Relationship Management Pt. 2
(EDIT: I actually woke up with some clarity on this, this morning. I'm gunna leave this here, minus some blurb even though I don't like the look of it. I also read back to the last time I asked a question on Relationship dynamics- when I'd wanted to make my first fuckbuddy. Same advice applies. http://manwhore.org/forum/content/fuckbuddy-relationship-dynamics. Thanks nonetheless to whoesover kicks my ass on this post. If anyone.)
What's up boys, been a looong fucking time. Got back from 6 months in South America bout a month back.
It was a fucking amazing experience. I've got a strong taste for adventure at this point.
But in all honesty that's a conversation for some other time. It sets a little bit of a scene for the context of this girl though.
I met a little Dutch lady while I was out there, spent like a week with her. It was a bang that was on the much slower side for me.
First night I went out with her and some third wheel dude, I dance with her, we get a lil hot and heavy on the dancefloor- we bounce.
She insists on picking up the dude, it being a more dangerous part of town. I'm cool with that. We share a cab, I don't pursue. Whatever.
Meet up with her a couple days later.
Beach chill, get hot n heavy on the beach, bounce to hostel cinema room, watch kung-fu panda, pin her down into the cushions, warm her up. Put her hand on my dick "Look what you did". We wrestle a lil longer. She protests, says she needs to wait. I'm cool with that, but note that I should've pulled my dick out. (plot twist: I later learn the cinema room has cctv, lawl.)
Meet her up on the northern coast again, we head to the beach, I finger her on the beach- she strokes me. This time I pull out my dick. She stares at it while she strokes it. Long story short, we still don't fuck. This girl refuses to fuck in a dorm room, and is super conscious and some group of people about 150 meters away from us in the dark on the beach. Meh.
We chill in hammocks often, and I'm always playing with her little body, resting her hand on my boner to stroke it. yadda yadda. I ease up a bit at some point, mostly out of butthurt frustration- but partly to give her a little room to breathe and ponder. To cut the story a little shorter, we finally fuck in the shower of a dorm room later on, after a fuckload of playtime on a dorm bed.
Alright, so there's a new relationship dynamic I feel is starting to run away from me. Thought I'd consult the expert(s).
I feel like I've made a couple decisions that are leading this relationship into a direction I'd rather not take it.
To answer the obvious question: What I want from this relationship is something very casual, chill. Like my other ongoing relationships. I want to be able to relax with this girl, enjoy her company, and have some good sex. I want to be able to have some serious, deep conversations- but not veer into exclusivity territory.
(1 little thing that's occurred to me. She's an older girlie, what she and I want I feel isn't gunna hit eye to eye. So I'll have to make that intent more obvious. I'm not trying to snap this girl up. I'm aware of the age gap, and the anxiety that may be attached to that for her. So I think first and foremost, this girl needs to know where I'm at.)
Her: haha, well, I am pretty far away
Me: You are
Me: Doesn't exactly change what I'd do to you if that distance were to shrink though, heh
Her: I hope you're suggesting a nice drink somewhere
Me: No. I wasn't.
Me: But that could definitely be arranged, hah
Her: you'd better up your game if you want anything to happen with me
Her: told you before, I'm not your typical girl
Me: Suppose that'd be assuming I'm your typical guy
Me: Game eh?
Me: I'll stick with being real thanks
Her: that'll do
(The girl has a little habit of trying to set off little low level challenges- just generally throws a little challenge my way every so often. The fact that I've been thinking and mulling over them- means I needed to cement where I'm taking this- what I want to mould it into. And lead it that way. Its that simple.:)
Me: Haha, oh of course. Clearly you've got a thing for little boys
(She's older. I called her a little brat earlier. Ha, she pulled out the FACT I'm a baby to her. Hahah, which is true, so I gave her a lil tease)
Her: Haha, I'm not sure that's it. I have a thing for special people :). Age and everything else is all pretty irrelevant to me.
Anyways.
Had a lil exchange the other day about her visiting:
Her: You do have to work on being a little bit more friendly or nice every now and then btw (Yeah, honestly I was running a bit hot that day)
Her: Not used anymore to this western European thing
Me: Sure beb, I can be a lil blunt and direct sometimes- doesn't mean I don't still think you're a sweetheart
Me: Sometimes I dont notice, let me know (I cringe when I read this.)
Her: It's not about me being sweet, it's about you being sweet (or not at all).
