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online date from last night - would appreciate immediate advice

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Joined: 01/31/2012

met up w/this chick last night from a dating app. met at a low key spot so we could chat and familiarize ourselves. after 2 rounds i suggested we hit up a more high energy spot down the road. now the vibe has transitioned from feeling each other out while flirting to cozy and it's on - make out. take her to my crib but she's soooooooooo hesitant like lol she called an uber pretty much upon arrival. anyway we're texting so it's on, but my escalation sucked ass. i went from like not touching her at all at the first bar, then ramped it up at the higher energy spot. <- possbily entitlement issues? [ i.e. for some reason i might not feel ok w/escalating or touching in quiet areas where ppl can hear us/see ] lame i know. so it's good my question is i felt like it probably could have gone down had i gotten to know her more and been more patient with that. i rationalized it as staying out is bad since i had class today but eh. Anyway it's on, i just want to be more clinical about executing. Also she text me right now. I attached it but I'll also write it out.

Me: what you up to

Her: Roommates family's in town so getting dinner with them then not too sure .. You?

I assume that's an implicit invitation? Context: Grad student at a good school who is SUPER sketched by online dating apps. Anyway should i pull the trigger on trying to bang her tonight or will that make me seem too eager?

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Joined: 01/18/2012
If you want to hang out with

If you want to hang out with her on a Friday go for it. I don't see what the problem is here. 

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- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

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Yes it might have been a lack

Yes it might have been a lack of comfort on your part that all of a sudden exploded into a frenzy of escalation and "personality" from your end. Which would have been okay for her except for the beginning part- she didn't trust the process/experience of the whole thing. You want to work on that. That being said this still could have worked out. I mean Aquitas I don't know what sort of skill set you think you're working with but I think it's pretty spotty at best. You're asking for band-aids to fix up scrapes but I think what's happening is an overall lack of know-how and ease in unknown situations.

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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Right. I mean I wouldn't say

Right. I mean I wouldn't say it was an explosion of escalation since that wasn't what happen, but yea definitely things transitioned from light flirting to heavy flirting with a lot more touching. I mean I know more or less what I'm working with. I'm not delusional or oblivious to my skillset haha. Girls who put out pretty easily I slay on the regs, girls who put up tons of walls I struggle with and am spotty. Some get away, some I slay. Usually party context is where I thrive, where as dates are a bit unfamiliar to me. 

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Well I banged a diff girl on

Well I banged a diff girl on tinder last night. Probably attributable to this threads advice. The escalation was more progressive and I emphasized demonstrating who I was versus fun mode. Just told her a lot of who I am and tried not to worry about escalating much. Things would be peppered in like grabbing her hands to make fun of them or her legs wrapped into mine or whatever. Literally just superrrrrr chill then pulled to my crib. Things were chill - chatted about stuff in my room till I pulled her in to make out. Then the rest sorta just naturally followed. At one point other girls were blowing my phone up and she saw the name so I just felt like I was being rude so I just put my phone on airplane mode to focus on the convo.

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Good stuff. 

Good stuff. 

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Yeah biggest takeaway was

Yeah biggest takeaway was just to talk more about real shit to ground myself as a real person to the girl so she's comfortable coming back home. The blazing fire versus hot coal analogy is what comes to mind. I have a mouth piece that I haven't been optimally utilizing haha. 

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Went out with first girl

Went out with first girl again. Totally donked it. Thought I laid down some decent game: good verbals, lots of leading, with good persistence. I think I wasn't edgey enough and so she thought I was a nice guy. Hit up a dive bar chill there for 2 he wor so then accidentally hit a  club w/her and we just danced and made out or whatever. Dip and she's like " ok well nice seeing you the train station is this way if you wanna go home " tell her I'll walk her home. Use restroom as a segue to get in. " I don't wanna track mud Lemme take off my boots ". Make out in her room and I tell her imma close the door since her roommates door is open - don't want her to see us. I make an awkward face on purpose to joke about me closing the door - kinda weak whatever, she makes a comment that I'm awkward. I'm just like yea sure whatever - make out, pick her up and toss her on the bed. Try to take off her clothes and she's like " You're a great guy but I'm not feeling this " 

-.-;;;;;; I legit shut down - never encountered that I the bedroom lol. So I just said " ok I know what that means, I'm calling an uber". She like leans into me arm trying to console me but I'm pretty butthurt tbh lol. So I tell her not to console me.  Start putting my shoes sand in just like " what's the deal I don't wanna waste either of our times " - same thing " iono you're a great guy but I'm not feeling this " which translates to I'm not interested. Then tells me to text her. I just scoff like Ya maybe and dip. def done with this girl. Anyway critique is welcome

funny note: man I had the WORST fart ever during the date. I mean imagine what takis and protein smells like. So she smells it and is like what the fuck. NO ONE is near us so im like .... Yea, my bad that was me. Hahahahahahahahaha. 

