Not being boss enough/ Lack of presence to go with Flow?
Last night I opened these 2 chicks at the hot tub in my complex. These girls are stunning one of them is a model I'm going to send MW their instagrams
Chill w them for awhile. I practiced not saying much and being the one who was kind of appraising/ letting them do the talking. My chick wouldn't stop talking.
My natural buddy and I invite them to hang with us before their friends arrive from Arizona later. They say ok. He texts his girl (she lives here mines visiting) I feel she had leadership in this situation. And they come over. We're chilling, taking shots, just shooting the shit. I inspect my girls bracelets and start talking to her about all kinds of stuff, she shows me pictures on her phone of her dog, talks about her ex boyfriend, asks us all if we have instagram and we all follow each other. Im just trying to project a sexual vibe, this girl talks a lot so I felt like it was the perfect opportunity to practice that. I make fun of her for it when we're talking about astrological signs and her friend is reading hers off im like "talks alot, doesnt shut up....." she's like "UR mean!!" and slaps me. She calls me a little shit when tease her about her raspy voice. but like everytime shes like "im just kidding!" right after she insults me or whatever.
im trying to be as physical as I can. I give her a camel bite, we do goofy handshakes...
im taking pics with both girls, but a bit after I move my chair close to my girls to take the pic, she scoots hers away and is like "lets all sit facing each other like a circle"
I tell her to give me her phone. she had just taken mine while i was in the bathroom and liked her pics on ig. Shes like "no" and makes it into a big thing that i want her phone. Im like "I WONt look at ur pics idk why ur making such a big deal about this. she gives it to me and I text myself "omg ur so hottt*heart eyes/kiss emoji. But shes like leaning over and watching me do it so it just doesnt have the same effect at all. Shes like 'your strange having a conversation w yourself"
At one point she is going to visit her friend she hasnt seen in years who is in the building, as she's leaving she asks for directions, i take this as my opportunity and follow her out the door. Shes like its cool i got it! and is walking super fast so i run up beind her. I forget what was said at this point but i grab her wrist while walking next to her, and she turns around and is like "Nooo, Im still not over my ex (broke up w him 3 weeks ago i know thats bs) I'm sorry if I gave u the wrong impression. im like "whoa, ur crazy, I was just grabbing ur wrist to lead u to the staircase" I get in the elevator doorway and shes like "go back and hang with them, ur not gona like my friend anyway" I feel at this point as though I kind of got a "hard no" and staying with her would put me in the selling frame, whereas if I leave at this point i can fractionate and reboot things so I go back.
She gets back but the vibe is different now since my buddy has invited over another female friend of ours. I am freaking trying to seduce my girl here and this has turned into some sort of pg social gathering. my buddy's roommate is chilling w us as well. So we're still hanging and the idea of food comes up. Im thinking yes we should go get food it would be the perfect opportunity to break up this gay "group of friends" dynamic thats going on. So i turn down the music bc im bout to make an announcement but then my friend keeps telling me to turn it up and wont shut up about it, so then i get into a conversation with him about food, and end up conversing with everyone individually about it rather than stepping the fuck up and being like "YOOO we're getting foood nowww. IM getting my mcflurry with oreos whatcha gona do about it". My chick is the only other person that wants to get food apparently so i tell her lets go shes like "no, im staying with *friend*"
Im doing some schoolyard physicality like untying her shoe laces. I sit next to her and im like "come get food with meee" but its not boss tonality, its more like loverboy, mamas boy tonality fuck lol. Shes like "No, I already told u im not leaving her. bla bla bla" really firm about it. I say under my breath "ur like 5 yrs old" she goes "FUck You, I'm here visiting her, and to hang out with her, im not going to leave her bla bla bla. IM like "thats not what i meant"
her: I know but bla bla bla
So at this point I go out on the balcony. While im there her friend is like "i guess we're going to go now since our friends are almost here" I come back inside and hug them both bye. When i hug my chick im like "fucker." and she kind of laughs. They leave
At this point my buddy is like "lets go to mcdonalds" im like "WTF bro i was trying to go to mcdonalds this whole time. I wanted to talk to this girl.."
Now our female friend enters the convo "You know how ur saying u were "trying to talk to" that girl? I don't think anyone should ever be "trying to talk to" anyone. Like girls are sleazy, and if they wana talk to you they'll make excuses to spend time with you, not excuses to leave."
me: So you're saying in that scenario she would have tried to make an excuse to hangout with me?
her: In general, I mean all girls are different but yeah, you'll know if a girl is into you. but if youre being all touchy feely and theyre not bla bla bla
me: Why did they say something
her: No, just (the one I was talking to) was making remarks. She was saying "lets just go" to her friend
me: Hmm
I took a huge rip out of the bong right before she started telling me this and then totally got into my head about it. On the one hand she clearly doesnt get what its like to be a guy, and how we always have to push for what we want and lead in situations. She's a 8.5 hot girl so she's accustomed to just being handed things in life I feel. But on the other hand this does clue me in to the fact that I wasnt being fully present, and In a way "resisting" my girls resistance. Like i was trying to force a sitaution where we could leave the group dynamic, so i could have the chance to engage her more, whereas if I had been fully present, I possiby could have made this go down a variety of other ways.
