

Me: Hey lets bully the other you for fun

Her: Hahahaha not niceeeee

Me: Aight just got done w my work

Me: Should make it tnight. Lmk when booboo

Me: french toast shot..? sounds nice

Her: Good okay i will let you know :D:D

Her: they're yummy haha

Me: Put some ecstasy in mine good shit

Me: Shoot me a time atleast so i can put my makeup on geezus

Her: lol what r u fr

Her: XDXD

Me: This girl needs her hot red lipstick

Her: To the ecstasy part hahaha

Her: Nooo

Me: Lol what r u doin rn

Me: Cuz im gettin ready

Her: Lol we just put kids to sleep

Me: ya send those lil aliens off to the motherboard

Me: Let me try to outdrink me..babies love alc

Her: Hahahaha u stop :))

Me: Make me

Her: Caaaant ur not here

Her: yet

Her: :D:D

Me: I'd like to see u try anyways. Fun entertainment :P

Her: Hahahahaha oh u think so?

Me: No thinking. I know ;)

Her: Haha suuuuuure ya do

Me: Aight sparkles r ya done dolling up or do i have to handle u myself

Her: Haha we done :)) my friend said bring a friend and come on

Me: Should've said that earlier

Me: U girls are lucky to have me all to yourselves

Her: Wellllll she just said it!

Her: Grab a friend fast XDXD

Me: At this short notice ya right

Me: Just behave yourself babe it'll be fine ;)

Me: Dont let your friend get too grabby on me. Shit aint free ;P

Her: Hahahahahahaha she said comeonnnnn call a friend

Me: Ya i gotta lil friend with me. He doesnt play nice tho.

Her: Oh

Her: Hahahaha stop

^Tried setting up a threesome dynamic this way. BUTTT...my inner player sixth sense kicked in. He said "Hey Jihad you sexy dawg u. Just play it safe" - Me: "Ok equally sexy inner voice. I listen"

Me: Lmaoooo

Me: I'll try

Me: But dont blame me for you poor gals planning abilities :P

Her: Good :)

Me: Whas the address

Me: Shot a txt to one of ma buds

Her: Ok good good i'll send the address when u come

Me: Yup bringing someone in a bit. Will let u know when i leave

Me: Super cool dude you guys will love him

Her: Ok :)

And that's how the threesome didn't happen :(. Iz ok. I still get poosie.

Me: R yo lil tykes sleeping where we're headed

Her: They're in a diff room but yeah sleeping lol

Me: Phew cuz i was gonna come in gunz blazin

Me: good thing i checked lol

Her: hahahahaha ur funny all the time

Her: So like an hour or an hr 1/2?

Me: 1/2hr babe

Me: U open the door so i dont smooch the wrong grl

Her: Lol wait what time?

Me: 11pm

Me: Gonna pick up my buddy

Me: Then yours

Her: 11:30 or 12 shes showering lol

Me: okok

Her: :):)

Her: An hour. *Address* on the top of the hill kinda like go right past the house and park up there

Me: Im pretty close

Her: Where

Me: about 10min

Her: ok rmr dont come in driveway

Me: Pff i do what i want

Me: Comin in style

Her: Lol go past the house

Her: Cuz her parents cant see yall XD

Her: Then ur gonna sneak in our window ok?

Really should do a lay report about this. My bud and I literally climbed into these girls' house in the middle of the night sitting in their "playroom" - Their words, not mine. I'm fuckin this girl doggy and her dad comes in the ktichen. Nigga starts eatin chicken wings while I'm play freeze tag with my dick deep inside to not draw attention to ourselves. LOL.

Someone should've painted that scene. Shit would've sold for millions. 

DONE.

Don't think I need to explain this text game really. Classic silly & sincere with my own personal flare. If you guys have questions on anything or want further elaboration..let me know.

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Why cant i edit this post?

Why cant i edit this post? Some typos in the writing are irking me.

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Gawsh im so done with this

Gawsh im so done with this whole 'tinder' thing too. Cold approach to lay is so much more rewarding. Tinder is same ol shit.

EDIT:

Nah fuck that. I blaze tinder. LOL

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Daaaaamn honky!!! Hahaha Such

Daaaaamn honky!!! Hahaha

Such a cocky fucker ;)  

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Lol sowiesowie

Lol sowiesowie

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Actually need to watch that,

Actually need to watch that, could easily be my downfall. :)

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Naw you do it really well

Naw you do it really well lol 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

Patty's picture
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Joined: 01/02/2015
Dude that's some insanely

Dude that's some insanely good texting, you had me laughing lol. Every text just conveys so much emotion and personality. Love it

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Haha! Thanks mannnn! :)))

Haha! Thanks mannnn! :)))

Meow's picture
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Joined: 03/27/2013
That was DOPE. The

That was DOPE. The qualification and cockiness were so stealth when meshed with the sincere n' silly that she had no fuckin choice to be all hot and bothered. 

