Recently, I took a backpacking trip. All I took with me was the essentials; food, shelter, about a weeks worth of clothes and a notebook. Just me. No outside influences. Not even a book. It's something I recommend to anyone. Maybe not right away but after you've built up some experiences.
I've been getting a bit lost in all I've been trying to accomplish lately and kinda lost. As if I track of myself and my values. So, I took this trip to see if I could brute force my way back to em. I had a few major epiphanies that I'll probably be posting every couple days.
One of my main takeaways involved the ego.
Those of you familiar with Echart Tolle likely know the part where he breaks down the phrase, "I can not live with myself."
and it's like whoa whoa whoa... you can't live with who?...Is there two of you or something? You are you... so who is yourself? There is a disconnect there between who you are and who you percieve to be yourself.
Well take that same idea and apply it to ego.
You know when you have an ego flare up. It's almost like another person. Like that's not you... that's not what you think... that's not who you ARE, but you're still the one experiencing it. You're still the one acting on it. In that moment it's almost like there two of you.
Now before I continue, let me just preface this by saying. This isn't some logical breakdown of ego. This is an intuitive response of what I experience. So try not to view it too logically.
It's almost like your mind has a guardian angel who is a little too protective sometimes. It's almost as if it exist solely to keep you safe and you keep your identity in tact.
So, say someone makes fun of you. It's like fuck you! I do all this cool shit...yada yada yada I do Crossfit! I'm Vegan . Like it wants to protect your self esteem and is doing it the only way you've been conditioned to think. In external value. So you qualify yourself. Instead of relying on who you know you are.
Another example is in self doubt. The thought pattern functions in almost the same way. Like you know where you want to go. Where you want to do it. You know you only have the best intentions. But in the moment it's crept in and you are at war with yourself.
The reality of it is that whatever that "part" part of you is, it just wants to protect you. To prevent you from harm.
In a way you have to have a metaphorical sit down. With these mental components and be like; "look here, we are on the same team. I know you want what's best for me. I know you're watching my back. Trust me I want to do the same thing. I want to be safe. I want to be better. I see and appreciate what you are trying to do for me, but I've got this. I'm in control. I'm not going to do anything stupid on purpose. I'm going to lead us through this safely I promise. I got you. I've got me. I've got this."
I know it's a lil' out there, and I could have just gone all M. Night Shymalan in the woods.
But play around with the idea and explore the workings of your own brain. Think to yourself is this how I work? Is this how my brain works? what are the differences between the two?