NLP article: Communication styles of people under stress
I wrote this short article a while ago for my NLP class, thought it would be cool to translate to English and post it up here for you guys :)
Virginia Satir, a world-renowned family therapist noticed that people are using one of five different types of behavior when it comes to communicating. This can also be identified as a communication role.
Knowing that we have knowledge of these roles, infuses us with certainty because we know how to deal with difficult people. These linguistic styles are reflected by body language, and by the way how people choose to communicate verbally.
She has defined five categories of language styles, and named them:
In the moments when people's self-worth is low, they feel threatened, are facing stress and don't want to have their weaknesses exposed. The way they respond in order to protect themselves is normally by choosing one of the five language styles listed above.
Below is a more detailed description of each.
Blaming gives them the feeling of being seen as strong by others. They themselves feel powerless and neglected. They feel like they are alone and have to deal with everything on their own, without any help from others. Their way of dealing with stress is by isolating themselves, bluffing and trying to cover up their loneliness by trying to boss others around.
The words they use are accusing, expressing criticism, they express requirements and orders.
Their grammar is characterized by generalizations and negative issues, cause and effect type of thinking such as »YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY, THEREFORE I AM EVEN MORE EXHAUSTED BECAUSE OF YOU«
Their voice is loud, hard, sharp, squeaky. Their posture expresses the tension in the shoulders, neck, eyes, narrow and short breathing. It's also common for them to transfer their weight forward, and have one hand placed on their hip.
Sense of self worth : loneliness
Carton version of themselves: A person with power.
Pacifying is a behavioral pattern, which prevents the other party to get mad. Placetors are mostly interested in how they are seen by others and want to be accepted. Their special ability is they know how to avoid stress, or they know how to control their response to it. They avoid painful truths about themselves by not talking about the issues. Their words are affirmative, no matter what they feel or think.
Their grammar is characterized by limitations (Example: somewhat, only, just, etc..), their voice is sizzling, childlike, accommodating.
Their body language includes saggy eyes, eyes looking upward. They move their arms around a lot, and their body posture is kinda bowed.
Carton version of themselves: A person of courtesy.
They very often rationalize, which causes them to be seen as smart and competent by others.
Computers feel exposed when it comes to showing their emotions, the reason for this may be the fact that they can't control emotions easily or they've been criticized for them at an early age. This is highlighted in men.
They go by logic, are willing to work hard to maintain an image of »it's all ok« even though they feel different on the inside.
The words they use are wise, grammatically correct, abstract, they like to use foreign and long words.
Their grammar is characterized by an unspecified subject (Example: as it seems, it's being said that, etc )
Their voice is often cold, without emotion, focused, dry, monotonous, calm and sober.
Their posture cold and closed off, their energy is mostly retained in the head, immobility, arms crossed in front of them.
They feel vulnerable.
Carton version of themselves: A person of intellect.
They give out an impression of a relaxed, light and unburdened person. They easily become confused by stress and don't know how to act in stressful situations instead of taking positive action.
When talking to PLACETOR of BLAMER they seem to respond well to stress.
Their words often don't make any logical connection, are irrelevant, meaningless, they ignore questions, react with their own issues, leap over the words, change subjects, do not have targeted words.
Their grammar is characterized by a rapid change of personal pronouns (Example: I, you, they, etc...).
Their voice is singing. Their posture is faced in different directions at the same time, their head sideways, their back is bent.
Sense of self worth : I don't belong anywhere.
Carton version of themselves: A person with exuberance.
They are realistic in what they say and can be relied on by others. They are congruent individuals, which is strongly visible in comparison to other categories. With their clarity The Levelers can get to the bottom of things easily. Their confidence and conviction helps them with that. For them stress is something to be considered normal. They feel comfortable in ambiguous and uncertain situations.
They are capable of co-operating with those who threaten them, without actually fighting them or backing up.
Their body language is relaxed and grounded.
These categories describe the major part of the different styles of communication and provide reliable information in determining an individual's way of communicating. They also show us what gives the individual an advantage in communication. However, these are only samples that help us cope through stressful situations, in the long term they can cause us to ignore important parts of our personality that send us a message regarding our needs.
These categories can be used in counseling, establishing good rapport, etc
If we are ever counseling somebody we do not yet know, it is highly recommended to act through a personality type of a COMPUTER (in the beginning stage), so we don't risk anything and buy ourselves some time to get to know the other persons communication style.
During counseling we should avoid adopting the personality type of a DISTRACTOR, and we should use other types when necessary.
When done right, using all of the types can help us in public speaking and it increases rapport, if of course done correctly and at the right time.
Try noticing in your environment who fits into what category, try to find one person for each.
Pacetor is Pacifier
Thanks. Any more positive stereotypes or modes of communication that work well with wiminz for instance? :)
Dude give the cliff notes or summary.
I will write it up. It's been awhile since i watched the whole vid.
Awesome man. And include some timestamps as well that'd be great
In for those cliff notes and summary as well.