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Resistance post date after trying use dick as LMR buster...Please experts quick advice if possible.

19 replies [Last post]
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Joined: 04/02/2015

Hey guys took this girl out from tinder, had a good convo, went out for coffee last night, we were walking around a shopping centre the whole time pretty much. The date was really fun lots of laughing, I tried to throw her in the garbage cans etc. we we're chasing eachother around and people we're wathcing us lol.

There was some making out in my car after. She let me put my hand up her thigh and stopped me at her pussy. We made out on a off did some talking. I was talking to my dick making up stories about it and she was laughing loving it. I tried to get her to touch it while makint out. She pulled away. I ended up taking it out. And she was trying to act like bugged out and was laughing and stuff and pretending to look away but I saw her keep looking back at it like 3-4 times. And she faked like she was going to leave but stayed in the car.

I ended up putting it away and the vibe went back to normal-playful banter joking, some kissing. Anyway eventually I take her to the train station to go home. We were a little early and it was late in a shady neighborhood so I waited with her. She kissed me goodbye, she said thanks for waiting with her and told me to text her when I got home, drive safe blah blah. 

So I text her a little while later, I had to help my dad with something so it was probably about an hour longer than she would've expected to hear from me.

Me: safe and sound ;)

Me: (20 min later; 930pm): Text me you're alive (wide eyed teethy emoji that looks scared)

Her: (4min later 955pm): I'm alive! Sorry I was talking to my sister. 

Me: (1 min later): Haha it's okay. I hope you didn't urine all over the train...

Me: Pheww...So happy you are okay!

Her: (40 min later 1042pm): Thank you!!

Her: (1 hour later, 1144pm): Btw we are never hanging out again

Wtf guys. I think either this girls sister talked her out of seeing me again, or she is just fucking with me but I am not sure how to respond to this. I am getting better at the charisma stuff and leading but this type of stuff still is a little over my head.  It could be becuase I had the dick out. I am thinking of not taking this bait and just replying... 

me: That's okay too

Honestly this is bullshit. We even also seeded a few other second dates already. This kind of stuff is really becomming a roadblock for me. 

I could also go another way with it like...

Me: Oh gawd, so you did pee on the train...

And then change the subject with some funny recall from our date. Then move into scheduling day 2 if she's responsive..

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Hmm. Yeah seems like an

Hmm. Yeah seems like an unfortunate occurrence for both parties involved. But definitely your error. If a girl has just pulled away from your dick, you probably don't want to be taking it out.  There were flags you ignored you didn't have a read on the situation. Either she's a bit sexually immature- which is pretty uncommon but still possible (and which you should have seen), or she actually demonstrated that that was a boundary by evidencing discomfort (which you should have seen), or, she showed she was into it, but.. not quite yet. Which you also should have seen. 
 
But you did it anyway. The consequences are a girl loses faith that she has any physical control in an intimate situation with you, or if nothing else is potentially going to feel uncomfortable with you in that setting again. That is the game of recovery you are playing here. 

One thing I cover during my training in this area is to actively be showing her "ways out". Let her feel that she's able to walk away, while still keeping the intensity on her.  This might have to do with use of physical space, conversationally and emotionally leading her to a better more intimate place with you, or, if she's a female douchebag you can run that game too. A little handcrafted "disapproval" goes a long way. Instead you just had her in a car where she probably felt a little "trapped" and you busted your cock out. It's one of those situations you sorta laugh at but feel bad about it afterwards, ;). 

Even though I've banged a ton of girls in cars relatively soon after meeting them (lol), I still run a tight game in that situation. Almost regimented. It's a constrained space there are other emotional factors and socially conditioned narratives at play. 

To be honest a lot of guys can get good at getting sexual with girls really quickly without fouling up here. For you personally I'd try pulling girls back to your place or theirs next time before doing stuff like this again. But you're a good dude I trust you. If you know when/where you made the mistake and will act a bit more inline with each other's intentions next time then go for it. 


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Scene with Robert Duvall in the movie A Civil Action
(Start at 2:45)

 

 
If I can tell a girl likes me but isn't quite receptive/open/ready yet I put some of the sexual tension on the backburner, it's not off just simmering, and I transmute the energy in other directions that keep us both satisfied. This is why guys need to learn about things like "physical rapport", "prizing your dick", "logistical compliance", "emotional leading", "high value sexual escalation". If nothing else this girl might have been ready if you'd been more on top of this stuff. These are the nuts and bolts that keep the whole experience together and moving forward. All this ASIDE from the fact you're supposed to be a mature male who can control his wild side.. lol. At least to a point.. which you also demonstrate to her and which subsequently serves to turn her on even more ;) 
 
A change of scenery always helps as well, if you can make that happen.
 
Btw if you're taking any "studying" drugs you're going to be unsteady with shit like this and potentially be unable to read a situation with a girl while it's happening. Same thing goes for too much alcohol, too much cannabis, too much of any drug. 
 
All in all super close but certain things weren't quite queried right beforehand.  Get trained or take the time to figure it out, but try not to intrude too much on a girl like this. You're in sensitive territory for the woman involved. 

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Thank you for the thoughtful

Thank you for the thoughtful reply brother. No drugs which is why I was able to get to that point with her. Think at this point I could get dates/meetups with a wide variety of girls. The next steps are things like this that I couldve probably handled but don't have the know how quite yet.

I texted her the - That's okay too response, dk if that was the right move or if there even is a move here but atleast i am not going to be putting out needy vibes like I might've before. Going to have to reread this another time I think to really internalize it wasn't all clear to me on first read.

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Also i am not exactly sure

Also i am not exactly sure where i made the mistake. I was under the impression that if she didn't want to touch the D, busting it out might break through that resistance. But let it be known its not like i took it out immedeatly after she pulled away from it. There was some time in b.w and my pull her towards it was not too aggressive or overt to begin with. Should i have put her hand on it while it was out?

