So i'm meeting this girl at the bar

Text Transcript:
Me: Guru, cool black dude 

Me - 16 hrs 54 mins later: Psssst! 

Girl: Oh! Hi! 

Me - 2 mins later: Shakira- hips don't lie was just jamming on my playlist and it reminded me of you and your elite skills ;) what mischief are you causing? 

Girl - 3 mins later: Ahaha, that is a great song to be associated with. No mischief for me unfortunately. Just grading papers and writing. Please tell me you're doing somethi 

Girl: ng more interesting?0 

Me - 5 mins later: Haha do you live dt? :p

I might pregame with my roomies then hit up downtown for some adventure! :)

Girl - 1 min later: No, I'm in ****. I'm jealousss. 

Me - 2 mins later: Haha sucker ;p

This cadillac of a man is going to call you in 5mins, pick up!

Me - 8 mins later: Dang, i told the oompa loompas you were coming :p 

Girl - 8 mins later: Sorry! I can't pick up my phone right now. 

Girl: You call your roommates Oompa Loompas? Ahaha 

Me - 3 mins later: They DO make excellent factory workers, don't tell them though! Sshhh! 

Girl - 1 min later: Ahaha, love it. Where do you guys go out downtown? I haven't been that many places yet 

Me - 5 mins later: Tonic is our regular spot because the bartenders spoil us ;) Wildcat, eos, and joe's cafe(ew) you normally just go to wildcat? 

Girl - 4 mins later: For sure. Last night was actually my first time at the wildcat. I went to savoy once but it was dead. Basically my friends just go to bars and I get sad 

Girl: because I can't dance 

Me - 6 mins later: Lmao that's i ewed joe's cafe. You and your friends should party with my oompa loompas and i some time this week at our fun spots 

Girl - 1 hr 32 mins later: Okay, maybe this weekend 

Girl: Do you not work during the week? 

Me - 7 mins later: Yeah i work mornings this week :) we normally go out thursdays but i suspect the weekend will work as well 

Girl - 1 hr 4 mins later: Kewl. I don't go out much on Thursdays anymore because I have class Friday morning. It's no fun. Where do you work? 

Me - 5 mins later: Lol! Asha I understand, i get slow and grumpy when i get no sleep :p i work at ******. Are you a professor? 

Girl - 5 mins later: Right? I'm pretty high energy in the mornings but if I don't sleep enough I crash and then I'm not so nice, ahah.Ooo, I could tell you were fashionabl 
Girl: e so that makes sense. I wish I were a professor! I'm just a grad student for now. 
Me - 7 mins later: Haha i see you pay attention to detail, i like that ;) for which major? You strike me as a nursing or psych major 

Girl - 9 mins later: You're right! I'm psych! Geeze, I'm impressed. I'm not the therapist kind of psych though - I'm the professor/researcher type 

Me - 2 mins later: Lmfao lies! 

Girl - 3 mins later: I'm super cereal 

Girl - 4 mins later: Oh Gawdd I probably don't know you well enough to make south park jokes yet 

Me - 4 mins later: Haha It's all good pumpkin you can be yourself around me :) With that being said, i haven't watched a whole episode in a minute! 

Girl - 2 mins later: I've started watching it way more recently. I study and stuff for so long that I need lots of breaks for procrastination 

Me - 11 mins later: Lol sounds like me, except i have the attention span of a goldfish :p 

Girl - 5 mins later: Me too! I take breaks like every five minutes 

Me - 3 mins later: Hmm yeah having me around there would probably make things worse, i don't know ;) 

Girl - 26 mins later: Much worse, ahaha. I mean I would concentrate but it wouldn't be on my work 

Me - 18 hrs 23 mins later: Aye girl :) didn't beat yourself up grading these papers last night did you?? 

Girl - 10 mins later: Ԁ͎ȁNope, I called it quits at midnight and then I finished this mornin 

Girl: Ԁ͎Ȃg �� 

Me - 8 mins later: Haha yeah i missed your text and crashed. Woke up, hair all messy :p 

Girl - 5 hrs 16 mins later: Oh no! Not the hair! 

Girl: Btw, in talking about Sunday night with my friends they described you as a good looking cool black dude, ahah 

Me - 2 mins later: Oh gawd stop! i'm going to blush ;) Thank you. I got to see that gorgeous smile of yours again though! 