Edit: Considering texting "was it the fart?" in like 4-5 days because I think that would be hilarious and this is pretty much a wash. The reason for 4-5 days is so it would be perceived that I was overthinking it haha. But seriously I think now that I'm sober and had some time to think it just seems like I was a little too thirsty. Seemed like I was pushing for the close so hard w/o maintaining enough of a buyer mindset. So it was clear who the seller was. I should've been much more of a dick like I was the first time. I was still a dick but I think I should've held the edge a little more. Also I think while I was at her place I shouldn't have been so eager to start making out - should've been more chill, eased her into things a little more. I was a little nervous and felt like I had a short window so that probably came through rather than just trusting myself. Must've came off odd because I didn't chat w/her. More importantly I really handled what she said poorly. "You're a great guy but I'm not into this."

I mean I always get crushed whenever a girl I'm into says shit that reminds me of the LJBF talk from way back in the days. Just totally lost it and felt hella deflated. I literally just laid down and was like "You just denied me." Then she tried to console me but like at that point I'm not taking any pity [ at least that's how i perceived it ]. Not sure how I got so wrapped into this one. I remember thinking before she arrived to the bar whlie I was posted up that I was fairly nervous. To be fair, she may have flat out just not been interested and nothing would've changed the outcome. However, I suspect that probably is not the case and the main flaws were simply that I was too eager, and probably seemed way too into her, and didn't hold that edge hard enough. Also, I'm writing this fully aware how retarded I must sound from being into a chick that I only went on 2 total dates lol. 

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Nice thread homie. When I

Nice thread homie.

When I started to read it i thought : "Oh no the comfort!!!!!" ... continued reading to find out you nailed that on the head and fixed it. Comfort = FUNDAMENTAL. Beast  mode bro. good shit handling that and making the girl more comfortable prior to escalaton on the next date.

To help you further polish your swagger: For my experience, girls that have class and don't put out like sluts I tell them straight up: "I am not having sex with you tonight no matter how hard you try". Tell it to her honestly. Then be comfortable with yourself and she will be able to fully express herself as well. She will start to like your CHARACTER so much, and because you haven't tried to escalate your genuine meter is at a 10. And the best part is, it legitamately is. Just hnag out with her without thinking about sex. (mindblowng) You will inevetiably enjoy eachother's presence and time togethter and have fun,. She is not only comfortable, but now she trusts you. And it is authentic. Now that you have those things checked off her list, you can proceed to the next box, where she begs you to put out for her.      And I always tell her "Damn pookie cookie this is energy I am feeling is pretty real ( cuz at this point its real), we moving mighty fast, I am pretty confident about you but you sure about this?" If you are doing shit right 100% of the time she will begin to commence shit for you. Just understand this is the way to go. 100% genuine in your intent and you will have 100% LMR free missions. The only thing you end up with after is a bad bitch on your team.

And also most importantly: troll the shit out of her and never take anything she says serious.

You got this tho your game will get tight.

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SWOLLGUY wrote:Nice thread

SWOLLGUY wrote:
Nice thread homie.

When I started to read it i thought : "Oh no the comfort!!!!!" ... continued reading to find out you nailed that on the head and fixed it. Comfort = FUNDAMENTAL. Beast  mode bro. good shit handling that and making the girl more comfortable prior to escalaton on the next date.

