LR: Cutie off Tinder, why write ups are key
Cutie I pulled off Tinder. Full interaction below.
Me: I’m so over this whole “laundry” thing, soon they’ll just deliver me a fresh new batman suit every night (P.B. Classic)
Her: Don’t you think you’re pushing it when you say a batman suit? You look more like robin honey (mild shit test, I would usually take the “yes and” approach, but I choose instead not to feed into this frame at all)
Me: Hah! Not in the market for feisty sidekicks at the moment (slight push)
Me: Holler when you need rescuing from a rooftop boo (taking it back to endearment)
Her: I need rescuing from exams
Her: come quick
Me: Now that, I can do
Me: When do exams finish
Her: So they lost my exam so I’m just here like…do I just get the credit?
Me: Depends. If you devised a plan that resulted in the prof inadvertently losing the exam papers, I say you get an A (this was missing something, kinda weak-sauce, not enticing)
Me: Of course if that’s not the case and you just want a free credit. I’ll pull some strings, but you’re getting the first round of drinks ;) (hit her back an hour later, something a lil more obnoxious and taking it in a direction where a meet up can happen)
Her: lol as down as I am, I have family over from cali so I gotta be at home with em (no counter offer, very vague schedule, fuck this lol)
Me: Lmao! That is possibly the lamest excuse I’ve ever head (again uninspired, I choose here to just rag on her excuse and absurdity it as much as possible)
Me: Cali? Could we at least pick a more memorable location lmao
Me: Vague fam members? What are they, cousins 4 times removed on the mom’s side
Me: (laughing crying emoji) C’mon at least give it some creative effort
Her: My cousin is here from cali until Friday or Sunday or something
Her: Oh I’m sorry let me be more specific
Her: Fresno* which is a little city in cali
Her: And I’m required to actually spend time with him
Her: Also I’m muslim and muslim people aren’t supposed to drink. But I do, but I can’t drink in front of him, or show up drunk. Or not show up at all
(wow, gotta love genuine outpouring….oh also cooked)
Me: alright alright, that alibi’s a bit better, but I gotta teach you how to sell it
Me: by the time I’m through with you, you’ll be able to rob banks and get away with it ;P
Me: what’s ur sched for this week ###
Her: My schedule is all over the place
Her: My cousin’s here till Friday
Her: and I was very good in sales lmfao I can teach you
Me: Don’t bullshit a bulshitter beb ;)
Me: Mmm I was just at a friend’s house the other night watching training day
Me: I fucking love Cali culture
Her: Loooool, what day are you free?
Me: What time does ur cuzzie lave Friday. I want to steal you at night
Her: Honestley idk tbh
Her: Oh he leaves 7 am
I get a call from a random number, I ask who it is, she says wow I’d think you have my number saved at this point. I ignore this and begin bantering with her.
The interaction went something like her demandingly telling my presence is wanted and me making it clear she’s going to be on my schedule. To someone listening it would have almost sounded like a power struggle (albeit a playful one) but I was very much in control of what I was doing here, and it was fun watching her keep making demands on my time only for them to bounce off in a playful manner. At one point I told her I’ll let her know in an hour whether I’m coming or not (was driving home from work, would have been rush hour to drive to her and then I couldn’t have enjoyed her for as long as I wanted) she said she’s a very important person who will have something important to do if I do in an hour, I told her “Yeah? I’ll have high expectations then ;)”
Let her know I’d text her in an hour once I decided.
Me: I’m rolling through
Me: we’ll stop over for bubble tea. First rounds on you ;P
Her: Now isn’t a good time :/
Her: I’m doing my assignment and I gotta be somewhere in an hour
Her: I’m sorry Friday forsure
Her: and clearly chivalry is dead
Me: It’s 2019 we’re all equals
Me: Friday, you’re on the hook beb ;P
Her: lmfao bubble tea you don’t do in rounds loool
Me: Lmaoo, Friday you and I aren’t going for bubble tea though
Her: No we aren’t but blowing money doesn’t seem ideal rn either
Me: What can I say (shrug)
Me: I’m worth it
Her: Lol do you live alone or with family? (this could be a screening question, but based on the context it’s because the deal is sealed)
Me: Fam, but entire floor to myself
Her: Doesn’t buying a bottle seem better? (doesn’t really matter, I only offered drinks to make her more comfortable)
Me: You have a curfew?
Me: Cool, we’ll just grab some drinks and chill at mine then
Her: What time
Me: I’ll come scoop around 9:30
Her: sounds like a plan booboo
Me: looking forward to it beb
(I didn’t expect this to go through tbh, between scheduling it a week in advance and the ADHD symptoms this girl exhibited…lol)
Wednesday I get a call, don’t pick up because I’m working
I call her, we chop it up, she says she just got off her job and has time to hang out tonight. I ask her if she needs to be back by a certain time, she says 11 (which wold leave us 2 hrs to hang out) I respond “nah fuck it I’ll see yah Friday” she says no okay we can stretch it. I say cool, I get off work at 9 pick you up form work 9:30. She asks what is she going to do for the next hour lmao, I tell her “I have full faith you’ll figure I out hon” in a cheeky but genuine tone, but down the phone, get back to work
Her: I bought beer for us :)
Me: Give me a min beb
Her: I’m running out of patience
Her: I’m ready to go home
Call her, she’s testy saying she wants to go home etc. I’m totally chill, tell her I’ll be there soon..