If i remember correctly I insinuated verbally very loudly and clearly that 'he' wanted to come out and meet her before actually doing it. To this she was laughing and semmingly ready for it, there may have been some slight playful resistance to the idea like her slightly turning away while laughing and eagerly staring at my crotch but nothing serious .

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Also i am not exactly sure

Also i am not exactly sure where i made the mistake. I was under the impression that if she didn't want to touch it busting it out might break theough that resistance. But let it be known its not like i took it out immedeatly after she pulled away from it. There was some time in b.w and my pull her towards it was not too aggressive or overt to think of it.

If i remember correctly insinuates verbally very loudly and clearly that he wanted to come out and meet her before actually doing it. To this she was laughing and semmingly ready for it, there may have been some slight playful resistance to the idea like her slightly turning away while laughing and eagerly staring at my crotch but nothing serious .

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Joined: 01/04/2015
It's pretty much common sense

It's pretty much common sense man. If she shows genuine resistance she needs more time to warm up. Especially if she's basically trapped in a car. Too much pressure. Gotta relax and then try different physical stuff. You can't just make a sex joke and then skip ahead. Not sure why you're cracking jokes at this stage anyways. Should be focused on arousal not laughter. Too much humor is just going to diminish the tension not escalate it.

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Joined: 01/31/2012
That was an excellent

That was an excellent write-up by MW outlining what occurred here.

Be more receptive to what is occurring on both the micro and macro level and try to see things from her POV throughout the whole thing - not because you're scared, but ultimately sex is about both parties having fun. Sounds like she worried you're never going to want to hang w/her again because she didn't give it up. And IMO, that's a GOOD sign - she's worried she 'fucked' it up by not putting out while cautiously probing. Honestly just be more chill, let this interaction BREATHE both for the moment and when you're escalating. Pepper in some more comfort, have more FUN with her so things flow more naturally. Be like fucking water when escalating - never taking hard lines, but kinda oscillating back and forth, slowly moving towards the final destination - but always fucking reading the situation on a second by second basis while simultaneously enjoying the moment.  sometimes the jumps in escalation can be big, sometimes they'll be small. same goes for de-escalating. you just gotta read that shit. 

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Joined: 04/02/2015
So what do i do soecifically

So what do i do specifically with this going foward.

Please read our last two texts ...
I did agree you might be right about how shes feeling and if thats so how do i respond to
Her: Btw we are never hanging out again

And why do you think she said that
Please read the two options i put in the first post and lmk what you think is specifically the right move but also the right mindset here. Thanks

And yes beautiful write up by MW much appreciated

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Joined: 03/03/2013
Oh shit I've definitely been

Oh shit I've definitely been guilty of this before

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Joined: 01/31/2012
Oops. Disregard the advice I

Oops. Disregard the advice pertaining to "btw we are never hanging again. I misread what you wrote -  I thought that said "Btw are we ever hanging again" 

Beats me, man. Maybe you can salvage, but I'd chalk this up in the L column lol. 

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Can you really chalk it up to

Can you really chalk it up to an L just like that even though the whole night seemed to be going well and we connected a lot...

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Mpgamer. Didnt seem like

Mpgamer. Didnt seem like genuine resistance until she texted me that never gonna hang out with me again bull

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Should i tell her to text me

Should i tell her to text me if she has a change of heart? Maybe if she has a boring experience with the next guy she tries shell come back because despite the negatives here the date was never boring

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Joined: 01/04/2015
It doesn't matter how much of

It doesn't matter how much of a connection you felt. Women are fickle. They operate emotionally on a moment to moment basis. Now the emotions have turned sour. You failed to read the situation correctly and fucked up the escalation. We've all done it. It's part of the learning process. Abundance... move on to the next one. Leave this one alone for now you can possibly try to re-engage later.

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Joined: 04/02/2015
So, Me: Text me if you have

So,
Me: Text me if you have a change of heart
Is a bad idea? Or just irrelevent ?

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Joined: 01/31/2012
mpgamer55 wrote:It doesn't

mpgamer55 wrote:
It doesn't matter how much of a connection you felt. Women are fickle. They operate emotionally on a moment to moment basis. Now the emotions have turned sour. You failed to read the situation correctly and fucked up the escalation. We've all done it. It's part of the learning process. Abundance... move on to the next one. Leave this one alone for now you can possibly try to re-engage later.

This. 

If this had been a social circle chick where you could see her w/o having to re-engage and all that, I'd say it'd be much easier to salvage the situation. Not that this one isn't. Who knows, you could be the exception. However, that's probably not going to be the case.  Not sure why you're fighting us on this though, like it's OK to fuck things up. Sending shitty needy text messages after is only going to cement her decision tho.  

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Joined: 04/02/2015
I think i just am a bit

I think i just am a bit confused on the fact that you guys are making it sound like once things are fucked up its like a final thing. I guess i sort have this false impression that attraction is more fluid and just because she wasnt feeling it at one point doesnt mean if we keep talking she won't. Girls dont really mean what they say the majority of the time

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Joined: 04/02/2015
Another issue.

I have had a few first dates lately that did not lead to day 2s becuase I was too aggressive toward the end of the date. I think a reason for this is a low confidence in my follow-up game. Any good resources to help me hone this better or advice. Thanks

it seems like i have this idea that if I don't bang her then before I see her again some other guy is going to approach her, run tighter game, and I'll have lost the chance. 

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Well if you're worried about

Well if you're worried about losing her why would you wait till the end of the date to start. That's not even logical 

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

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Joined: 04/02/2015
I don't wait until the end of

I don't wait until the end of the date but I get blown out at the end of the date because I keep pushing.