Need advice on how to proceed
Tue, 06/05/2012 - 14:00
I lost count of the number of times I saw threads like this from newbies, as I always waxed superior, thinking to myself, “Pfft, dude... Who cares. Just try it out and learn. If you lose her, you'll find another one.” And that's easy to say, until you find a chick you “really like,” then you turn into a pussy too. Haha. Anyway. In an effort to avoid being “that newb,” I'm going to make this as succinct as possible. I am not trying to find out what to do in order to “not lose this girl.” I realize I might get her and I might not, and I'm new at this, so c'est la vie. But I wouldn't want to ruin an opportunity just 'cause I was too ignorant to get out of my own way, and this is why I seek the advice of the wise forum members.
Background:
Spanish girl at house party two months ago. Typically drunken, loud, obnoxious party girl. The beta females are giving her dirty looks. She has an orbiter who sticks to her like glue, another Spanish dude. I start talking to her and find out her hobbies are classical literature, independent film, and museums. Fucking hot AND smart? Is it possible? We seem to hit it off but I'm too pussy to escalate. Before I know it, orbiter returns. I ask if she's his girlfriend, to which he replies with a distinctly annoyed, “No...” Outside, I pull her aside and ask if orbiter is her boyfriend. “No, but he acts like he is, it's really disgusting, actually...” I ask for number, she says she just got a new SIM card, doesn't remember it. Gives me Facebook. From this point on, orbiter swoops in like a goddamn eagle and will literally not let her out of his clutches. He's speaking to her in Spanish, doing the whole “overprotective male” thing, and has that damn “home country” vibe going on. I was blocked out the rest of the night. Later I went home and messaged her on FB. Yes, I know it's fucking LAME. Cut me a break. :)
Heard nothing. Figured orbiter turned to boyfriend after all. She certainly didn't seem to be putting up any fucking resistance. Then again I heard Italian and Spanish women expect men to “protect” and manhandle them in this way. In any event, two days ago, almost two months to the day, I get this reply from her on Facebook:
What should I do next? Here is my suggestion:
Write her back on Facebook nonchalantly. “Glad to hear you're doing well, gonna send you a text next week, let's meet for coffee.”
Or should I move it to the phone and call her directly, chat her up, and then do the “call you next week” for coffee thing? I'm not going to "join her with her friends" so I can be the outsider while they chat in Spanish and get cockblocked again. Fuck that.
Or should I go for a more empathetic angle, acknowledging her stress and offering to hang out with her as a way to alleviate it?
Shit, I don't know. I could think of ten different ways I could respond and still wouldn't know which one is "right."
Background:
Spanish girl at house party two months ago. Typically drunken, loud, obnoxious party girl. The beta females are giving her dirty looks. She has an orbiter who sticks to her like glue, another Spanish dude. I start talking to her and find out her hobbies are classical literature, independent film, and museums. Fucking hot AND smart? Is it possible? We seem to hit it off but I'm too pussy to escalate. Before I know it, orbiter returns. I ask if she's his girlfriend, to which he replies with a distinctly annoyed, “No...” Outside, I pull her aside and ask if orbiter is her boyfriend. “No, but he acts like he is, it's really disgusting, actually...” I ask for number, she says she just got a new SIM card, doesn't remember it. Gives me Facebook. From this point on, orbiter swoops in like a goddamn eagle and will literally not let her out of his clutches. He's speaking to her in Spanish, doing the whole “overprotective male” thing, and has that damn “home country” vibe going on. I was blocked out the rest of the night. Later I went home and messaged her on FB. Yes, I know it's fucking LAME. Cut me a break. :)
Quote:
Hey, HotSpanishGirl. It was interesting meeting you yesterday. I find you attractive inside and out. ;P Now I'd like to get to know you better. We can meet this Wednesday 8pm somewhere to have coffee and talk. I'll also recite you my favourite Poe poem. (And it's not "The Raven"!)
Call me when you see this.
AGGRO
123-456-7890
Heard nothing. Figured orbiter turned to boyfriend after all. She certainly didn't seem to be putting up any fucking resistance. Then again I heard Italian and Spanish women expect men to “protect” and manhandle them in this way. In any event, two days ago, almost two months to the day, I get this reply from her on Facebook:
Quote:
I´m sorry i got this sms now!!! sorry!! how are u doing? i didnt have internet connection and from my mobile i didnt get this sms and i saw it now. I changed from flat this week and these last ,months have been hectic... I am trying to seach for a good job (since i am carrying out an internship here but it is finishing in 2 months) so i need sth real and i feel so stressed! how r u btw? hope u r doing well!
u can join with me and my friends when u want ok?
my mobile 123-456-7890
What should I do next? Here is my suggestion:
Write her back on Facebook nonchalantly. “Glad to hear you're doing well, gonna send you a text next week, let's meet for coffee.”
