Questions about personal boundaries
I was having a discussion with Manwhore on facebook on the topic of how to deal with a woman who tends to nag/complain/vent/drop her emotional baggage on you. I dealt with this by telling her to delete my number, but Manwhore told me about this concept on projecting a dominant and positive vibe that trumps her negativity. I find this to be very difficult at times since negativity is so easy to get sucked into and become a part of it. I think that remaining positive in the face of negativity takes a lot of strength. Anyway, thats besides the point. What had me curious about this concept on projecting a positive and dominant vibe in the face negativity, made me raise the question as to whether personal boundaries even exist in the mind of someone who has the ability to do this effectively. If you have the ability to trump someones negativity with your vibe, then it what scenarios do you enforce your personal boundaries? And how do you do it effectively?
I'm actually really interested in this as well. How does one even go about trumping negativity that's constantly thrown at you? What's the thought process behind it?
I've been in this situation a lot, lately.
Listen to Tolle. You don't "fight" against negativity. You become so present that you rise above it and it's impossible for that level of unconsciousness to suck you in. It simply no longer emotionally affects you. There is no thought process behind it. But yes, it is admittedly pretty difficult to deal with extreme levels of unconsciousness until you become extremely present.
That's the positivity part of the equation anyways. Dominance is a whole other deal.
I dunno what situation you and MW were talking about, but I imagine he wasn't talking about dealing with a situation where your boundaries are being crossed in a very serious way.
If you're just dealing with relatively low levels of unconsciousness like nagging and stuff, that's not really a situation where you need to enforce your boundaries. The reason is that it's probably just that the other person is simply stuck in a negative/unconscious state, but they're not actually trying to disrespect you or anything. They're just in a negative state for whatever reason. In that case, it's just a matter of being present/grounded and enough of a leader that people will respect and follow you. When you view reality in such a positive way and you're that much of a leader, you can basically show people a better way of viewing the situation and you project that. Have you ever felt really shitty about something and looked for someone older/more experienced to make you feel better and they made you realize things aren't as bad as you think they are? It's like that.
If someone is seriously disrespecting you thats when you actually need to inflict emotional pain on them. It's not a matter of trumping their negativity with positivity anymore. They know what they're doing is fucked and they seem to think they can just get away with it. That's when you enforce your boundaries and punish them, which is another skill set entirely.
But in order to make either of these things work you have to be able to project yourself very strongly.
How do I do it effectively?
By withdrawing my attention and putting it elsewhere. If it ever gets to that point. Most times it won't, and the positive/dominant vibe is all you need. Sometimes it takes hours for them to come back, sometimes days, sometimes weeks or longer.
Ok Polarize's problem is he's too quiet, not expressive enough. Girls are just going to assume they can dish as much shit on you as they want, and they can. Because you're not expressive enough. Two boxers in a ring, one's throwing a hit the other's responding.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Grappler for you I'm assuming it's because you've got a tendency to want to do that naturally. You've fought depression before and it's got an emotional tone to it that rings true for you. But you've obviously come to realize it's not, and you've had to make that choice to fight it and raise yourself out of that sort of emotional life paradigm. That being said what's always the case is there are long-term environmental/lifestyle factors that are in place and try to reinforce the old bullshit. Look for family members, friends, even activities you like that undermine your efforts in the other direction. They're there you just have to acknowledge them and work to change them. For example I had to cut off ties with one of my sisters because her ability to inject drama into things was UNREAL. Like shit you'd hear about in the newspaper. Even a job can do that to a person. Either the work is menial and depressing in itself, or you've had a boss for awhile that's a dick, and has learned to treat you that way. I'd look at these factors Grappler.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I used to have a lot of these problems but they never seemed to stop me from getting girls or hooking up occaisionally. What it did do though was make me feel like utter and complete shit... all the time. I have fought it really hard and I do tend to fall back to it whenver I let hardships get in the way of my daily routines, goals, etc.
I also have been trying harder to do what I love for me now, I had this big realization on the weekend that I will post up shortly. It's a bit long but it was a huge break through for myself, I believe.
I tend to fall back to the depression/anxiety state every now and then when I lose focus and let myself go... It kind of always sits at the back of my head but these days I'm doing whatever I can to fight it off and get away from that approach to life.
I wonder if because I've been through it before and understand how hard it is, that's why I'm so strongly attracted to girls who are troubled or have these issues as well? I almost always want to help them and "save" them, or at least I did. It's weird, I would do whatever I could and I would have this totally weird attraction to these girls and I never understood why.. Maybe it's because I've been through it as well? I'm starting to realize maybe that's why I could never plow through certain girls' funky moods/negativity, I almost tried to fix it and would end up getting stuck in it myself..Fuck.
I got into psychology for school and decided to major in that, I hope I learn a lot more about this sort of thing. Would really help open my eyes.