Hey fellas - hoping all is well.
Today I got another question - this time regarding post sex communication.
This week, I had sex with a new stunning girl, and had another new girl give me head at my apartment, also a very cute chick. Something that I've noticed before, and this week really highlighted it for me, was that I'm finding in the immediate day(s) after we were intimate, they are not as "communicative" as I thought they would be. They won't really text me at all without me texting them first (which I keep to a minimum now) - and when we do text afterwards - I find some of them are kind of distant. This doesn’t ALWAYS happen – just more often than I’d like.
What I've recently been doing after we’re done hanging out and she leaves, is texting them to let me know when they get home safe/alive - and just generally being positive, such as, had a blast [ ;) ], was fun, let's do this again sometime, etc. You get the picture. In the past I've tried to maintain a dialogue with them afterwards in the days following immediately after, but this too is obviously too fucking much for her (and I) to deal with - hence why I've kind of swung to the other side - which is being less communicative, myself.
My main dating goal at the moment is to go on a lot of dates, and have multiple short term casual relationships. For me, it would be nice to see these girls at least a couple more times - a handful of them anyways (and the ones I don't want to, this post is irrelevant for). I'm finding that often times after hooking up with a girl, when I’d like to see her again, they can tend to get cold on me. For example, if I text her a couple days after, being myself and keeping things fun/light/playful - again, they don't always reciprocate it back, and can act kind of bratty/cold. At times when I try to setup another "date" with them (after we've already hooked up - i.e. BJ/sex, not a peck on the cheek..) they just don't really play ball and eventually I stop trying because it becomes clear that it's I that wants to see her more than she does me, which is also not cool.
More than anything, I'm confused as to why this is. I'm getting my shit together in the whole getting them out and making it happen respect, but struggling to keep them around. The sex isn't always A1 - but is definitely decent each time at the worst. I'm not getting overly boyfriendy with them afterwards, but I'm not being cold either. I can't see an OBVIOUS reason why this is happening. In my mind, I’d have thought the “games” and shit would be over at this point (Jeffy’s talked about this – how the “power” kinda shifts somewhat post-sex – concept is a bit interesting but I think it does hold some water..).
Perhaps they feel slutty because it happened so fast and don't want to see me again because they feel bad (some of them say they can’t believe they did it right after)? Perhaps in THEIR mind it was a one night stand type situation (even though I never really framed it that way with them to any degree) and hence their minimal texting/willingness?
The final thing I'm thinking came from MWs video at ~7:30 mark:
Although my problem isn't that I want to be sexual with them via text and they don't play ball in that respect - it got me thinking that maybe this is actually normal for girls, post-sex, to not then become ultra available to you, or want to communicate more than before with you, or perhaps even they want the "game"/chase to continue, instead of just making it easy. Perhaps my recent past relationship is still leading me to believe it should be much simpler post-sex instead of what I’ve been experiencing.
This strikes me as really odd, as when we were hanging out, we were laughing our asses off, having a blast, conversation was tight, and the intimacy was hot/enjoyable. I just really can’t seem to see any reason why things aren’t generally “simpler” post-sex – i.e. less games. Perhaps it’s an age thing (they’re usually 19-23).
Could really be a general combination of things too with no precise rhyme or reason – just one of those things where some of them are into you, and some aren’t (case by case basis)..
It’s getting a bit frustrating because it’s making me personally behave more distant towards girls I otherwise wouldn’t want to be distant towards, in fear of them thinking that I’m getting clingy/too attached. I feel like post-sex – I’m almost walking on eggshells – which I cannot STAND. I realize the whole abundance thing is the solution in most cases, but I can’t help but think something is going on here.. It’s almost like I feel as though post-sex, it’s even MORE of a “game” with them..
I suppose any general input/insight on this would be helpful – not really one specific question here !
(this post was somewhat adderall inspired, so forgive any wordiness..)
Dude I have answered this specifically multiple times. Derp
Well, shit.. =(
Can you point me in the right direction? Poked around here for a bit and couldn't find what you were refering to..that and I don't want to see what RSD has to say..
Did you ever write a follow up to this? Follow Up Game..
It's in the Q&A YouTube vid with "MLTR's" in the title. Your question is very specifically covered in it ;)
Hey Envee did you find it? I just wanted you to watch it as me explaining it in words simply isn't as good as watching me explain it. A lot more is imported that way.
I actually do remember going through this phase. There's a simple solution that works really well. Give her a call the next day. If she doesn't answer, call back in an hour or so. If she answers, great.. have a super mundane conversation with her about anything . But here's the key.. you really need to chill out. You're way too intense at times, way too tightly wound up, exploding with slightly nervous energy. If you could slow that down a wee bit it'd be super masculine yet extremely relaxing to her. The period after you hook up with a girl should be chill and mellow.. while still experiencing this new intimacy between you two.
It's as if you're slowing things down because you're drinking it all in. Or also because you experienced a sudden high together, and now she wants to experience the come down with you. Sex to girls is very meaningful. Sex to guys should be very meaningful as well. ;)
And if she doesn't answer leave a voice message. Same thing. Super chill and mellow, talking about random stuff between you two, or a story about your day right after she left, something like that. Something associative to her. Maybe something that made you laugh or made you think of her in a funny way.
Hey Man, I DID see this actually ! been super busy and didn't get a chance to respond.
hanks a ton for your input - advice is SUPER tight and I see exactly what you are trying to communicate to me !
Thanks MW ;)