To help you further polish your swagger: For my experience, girls that have class and don't put out like sluts I tell them straight up: "I am not having sex with you tonight no matter how hard you try". Tell it to her honestly. Then be comfortable with yourself and she will be able to fully express herself as well. She will start to like your CHARACTER so much, and because you haven't tried to escalate your genuine meter is at a 10. And the best part is, it legitamately is. Just hnag out with her without thinking about sex. (mindblowng) You will inevetiably enjoy eachother's presence and time togethter and have fun,. She is not only comfortable, but now she trusts you. And it is authentic. Now that you have those things checked off her list, you can proceed to the next box, where she begs you to put out for her.      And I always tell her "Damn pookie cookie this is energy I am feeling is pretty real ( cuz at this point its real), we moving mighty fast, I am pretty confident about you but you sure about this?" If you are doing shit right 100% of the time she will begin to commence shit for you. Just understand this is the way to go. 100% genuine in your intent and you will have 100% LMR free missions. The only thing you end up with after is a bad bitch on your team.

And also most importantly: troll the shit out of her and never take anything she says serious.

You got this tho your game will get tight.

So I agree with you on certain things and am somewhat skeptical on other things. I'd like to think it takes the right guy to bring out a girl's desires. In other words, if you aren't handling shit right, she's not gonna let you smash. On the other hand though, I think SOME girls just really need time to get to know you before they put out. I think if there's enough of a disparity it'll be the former. Like lol what girl is going to deny George Clooney on the first night - provided he's not all retarded like Kevin Durant was in college, texting girls "wanna fuck?" lol. But the reality is I'm not George fucking Clooney lol, although I do think I'm the man. That being said, I'm kinda unsure where I'd lump this girl. 100% she was just a party girl when she was younger but she seems like she's over just raging all the time and being super casual. Although I can't really say I think she's looking for a lot.  

However, I do think the advice you gave is sorta right, but the way you explained it makes it seem like a ' tactic '. Me and my roommates were talking and he said it doesn't seem like i'm enjoying my time going on these dates, which I agree to a degree. Sometimes I find myself focusing way too much on the end game when I'm out on dates. I know how to have a really good time but I think I tend to be way too result oriented primarily with girls I'm not 100% confident with. So these glitches in my game shine through and while overall it's solid, I'm sure these girls I'm not 100% confident w/sniff it out. Like I remember thinking about cancelling on this girl because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to bone her and going for a higher percentage shot. [ I had another girl who was super down to meet up and just seemed like she'd put out ] I opted out of cancelling because I felt like I was running away from facing my fear.  So I sort of agree with you in the sense that I should focus more on enjoying these dates and just be less result oriented. I'm really curious as to what people think about our takes on this. 

One potential solution to this has been to just start double booking the dates when I suspect the girl isn't likely to put out. Then end my night w/the girl I think is more likely to put out. Seems like a decent temporary solution although I'm well aware its probably more of a bandaid on the deeper issues. 

  

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Joined: 02/04/2015
^^^^^^ In response to

^^^^^^ In response to that:

"I'd like to think it takes the right guy to bring out a girl's desires." - So be a higher caliber dude. derrrrr

If a part of you believes you are worth enough for the girl, then you aren't.

also.

You can't watch star wars and just cut to the last scene. Enjoy the fuck out of the movie and slash some shit with your lightsaber later. Buy one movie ticket and watch it or invite the other girl on a double date to join you and the girl you already got. Now you can have a princess lea and some other lady she can dress up as.

And wtf is this "Im probably not gonna succeed so im just gonna cancel the date" - dude even Luke said dgaf im gonna fire this torpedo.

bruhhhh

..... BUTTTT I see what you are saying,,,, because mufasa has much to learn... So if/when you do blow girls off make sure you fully embrace the dgaf'ing when you bail on them.

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Aquitas, Swollguy is actually

Aquitas, Swollguy is actually describing to you a sure way of removing the outcome dependence for you. What's blocking you from seeing this (and oh dear lord this is a fucking doozy) is that the real issue going on is you're so worried about your batting percentage you don't want to risk going on a date with a chick that might not put out in the first place. That's not just outcome dependence that's a bit of a neurosis in the making. This will end up fucking you up in a lot of ways. A lot of ways. Think about the implications 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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Joined: 02/04/2015
Gonna use a different example

Gonna use a different example to give you a new perspective: Sunday this last week me and my homies went paintballing. My rented gat was so ghetto that it could only blast fools about 10 feet in front of me.

Rather than camping in the back of the map, I mobbed to the front and put that barrell on as many mofos heads as possible. If you think you aren't gonna get a touchdown when you are on a date you have to options: You can handle it like Tony Montana. Once you get over it and realise it is just paint getting shot at you, you can use your brain more and start playing the game like Peyton Manning.

