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Recent Experimenting w Comfort & Compliment Game

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Joined: 02/09/2015

Watched a video by (formerly) RSD Alex that a friend recommended. And it's had a huge difference in my game. He says he's basically tailored his entire game around dealing with lower value people and being disarming comforting because they're insecure and nervous so that he can stay in set long enough to have the girl feel attracted/safe enough to be with him. It clicks because I realized yeah girls are super sensitive to feeling unsafe and are super flightly in bars, clubs and text game.

I think this is lower risk game which provokes softer shit tests than higher risk high attraction game which combined with spending a lot of time allows for her to become both more and more aroused by you but also more comfortable with you. I feel like I have a long way to go in many ways with compliance based game and that this lower risk type of game will help me solidify some skills that will help me with higher risk game.

Breakthrough

It had a huge shift in my game. Same night I had a girl number close me in 10 minutes and another kiss me in 10 minutes, both sober (they had walked in with me, each set 30 minute apart). Maybe this is what happens when you make them feel safe, comfortable and confident with you? Next day went on an instadate at work and number closed 3 girls. Few days after number closed a fucking stunner who's dad is loaded, she says she gets so annoyed that everyone just stares at them and doesn't talk to them and how it's so rude and how she loves how cool and friendly my co-worker and I were. I told them right off the bat how I liked their eyebrows, their makeup, how they looked gorgeous. We're vibing, having fun, talking about going to the beach together, normal conversation nothing crazy and she takes my phone adds herself on snapchat and takes a bunch of pics on my phone and uploads one on my story. Shortly after that I run into a girl who I thought had been a bitch and wasn't attracted to me. All my previous interpretations instantly come to mind and I see that it was actually her being nervous and defensive because she didn't feel comfortable around me being really confident. I focus on making her feel comfortable around me and confident on where she stands with me (I like talking to her, think she's cool). She invites me to join her by lunch by hinting that she's hungry and wanting to get food soon, she brings up sex in the conversation and how many partners she's had (2), invites me to come out with her and mutual acquaintances and number closes me. I realize now I had been overgaming and that reactions I was getting which I thought because I had bad game or girls not attracted to me were actually the girl just being nervous/self-conscious around me. And all I have to do to make them comfortable is just stay near them for 5 minutes and naturally she would drop more of her guard and feel more comfortable with me to open up.

Complimenting, Statement of Empathy, Comfort Focused instead of Attraction Focused

Now I've been going in complimenting the girls on their dress, style, hair, eyes, personality, energy etc. and dropping statements of empathy. Being empathetic makes her feels safe because she gets I am consciously aware of the impact I'm having on her and being respectful and makes them feel safe about being in isolation with me. Then I'm being friendly and complimenting them they think I'm sweet, I'm not doing anything that risks being offensive and it makes them feel safer that you're not going to see/focus beyond their facade and notice their insecurities. Being normal and disarming doesn't often trigger strong attraction (and more importantly repulsion) but it makes them feel comfortable enough to stay with me and over time she sees a bigger sample of my personality and becomes more invested and interested. I compliment in a sincere, almost innocent, warm positive way. I'm not intending to make her want to blow me right then or even attracted (thought often it will and she'll get all giddy and girly right away) but rather for her to feel safe that I'm not going to see any insecurities she has or do something to make her feel insecure/unsafe and make her want to run away. I've heard so many times before that even the hottest women out there are often extremely insecure, I just hadn't connected that part before into game because I had been so self-conscious about coming across alpha and high value to get the girl to want to see me. Now I just focus on spending time with them, compliment them on things about them I like, and then have boring normal conversation. And I also am having fun, being relaxed, saying some ridiculous stuff that pops into my mind. Alex says it pretty well he says his game "is now basically complimenting and fairie dancing". lol it's kind of like a Russell Brand kind of vibe I get into. I think MW's drills have helped me a lot with this. If I had just said a regular compliment without being able to just spout random stuff that comes out of my mouth it would land more flat many times.

