Level up your dick game -- **WARNING** brutal honesty

I recently realized that I was shit in bed.  I'll be completely honest and tell you that, in hindsight, it came from deep insecurity and selfish, unconscious behavior patterns.  Its been almost a month now since I decided to take action to change the situation and, even though I'm not a fucking champ yet, I already see and feel improvement, and my girl appreciates it. 

The other day we met for lunch and then she needed to go shopping and asked me to go with her.  I fingered her while she drove to the mall talking dirty to her the whole way ("You're such a bad girl, getting fingered while driving.  What will you say to the cop if you get pulled over.") but she kept closing her eyes and swerving and so I decided to slow down until we parked, and then I fingered her until she came in the parking lot once we got there.  I pulled out my cock and had her suck on it for a few minutes for an appetizer.  We went into the mall and she wasn't wearing panties.  I lifted her dress up several times while walking around and she would squeal and pull it back down.  I was looking for a dressing room to fuck in, but every store we went in the employee attendant was standing right outside.  I fingered her to another orgasm in the same parking lot after we left, and had her suck on my cock some more. 

I then had her drive somewhere where we could park and still had the chance of getting caught, but not at the mall with families with kids pulling up.  I pulled my cock out and she went to town.  I have never enjoyed blowjobs before, but this one I did for sure.  (Apparently, I had upset her in the past because she likes blowing me but I would only let her suck on it long enough to get it hard for sex) I was using standard dirty talk and dominance basically straight from Sex God Method.  My cock was rock hard the whole time.  I was doing breathing exercises and relaxation to control my arousal.  For the first time ever I was pushing her head down on my cock and making her gag.  Watching her whole body shudder as she tried to take the whole thing really turned me on. 

After she asked me if I was going to cum soon I could tell she was getting tired and her jaw was sore.  I quick looked around to make sure no one was walking nearby and pulled her across the center console onto my cock.  I was focusing on being present and just feeling everything while practicing relaxed breathing and letting go of the tension at the base of my cock, taint, balls, etc.  My solo practice with edging, breathing exercises, and jelqing was definitely paying off, but with how wet her tight lil pussy was and how turned on I was by the whole experience I probably lasted 8mins.  I'm ok with that because the time with her from start-to-finish was a vast improvement over my past performance.  In the past I would have had trouble getting it up.  Then I would have gone soft while she was blowing me.  And after all that I would have lasted 1min after sticking it in.  She loved it and most importantly I enjoyed it more. 

Here's our text exchange after she left:

Me:  Don't drip on the leather seats dirty girl

Her:  Had to get out of the car to fill up my tank and was sure it was about to drip down my leg

Me:  Yeah..I can still smell your lil' pussy..

Her:  I bet you like that

Me:  I wish your juices were all over my beard right now

Her: My throat is sore from your hard cock hitting the back of it so much

Me:  You took it like a champ and hands free

Her: Of course

Her: That was one of the most enjoyable blow jobs I've ever given.  I really enjoyed it

Me:  Any time beb

Here's what I've learned in the last month, and what I've been doing to improve. And some resources.

Unlocking Your Sexual Potential

As MW says about game and charisma, so its the same with being a sexual champ -- its been inside each one of us from the beginning, we just had to re-discover it and put it to use.

Here are the Big 3 problem areas for most guys with solutions:

1. Erectile Dysfunction --  If you're under 50 without any major health issues and you have ED, the good news is its almost all psychological.  You can overcome this through mindfulness and presence.  If you are present to the moment, then you are focusing on being there with her and enjoying all of the sensations and sounds.  Slow everything down and simply feel.  Let go of fear and judgement. 

In the long-run, if you are mindful and you explore the negative feelings associated with erections/sex/girls then you'll eventually find the root causes.  Once you find the root causes you can dissolve the negative beliefs and replace them with positive, empowering beliefs. 

Massive reframe -- from MW a long time ago and from Deida recently -- we are giving her a GIFT.  The gift is the gift of surrender to a dominant man.  At her feminine core she craves nothing more than to submit to a dominant man, but she will not submit unless she can fully trust you to lead her and care for her.  When women say that "the only thing men want is sex" they are talking about a guy who wants to get in and get off.  If she's being fucked well by an alpha, you better believe she'll never say that.  My girl has said to me that she feels so much better when I take the lead and am in control so that she can just relax, but, on the surface to the rest of the world, she looks like she enjoys being in control.

For me personally, I had ED when I wasn't sure I could last -- especially with a new girl.  And I would lose my erections (particularly in doggy and definitely while getting bjs) when my mind wandered elsewhere.  I wasn't present with her, and often was rushing to get mine.  Through mindfulness I realized that I had all sorts of sexual hang ups that were tied in with judging girls for enjoying sex, being bitter that they can get laid easier than we can, and being envious of other guys.  All of that is complete shit, and you must change your beliefs to move on. 

Mindfulness and presence are at the heart of everything you want to do in life. 

The other psychological factor involved here is developing a dominant mindset.  If you are psychologically dominant over her, then she will be turned on more, and in turn you will then be turned on more. 

Resources:  Tolle for presence.  Sex God Method for dominance.  Way of the Superior Man for giving her the gift of surrender, and for a high-level understanding of male-female polarity and sexual dynamics. 

Physical:  Also do your kegels, get in some light jelqing for blood flow, eat well, exercise, don't smoke, and don't drink too much. 