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+1

+1

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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^ One of the important

^ One of the important implications being you block yourself from future growth and skill set building. 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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Manwhore wrote: ^ One of the

Manwhore wrote:
^ One of the important implications being you block yourself from future growth and skill set building. 

So true. The missions you crash and burn on like The Expendables end up being the ones that make you the most experienced.

Feel free to click link, gotta get my aphiliate marketing revenue up.

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Damn so many things I wanna

Damn so many things I wanna quote from both you and swoll guy. Word that makes sense and is why I decided to stick it out. I hate failing, standard Type A shit. Should just embrace the failures, and learn from them versus running haha. Ya I can see neurosis leading to missing out on all kinds of tail because I'd rationalize fear as a "low percentage shot". If that gains momentum I can see that leading to me regressing from the mental paralysis of "optimal game" under game theory. 

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Ya dude just at the end of

Ya dude just at the end of the day as long as you aren't harming anybody, every interaction you have is just a game. So have fun with it. 

You shouldn't be stressing over intramural soccer, girls shouldn't make you stressed out either.

Honestly I would start a second hobby, for example RC plane flying if you can afford it. Enjoy that for a couple weeks. Analyze the attitude/mindset you have when you fly that RC. Think about how stress free you are and the fact you arent trying to conciously analzye every current thought you are having. Notice how relaxed and natural everything is when you do that hobby.

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SWOLLGUY wrote:Ya dude just

SWOLLGUY wrote:
Ya dude just at the end of the day as long as you aren't harming anybody, every interaction you have is just a game. So have fun with it. 

You shouldn't be stressing over intramural soccer, girls shouldn't make you stressed out either.

Honestly I would start a second hobby, for example RC plane flying if you can afford it. Enjoy that for a couple weeks. Analyze the attitude/mindset you have when you fly that RC. Think about how stress free you are and the fact you arent trying to conciously analzye every current thought you are having. Notice how relaxed and natural everything is when you do that hobby.

As much as I agree with this, hobbies have taken a back burner. I'm at a really competitive law school that just doesn't afford me a lot of free time. Schedule consists of 50 hrs of studying / week, 15 hours of class/ week ,  and then gym 3x/week. Leaves me w/enough time to try to slam a chick 1 night/week so I'm always trying to maximize the little free time I have. But I feels man, I skateboarded / played baseball my whole life so I get what you mean. Kinda shitty being so high strung since it's the exact opposite of who I am. In college i was hella carefree DGAF all day. 

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I feel you bro. Honestly you

I feel you bro. Honestly you are probably pretty baller, just very self critical- its what got you to the success you have in life now.

If I were you I would put girls on teh back burner and just go full shaman in your studies. Be a swagged out monk. If you do run accross a lady worth talking to just tell her straight up how thug your schedule is. Be like woman I aint got time for you. You are #2. A lot of girls wont understand this but the more mature ones worth your time will.

I think because your time is very limited, you want to be as "successful" or "productive" with that free time as humanly possible. Your school schedule and class competition has got you into that mode. What you need to do is be able to detatch and go homer simpson mode and let your adrenal glands take a rest.  On the flipside, I am sure there are times when you are studying that you feel your time is not being used effectively and that stresses you out; making you even less effective studying and more stresssed out. So when you are away from the books, practice being as chilled out as possiblr. If you are able to relax/unwind, then that free time is successful. Start doing that and when you are studying you will be going Rayman on the books.

Just an idea I am sure you already thought of basically the same thing.

TLDR: Make your rigerious schedule therapudic. MAKE IT FUN. Enjoy the fuck out of studying and have your schedule layed out a week in ahead. Designate a girl friend to be your secretary. Its honestly not that bad you are chillen bro if you make it easy. For real, think about it.

EDiT: BTW you are on the path to being a straight HU$TL3R... As long as you stay dedicated and consistent you will soon be a swoll as fuck bachelor with a bar card and a ton of paper. You will be able to buy your own Corvette 2016 and not some pussy ass used one. So use that as your motivation and chill ooooooouuuuuuuuttttt.

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SWOLLGUY wrote: I feel you

SWOLLGUY wrote:
I feel you bro. Honestly you are probably pretty baller, just very self critical- its what got you to the success you have in life now.