Recent interaction that went down differently than I am used to because of being complimentary, chill and being empathetic.

I walk in to bar, talk with my friends. I get my drink and I see this cute girl with light hair, blue eyes and a pink dress behind my friend at the bar.

Me: Hey, I don't mean to interrupt you (being empathetic, showing social intelligence and respect) but I wanted to say your dress looks really pretty on you.

Her: Thanks :) (her eyes begin to shine)

Me: I love the ways your eyes just lit up right now, they look really beautiful

Her: (starts getting all girly, happy, smiling really big, her nose scrunches up she's smiling so hard)

Me: And omg your nose just scrunched up when you smiled just now!

Her: (getting red, embarrassed, closing up her body body and getting girly) haha oh my god stop you're making me self-conscious!

Me: No I really like it, it makes you so adorable

Her: (being all cute and emotional)

We vibe, just basic questions where she's from etc. for a few minutes. It's her another female and two guys in her group. I can sense a guy feeling threatened by us talking, he's going to come in and cockblock.

Me: How do you know him, are you guys together?

Her: We're here together but we're not together, we just know each other from work

Me: Okay just wanted to make sure, I don't want to make him feel bad (showing empathy and understanding of the potential dynamics)

Sure enough guy comes in, can't hear what their saying but I feel his energy and his body language. I've seen this before, he's trying to frame me as a creep hitting on her, who he's going to save her from. Most likely by being a douche to me to try to humiliate me. They talk for like 3 minutes, the girl is actually vouching for me and defending me. She comes back and we continue talking. Guy looks really pissed lol. Had I just been friendly or social that frame he said would have probably worked. But I had just given butterflies and made her feel beautiful and girly so she was invested in me talking with her. We talk more and I tell her I'm going to find my friends but I'll be back, she looks angry/frustrated that I'm leaving her. I look down at her dress omg fucking incredible ass and think I should get her number right there in case I didn't see her. Too bad I didn't cause 15 minutes later I look for her but she was gone.

Seeing Mixed Signals as Signs of Insecurity

The other interesting thing is that some of the girls I've number closed have shown both signs of interest and lack of response. Before I thought it was bad game or her testing me or playing games with me, which I'm sure there are some elements of. But now I'm seeing it differently. I'm this stranger who had the balls to approach them, a girl who probably has never done any self-development work, stays in her comfort zone a lot is insecure about how her pinky toe is too small lol. And I'm very relaxed, friendly, expressive and I made her feel great about themselves by appreciating and commenting on positive things about them and thus she feels special. I'm also kind of innocent in my expression so I'm really confident, relateable and maybe I'm not going to fuck her and never talk to her again which is a big female insecurity. They're curious or interested in me. And now they're having "being approached anxiety". Just like I have in the past they're thinking uhhh what do I do, what do I say, how do I come off cool, I don't want to lose them by saying something dumb. They've added me on snapchat, they seem me doing all this fun shit with all my friends and girls at work or on random weekday nights or on the weekend. They're probably staying in watching TV or doing some other lame shit thinking wow I'm kind of boring compared to this guy gotta appear like I'm busy or he'll think I'm boring. Obviously it's more involved than that and there are women out there who live very exciting and interesting lives who have a lot of confidence but I'm also finding it to be a very valueable frame to look at things from.

Read Female Dating Advice Book: They're Insecure, Are Told To Not Respond to Texts To Provoke Guys to Ask Them Out

I also was in the bookstore the other day and decided to read books on dating advice for girls. There was "The New Rules" and a lot of their concern is the guy will leave you if you have sex right away, gotta be a bit elusive to have the guy really want to see you and weed out the ones that don't like you. One of the girls followed the rules pretty well lol. It said a girl her age should wait 30 minutes to respond and to text less than the guy. She followed this to a tee except for when I took a long ass time to respond to her and would naturally make her insecure about whether she had said the right thing or not, then I would get a response right away. The book also talks about how it's so obvious a girl gets super basically chodey, nervous, thinking about the guy a lot and how they want to text all this shit to a guy they really like but have to control themselves to not seem desperate and lose the guy. They also tell girls how guys are basically super confident and more confident than them and to trust that and not make any overt signs they're interested in the sign because otherwise the guy won't be interested in them and if the guy doesn't notice them or approach them then he's not actually that crazy about her anyways and the guy won't like you. I'm like lol wtf seriously?