She gets in the car and I instantaneously receive an onslaught of insults hurled my way. Funny thing is there is no sting to them, she’s not actually trying to hurt my feelings (not that she could) but she calls me ugly several times. She also called me short when I picked her up (she’s 5’9, I’m 5’7). Several other shit tests I can’t recall now, BUT the main point is this: every-time she attempted to shit test me I’d feel the pressure, then re-enforce my own security to myself.
For example when she brought up the height I had a quick conversation with myself. Like “fuck she is taller than me” “do I care?” “I suppose yes, I’m feeling the slightest bit uneasy” “that’s okay, I shouldn’t care and I don’t want to” then I just let the thought loop go, allow the emotion to spin itself out and I’m back to center. This self-talk is happening in the process of several seconds btw, and I keep composed and chatting with her the entire time, so though something might bother me I don’t show it.
What started happening is that as I am un-phased by this energy she’s introducing. On the contrary having tons of fun with it…every insult gets softer and softer. It goes from her saying that I’m ugly and having a slight venom to her tone, to telling me that I’m ugly and grabbing my face as if to say how cute I am lmao. This eventually falls into sexual compliance.
The conversation oscillates between her shooting shit my way, me having an awesome time with it and us doing tandem karaoke of J.Cole. Fire-squad? I know the words by heart.
We arrive at my house I get out of my car and she’s still sitting in the passenger seat with the door open. I ask her if she needs help, she confirms so I swoop into the passenger seat. Once I lean in, we’re face to face for a brief moment. I wanted to go in for a kiss but I see this subtle look of uneasiness flash across her face (normally wouldn’t bother me, but this girl has literally been with me in person for only 30 mins, and 29 of those we’re spent driving to my house lmao) I’d rather her feel a little bit more comfortable with me given the circumstances (this most likely prevented some LMR later down the line)
So I pull my head out and she gets out. I ask for a cigarette…I’m not 100% sure about this girl just yet. I’m enjoying the vibe yes, but I’m also having trouble reconciling the erratic behaviour. I decide to I.D. her, make sure she’s actually 21 and not some underage dumbass on Tinder. So we chat for abit more while we smoke and I tell her to pull out her I.D. She looks at me and asks “are you serious?”
I nod my head and do this squinting half-grin. She fumbles around, in her bag, she get’s scared that she lost her wallet. I’m just chill waiting. Then she pulls it out and lets me see the birthdate, I say cool with a quick nod of approval.
She says let’s go inside, I retort wait a minute, then motion for her to come to me and say “give me those lips” she comes over and starts gnawing my face like a starving lioness lol. I stop her after 3 minutes and say “Now, let’s go inside”
It’s done at this point. I’m in and out using fractionation. Oscillating between making out and grabbing her, lifting her, and then nonchalantly making conversation.
At a certain point I’m chilling at my computer trying to put on some music, told her to go crack open the beer and she’s walking in and out of the room saying she wants my attention. It’s kind of adorable and I’m enjoying it. I haven’t felt this emotion towards a girl in some time.
This was the first girl in a while where I didn’t focus on gaming her. This was just a chill day and I was being genuine throughout the whole interaction. Myself, well when it came time for sex I was more immersed than I’ve been with a girl in about 6 months or so. She starts going crazy on my dick and keeps yelling “daddy it’s yours, daddy it’s yours”.
I had just fucked a different girl several days before, except that one took a lot of time and effort. By the time we got to sex, I was sure I did an awful job (I was so goddamned focused on trying to impress her, making her come etc..) that I forgot to focus on my own sensation. Ironically the sex was bad post-fact BECAUSE I was focusing so much on her instead of taking her.
With this girl, as I was focused on my own vibe, her side of the equation became a little ridiculous and I remembered: Many times, girls kinda suck in bed, better to guide her into something awesome for both of us.
I had trained my ex to be seductress, in that she was able to match my dirty talk…but most girls aren’t capable of this, especially not with their first time with a guy. (I’m also dealing with regular girls for the moment, not whatever 9s-10s demonic pussy real estate agent MW’s pulling lmao)
Sex isn't like porn. It's a personal vibe. Fuck first, determine if it's good sex after. I'm setting too many expectations on myself of how it's supposed to be instead of going with the flow.
1. I will consistently strive to do a better job leading. I cannot at any point rely on the girl to do the heavy lifting in the conversation, that’s not her job nor do I want it to be. I was lazy an uninspired multiple times throughout this conversation. If I keep on being lazy that severely limits the girls I am able to create interactions with, more importantly, it limits my own ability and growth.
Furthermore, I don’t want to feel like I’m short changing the woman by giving her a lazy version of myself, I strive to always give my best
2. Writing out Lay/Field reports is key. Due to writing, I remembered how her face looked when she got scared of me, it was subtle, I read it instinctually, only once I went back to write this report did I understand logically what happened. Interestingly enough, I’ve observed this week that I’m noticing the subtleties in people’s faces more readily. I’m more focused on people and how they move their facial muscles. Their individual idiosyncrasies.