2.  Premature ejaculation and stamina.  I was never a two-pump chump, but I was always the guy who would blow just as she was about to orgasm.  Needless to say this led to lots of disappointment on both sides.  I came across a few explanations for why most guys struggle with this:

A.  We've trained ourselves through years of masturbation that ejaculation is the goal.  Because of shame, etc associated with it, then we do it fast to get it over with.  To last longer we need to break this habit and re-wire our brains.

B.  David Deida basically says that if you cum too soon then you're a pussy who can't handle the tension in his body.  The superior man learns how to fully accept and allow the tension, circulates the energy in his body, and holds onto his cum. 

C.  From an evolutionary perspective we needed to get in and out quickly before our rivals attacked us.  You're vulnerable while your cock is out. 

Solutions:  Presence first.  Wanting to orgasm and ejaculate is actually a form of non-presence.  Instead of being present with her and enjoying all of the sensations, you're focused on the end point -- some time in the future when you release your swimmers.  You also need presence to be fully aware of the sensations in your body.  One of the biggest things that has helped me last longer has been simply being aware of the tension in my body -- in my breath, in my pelvic area, and in my face.  Orgasm is the build-up and release of tension. 

Presence + awareness so you understand what's going on in your body and you can feel yourself getting closer to ejaculating or not.  Monitor your arousal and the tension in your body.  Practice relaxing everything.  It is challenging at first, but with practice I'm getting better. 

Breathing -- being in control of your breath is the second key to delaying orgasm and ejaculation.  Apparently it is possible to separate orgasm from ejaculation, but I'm not there yet.  You use your breath to relax the tense areas of your body, and to maintain an overall rhythm. 

Edging -- practice taking yourself through the whole arousal process and holding off at the end.  Guide yourself up to the point of no return but don't let yourself cum.  Stay with the tension.  Most people focus on holding off at the very end with different physical techniques, but if you are in control of your own arousal process -- through presence, mindful awareness, immersion in the moment, and relaxation breathing -- then you'll have a much better experience and last longer.  One way is a seeming quick fix, and the other is a lifelong skillset that pays many times over. Also, you must stop masturbating.  Now that you're aware and want to break the pattern you must stop.  No excuses.  If you ejaculate during an edging session while trying your best that's different, but if you set out to masturbate you're only halting your progress. 

And finally, kegels and reverse kegels. 

Kegels actually create tension and will speed up ejaculation.  Reverse kegels are basically you pushing like you want to pee farther or pushing a turd out.  I had trouble employing them in-field while she was riding me, but while edging at home they completely stopped me from ejaculating. 

Resources:  Deida -- Enlightened Sex Manual, google "Taoist breathing", and Sex God Method

3.  Penis Enlargement and erection quality.  Whether it works or it doesn't, the basic PE exercises I've been doing (stretches and jelqs) have been giving me harder, more frequent, and longer lasting erections.  Also, I mentally feel like I have a huge cock, even though its just average.  This topic is a while nother post to itself, so go to "Thunder's Place" if you want to know more.  Those guys aren't all obsessed with bigger penises.  Read the posts by guys who would rather have better erection quality (EQ) than more size.

Putting it all together. 

How to Make Yourself a Beast in Bed (and have her begging for more)

1.  Mindfulness and presence.  Be focused on the moment -- do and say what feels natural when you're with an aroused woman who is craving submission to a dominant man.  Be the dominant man she craves.  Focus on the process not the end "goal."  Know in your core that you are giving her a gift.  Root out insecurities and limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs.  Once I stopped feeling insecure and judging my girl I have began to see a whole new side of her -- sexual, sensual, and feminine.  She enjoys long-form sexting and she's good at it.  Never knew until a week ago.

Be aware of what's going on in your body, of your arousal level and the arousal process.  Be present to the tension and sensations.  By keeping your mind in the present, you aren't overstimulating yourself with fantasy or focusing on the orgasm. 

2.  Physical conditioning and daily practice.

Lift weights and do your cardio and eat well.  The leaner and more fit you are the easier it is for you to have naturally hard and frequent erections.  If your dick will stay hard for 30mins but you are wheezing at 5mins, you need to work on that.  Do your kegels, light jelqing (read more at Thunder's place), edging, and a full breathing practice.  Breathing is the second key to everything.  Its very challenging to master, but so is everything else worth having in life. 

3.  Everything else in life.  Success in everything begins with mindfulness and presence.  If you're mindfully striving to be excellent at everything and taking action daily towards your goals, you will naturally be in a more positive, dominant mindset and much of the insecurity and other psychological garbage will cure itself. 

4.  Daily action, practice, and time -- Understand that you will have to put in the work and it will be challenging at times.  Don't get discouraged if you blow too soon or get a little soft.  Keep moving forward.  Before fucking my girl I read that you can get really good at edging and lasting for a long time when solo, but then being with a girl changes everything.  I was able to stay mostly relaxed and reduce the tension in my cock area with my breath while she was blowing me.  Once she started riding me though it became much more difficult.  The breathing pattern wasn't effective towards the end and my old programming took over.  Oh well.  Since I had read that being with a girl is more challenging than being solo, I was prepared.  Instead of being upset, I was happy that I had lasted as long as I did and given her such a great experience. 

Recommended Resources:

Way of the Superior Man -- Deida

Enlightened Sex Manual -- Deida

Google "Taoist breathing" for breathing exercises

"Thunder's Place" for a forum dedicated to penis enlargement and erection quality.

Sex God Method -- for the blueprint to dominant sex