It was also interesting because they say to not respond to guys being overly texty on the phone even though they know they really want to. And if a guy texts you but doesn't flat out ask you out to just ignore his texts and to trust that it will force his hand to ask you out otherwise he'll never ask you out and you'll never create the opportunity to have the guy be into you. Just really interesting to consider things from this other perspective. Like...maybe I'm getting ignored but not because she's not into me right now but because she wants me to ask her out. Obviously girls will not respond many times because she thinks you're a chode or isn't that into you but I'm also seeing many instances where the girl was likely really into me but I misread it as thinking she wasn't.

Next Level, What I Want To Work On

Anyways this is some of the stuff that's been happening lately and been going through my mind. I think this will help me expand my perspective on game, women and it's making me enjoy women on a very different level than I had before while in set which seems to create this automatic effect of the conversation flowing more smoothly and the girls enjoying me. I think it will help lay solid groundwork for SNL game in the future. I suspect this type of approach might require more situations where I go on 2-3 dates before I close which I don't mind at the moment because I'm really enjoying connecting with girls now, it feels good making the girl feel secure and safe with me and feeling all girly. I remember MW replying to someone on here saying you attract more bees with honey, maybe this is what he was basically saying already though I think maybe he interjects it with more intense expression. I'm also noticed yesterday I'm weak conversationally and my lack of trust in my ability to consistently have good conversations is a block. Appreciating and being in the moment with girls seems to help handle that automatically but sometimes that's not appropriate to the situation and that's where my weak conversational skills (basically can I be chill, talk about different subjects, in a fun way where the girl feels she likes my personality and wants to see me again? Usually not! lol. They get boring, they become interview questions). So this is where I've been at recently last week or so thanks for reading this. I'm curious what guys with more experience getting results from girls through higher compliance/authority game see about the type of reactions I've been getting.

JackofDiamonds's picture
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Joined: 10/01/2014
I know exactly what you are
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Joined: 01/18/2012
Yes it's pooahs that

Yes it's pooahs that "naturally" have a hard time showing interest, admiration, care, and even concern. Nobody said to not do all that. Style certainly didn't in The Game. Aside from sometimes being a basketcase, Mystery never did either. All that ego shit came from the shared pain identity so many dudes out there have. And it's not just because of women, it's culturally widespread. Women even have their own version of it, men deal with the consequences of it quite often lol. 

But nothing is off limits. I do all sorts of things for women, all the time. And I give them the kinds of compliments that touch them deeply. I will say things to a woman that she will remember years later

Fuck it it's part of my duty. am the one that can say these things to a woman, so I will. Who else will tell her? Who else is worthy of displaying admiration that deep for her? We aspire to be that man. 

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woberdor's picture
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Joined: 09/30/2012
This is a great topic. I hope

This is a great topic. I hope ya'll can do a podcast on it at some point because it seems like there's a lot of dudes who don't know how to compliment a girl without coming off like a needy or weak dude. And a lot of us have seen first hand how POWERFUL it is when done right.

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Joined: 02/27/2012
awesome stuff. as far as

awesome stuff.

as far as getting better with the conversation skills - defintely stray away from interview questions.  create a plan / goal to keep things interesting and exciting.  something that's happening in the future that you can both work towards.  Always be heading somewhere or working on something in your life -- implement that that kind of energy into your conversations.  Or use a story about something going on your life right now.

Successful people always have a plan / design they're working on.  That kind of energy comes off automatically into everything you do (enjoying the journey).  Unsuccessful people don't - they stagnate, and it shows in everything they do - you don't want that kind of energy.