Girl - 8 mins later: Well shoot, I didn't say I described you that way :P 

Me - 2 mins later: Yeah you were talking all kinds of shit weren't you? ;) like "ZOMG he's too damn tall for me! Yadada yadadi" 

Girl - 2 mins later: Absolutely. You took the words right out of my mouth. Who would like a tall handsome dude? 

PS: are you 24? 

Me - 6 mins later: I would say somebody spontaneous and adventurous ;) haha i look 24 huh? 

Girl - 1 min later: I have no idea. I'm a terrible estimator of age so I just picked a number that sounded nice, ahah. Am I close? 

Me - 4 mins later: Nah sucker i'm 21:)

What about you? 

Girl - 1 min later: Oooo la la I'm older! 22 baby 

Me - 3 mins later: Yeah at this point you're probably worried that you can't handle a young buck like me ;)

P.s you speak french? 

Girl - 1 min later: Pshh, you mean you're worried that you can't keep up with a fly grandma like me? And no, I don't. I wish. Do you? 

Girl: Also, btw I'm in bed so sorry if I fall asleep 

Me - 2 mins later: I would totally be butthurt and cry in a corner with a box of raisin cookies if you do sleep on me :p 

Me: Yes i do :) 

Girl - 2 mins later: At least you would have yummy snacks. I'm jealous. I only speak bits of Spanish. Doesn't sound nearly as lovely 

Me - 3 mins later: Haha i have an idea 

Girl: What? 

Me - 2 mins later: You teach me some Spanish and i'll teach you French. I'll let you sample some of my cookies if i'm satisfied with your teaching 

Girl - 18 hrs 35 mins later: It happened. I fell asleep. Mahhh b. I'm down for a language exchange buttttt I'm pretty bad at Spanish 

Girl: So maybe you should just yeah me french and stuff me with sugar? 

Me - 39 mins later: Oh you're in a lot of trouble with me little cupcake! Thus NOPE, you're still teaching me Spanish 

Girl - 5 mins later: Pues, goddamn it I can't even this of anything in Spanish to say. 

Girl: This is weird but what's your last name? I'm kind of anal about my contacts list 

Me - 4 mins later: I'll try not to make fun of you! ;) what's your schedule looking like this week? 

Me: **** is the last name 

Girl - 31 mins later: I don't even know what it's looking like. I can't keep track of my life. Adulting is hard (like this d). 

Girl: Ps you don't exist on the internet? 

Me - 11 mins later: Gawsshh i totally suspected you would try and look me up like my mother :p

Let me know when you know though! 

Girl - 38 mins later: Well don't worry. I just got a bunch of ****** on google so that was no fun. 

Girl - 2 days 20 hrs later: What are you up to tonight? 

Me - 13 mins later: Debating between downtown and iv! :) 

Me - 31 mins later: What about you? 

Girl - 11 mins later: I'm not totally sure 

Me - 5 mins later: We're going to play snappa at my house around 8! Since you're not sure, you could come pregame with us then make we can make a choice 

Me: I hope you can catch ;) 

Me - 3 hrs 52 mins later: Well looks like the team and i are wreaking havoc at tonic and dancing! Might catch you there, i dunno 
ME - 5 days 10 hrs later : Sent her a meme.

Girl: Dose eyes tho 

Me - 1 hr 32 mins later: Yeah... He blazes a little bit, he's cool like that 

Girl - 5 days 4 hrs later: Yes absolutely 

Me - 7 mins later: Won't lie though, i'm more of a cat person :p 

Girl - 7 hrs 44 mins later: Me too. Bow chicka wow wowww 

Me - 10 mins later: Pssh, you're just sayin' that lol

I grew up with GANGs of cats back home 

Girl - 1 min later: Boyyyy you don't even want to know how many cat pics I look at in a day 
ME: Sent her a kitty pic attached with: "I challenge YOU to beat this pic, ball is on your court"

Me - 4 days 17 hrs later: Aye girl :) my roommate is celebrating his birthday at EOS this thursday! Going to be bottle service and shit, let me know if you're interested for details :) 

Girl - 1 min later: Stoppp. I'm so down but I'm going to be in Texas �� 

Me - 18 mins later: Boooo!!! :p 

Girl: Have fun!! 

