Open relationship question
I have recently gotten into an open relationship with a girl. I Basically told her that I can only see her if i have the freedom to sleep with other girls fom time to time. She reluctanlty agreed to my terms.
Last night she went to a party without me and told me she kissed two guys. She said she was crying because she felt bad and doesnt want to be with other people.
Now I dont give a shit that she kissed those guys but Im wondering how you would address it with her? Is it best to act like I dont give a shit or should I act a little bit dissaponted? Obviously I dont want to encourage that behaviour from her and Im wondering if showing a bit of jealousy/dissapointment is better than just acting like I couldnt care less.
Damnnnnnnn this is actually a really good question.
Part of me thinks this is almost like a test. She's trying to draw you into her reality.
I would be like
Me: This is stupid. You went to a party and hooked up with two people JUST because we're not exclusive. The idea isn't to see who can hook up with more ppl. This is retarded behavior, I didn't expect this from you. I'm not even sure if you're mature enough for us to be together (okay maybe that last part is a bit much, but you get the idea).
If needed, you could go on and say - I just don't want to be tied down to one person right now, but that doesn't mean I"m trying to wheel as much as possible. It just means I have the freedom to make my own decisions.
Yeah, I have wondered this for so long even when I was girls that knew we had an open relationship, I basically just played the ignorance is bliss card and chose to not bring it up and hope she never did either. Idk man, for some reason I feel wrong about banging other girls while I am in a relationship with one...I know that goes against most of the ideas on this forum, but I do feel it, like a specific place in my body. Anytime I feel the slightest sence of "hurting others" i can't stand it. Perhaps that is a major shadow that I need to look at becuase it's probably fucking with me in other areas of my...what you think about that MW...I never told you that...cuz as we ALL know, feelings are not facts, but still.
K so in regards to that question, she basically just wants your attention. She wants you to know that she can do it to, if she really wants to. But obviously she does not. Girls want a daddy. They want a guy that they can go to with anything, they want a boss, so clearly, if you are that boss, she is not going to sleep with another guy. Even if she did, she would have to tell you. She is telling you this becuase she needs to know that you are solid. Definitely do not react to this.
But by the same token you need to firm with her...say like "Aww beb, thks for telling me. I appreciate your honesty. You do what is best for you. And if you are feeling this way, its clearly best for you to stick with me. Let's not have any unnessessary(can't spell lol) emotional challenges between us, this will only take from our wholeness. I'm your daddy beb, stick with me ;)"
Bearjizz you don't want to reward her for shitty behavior which is inherently what you're doing with that. When girls do stuff like that I make them feel disgusting LOL. Sometimes if it's happening in the moment, like one time I had a power lesbian trying to take my girl off me, and she was sorta succeeding lol, I had to go that route to douse that shit. Same thing here
Hmm yah ok well I didnt really like the idea of being as brutal as PB suggested. I kinda let her off the hook. Ill post the text convo below.
For some more context shes 17 years old and is at these types of parties without me all the time. My approach was the typical rsd approach of not being jealous or needy.
Part of the issue was that I told her in the past that she can hook up too if she really wants to so I would kinda be going back on my word by making her feel like shit. Also she keeps saying that these two guys kissed her without her knowing which is obviously bullshit.
HER: Trickassmark...Im home in bed but i played a game at the party and 2 guys came and kissed me without me knowing. I know what we are but I cried after coz I dont want to do all that with ppl. If im being honest I feel such myself around you! Had to tell you feel shitty. Want to tell you in person but that would be your bithday. Good night and Im sorry :(
HER: Ps they both got white girl bitch slapped...not kidding
HER: Not sounding girlie but which I am lol but i like you calling me baby and beautiful
HER: Ill stop texting now
ME: Its all good just lemme know who these guys are cuz im gunna have to beat em up
HER: Hahaha dont worry my bitch slap was actually pretty hard. But thanks
HER: Also got the magazine you wanted
ME: Ya Im only kidding i wasnt planning on beating anyone. Kissing takes two willing participants ;-)
ME: Sweet I want to read it
HER: Haha hilarious not if it came out of nowhere.
Howcome the text convo isnt coming out blue and pink?
Trick I highly suspect, in fact I'm pretty damn sure, that you have very weak subcoms. I don't want to tell you "how" to handle this or what to say and only get you into more shit. Suffice to say it's not acceptable and you should be showing some disapproval. Obviously. But your reaction to her reaction to you showing disapproval is what will count. If she can overpower you verbally and emotionally you're done son.
Not sure why you think my sub coms are weak but I dont feel that way.
I am definitely dominant verbally and emotionally with her. For example 3months ago she tried to break up with me over text because i confessed to cheating on her. But when she came over to my house to talk about it I convinced her that we should stay together but the only way it will work is if I can bang other girls when I feel like it. She eventually said "well what if i feel like banging some other guy". I said "whatever if thats what you want to do then do it".
I guess I just dont feel comfortable being a hypocrite by telling her I want to fuck other girls but then getting pissed at her when she kisses a couple of guys. Idk Im pretty new to this open relationship thing.
Like is it really "bad behaviour" when Ive already told her that its acceptable behaviour?
Ok then turn this into a positive thing. Tell her she's only allowed to be your slut, and she fucking broke the rules. Tell her she's going to have to make it up to you by finding a "friend" to share you with.
K thanks the advice guys. I like that last one manwhore
@Beargrizz Im the same man. I feel like shit if I l think Im hurting someone I care about but I feel like a mutual agreement on an open relationship alleviates alot of that feeling for me.
LEL at "open relationships"
LEL at "open relationships"
i got out of an open relationship with a girl a couple months ago. she already had another partner who was consenting. I used to encourage and let her persue others for sake of her development and because i had no right to control her anyway. if i had issue with what she was doing, it was my problem. that was my thinking. yes, i stripped myself of all power. which in the end, was what brought about the destruction of the relationship because it was such a crippling position. i'm in a much different head space now after a few months of MW training than to when the relationship started and i setup these parameters. i'm too exhausted from last night to comphrend/focus what im reading but MW are you saying i should have done the complete opposite?
Shikorah you were talking about a married chick in a preexisting relationship, completely different scenario.