Or should I move it to the phone and call her directly, chat her up, and then do the “call you next week” for coffee thing? I'm not going to "join her with her friends" so I can be the outsider while they chat in Spanish and get cockblocked again. Fuck that.
Or should I go for a more empathetic angle, acknowledging her stress and offering to hang out with her as a way to alleviate it?
Shit, I don't know. I could think of ten different ways I could respond and still wouldn't know which one is "right."
Tue, 06/05/2012 - 15:12
#1
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Ok, I think MW would agreed that you need to be more sure of yourself, especially in foreign situations, i.e. with her friends. Be dominant, stay clear in your intent. The basics.
This reflects in your texting too; the FB text you sent her seemed weak, needed, and overcommunicated too much interest but alas she seemed okay with it...two months later ;)
Maybe you should go see her and her friends. Catch up, be a bit physical with her - shoot the shit and have fun with the friends, be slightly aloof to them while concentrating your interest on the girl. Show her you're the man. Afterward, arrange a date between you and her on your own terms or even arrange this 'get together' on your terms cause she's left it pretty open ended. The sooner its on home territory the better.
Ok, I think MW would agreed that you need to be more sure of yourself, especially in foreign situations, i.e. with her friends. Be dominant, stay clear in your intent. The basics.
This reflects in your texting too; the FB text you sent her seemed weak, needed, and overcommunicated too much interest but alas she seemed okay with it...two months later ;)
Maybe you should go see her and her friends. Catch up, be a bit physical with her - shoot the shit and have fun with the friends, be slightly aloof to them while concentrating your interest on the girl. Show her you're the man. Afterward, arrange a date between you and her on your own terms or even arrange this 'get together' on your terms cause she's left it pretty open ended. The sooner its on home territory the better.
Tue, 06/05/2012 - 22:42
#2
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Gogo: I definitely agree with you, I will not take that needy chump tone with her again. My intent was to do this alluring "I'm serious about you.. like.. real serious" thing, but that was misguided. lol
However, do you really think I should go out with her and her friends? I realize I can go chill with them and just be a cool guy, then get her alone on a different occasion, but it just seems like a recipe for failure to expose myself to winning over her entire group. I think I should bring her out on my own terms, where I feel I can better convey my personality to her. What do you think?
However, do you really think I should go out with her and her friends? I realize I can go chill with them and just be a cool guy, then get her alone on a different occasion, but it just seems like a recipe for failure to expose myself to winning over her entire group. I think I should bring her out on my own terms, where I feel I can better convey my personality to her. What do you think?
Tue, 06/05/2012 - 23:58
#3
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Holmes you shouldn't have even acknowledged much less responded to this chode orbitor. You basically set yourself up as the same thing in her mind. It's why she's texting you 2 months later, she needs another one.
Don't ask boyfriend questions, don't send needy messages, be a dude with a dick. Escalate towards sex with her, be ruthless. Do not doubt yourself or what you want from her.
Holmes you shouldn't have even acknowledged much less responded to this chode orbitor. You basically set yourself up as the same thing in her mind. It's why she's texting you 2 months later, she needs another one.
Don't ask boyfriend questions, don't send needy messages, be a dude with a dick. Escalate towards sex with her, be ruthless. Do not doubt yourself or what you want from her.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 01:04
#4
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Manwhore: I'm tempted to ask how you know that. I mean, what if she really didn't receive it. But my logic tells me, your experience cannot lie. You can see how this creates cognitive dissonance for someone in my position, 'cause her comment just comes off so candid. The whole "sorry" and the exclamation points and the concerned "how are you, by the way." Goddamn, girls are devious...
Yeah, it was my own bullshit that kept me from ripping her away from him. "Maybe she knows him longer, maybe she likes him after all, maybe this, maybe that." I will not second-guess myself like that again. I'm going to take your advice and pursue her like an inquisitor through the countryside. I plan on sending her this tomorrow (it's already been three days since she wrote back on FB):
Then text her Saturday. Meet her Sunday late afternoon, go around the shops, then bring her to this Asian fast food place around my way for an evening bite, then bring her home to show her the "cool apartment" and have a drink or two.