Me: Bring me back some bbq at least 

Girl - 1 min later: Idk if that will fly well 

Me - 4 mins later: How is that 

Girl: BBQ is better freshhh 

Me - 2 mins later: Lol i need to take you grocerie shopping with me 

Girl: Ahahah why? 

Me - 4 mins later: Always fancied a girl who knows a thing or two about good food/ sauce quality 

Me: Food poisoning ain't fune :p 

Girl - 3 mins later: Oh god no it isn't. Food poisoning is the worst. But I don't really cook... 

Me - 4 mins later: Asha what am i going to do with you :p 

Girl: Teach me how to cook? �� 

Me - 2 mins later: What do you want to cook? 

Girl - 9 mins later: Ummm, cake! 

Me - 1 min later: Lol can't do that. Last pastrie i made looked like chocolate pudding 

Girl - 1 min later: Don't worry. I'm actually good at dessert. I'm just not great with real food 

Me - 6 mins later: Is that right? :) If you can make scrumptuous brownies i'm taking you out for some bom fro yo! 

Me - 1 min later: *bomb 

Girl: I make nommy brownies 

Me - 5 mins later: Good shit. i can make pasta dishes with sauteed shrooms, your choice of sauce with big juicy sausages ;) 

Me - 2 weeks 1 day later: Just got out of my AA meeting. Let's grab drinks some time :) 

Girl - 1 hr 24 mins later: Waitttt, AA and drinking? That doesn't add up. 

Me - 1 min later: SSHHH!! Lol we can make this work IF you don't make a scene 

Girl - 2 days 2 hrs later: Should we maybe get a virgin drink? 

Me - 44 mins later: Uhm fuck yeah! I'm down :) What's your schedule looking like the next couple of days? 

Girl - 12 hrs 2 mins later: I have stuff tonight at 7 and tomorrow at 8 but I could do something before 

Me - 6 hrs 34 mins later: Derp tomorrow is no bueno for me :p let me know how Sunday or Monday work for you 

Girl - 2 hrs 13 mins later: Sunday! 

Me - 40 mins later: Good shit! Let's meet at Dublin's at 2pm, ill probably be whooping your butt at pool 

Girl - 3 mins later: Kewl

Sounds solid. I just skimmed because I'm fucked up 

Don't lay it on too heavy but fuck with her shots from time to time, mess with her, smack her butt, and at some point tell her that if you make this next (easy) shot she's going to owe you five blowjobs.

Well this was disappointing to be perfectly honest.

I got there first, ordered a drink and chatted up the cute bartender to get shit rolling.

15mins into the convo, I turned around to notice the gal chilling in the lounge and smiling at me. At that point i was like WTF!

Why you ask? She looked like she gained AT LEAST 20pounds since the last time I saw her. Seriously, the first time I saw her her body was average and nice tucked in the dress. MAYBE that was all part of the illusion.

I went over with my drink and she just stayed seated. Her logic for not meeting me at the bar was that me and the bartender were having such a good interaction she didn't want to intervene,

The convo further transitioned back and forth between me teasing and being down to earth. As far as escalation goes I didn't do anything major. This fucked me up in the head because I felt it was driven by obligation and I was probably half-assing it. 10mins in I stood, to go grab my last drink so i invited her to come with me. She would not comply, a behavior which was subtly transgressed throughout the whole interaction... Whatever, I went to get my mine anyways. 

Not even sure if the rest is worth writing.

But I basically whooped her ass at pool even though she cheated a few times.

She made an excuse to leave at the end of the game, something I saw coming a long time ago. 

Lol at first i thought that you tapped that ass in the pool

All that build up for nada. Fuck i hate that lol.

Pretty sure it was G-Money that made a really good point that got me to re-evaluate my text game. He suggested that ":p" is weak shit and to stop using it. I have. Not to say that I'll never use it again, I think the point was that its a bit cheesy and girly. I have come to agree

:p is the equivalent of saying tee hee hee! Or some other faggotry of the sort. 

Have you guys ever texted with someone and you can hear the person saying what they wrote to you? That's what you should strive for...

I hope to God you guys aren't sticking your tongue out at girls but rather sticking your tongue into their mouth, among other orifices. 

I started :b

And yes I do stick my tongue out at girls as well as inside them 

Why is it general knowledge that (: is girly and :) is what guys use? Always wondered that 

(:69:)