Me: Haha, sure. Clearly my being sweet must limited to in-person
Her: That's assuming by then I still want to see you
Me: Mmhm. Still playing that coy character
Me: Ha, do whatever you want beb
Her: I'm not trying to be cool or anything
Her: I actually don't like the whole 'I'm not really interested do whatever you want game'
Her: Which is exactly what you have been doing
Me: Hahaha, I've made it completely clear that I'm interested
Me: What's happening now, is that you've been playing coy, so I've eased back
Her: Well, if you're are interested in seeing me, next time try to ask me when, if I'm telling you I'm coming to London
(Which is where I realized I did actually totally glaze over her coming to London- genuinely just skimmed over it in the convo. Oh well. So I ask.)
Me: When?
Her: ** aug - * sept
(So I picked up in this convo, the entire time- she'd been understandably upset that I'd pretty much disregarded that she was coming to London. Cool., that genuinely was my bad- ignoring her entirely is not part of the relationship dynamc I'm aiming for. I feel like she was actually doubting whether I wanted to see her at that point, so that lil fear was bubbling up. Basically, what I'm seeing here is my emotional sway. And what I'm experiencing now in her habit of having some sort of underlying conflict/contest/argument vibe is that low level power play, and her working in some emotional sway on me).
And that's that, I sweeten her up- and we sort out her sleeping situation.
Basically, she's visiting London for a few days, coming to see me and her brother. We're doing an Airbnb for a day, she's jobless and broke atm, tail-end of her travels- so I figured I want a place we can chill, fuck and just have an all around awesome time. My place and my backup spot are both a no-go so it's all good if I cover it since I'm making decent money. My thought process is, so long as I make it clear what my intent is, there should be no issue.
Feel like just writing it out has clarified some things for me. Next time I'll start with pen and paper first- then consult master yoda if needbe.
E
WHats your question?
This girl seems too controlling for a guy like you anyway. She wants a puppy to sit when she says sit. I bang these girls but I stay away from them long term.
Having said that, you seem too adventurous to be settling down in any relationship anyway.
What are you trying to accomplish with this convo? From the sounds of her second message she wanted to meet up and bang. If you're not laser-focused on one goal it turns into a weird back and forth dynmamic that's pointless over text IMO. Definitely something I have got caught up in in the past.
So you're either laser focused on meeting up and banging (which is going to make your game a LOT bettter) or not wasting your time because I don't think she views your idle chit chat text game too fondly.
The way you handled the sexual escalation process in the beginning is what set you on this course. You haven't actually closed anything down, lmao. This girl's been running you the entire time
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
The way you handled the sexual escalation process in the beginning is what set you on this course. You haven't actually closed anything down, lmao. This girl's been running you the entire time
Gawddamit man. I completely missed that, and now that you point that out- it's clicked.
I had taken a particularly 'lay back and let it happen' approach- persistence, but not with a closer's mentality (even just reading this back I can see that vibe now- every little obstacle I rolled over, until she decided it was cool. wow.). Like I was waiting around for my cookie or something. I was completely certain it would happen, I had no doubt, but I didn't exactly MAKE it happen. It got the bang, but it set up the wrong dynamic from day one. To use a boxing analogy, I fell into her rhythm hook, line and sinker. Fuck.
Big Cuhh, CongruentBrah, you've both hit the mark too boys.
@batehs:
I posted this topic originally with a question in mind. That question changed when I read it back and made a couple reflections, and has changed again. I wanted to know where this behaviour started bubbling up in this chick, at which point. Manwhore's answered that.
The controlling vibe you've picked up on this chick is totally accurate though brotha- something I picked up myself and chose to play with. I'll be taking your advice on keeping it short and sweet though. Exclusivity is way outside my intentions at this point man, and will be for the foreseeable future. Thanks cuh.
@CongruentBrah:
I think I didn't make the context clear enough, though you did point out a bit of truth man. These exchanges are all pretty much made with me in London, and this chick somewhere in South America. She's been hitting me up since I left. (Once a week, basically). So yeah, you hit the nail on the head- it's meaningless, aimless conversation. My umbrella aim though was meet-up with her in London, bang her, we chill, then she leaves. Perfect. I knew she was coming down on her way back home pretty much. I've never had a chick I'm playing the so-called "long-game" with, she's always been readily accessible, so the idle chit-chat is me stumbling my way around. Or wasting my time, I'unno man. Thanks brah