Good? Or should I be even more aggressive:
When she comes, I'll set it up with candles, low lighting, some wine... and two steaming, freshly ordered Chinese take-out boxes on the dinner table. I'll even make it a point to ask her what she likes. If she says meat, she's getting beef and broccoli. If she says sirloin, she's getting beef and broccoli. If she says...eh, you get the point.
The first option implies I'm going to "work" her into bed, and the second seems, to me at least, all or nothing. Which should I go with?
Yeah, it was my own bullshit that kept me from ripping her away from him. "Maybe she knows him longer, maybe she likes him after all, maybe this, maybe that." I will not second-guess myself like that again. I'm going to take your advice and pursue her like an inquisitor through the countryside. I plan on sending her this tomorrow (it's already been three days since she wrote back on FB):
Quote:
oh hey. all good here. moved to a cool flat and just been working and partying. if the weather is good this sunday we can meet in the city, i'm trying to find a pair of cool sunglasses. i got ur number.
Then text her Saturday. Meet her Sunday late afternoon, go around the shops, then bring her to this Asian fast food place around my way for an evening bite, then bring her home to show her the "cool apartment" and have a drink or two.
Good? Or should I be even more aggressive:
Quote:
well well, look who showed up. :P come to my place for dinner this sunday. i'm cooking. i'll text you the address.
When she comes, I'll set it up with candles, low lighting, some wine... and two steaming, freshly ordered Chinese take-out boxes on the dinner table. I'll even make it a point to ask her what she likes. If she says meat, she's getting beef and broccoli. If she says sirloin, she's getting beef and broccoli. If she says...eh, you get the point.
The first option implies I'm going to "work" her into bed, and the second seems, to me at least, all or nothing. Which should I go with?
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 01:23
#5
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Girls aren't devious they just play the cards they're dealt. You gave her a chode/orbitor card she's simply cashing it in.
The candlelight dinner idea is hilarious and incredibly chode. You need to bang this girl not try to romance her. The fastest way into a relationship with a girl is to fuck her. Like a boss
By the way how did you find this forum? What is your experience with learning game.
Girls aren't devious they just play the cards they're dealt. You gave her a chode/orbitor card she's simply cashing it in.
The candlelight dinner idea is hilarious and incredibly chode. You need to bang this girl not try to romance her. The fastest way into a relationship with a girl is to fuck her. Like a boss
By the way how did you find this forum? What is your experience with learning game.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 01:38
#6
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Manwhore: Yeah, guess you're right, man. Can't blame her for treating me the way I subcommunicated I expect to be treated. I thought the "fake" dinner would be a good way to bring her straight home, but I'll just go with the first scenario instead.
I'm the typical dude who has spent way too much time reading "theory," waiting for that moment when it all coalesces in his brain, turning him into a pussy magnet overnight. Didn't work that way. lol I had a few successes when I lived in China, but it was more due to a combination of my misguided persistence and the girls' naivete over in those parts. Now that I'm back in the West, I'm experiencing the same blocks I had before: too nervous to approach, low self-esteem, etc.
I found your forum 'cause I've been lurking (and recently posting) on RSD for a long time, same nick. I find the people here are big into breaking down text game, so when I got her message, this was the first place I thought to post.
I'm the typical dude who has spent way too much time reading "theory," waiting for that moment when it all coalesces in his brain, turning him into a pussy magnet overnight. Didn't work that way. lol I had a few successes when I lived in China, but it was more due to a combination of my misguided persistence and the girls' naivete over in those parts. Now that I'm back in the West, I'm experiencing the same blocks I had before: too nervous to approach, low self-esteem, etc.
I found your forum 'cause I've been lurking (and recently posting) on RSD for a long time, same nick. I find the people here are big into breaking down text game, so when I got her message, this was the first place I thought to post.
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 01:42
#7
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Easily the best thing you can do and should do, is read through a ton of lay reports. It will rewire your brain and the way you think about and treat women.
There are several scenarios where I break down how I handled other dudes in a situation similar to yours as well.
http://manwhore.org/category/lay-reports
Easily the best thing you can do and should do, is read through a ton of lay reports. It will rewire your brain and the way you think about and treat women.
