Lessons from dealing with a break up:Relationships/Abundance/Growth
I recently got out of my first relationship, it was a wonderful experience but also quite painful. Looking back on it there was alot of needyness, and issues stemming from low self-esteem from both me and my ex.
What Society tells us:
We are conditioned by western society to be in constant lack, I need the clothes, I need the expensive car, the watch, the house, the hoes. The thing you have to ask yourself is why? Are you chasing the girl because you legitimately give both of you an amazing experience? Or are you seeking her validation? Do you want her to reinforce your egoic identity that you are attractive when deep down you really think you aren’t? do you want her external opinion to validate your hurt homonculous? Are you waiting for her to give you approval? Do you need her reaction to give you that good emotion that you so lack in yourself?
Most people in our society never experience true abundance. You can, fast track your progress learning eastern philosophy. Tolle is a great starting point. You are whole, you don’t need anything else, you can want something but you will never crave it, you can prefer an outcome but you will never be attached to it
Game for inner growth:
The reason game is such a powerful tool in self development is because it makes you face the reality of the situation, and ask questions, did you want that girl’s approval? Guess what, you didn’t get it because you wanted it. There is egoic resistance in you orchestrating the pull because you don’t really want to pull, you want to feel good about yourself, but understand that this is something no external agent can grant you. Game makes us ask the question of where else to look, if I can’t get good emotion from externality where do I look, look within.
Addiction to people:
Relationships are probably a more valuable growing experience than gaming. If you're smart about it they really will expose what parts of you require focus and attention. The key is though to trace what pains you and look at the reason it hurts, stay with the pain, if you try to distract yourself or supress it you will be doomed to make the same mistakes over and over.
The end of addictive clinging, supplicating and neediness in relationships is understanding that you are whole. Create a positive relationship with yourself, create that ecosystem of positive emotions within your own being and you will never feel addiction again, not to substance not to people.
Research shows that we become addicted to substance when we don’t have the emotional bonding from people in our lives so we bond with substance. However, we can just as easily get addicted to people, and when that person is gone, is the answer to fill that void with more “stuff” or is it to really learn to be okay regardless of what’s happening on the outside.
I’ve observed, this in my own game being an alum of MW’s skype coaching, the reason Eckhart is such an essential part of emotional maturity is because you can be in abundance internally without actually reaching abundance externally with women. You are basically recreating the same emotional state you’d be in if you were surrounded by 10’s waiting on you except that you can be there regardless of external events or rather what Eckhart calls your “life situation”
I’ve only now understood how essential it is to love yourself coming out of an extremely addictive relationship
An example of this is someone who is internally validated, a person who when they get a compliment appreciates it or when someone tries to insult them they can react accordingly, however in both instances their internal emotional state remains unchanged
Ask yourself how real your confidence is. If you were to lose everything overnight, your job, your social value, your friends, your relationship...would you drown in your own fear or would you be back to the same place in a year or two?
Get the inside right and the rest will fall into place.
"The reason game is such a powerful tool in self development is because it makes you face the reality of the situation, and ask questions, did you want that girl’s approval? Guess what, you didn’t get it because you wanted it. There is egoic resistance in you orchestrating the pull because you don’t really want to pull, you want to feel good about yourself, but understand that this is something no external agent can grant you."
I like this a lot! Good post.