Male seduction from a woman's point of view..

What do you guys think? 

I posted this on AskMen and they hated it. They said it sounds arrogant, patronizing, and emasculating. I see how it can come across that way, and obviously I have some things to change, since I'm also not a terribly good writer. I also understand that men do not like dating advice from women because "people don't really know what they want." However, I'm the kind of person that is open to new ideas and ways of seeing things, and I like reading new perspectives...so I wonder if this can contribute something to the way men understand women. I originally wrote this for some guys who were having "friendzone" issues with women and I was trying to explain to them how to avoid that. Any feedback ?

Your brain (and, uh, other regions) have now had several decades of experience with male sexuality. And although you no doubt have a repertoire of techniques and secret moves gleaned through meticulous trial and error (mostly trial, and very little error….right?), you likely have been approaching sex from a male point of view—which, while completely natural, is not a very useful stance if you’re trying to attract women, not men.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of projection, which is responsible, among other things, for our assumption that others wish for the same things that we do. As intelligent people, we are aware of this human blind spot, and we try to counter-act it through direct communication with those around us. And although women have no problems telling you how lightly to lick this or how fast to thrust that, I’d like to suggest that those are only surface preferences and that we are driven by a deeper mechanism of attraction.

Obviously, it’s a vastly more efficient use of my energy to focus on external “results” (physical satisfaction) rather than to sit around wondering why certain things turn me on—which is precisely why most women are not consciously aware of what fuels their desire and are unable to articulate it. However, a man who understands the underlying dynamics and leverages them wisely will find himself with partners who are more eager and passionate. Unless, of course, you’re just a generally unpleasant person. In that case, you’re SOL.

Men are biologically programmed to seek out attractive partners, become excited, ejaculate, rinse, and repeat. Men’s sexual desire is externally focused—that is, a need is felt and is directed outward, at specific target(s). Women, on the other hand, are sexually responsive. We don’t often begin fantasizing about sex if we see a hot guy on the street, but we do become aroused if we view or are introduced to almost any kind of sexual atmosphere (including monkeys mating—strange, but true). This is why a girl can be a firm believer in her purity pledge, only to have her honor dissolve once she begins making out with the quarterback behind the bleachers.

But I’m sure you’re aware of that. If you’ve gotten anywhere with women, it’s because your dear old friend foreplay’s got your back. Let’s keep in mind, though, that foreplay is not just a series of rote actions like kissing our neck and fondling our boobs. I’m sure you’ve already got those skills down pat and are familiar with their success rate. What I’d like to talk about is your pre-game. A woman sitting across from a man—no matter how hot the man is—is most likely not thinking about sex with him; her conscious thoughts probably don’t extend beyond a factual acknowledgement of his attractiveness. So it is your job to introduce sex into her brain so that she won’t have any qualms about going back to your place later.

How to go about doing that, you ask? If you keep in mind that women are sexually reactive, you must establish a sexual “ambiance” that will prime a woman’s mind to begin to think about sex in general and, more importantly, about sex with you. But before you begin describing to her all the different ways you’d like to screw her in your kitchen, remember this: women are most sexually receptive when we feel feminine (open, vulnerable) in the presence of someone exhibiting masculine qualities. The trick to arousing us is to emphasize our femininity while highlighting your masculinity.

In a practical sense, that means putting your hand on the small of her back to lead her somewhere. Or giving her your coat to wear when it gets cold and teasing her about how huge it is. You know that he-picked-her-up-and-spun-her-around-and-when-he-put-her-down-they-got-a-serious-look-in-their-eyes-and-she-looked-like-she-wanted-to-be-kissed thing you always see in movies? Perfect example of the above. That’s also why having good manners (opening doors, pulling a chair out) is an instant panty remover, even for feminists who claim that we’re all equal.

Most men know this on some level, but many make one crucial mistake: they emphasize their masculinity (“Oh, my Mazerratti is only for driving around the French Riviera…The BMW’s only for when I’m in the States”) without calling attention to a woman’s femininity. This is perceived by a woman as douchey, and is a glaring mistake made in PUA guides, probably because they were written by men. If you’re on a date and you’re “casually” mentioning your six-figure income, your efforts will be much more effective if you do so while holding her smaller hand in your bigger hand. It is a subconscious aphrodisiac for many women and it works. I’ll provide more examples later.

So, speaking of masculinity, it should come as no surprise that, on a deep level, we are aroused by it. Your aggressiveness, strength, and confidence are things that we naturally lack, and we yearn for it when getting dirty with you. Something you may not know is that its allure is enhanced ten-fold when the potency of that masculinity is directed at serving our needs. What this boils down to in sexual terms is that we are turned on by the

(1) strength of your desire as it is directed at us

and

(2) as it is channeled into giving us pleasure.

Women fantasize about being the object of raw, animalistic male lust; about a man who is so aroused by her that he can hardly control himself and craves to see her in the throes of ecstasy—and whose single-minded goal is to ensure that he brings her there. This is the key to good sex with women. As counterintuitive as it may be, we are not attracted to masculinity merely because we are submissive and want to please men, but because, on a deeper level, we want to harness that masculine energy to have him please us. So forget all that stuff about how women are intimidated by your sexual appetite and want you to put candles and romantic music on. If that actually worked, Kenny G would be richer than Bill Gates by now.

So this sounds pretty simple, right? In theory, yes; in practice, however, there are several mistakes that men make that are subtle turn-offs. Remember that the female fantasy is two-fold: we long to (1) feel your desire for us and (2) have you use that desire to satisfy us. If either part of the equation is missing, it stops being the turn-on it usually is. A man who is too focused on the technicalities of physically pleasing a woman, or who defers only to her wishes, is unattractive because he is missing the first part of the equation—he is not being driven by or exhibiting his lust. A woman is not interested in a series of licks and caresses that will bring her to orgasm from a man whose sexuality is too repressed that it doesn’t allow her to see and experience the depths of a his carnal nature. We are sexually reactive, remember? We aren’t repelled by expressions of your sexuality, but are profoundly attracted to it. This, by the way, is the key to Russell Brand’s success with the ladies. So, express away!

Isn’t forcing yourself on a woman just because you happen to be horny considered….well, rape? (Ooops). Well, rape happens to be missing the second part of the magical formula: a man satisfying a woman. Women are very good at picking up on subtle signs (yes, we really are) and instinctively know whether you are in it for yourself (ever hear of someone complaining that she feels like a semen receptacle?) or whether a you have her best interest in mind. Remember: women want to be not only an object, but one that inspires you to please her. The energy that is a by-product of that exchange is what feeds our lust and turns us on. We want you to want to please us and we love watching you do it.

What does this look like in practice? Well, here we come down to surface-level differences in taste and questions of technique. Those, obviously, vary from person to person. But, in general, you must convey a desire to devour her and thrill her. So: communicate! If you’re a talker, then literally narrate your dirty thoughts out loud, “oh, your ass looks amazing now.” Compliments always work! A better and more natural way of going about doing it, though, is to communicate through body language. Imagine that you’re being shipped off on a submarine to the Atlantic during World War II and this is potentially the last time you might be having sex.

You’re going to want to savor every moment, so what are you going to do? Depending on what kind of person you are, you’re going to bite her, inhale her skin, slap her ass, run your fingers through her hair, grab her boobs, put your hands around her little waist as she arches her back, screw her while observing her face, ask her to fuck you, hold her down and go to town, whisper dirty stuff in her ear, look down at her smile as she’s blowing you, etc—but you’ll likely do it in a way that conveys your enthusiasm at being in the present moment and not wanting it to end. Cause that’s what sex is, right? It’s joy at being alive.