There are several scenarios where I break down how I handled other dudes in a situation similar to yours as well.
http://manwhore.org/category/lay-reports
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 13:56
#8
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
Lol you sound like such a...gentleman
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 17:29
#9
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Gogo:
This
Funny that his username is AGGRO (like aggressive, aggravated) but he is a gentleman.
Something I learned from Manwhore is to not fucking let orbiters or other guys stop you. Show that you are the one with the dick, don't even acknowledge that they are there, they will move away. If not move the girl away from him, whatever it takes. Fuck other guys, she is yours.
This
Funny that his username is AGGRO (like aggressive, aggravated) but he is a gentleman.
Something I learned from Manwhore is to not fucking let orbiters or other guys stop you. Show that you are the one with the dick, don't even acknowledge that they are there, they will move away. If not move the girl away from him, whatever it takes. Fuck other guys, she is yours.
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 22:29
#10
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Sick-Cunt:
Yeh, I am fully aware of the irony in the choice of nick in this case, but it does hold true in many situations. :) The reason I didn't try to take her from the orbitor was a bunch of self-limiting beliefs. He wasn't acting like some lame dude trying to stand next to her, the dude was all over her. It's not like her finding his behaviour "disgusting" stopped her from letting the fuck smother her with his idiotic "manly love." Made me think things like "Maybe they're good friends after all" or a bunch of other rationalizations for why my advances would be unwelcome. And c'mon, you guys see the dinner was meant was a prank on her, I can't even boil water. I just thought it would be a good way to bring her home. A limiting belief I have right now, for example, is "What if she's actually a nice chick and I'm just chasing her around to fuck her."
Anyway, no point defending away beta behaviour. I was being a non-entitled retard. I texted her the first option I had about coming out with me Sunday. I have nothing else to blab about until something actually happens, then I'll report back.
Yeh, I am fully aware of the irony in the choice of nick in this case, but it does hold true in many situations. :) The reason I didn't try to take her from the orbitor was a bunch of self-limiting beliefs. He wasn't acting like some lame dude trying to stand next to her, the dude was all over her. It's not like her finding his behaviour "disgusting" stopped her from letting the fuck smother her with his idiotic "manly love." Made me think things like "Maybe they're good friends after all" or a bunch of other rationalizations for why my advances would be unwelcome. And c'mon, you guys see the dinner was meant was a prank on her, I can't even boil water. I just thought it would be a good way to bring her home. A limiting belief I have right now, for example, is "What if she's actually a nice chick and I'm just chasing her around to fuck her."
Anyway, no point defending away beta behaviour. I was being a non-entitled retard. I texted her the first option I had about coming out with me Sunday. I have nothing else to blab about until something actually happens, then I'll report back.
Wed, 06/06/2012 - 22:37
#11
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Right those are good realizations. Basically you need to look at a guy and evaluate WHAT kind of guy he is and determine what their relationship is. If he's an orbitor he's not anything.
As far as chasing "good" girls and trying to fuck them, that's another belief system you have to change. Good girls get dick plain and simple. If you insist on being a guy who categorizes women based on if they fuck after a month of dating vs "sooner" then you'll always be the chode boyfriend guy. You'll never experience what the world really has to offer and you'll get shit on by girls and guys constantly. It's not about fast lays and easy sex, it's about attaining a level of interaction with women, and the world in general, that is awesome and unique.
Right those are good realizations. Basically you need to look at a guy and evaluate WHAT kind of guy he is and determine what their relationship is. If he's an orbitor he's not anything.
As far as chasing "good" girls and trying to fuck them, that's another belief system you have to change. Good girls get dick plain and simple. If you insist on being a guy who categorizes women based on if they fuck after a month of dating vs "sooner" then you'll always be the chode boyfriend guy. You'll never experience what the world really has to offer and you'll get shit on by girls and guys constantly. It's not about fast lays and easy sex, it's about attaining a level of interaction with women, and the world in general, that is awesome and unique.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Sun, 06/10/2012 - 21:22
#12
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
Small update. Wrote her Wednesday on FB, "oh hey. benn good, working and partying. if the weather is good we can go out this sunday, trying to find a pair of cool sunglasses. i got ur number." Got no FB response. Yesterday, Saturday, I text her.
Me: gotta love the hamburg weather... ever been to santorini?
Her: Who r u?
Me: lol AGGRO. get with the program, k? :)
Her: Ah ok! How r u doing? Yeah i hate this weather! Miss the spanish sunshine so much!
Me: eating burned broccoli. ill burn some for you when youre here, it's my specialty. when are we going to malaga?