Write up a gawd damn lay report of the whole interaction!! We are curious :P

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Joined: 08/08/2015
DUDE YESS

"That was DOPE. The qualification and cockiness were so stealth when meshed with the sincere n' silly that she had no fuckin choice to be all hot and bothered. 

Write up a gawd damn lay report of the whole interaction!! We are curious :P"

I second this statement.

Jihad your text convo's more than half the time make me laugh like a mofo.

there was one where you sent a DICK pic to the chick that was acting real random (you and MEOW figured out what it was that make chick like her act weird like that).

I just literally laughed too fucking much man. The texting felt like a story that both you and her were part of (for the most part).
 

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Thanks guys I will will

Thanks guys I will will :)))

Gimme sum tymee

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
L-L-L-LAY REPORT: So my buddy

L-L-L-LAY REPORT:

So my buddy and I get to this girl's place after a drive  up this big ass wooded mtn in the middle of the night lookin straight outta American Horror Story Season 6.

She calls me as we're about to pull into her driveway gunz blazin lol. She says I have to back out or else Papa's gon glock my ass down. I pull out (figuratively), and park dat bitch back down the road. 

As we're walking to her house she tells me we'll have to hop in through her window. Not a problem, my side job as a panty thief just came in clutch...not that it doesn't ALWAYS ;P

I come in first and give my girl a big ol hug and smooch cuz she was lookin oh so yummy in her jammies. I like tights. I like em a lot. I give her sister/friend (still don't know to this day) a fair share of the love but not enough to make my lil tatertot jealous.

We all sit in their "playroom" for their kids with the tv on. A lot less sexy than it sounds, i know :(. These girls can't control their laughter and start making us some french toast shots. I get the lights and remote and try playing a horror flick so I can cuddle up with my girl but no one seems to be interested in netflix n chill. :/ My buddy is being situationally hilarious cause from an outsiders perspective, these girls had pulled this shit off way too many times for it to be foreign to them. Wasn't helping their giggling, was only adding to it. Completely against the chill vibe I was going for..hmm

So, instead of competing with him, I pull my girl in and start creating a bubble around us by whispering drill after drill into her ear while caressing the shit out of her. Eventually, their babies start crying, worried their mama was gon have a new daddy soon, and probably couldn't cope with the new attachment. Its all good. I'm a child of divorce as well :P

The girls leave to go tend to the babies giving my bud and I ample time to discuss a gameplan. I tell him that I'm gonna start snooping around the place to get my girl to chase after me on sum cops n robberz shit and its his job to keep the other girl occupied and relaxed. 1-2-3 BREAK!

The girls come back and I immediately leave into the baby room. Ive never seen aliens before lol. The girls obviously start freaking out but WHO GON STOP ME?! The girls start following me equally worried that their dad is gonna come down to check out all the rucus I'm making. I need to isolate my girl so I tell her friend that she needs to make sure my friend doesn't get lonely to which my friend chimes in creating massive social pressure on her lol. Yay for bullying! :D

I follow it up with re-assuring her that my girl and I are just gonna play hide and seek..

with our clothes off...

I may of left out the last part ^_^

We get inside the babyroom and I power move my girl to the door and make out with her HARD. Take notes kids. Cuz THATS how i met your mother.

She's just surrendering to the process at this point and is loving every minute of it. I could sense some hesitation cause her little ones were there but nonetheless, I pull away and lead her into the living room. Those lil titty suckers we're giving me the heebyjeebies anyways. AND NO! You can't have any of my milk ;) 

She relaxes a bit, completely oblivious to the fact that we're now in the middle of her house putting on a display matching late night Animal Planet. Kewl.

Some time goes by, geezus this girl had a killer ass, I'd say it was half past her butt crack... ;D

Anyways, I hear footsteps coming down her staircase, straight past us through the living room and into the kitchen. I hear the refrigerator open with a *clunk* and turn to meet this girl's father. Nigga was half asleep eatin chicken wangs. 

Shocked, I grab my girl by her hair and tell her to stop. We're now playing freeze tag with my dick still deep inside til her father leaves. Talk about blueballs, amirite ;);););) ? Lulz

Eventually he does, and we resume. This girl damn near had a heart attack and as soon as we started up again she came like a got milk commercial. 

Like I said, someone should've captured that scene in a haiku or some shit. It was sweet.

done :)

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Daddyjihad1 wrote: L-L-L-LAY

Daddyjihad1 wrote:
L-L-L-LAY REPORT:

So my buddy and I get to this girl's place after a drive  up this big ass wooded mtn in the middle of the night lookin straight outta American Horror Story Season 6.