If I were you I would put girls on teh back burner and just go full shaman in your studies. Be a swagged out monk. If you do run accross a lady worth talking to just tell her straight up how thug your schedule is. Be like woman I aint got time for you. You are #2. A lot of girls wont understand this but the more mature ones worth your time will.

I think because your time is very limited, you want to be as "successful" or "productive" with that free time as humanly possible. Your school schedule and class competition has got you into that mode. What you need to do is be able to detatch and go homer simpson mode and let your adrenal glands take a rest.  On the flipside, I am sure there are times when you are studying that you feel your time is not being used effectively and that stresses you out; making you even less effective studying and more stresssed out. So when you are away from the books, practice being as chilled out as possiblr. If you are able to relax/unwind, then that free time is successful. Start doing that and when you are studying you will be going Rayman on the books.

Just an idea I am sure you already thought of basically the same thing.

TLDR: Make your rigerious schedule therapudic. MAKE IT FUN. Enjoy the fuck out of studying and have your schedule layed out a week in ahead. Designate a girl friend to be your secretary. Its honestly not that bad you are chillen bro if you make it easy. For real, think about it.

EDiT: BTW you are on the path to being a straight HU$TL3R... As long as you stay dedicated and consistent you will soon be a swoll as fuck bachelor with a bar card and a ton of paper. You will be able to buy your own Corvette 2016 and not some pussy ass used one. So use that as your motivation and chill ooooooouuuuuuuuttttt.

Yea 100%. To give you an idea I just busted out a 40 page appellate brief in 2 nights lol. Still not done, gonna have to do some bullshit tech checks. Have not slept much. Ya I did that first semester where I didn't go out at all really but it kinda fucked me. Yea it's weird but I have A LOT of girls interested. I don't even go out much but the numbers have incidentally been more solid, and online dating has yielded a lot. "ENJOY your freetime." That resonates a lot with me right now because I think I got away from that a bit this semester. Been skipping out hanging with friends to go try to slam chicks since time only permits only one or the other. 

Haha not a fan of Corvettes. I'd for sure cop me a porsche if I can land a coveted biglaw job fresh out of law school. But word, this thread has turned out to have a ton of good nuggets. 

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SWOLLGUY wrote: I feel you

SWOLLGUY wrote:
I feel you bro. Honestly you are probably pretty baller, just very self critical- its what got you to the success you have in life now.

If I were you I would put girls on teh back burner and just go full shaman in your studies. Be a swagged out monk. If you do run accross a lady worth talking to just tell her straight up how thug your schedule is. Be like woman I aint got time for you. You are #2. A lot of girls wont understand this but the more mature ones worth your time will.

I think because your time is very limited, you want to be as "successful" or "productive" with that free time as humanly possible. Your school schedule and class competition has got you into that mode. What you need to do is be able to detatch and go homer simpson mode and let your adrenal glands take a rest.  On the flipside, I am sure there are times when you are studying that you feel your time is not being used effectively and that stresses you out; making you even less effective studying and more stresssed out. So when you are away from the books, practice being as chilled out as possiblr. If you are able to relax/unwind, then that free time is successful. Start doing that and when you are studying you will be going Rayman on the books.

Just an idea I am sure you already thought of basically the same thing.

TLDR: Make your rigerious schedule therapudic. MAKE IT FUN. Enjoy the fuck out of studying and have your schedule layed out a week in ahead. Designate a girl friend to be your secretary. Its honestly not that bad you are chillen bro if you make it easy. For real, think about it.

EDiT: BTW you are on the path to being a straight HU$TL3R... As long as you stay dedicated and consistent you will soon be a swoll as fuck bachelor with a bar card and a ton of paper. You will be able to buy your own Corvette 2016 and not some pussy ass used one. So use that as your motivation and chill ooooooouuuuuuuuttttt.

Boss. When I'm busting my ass working all day then I'm thinking I should pace myself I don't want to burn out. And if I'm taking time off then I'm thinking I should be hustling more what about all the stuff I want to do.  But fresh ideas only come from goofing around having fun and working non stop does not fit the bill (I am prone to this) even if you love what you do.

Trying to squeeze the absolute last 5% out of every day is counterproductive if you're already operating at a high level, plan your shit out loosely with enough free time then let it go. "Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity" - the Tao