From my female friends standpoint, this girl just wasnt into me. But I know this is a fallacy bc there have been plenty of times where i just had to keep pushing things and then got shit happening. I feel like this is definitely a paradox i find myself in sometimes though, because when being aggressive and going for what I want, I encounter resistance and then may come off as looking needy/ or in my female freinds opinion possibly looking too touchy feely or creepy?
I feel like she was kind of making it out to be a bigger thing than it was, and she didnt see the whole dynamic before where my girl was calling me a shit and hitting me and stuff, so when she said "fuck you" to me she didnt have that context. but im wondering what you guys think about this whole dynamic
Would really appreciate some feedback on this
Who's your buddy in this scenario? What's your guys' relationship like. So you opened them but he got their number?
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
LOL your lady friend said it. "Girls are sleezy."
You were not positioning yourself well here at all. Tyler talks about it being like "The jacuzzi" or "warm end of the social pool." She basically commandeered your seat in the jacuzzi, kicked you out and made YOU the one working to get it back. This "playful shoe untying" shit doesn't work in this situation. It's supplication basically. You don't even have to do a hostile takeover, just be the "WARMER end of the pool." If she tries to do it again, say something like the old-school line, "This act of yours doesn't work outside the trailer park." Say it where other people hear.
At one point she is going to visit her friend she hasnt seen in years who is in the building, as she's leaving she asks for directions, i take this as my opportunity and follow her out the door. Shes like its cool i got it! and is walking super fast so i run up beind her.
^^This is what I mean.
We live in the same building. We Mack on girls from time to time. I always open tho because that's just what I do. But he just has natural game and is always hanging w girls. Sometimes he gets head from them but I don't think he's been fucking a lot lately.
he ended up talking more in the interaction tho than me, and had more obvious rapport w the tall model who lives here. She a also the leader. I got the other ones # and texted her but I perceived the situation to be better if he hit her up.
If he hit her up?! ...What?!
I think it's time for you to get pissed OFF at yourself. Look at what you're doing. Would you crawl on your hands and knees like a lapdog, picking up any scraps that fall from this guy's table? Begging for him to feed you? If that sounds demeaning to do physically, the why are you doing it mentally?
One problem here is you were going aggressive and your buddy was playing it safe. That's what happens when you got a "natural" who knows his particular girl lives there. He left you out in the cold lol. You also had another dominant female in the room who was on a different emotional timeline/track, e.g. your buddy's. So you had some major obstacles. What you had to do at this point is get your girl off this other track and onto yours. But without addressing this you can't just go for it you'll only end up banging your head against the wall.
This represents a "higher" level of game play than you ever see discussed.
What I do in situations like this is a two-pronged directive, lol. I give my girl a vibrant enough experience so she's simply having a ton of fun with me, while also cajoling her, and possibly the other girl and even my buddy, into seeing me as the social context/leader. Hardcore teasing qualification, giving her shit, giving everyone shit, till she's at least reactive to me, if not chasing me for validation. This obviously gets masked by the fun vibe I'm spewing. So basically you weren't the dominant force in the room on either level so you had NO chance with her. Whether you're going pure boss, or pure frivolities, you didn't have enough juice to make a big enough splash in this girl's mind.
Depending on my mood I will hit the situation from different angles but I'm absolutely working to tweak certain dynamics. Don't trip Alex this is obviously higher level shit, but these sorts of group dynamics you have to come to recognize. Now that you're taking charge and making shit happen, this is just the level of game you have to start playing on :p
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
LOL your lady friend said it. "Girls are sleezy."You were not positioning yourself well here at all. Tyler talks about it being like "The jacuzzi" or "warm end of the social pool." She basically commandeered your seat in the jacuzzi, kicked you out and made YOU the one working to get it back. This "playful shoe untying" shit doesn't work in this situation. It's supplication basically. You don't even have to do a hostile takeover, just be the "WARMER end of the pool." If she tries to do it again, say something like the old-school line, "This act of yours doesn't work outside the trailer park." Say it where other people hear.
At one point she is going to visit her friend she hasnt seen in years who is in the building, as she's leaving she asks for directions, i take this as my opportunity and follow her out the door. Shes like its cool i got it! and is walking super fast so i run up beind her.
^^This is what I mean.
I really like the "jacuzzi" analogy Lol- I need to find this video
Yeah Alex, thanks for the post cuz this she just helped me further understand some of my issues. I find myself in a lot of the same situations, and they normally do end in the same slightly butthurt fashon of me saying "fuck you" to the girl. I'm starting to realize that reactiveness like this can ruin any future plans with the girl too. I don't know exactly how to handle it just yet, but I know from now on when I feel pissed or played like that I won't express it in a negative way.
I totally feel you on the whole group dynamic as well, and I'd like to learn more about what MW is talking about. The group thing is really killing me, so i'm gonna try to push for one on ones from now on.