Aaand... flatline. No response.
I wasn't sure if I should have called directly or not. I was trying to get her into a role play with the "ever been to Santorini" and "when are we going to Malaga," where she's from, but I guess I'm not all too skilled with this. Anyway, I blew this one, but some helpful criticism for next time would be welcome. No other way to learn than screwing up.
Me: gotta love the hamburg weather... ever been to santorini?
Her: Who r u?
Me: lol AGGRO. get with the program, k? :)
Her: Ah ok! How r u doing? Yeah i hate this weather! Miss the spanish sunshine so much!
Me: eating burned broccoli. ill burn some for you when youre here, it's my specialty. when are we going to malaga?
Aaand... flatline. No response.
I wasn't sure if I should have called directly or not. I was trying to get her into a role play with the "ever been to Santorini" and "when are we going to Malaga," where she's from, but I guess I'm not all too skilled with this. Anyway, I blew this one, but some helpful criticism for next time would be welcome. No other way to learn than screwing up.
Sun, 06/10/2012 - 21:38
#13
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@AGGRO:
Yh, your text game does sucks but that's why you've made the right decision to come here buddy ;)
'ever been to santorini?' is not a roleplay, that's a question; a roleplay should evoke fun, playfulness and something a bit otherwordly which will get her to say "you're crazy" after you're done, i.e. "lets rob a bank".
in response to her text, a cool reply could've been, "yeah, let's go to the nearest airport and watch whoever books flights to Spain. Then we'll rob them for their tickets like true badass motherfuckers ;)"
Why the hell would she want burnt broccoli? Dude that's retarded. And girls know that when a guy has nothing interesting to say and is trapped inside his head he'll inevitably say retarded stuff like you did. If you really wanted to work with that broccoli line, maybe this could've been better, "I feel like i'm turning green from eating all this broccoli at the moment. Damn, would you still love me if i looked like the Incredible Hulk??"
Note how my texts at least contain some kind of fun, playfulness - a 'Me and You' vibe, which takes whatever is mundane and turns it into something awesome.
Yh, your text game does sucks but that's why you've made the right decision to come here buddy ;)
'ever been to santorini?' is not a roleplay, that's a question; a roleplay should evoke fun, playfulness and something a bit otherwordly which will get her to say "you're crazy" after you're done, i.e. "lets rob a bank".
in response to her text, a cool reply could've been, "yeah, let's go to the nearest airport and watch whoever books flights to Spain. Then we'll rob them for their tickets like true badass motherfuckers ;)"
Why the hell would she want burnt broccoli? Dude that's retarded. And girls know that when a guy has nothing interesting to say and is trapped inside his head he'll inevitably say retarded stuff like you did. If you really wanted to work with that broccoli line, maybe this could've been better, "I feel like i'm turning green from eating all this broccoli at the moment. Damn, would you still love me if i looked like the Incredible Hulk??"
Note how my texts at least contain some kind of fun, playfulness - a 'Me and You' vibe, which takes whatever is mundane and turns it into something awesome.
Sun, 06/10/2012 - 23:12
#14
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
Fuck me now Gogo
Sun, 06/10/2012 - 23:51
#15
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
Sick-Cunt;630.4874;50 wrote:
Fuck me now Gogo
Yes fuck me now
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Mon, 06/11/2012 - 04:23
#16
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Manwhore:
lol it's a shame cuz my in person game and texting still needs MASSIVE work; i'm just pretty insightful when dealing with other peoples problems. It's probably cause there's lack of risk involved, like i don't know this chick. Have no attachment to her, so i'm able to look at it objectively without getting my emotions mixed up in this like the actual guy 'gaming' her would.
lol it's a shame cuz my in person game and texting still needs MASSIVE work; i'm just pretty insightful when dealing with other peoples problems. It's probably cause there's lack of risk involved, like i don't know this chick. Have no attachment to her, so i'm able to look at it objectively without getting my emotions mixed up in this like the actual guy 'gaming' her would.
Mon, 06/11/2012 - 05:34
#17
Re: Need advice on how to proceed
@Gogo:
Be siked dude now everyday you'll wake up and be stoked that you have something you can improve on when your bored. So many new lessons to learn that will better you as a person and end up getting you laid! Win win
Be siked dude now everyday you'll wake up and be stoked that you have something you can improve on when your bored. So many new lessons to learn that will better you as a person and end up getting you laid! Win win