As has been pointed out before, writing literally changes our way of thinking, and thus has echoing neurological implications.
3. I actually enjoyed this girl's smack talk, I felt I could let loose and be way less filtered around her. I could bust her chops right back (in a fun way ofc, not intending to hurt whatsoever) It seems that a couple of the girls I’ve gone out with in the past months or so have been very uptight and polite, or maybe I wasn’t comfortable enough to bring the crazy out of em. Either way this girl was a breath of fresh air
4. This was the second girl I fucked this week and the sex was considerably better. But this was decided post-fact. And I realized that the reason it was better was because I was less concerned with pleasing the girl. I was present, I was genuine, I was real. I wasn’t trying to impress. And because I allowed myself to let go, she allowed herself to let go.
5. I will continue to work on my patience. I am realizing that I'm laying girls who are either looking specifically for sex or ones that have naturally had time for feelings to develop. In limiting my patience I am limiting my threshold for persistence and thus what I am able to attain.
6. I also want to work on my empathy and have a quicker read on what the girl is feeling. This will not only allow me to enjoy her more but will add a pre-emptive edge to my game. Remember how with LMR it's an emotional dynamic that hasn't been addressed since the beginning of the interaction. There were several crucial points in this interaction where reading her allowed me to correctly steer the interaction.
She was muslim? Damn. Did you bang my sister?
Brother I hope not, I'm about Haram as it gets ;)
Saw this girl again last night
When we met up she had that same fire and feistyness to her, except this time she softened up quite a bit faster. We went for drinks, she ordered desert after and paid for everything like a sweetheart.
By the time we got back to mine she was even more so quiet and submissive. In the past I would have misinterpreted this as her liking me less, I now recognize it for what it is, her surrendering more and allowing herself to be led, or otherwise relaxing into her feminine.
I fucked her good, made her cum, then gave her some life advice before calling it a night. Sex truly is healing, this morning something major I had buried hit me like a ton of bricks. I had built up resentment over the past 2-3years that I've been consistenly working through, I am now making real headway and seeing the light again. Sex for a woman is emotional surrender. No matter how tough she is, no matter what her position in our society's heirarchy, for a woman to be spread, and penetrated is emotional surrender.
Quoting myself: To know how much power you can hold over a woman with your touch, your caress, your dick…is humbling.
This is nothing new ofcourse but allowing myself to experience this again viscerally and emotionally rather than recalling logical knowledge...
it made me remember the why of game (atleast my why lol). Though it's become almost a meme-like trope. The credo to leave every woman better than you found her. It might be cheesy but I stand by it.
Otherwise, seduction becomes an entirely hedonistic endeavour. Seduction without soul is frivolous promiscuity, tcoupled with soul, it is an art form.
Headed in the right direction mang!
An interesting observation I had about the "leave every woman better than you found her credo"
For this to be truly outcome dependent, we as men must first have a solid core of love inside of us, that we have cultivated to the degree where we no longer have to be so worried about the future of someone else. Sort of the whole "if you love them, you'll set them free" type thing, BUT coming from a place of deep inner peace and stillness, where we do not claim to be able to control someone's destiny, as even our own lives are full of surprises.
As we form opinions of what we think others need, or judgement about if they're better or worse than in the past, we eventually have to come to realize how abstract all of that is.... Its purely mental. You might believe it. She might believe it. But at the end of the day, the universe is the one that gets the last laugh.
That embracing of the preposterous as an inevitably is becoming a larger part of my life. How does this relate to your motivation and guidance in relationships?
In the past I'd guilt trip myself over taking any action that might "hurt" the girl I was with, and be overly weary so as to not do anything that might "misguide" her. Looking back, while good intentioned, this was arrogant. I want what's best for the people I care about, what's arrogant is thinking that I'm the one that's solely responsible for making these things happen, furthermore to believe I have the capability to make the best thing happen in all circumstances. Many times cirumstances are out of our control. What ended up happening was I slowly constricted my own way of being until I started subconsciously sabotaging myself because I wanted freedom.
The way I see things now is, hurt will happen, it's a part of growing up. Not only that, we as people are not nearly as fragile as I had assumed, looking back I was projecting my own insuffciencies onto others. Furthermore, I will come to cross-roads in life where I will have to sacrifice the prospect of one thing for the prospect of another. There is no way to ensure that one choice is "right" or will work out. When I got into my relationship I took it much more lightly than I should have, I had never been in love before. So I was in a constant conflict with myself. One part of me deeply loved the woman I was with and wanted to be my best for her, the other part of me wanted to go all out with game which I didn't see as a viable option with the precedent I had set. My mistake here was not pulling the trigger and making a choice. The further the relationship went on, the more I felt I was lying to both myself and her, ironically after the dust settled, my choice had been made for me but not at all in the way I would have liked. Time will pass and unless we are proactive about making decisions, our sacrifice will be made for us.