She calls me as we're about to pull into her driveway gunz blazin lol. She says I have to back out or else Papa's gon glock my ass down. I pull out (figuratively), and park dat bitch back down the road. 

As we're walking to her house she tells me we'll have to hop in through her window. Not a problem, my side job as a panty thief just came in clutch...not that it doesn't ALWAYS ;P

I come in first and give my girl a big ol hug and smooch cuz she was lookin oh so yummy in her jammies. I like tights. I like em a lot. I give her sister/friend (still don't know to this day) a fair share of the love but not enough to make my lil tatertot jealous.

We all sit in their "playroom" for their kids with the tv on. A lot less sexy than it sounds, i know :(. These girls can't control their laughter and start making us some french toast shots. I get the lights and remote and try playing a horror flick so I can cuddle up with my girl but no one seems to be interested in netflix n chill. :/ My buddy is being situationally hilarious cause from an outsiders perspective, these girls had pulled this shit off way too many times for it to be foreign to them. Wasn't helping their giggling, was only adding to it. Completely against the chill vibe I was going for..hmm

So, instead of competing with him, I pull my girl in and start creating a bubble around us by whispering drill after drill into her ear while caressing the shit out of her. Eventually, their babies start crying, worried their mama was gon have a new daddy soon, and probably couldn't cope with the new attachment. Its all good. I'm a child of divorce as well :P

The girls leave to go tend to the babies giving my bud and I ample time to discuss a gameplan. I tell him that I'm gonna start snooping around the place to get my girl to chase after me on sum cops n robberz shit and its his job to keep the other girl occupied and relaxed. 1-2-3 BREAK!

The girls come back and I immediately leave into the baby room. Ive never seen aliens before lol. The girls obviously start freaking out but WHO GON STOP ME?! The girls start following me equally worried that their dad is gonna come down to check out all the rucus I'm making. I need to isolate my girl so I tell her friend that she needs to make sure my friend doesn't get lonely to which my friend chimes in creating massive social pressure on her lol. Yay for bullying! :D

I follow it up with re-assuring her that my girl and I are just gonna play hide and seek..

with our clothes off...

I may of left out the last part ^_^

We get inside the babyroom and I power move my girl to the door and make out with her HARD. Take notes kids. Cuz THATS how i met your mother.

She's just surrendering to the process at this point and is loving every minute of it. I could sense some hesitation cause her little ones were there but nonetheless, I pull away and lead her into the living room. Those lil titty suckers we're giving me the heebyjeebies anyways. AND NO! You can't have any of my milk ;) 

She relaxes a bit, completely oblivious to the fact that we're now in the middle of her house putting on a display matching late night Animal Planet. Kewl.

Some time goes by, geezus this girl had a killer ass, I'd say it was half past her butt crack... ;D

Anyways, I hear footsteps coming down her staircase, straight past us through the living room and into the kitchen. I hear the refrigerator open with a *clunk* and turn to meet this girl's father. Nigga was half asleep eatin chicken wangs. 

Shocked, I grab my girl by her hair and tell her to stop. We're now playing freeze tag with my dick still deep inside til her father leaves. Talk about blueballs, amirite ;);););) ? Lulz

Eventually he does, and we resume. This girl damn near had a heart attack and as soon as we started up again she came like a got milk commercial. 

Like I said, someone should've captured that scene in a haiku or some shit. It was sweet.

done :)

LOL. Need a more vivid description. He walks past you, doesn't look your way, then walks away??? Are you hiding behind anything? cabinet? couch? This is insane.

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Oh derp :P Sorry I typed this

Oh derp :P Sorry I typed this up on the toilet.

We were fuckin on the floor beside her couch which is situated in the crevice of her living room. If he wasn't half asleep, totally would've saw us. Then I froze with her because there is an opening between the two rooms where you can see the entirety of the living space and kitchen.

big ass house lol

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Daddyjihad1 wrote: Oh derp :P

Daddyjihad1 wrote:
Oh derp :P Sorry I typed this up on the toilet.

We were fuckin on the floor beside her couch which is situated in the crevice of her living room. If he wasn't half asleep, totally would've saw us. Then I froze with her because there is an opening between the two rooms where you can see the entirety of the living space and kitchen.

big ass house lol

That's absolutely fucking hilarious. Kudos mangs.  

Daddyjihad1 (not verified)
Thanks broooo :)

Thanks broooo :)

Meow's picture
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Joined: 03/27/2013
Haha!!!!  Dude that must have

Haha!!!! 

Dude that must have been a rush once he left and you could pound away. Funny little situation for dirty talk too!