Set a boundary with a fuck buddy
She doesn't drink much, like once every couple of weekends so she had a shot or two too many and was pretty drunk by the time we got to the club. She was a bit sloppy but not retarded. The night was really fun, bunch of eventful things went on. I left my drunk girl with our crew because my one friend got kicked out. I return to see her dancing with a guy in our group (whom im not really friends with). They were daggering or making out so I wasn't upset or anything. So I just grab her arm and turn her towards me. The guy evaporated (he didn't walk away he literally instantly just vanished) and I took my girl to the side of the dance floor. Goof around, made out, danced a bit. Then I went to the bathroom and to talk to another buddy of mine. I was walking back towards the dance floor when I see her with him again. This time I was a little pissed. I walked behind him and stood there for a second till she saw me. Put my hand out and let her take it, then dragged her upstairs and sat her down. I didn't grit my teeth or anything but I made it clear that was uncool. Coming with me to a club and running off with someone else twice. It was pretty clear before the night started we were "together" at least for that night. She apologized and just said she was dancing with him because she couldn't find me and he was the only person she knew around. Fine. No biggie. She was still fairly drunk at this point. Afterwards I leave the club with her and her friend. Her friend liked one of the guys so I bring them to meet up with everyone else including the guy she was dancing with. He literally gives me no trouble or tries to game the girl. Cool. I invite the one guy to go for food with us. The four of us eat, split up and go our separate ways. awesome.
Later my girl works really hard to please me in and out of bed because she knew she passed a boundary earlier. She brings it up again after sex and I say "look we're not exclusive or dating at the moment so shes free to dance with whomever she wants (her state drops, its obvious she'd rather me say, that wasn't cool lets become exclusive). That being said we went out TOGETHER and she was to be with me at least for that night." She agrees and we cherish the rest of the night and morning away.
We met up I think again just once until last weekend. I was heading to her place thursday night. We were going to go out for a few drinks with some friends then head back to her place but a friend invited us to go to see a DJ instead.. So the three of us head out to a club thursday. She again gets drunk.. Ugh as much as I like drunk club girls going out with one and trying to deal with her all night is annoying as fuck. Is she wants to come out dancing with me again shes going to have to control herself better.. But thats another thing. Anyways, shes not nearly as drunk but still noticeably drunk. We get there, have a good time. I was texting a friend from her phone when she got a message from the guy she danced with the other night. I don't read it or care and carry on. Shes being really flakely and weird half the night but still is all over me. She disappears for a bit and I'm stuck with her friend. We try to find her but I end up trying to hook her friend up for a bit. I finally bump into my cherish. Shes dancing by herself, she couldn't find us. Then the girls break off towards the bathroom. Her friend needed a tampon. So theyre in there like 5-10 mins. I'm near the bathroom chatting to randoms. They leave the bathroom and by the time I notice them my cherish makes slight eye contact with me as her friends drags her away. I go after them but lose em in the crowd. Wtf. At this point I was kinda pissed. I headed out to have fun with her that night and shes being weird and flakely despite showing me attention. Then after I wait for them in the bathroom, goes past me to the dance floor. I find her five minutes later dancing with the guy from the other night. I have noo idea if he came there alone or what, or came just to see her or what. At the moment I thought she talked to him in the washroom, and tried to get by me to go with him. Again that would've been fine if I didn't bring her that night to have fun with. Or I could've gone out by myself and had more fun or hooked up with another girl. So even though I shouldn't have reacted so strongly (It would've been wayyyy better to have just gone "heeyyy man!" split them up and bring her to the bar or something) but instead I grab her arm firmly and rip her off him and to the back of the club, sit her on some couches and stare her down. She is like a kid with her hand caught in the cookie jar. Frowny face and noticeably sad. I forget what was said but she follows me around, we dance for a bit and then I drag her outside to talk.
I tell her she crossed the line and she apologizes. It comes out that she danced with him because she was unsure if I liked her or just enjoyed sleeping with her. So it was her "silly girl way of finding out if you liked me or not." Not sure if this is girl logic and she just went to where the value was or she was really trying to see if I was jealous or not. So either way I comforted her, told her I really did like her and cherished her up a bit and she opens up to why she likes me. It was disney moment lol. Kidding, but i was genuine with her.
I drive her and her friend home.. The friend asked my girl if she could sleep over. Oops obviously girl code as to whether she should cock block or not. She says sure she say. Doesn't phase me. I was planning on getting some that night regardless in other room or something. But by the time we get there my girl whispered something to her friend and they asked to bring her some. We sleep together again. And then the next morning she brings up the dancing with another guy thing.
I tell her the same thing again. But this time I say "Look maybe I wasn't clear last time but when you come out with me, your out with me or else I would've gone and done my own thing. It was really immature and disrespectful what you do and I wasn't happy with you." In fact I wasn't going to sleep with her the night before because I wasn't pleased with her behavior but she apologized the night before and then seduced me.
I'm paraphrasing what I said both times but that was the just of it. Not I'm not used to having relationship like this. Thats not exclusive but fairly intimate. The only time I've set large boundaries are with exclusive girlfriends in the past or just small ones with girls I'm seeing. This one is a different story. I'm kinda analyzing my actions to see if and where I fucked up. As far as i am concerned I did nothing wrong except I was mad at myself for overreacting the last night when she was dancing with that guy. That can be fixed by me. But as far as her behavior what would've you guys have done.
Maybe you just would've gone and wheeled other girls which is cool but I went with and wanted that one. So how did I do going about and setting a clear boundary about something I want? How should I go about doing it better? Any articles on this?
i did leave out the fact i sprained her ankle upon dragging her ass to the back of the club... hahaha. She was really hurt but used to sprains (shes a dancer). so I dragged her back, put her on a couch. got some ice and sat with her for five minutes. when the frown changed from pain in the ankle to oh shit im in trouble. i was like "im sorry about your knee, is it feeling better enough to yell at you?" haha. then i proceeded to tell her what was up, by then after the 5 minutes i had to chill and the ankle thing i wasn't nearly as strong as i would've been otherwise
Now how to handle this in the future.
Last she said "she did it to make me jealous, silly girl way" and last I said about it was a firm "it's a uncool, don't do it again."
Now I just never ever ever bring it up again? Or before we got out again I bring it up again?
You’re going to find after some experience that girls, with a reasonable amount of self esteem, are not going to stick around long when they find out you don’t want to be serious with them. I mean I have girls that I may bang 6 months to years after we were fuck buddies but generally speaking, girls are not going to follow your boundaries while still not having a serious relationship. Kind of a tight rope you walk for as long as you can if she’s worth it, lol. I have found girls, that I actually think are cool to be around, typically accept that you guys are fuck buddies for around 3 months. Then they or I move on.